by R. J. Rogue
"You play the piano with great sadness, Evan."
Bianca removes her grip and heads to the balcony of the room opening its glass doors. I follow and meet her next the ledge that overlooks the horizon -- the best view from the mansion I have yet to see. The openness, small ruffles of wind, soft waves smoothly shaping the sandbars, and marshmallow clouds above the Mohawk River Valley.
"You were always such a great artist and musician," she says. "Haven't lost an ounce of talent."
"I just create what I see and play what I feel."
She chuckles.
"I understand. You have many more gifts."
"I guess I wouldn't know. I'm just afraid of what's next," I say. "Whatever is expected of me."
"Don't be afraid. We're all here for you."
I couldn't help but picture my memory of leaving Beebee, Bianca, when I was younger.
"You mean just how I was there for you?" I say shaking my head.
"That wasn't your fault, Evan. I had missed you, but I was strictly told to only watch you."
"And not speak to me," I add.
"No," she corrects. "That was my choice. I knew if I spoke to you, I probably would have scared you away."
"You wouldn't have."
"Oh, I would have. Off impulse. I'm pretty sure I'd come to you saying I'm your sister, Cedric is your cousin, and that you will die and become a vampire."
Okay. She's right. I would not have believed her and would have thought she was insane. Then, I'd tell Mike he should probably consider a new potential girlfriend.
"Yeah, guess you're right."
"I told myself to be patient. To wait for the day, you would change. Or come looking for us. Or simply remember me."
"But I didn't."
"Yes," she looks at me. "You did. It took a while but you did and everyday, I struggled not to talk to you. I wanted you to remember us. To remember me."
"I'm sorry, Bianca."
"Our parents told me and Cedric to be careful not to expose who we were and not to speak of our kind or family to you because they knew it would be best you learn on your own."
Her face blushes with sadness.
"When we were younger, do you remember how close we were?"
"Yes," I say. "I do now."
"We would always play together, and chase each other up and down the stairs, and I would even sometimes hide from you until you'd find me."
"Now that I definitely remember," I smirk.
She finds a smile and chuckles a bit. It fades.
"Since you've been gone, I've done nothing but long for you to come home and be with us again. Sometimes more than our parents. I guess you can say."
"And why's that?"
It takes her a moment to respond.
"We were born a pair, Evan."
"A pair? What, like twins?"
"Yes, yet we do not physically resemble what stands for being "twins" by human definition. We share a special bond and are most susceptible to mortal partnerships because twins are of the human nature, not vampire. Making it easier for vampires like us to have a natural liking and attraction to humans."
"I see."
"Other vampires see us as abominations. Being able to mix our genes with humans has a much greater chance than those who are lucky, like our mother who is child bearing. They are envious of child bearers and birthed vampires because we still and will always have a small piece of what others lose at an early age and will never have again."
"And what's that?"
"A soul."
I look out to the ocean and nod.
"So, are you saying this is why I love Essence? Just because I am birthed and because I -- we -- are a pair?"
"No. Maybe that first attraction for her, yes, but love? No. Love has no rules nor discriminates. You love Essence, because you love, Essence."
That's good to know.
"As our father said, over the centuries, vampires have evolved. Some women have that child-bearing blessing. Most do not, so they bite their way into creating members of their own family. So, few are naturally born, but very few are born as pairs -- like us. Being naturally birthed is as close as it gets to having a soul and reaping the benefits of both human and vampire. Those who are born naturally have the gift of offspring. We start off as human, eventually dying rather young, and become vampires -- 'with a soul' as some would say."
"But I didn't."
"Correct. You didn't which is a first, but you are getting closer to becoming one fully."
Soon I will be like everyone else.
"Our parents believe the fragility of our bond is because of our pairing."
"I'm assuming our bond would be much closer right now if I had not forgotten everything."
"Perhaps. Pairs have a strong mental connection. When your changes began, I was first to know. That’s when Uncle Abel came to you. To see for himself, hoping my judgment was factual. I knew it was happening. I felt it.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” she responds, “But your body is pushing hard for you to change. Either way, you're still my brother and you're not alone in this. I'm always here for you."
"Because we are a pair, huh?"
"No," she responds. "Because I actually care about you."
She smiles and we hug. She exhales deeply.
"Mike is fine."
I chuckle.
"The last time I heard that I had no clue where he was."
"If you climb up you'll find him on the bell," she says.
"Climb?"
She looks up and my eyes follows hers. A pale figure sits on the lip of the large, copper bell.
"You can do it. That's how you got up here to the mansion before. Just have to tap into it. It's already in you, Evan."
I stare at the cream stoned wall and look up to the bell again.
"I don't know how."
"Just try," she says. "Give it an honest go."
I brush my palms against my pants and take a deep breath. I approach the wall and grip on a few rocks while stepping onto a couple others. I struggle to reach for another rock above me, but stand on the tips of my toes and grab hold of it. With all of my strength, I pull my weight off of the rocks beneath my feet and catch another rock with my other hand only to find my feet dangle. I am stuck.
"Uh, I don't think this is right," I tell Bianca helplessly.
She laughs.
"Come down, Evan."
I let go of the rocks and catch myself on the ground. I turn to her dusting off my palms.
"Okay, face the wall."
"Are you sure this --"
"Face the wall, Evan."
I exhale and listen. She chuckles.
"Okay, now close your eyes."
I obey and listen to her voice. I remember when Essence had told me to close my eyes in painting class. She had me focus on what I was feeling most and it became my guide. It felt like an adrenaline rush, but soon turned into much more than that.
"Now, dig deep into your deepest emotion and grab hold of it."
Fear.
"When you are ready, I want you to place your hands on the rocks and climb."
Okay. What am I afraid of? I have a list. Losing Essence. Losing her love. The future. Above all, becoming a vampire. Ah, and, myself. Me. That is what I am afraid of. I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of being a monster, unable to control myself. A terror in the dark. A beast that feeds on blood. So that alone is my biggest fear, myself.
I open my eyes and gripped in my hands are rock. Beneath my feet, rock as well. The air around me feels different. Much windier. The water crashing against rock sounds much further away, rather, below. I look to my left and there are clouds. I look below myself and can barely see Bianca. I look above, and the lip of the bell is just a few feet away. I climbed?
I grab hold of the lip with one hand and pulled myself up. I crawl to the top, a flat surface on the bell, and there he stands.
"Evan," he says.
"...Mike."
Chapter Twenty: Mike
We stand atop the bell tower and keep our distances. Mike's appearance bothers me, but the secrecy he held with my recently discovered family bothers me much more. His eyes are soft, but dark. His skin a frost white beneath the black jacket he wears. His nails are sharp, and his overbite is hidden.
"You look dead," I say.
"Yeah. That's kind of what happens given the circumstances," he laughs half-heartedly.
"You know your family is looking for you. Worried about you…”
Obviously right?
"…why would you do this to them? To yourself?" I ask.
"It's complicated."
"Do explain." I shrug and place my hands into my pockets.
He studies me for a bit before walking to the curve of bell. He slides to a sit on the lip of the bell which overlooks Utica and the green Mohawk River Valley. I slide to a sit next to him and look amongst the clouds and light that stretch across the sky, above the water.
"You know," he says. "I haven't quite been in contact with my parents besides their last visit which was almost a year ago."
"Why not?"
"They want me to move in with them. We'd argue about it on the phone, but I'd always tell them no."
"I wouldn't be surprised if your parents are on a plane now, coming here."
"I've spoken to them."
"You have?" I ask.
"I told them I needed time to myself and that I'll be back soon. My mother and father said they'd come up. I convinced them it'd be best if they didn't."
"And they listened?"
"Not so easily, but yes."
I shrug.
"So, what's the real reason you left? I mean, you allowed us all to worry about you, but you were fine."
He scoffs.
"Mike, your grandmother cares about you. Why would you so suddenly decide to do something like this. Make them, us, worry?"
"And what, you think that was easy? That simple? My family has given me such a hard time these past few months I felt alone and wanted to be alone."
"So, that's what you based your decision on, Mike?"
"No."
"Then what was it?"
He sits quiet and stares at the horizon. I try to exhale the tension that builds in my head. It doesn't work.
"The last I heard, my parents want to move across seas. My grandmother wants to go. I don't want to."
"But why not? You'll be together," I say. "You can start fresh and get to know your parents much more. I thought you wanted that above anything?"
"I know. I can still see them this way as well but it's not just the moving as to why I decided to do this to myself."
"What is it?"
"Fear…"
"Fear of what?"
"Death."
"Death? Mike. Death? Are you serious right now? Something that you can't run from? You're human. It's inevitable."
"Well, at least not anymore that is," he reminds.
"So, that's it? You don't want to move and be with your family and you're afraid to age and die just as any human should."
"I'M NOT HUMAN!"
I shake my head.
"You're an insult to yourself," I tell him.
"If you see it that way then so be it. I like it here. I love Utica and I feel like I belong here. It's home and no place replaces home."
I can relate to that to an extent.
"You belong with your family."
"Then, why do you keep rejecting yours?" He points.
"I don't," I say.
"Not anymore at least," he adds. "I will still be able to see mine anytime, Evan, and probably more now."
"So, why haven't you seen your grandmother?"
"My thirst is still too great. So I'm here working on it with Bianca's help. Sarah's as well obviously."
"You seem to be doing just fine around me."
"That's because you’re one of us."
"--not yet," I correct.
"You smell like it to me..."
I shake my head.
"I can see my grandmother tomorrow hopefully," he says. "And stay with her until she leaves in a few weeks."
"And then what?"
"I'll just tell her I'm staying here."
"Oh good luck with that Mike."
"It'd be difficult for them to even notice a change in my age."
"In other words you get to watch them all age and die."
He frowns and turns to me.
"Now that's just heartless," he says.
"Yours isn't beating anymore remember?"
He scoffs.
"And you'll experience the same with your stepmother, Sarah, and Essence for that matter."
I flinch. Touché'.
"At least in their eyes, I'm not some vampire watching them all age and die as you say. I'm still their son and grandson."
He rises to his feet.
"Mike wait," I say getting up. "I'm sorry."
He looks over his shoulder at me.
"I didn't mean it like that."
I really didn't. I've been so stressed out about what's going on, I should have been more understanding and heard him out. He is my best friend. My only friend for that matter. I've already got a taste of what life is like without him.
He faces me.
"Believe me. I was very careful about my decision, Evan, but understand that even if I wanted to go, it would be difficult to leave now."
"Why is that?" I ask.
"Bianca."
"You love her."
"Yes."
"When did you know this for yourself."
He moves the collar of his jacket away from his neck.
"She bit you."
"I told her to."
"Wait, how'd you know that she was a vampire?"
He puts his hands into his jacket.
"The morning of the day I left, my grandmother sided with my parents about moving. I argued with my grandmother while I was getting ready for school. When school ended, Bianca had told me to meet her by the football field, skip last period to spend more time together and so I did. Sure enough there she stood on the field, waiting for me. She didn't say much. Just asked if I trusted her. Of course, at the time, I didn't know what she was going to show me. So we walked through the forest, alone, and when she told me her feelings about me and asked how I felt about her…"
He shrugs.
"I told her I felt the same. I told her I've always had eyes for her. And then she told me about you."
"Me?"
He nods.
"Yeah. About how she cares for you, the family, everything. How she's afraid you may never recognize her or 'come home.' At first it was just all too weird and a bit much. I wasn't quite following. She was afraid that you'd never remember or ever come home. That you would remain human for the rest of your life. That your vampire self will never come out and you would forget your family existed."
"Wow," I shake my head. "I had already forgotten they existed."
"But you came back," he reminds. "I told her about my family, about moving, about dying. She said she could make it possible that I live forever, but that would mean I need to turn away from a few things in my human life. It sounded funny like some old scary story, talking about immortality. But she told me it was real. I could never die and I could be with her, offering me the two things I wanted. The rain fell, her eyes changed color, and she was different. She told me what she was, not to be afraid, and asked if this was what I wanted for myself. That there will be no turning back. That it would be difficult. I told her it was what I wanted, and then, she bit me."
I devour his story.
"I died that night, Evan. When you are bitten, that person, or vampire, becomes your life and for vampires like Bianca, you become theirs as well."
Now I understand. As much as I didn't while he was gone, now I understand. It's not just about his family, but about himself. About where he wants to be and feels he needs to be. About who he is and what he believes in. I'm his be
st friend. He needs me now.
"Does it hurt…to die?" I ask.
"In becoming a vampire? Yes. The pain was excruciating. It will hurt. I can't sugarcoat this one for you, buddy."
I smirk.
"Guess I have something to look forward to."
"Ohh yeahh," he says laughing.
"But I'm glad you're back, Mike. I really am."
We shake hands firmly before he pulls me into a hug.
"Glad to be back, brother."
He lets go and smirks. He looks over the ledge and then back to me.
"They're waiting for you. I'll see you below."
He flips off the bell and heads down below. I smile and shake my head
Showoff.
When you become a vampire, you lose your life, but I guess, you keep your personality.
Chapter Twenty-One: Awakening
We stand in the small field that rests before the cliff. Everyone, excluding Cedric, awaits nearby as father and I are face to face.
"Okay, Evan," he says. "We're going to start with the basics and then things will get a little tricky."
"Okay," I respond.
He nods to Mike, who then runs inside, then returns with a wall of red brick above his head. He places the wall behind my father, gives me a smirk, then rejoins the rest of the family on the side. Mike might have always been that strong. I don't think that was the vampire in him.
"Now, Evan, what I want you to do is put me through this brick wall," my father says. "Simple."
I examine the brick wall behind him.
"You want me to put you through that brick?" I ask for confirmation.
He smiles and nods.
"That is correct. Good luck."
He stands with his cane beneath both of his hands. He's not going to brace himself?
"Well, alright," I shrug.
"Whenever you are ready," he says.
I position my feet firm into the ground and focus on the best possible way to push him. Not the shoulders. I shake my head. Not the stomach; too soft. A direct force to the midsection will be best. The sternum. I shift my weight back, then throw my arms and palms to his chest. He doesn't budge. Not an inch. Mike chuckles, but Bianca nudges him to stay silent.
