by R. J. Rogue
Father raises his glass. The party turns to me and raises their glasses. I try not to blush or cry.
"To you, Evan," my father says.
"To Evan," everyone joins. They take their toast.
"Ahem," my father clears his throat on the microphone. "We have a special gift for all of you, and for you, son. Essence LaRoux,”
I flinch.
"Has agreed to play a musical selection with her violin, so in sharing her gift to Evan, with us all, I bring you, Essence LaRoux!"
Father claps his hands and the crowd joins in cheering. I make my way to the front as I look for her.
She steps on stage and into the spotlight. If I had a heartbeat, it'd jump out of my chest. Essence walks across the stage in a perfectly fit, black dress. It shapes around the curves of her body, and has puffs on the shoulders that are like blossomed black roses. Her red hair is big, curly, and vibrant. Her lipstick, red. Her arms and hands covered in long black gloves.
She carries her violin across the stage and stand before the microphone, in front of us. I look up to her above. When our eyes meet, she breathes through the microphone with a gasp then looks down at her necklace. It is a red heart-shaped vile with golden thorns coiled around it, and silver wings. She takes a deep breath, the crowd watches in silence, and she places the violin between her chin and shoulder and begins to play.
A few seconds in, goosebumps cover my skin. I recognize the songs she covers: My Immortal by Evanescence. The band plays along with her, the piano keys following her lead.
A few sniffles leave the crowd; the music is nothing had I expected. As she plays, here and there, she looks into my eyes, tears flowing down her cheeks. My stomach sinks into my gut. When she finishes, the crowd claps wildly. I wipe my cheek and stare at the teardrop. She takes a bow, looks at me one final time then swiftly walks off the stage. Bianca joins her and they walk to the hallway. Mike grabs hold of the microphone.
"Essence thanks you for the opportunity to play," he says. "Now let's party!" He throws his fist in the air and the people cheer and the band plays.
I head up the golden railed staircase, back to my room, and sit on the end of my bed. This is unfair. I am hurting people I do not know or remember. Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I just remember? I open the notebook to its most recent entry:
Fire. A 'gift,' as Essence had put it. Apart from the excitement, there is fear. Fear that I don't know how to use and control it. I wonder if the others are able to do the same, create fire, or something similar. Hopefully, they can tell me all the answers I need to know. Fire is destruction. Why would one want to possess a power that cannot be tamed?
But, when the time comes, when I die, I have to believe these words. No, YOU have to believe these words. So listen to me, Evan, writing this as a human today, reading this as a vampire, possibly tomorrow. Believe every word. Believe everything your family tells you. Believe that Sarah is your step-mother, your caretaker for sixteen years. Believe that Essence loves you, and that the human in you, loves her in return. You love her. You DO love her.
Sarah and Essence are not only afraid that you will forget who they are and your relationship with them, but they are more afraid that you will ignore these words or what they will tell you. They are also afraid, that upon reading these words, you will understand and accept them, but you will not have the emotion that your human self, me today, has for them. So be gentle.
These words will feel as though they belong to another being. A human. Not a vampire. But you were indeed human and you are loved... My breath has gone weak, and each second that passes, feels as though it may be my last.
I ask that you believe and still be there for them. I know, they are strangers, but do it for them.. Do it for me; yourself. They were there for YOU when you needed them. They helped you with the transformation you have today. You owe it to them to TRY....So believe.
I am still a part of you. Believe that your heart use to beat which was once mine. So give it to Sarah, your step-mother, and most of all, give it to Essence, your love. Believe, Evan. JUST BELIEVE."
With truth,
Me and You, to You,
Evan Macrae
P.S. Tell her, I love her.
My body populates with goosebumps. I stare at the words on the page. I toss the notebooks across the floor and shelter my face into my hands. There’s a knock at my door.
"Come in," I say.
The door opens.
"How'd you find me?" I ask.
"We're a pair. I’ll always find you and I'll always know something is bothering you."
I shake my head and take a deep breath.
"What's the matter brother? Why aren't you enjoying your party?" she asks closing the door behind her.
I shrug.
"Because I'm hurting people without meaning to." I lift my head from my hands. "It's—frustrating. Confusing. Painful to watch. I mean, how would you feel if Mike forgot everything about you and the relationship you both had?"
"I'd be heartbroken. Devastated."
"Right," I nod.
She joins me on the bed, gives me a hug, and rests her head on my shoulder.
"I wish this could have been easier for you. I know this is hard, but the best thing you can do is to try and cope. Take things one step at a time."
"How?"
"Well, to start, you no longer have to be stuck home. You can visit Sarah, and keep her company after school."
"I plan to."
"For her, that would mean a lot. She's used to coming home to someone. I'm sure once things take its natural course again, the bond will form for you."
"And what about Essence? What could I do or, what am I supposed to do?"
I think about the note I wrote to myself when I was human. He wants me to believe and be there for them. He says I love them, but I can't feel those emotions he had.
"Why don't you go talk to her?"
"Where is she?" I ask.
"She is in the bell tower."
We rise from my bed and Bianca follows me to the balcony doors.
"Hey," she says as I open the doors.
"Yes."
"I'm proud of you."
She hugs me and my smile was big enough for the both of us.
"Be gentle with her."
"Yes, I will," I say.
"Okay."
She fixes my bow tie and brushes my shoulders off.
"There," she says. "Go to her."
I step out and onto the balcony. Dusk is approaching and the sky is orange and beautiful. The wind blows softly above the water, and the birds fly across the sky. I look up to the top of the mansion, at the bell and begin to climb. When I reach the base of the bell tower, I peer over the edge, and Essence stands in her black dress, the sun upon her back.
I climb over railing and stand onto the platform. She turns to face me. The sun shines against her face and her eyes glow their natural color. Her hair looks more orange than red, from the sunset light. A gentle smile spreads across her lips.
"Happy Birthday, Evan."
"Thank you," I say to her. I hold my hand out for her to take. She hugs herself and looks across the valley. Then, she accepts. We begin to dance. The music from the mansion is faint and soft.
“You play the violin very well,” I say. “Was that my first time hearing you play?”
She nods her head, but doesn’t respond. I try to make her smile.
“I figured as much. There’s no way I could have forgotten such a sound.”
I hear a light giggle leave her lips, but inside, I feel ashamed. There’s no way I could have forgotten someone so beautiful.
"I'm sorry," I tell her.
She shakes her head and holds her hands on the nape of my neck.
"It's not your fault. I was told you'd forget. I guess I just miss you."
"I'm right here. I'm still here.
The corner of her lips rise then relax. She nods. My eyes lay upon her necklace which shines and glows in the sunl
ight. It is a jewel that dimly glows. She follows my eyes then looks away. Her hand clenches around it. She looks at it, then back up to me.
"You gave me this," she says
I hold it in my hand, gazing into the vile, as it hangs around her neck.
"I know," I say.
"You remember?"
I shake my head.
"No, but something tells me I gave it to you."
She nods.
"Your soul."
I smile.
"Whatever is left of it."
"Inside is your blood. See, it shines like--"
"Fire," I finish.
"Yes."
I then look into her eyes and she stares into mine. She looks at my lips then back into my eyes. I refrain from moving. She closes her eyes and brings her lips closer to mine. She kisses me and I kiss back. When she stops, she gazes into my eyes. She doesn’t budge. Just stares as though she is trying to see through me.
"I love you, Evan."
Her eyes gloss from tears. I remember what it said in the entry. That we are lovers. I also remember what Sarah had told me. That I can choose to believe what I read is real.
"I…"
"Don't,” she says, placing a finger on my lips. "You wouldn’t mean it."
I nod.
"He did want me to tell you."
She looks into my eyes and a tear falls.
"He says he loves you."
She places her head against my chest and cries. I wrap my arms around her. As the music continues to play, I hold her against me, stepping side to side. I wish things didn't have to be this way. I wish I could remember or maybe it would have been much easier if I had not known or met Essence until after my transformation, to save her from the heartbreak. Essence peers over my shoulder and I follow her eyes. It's Mike. Soon joined by Bianca.
"Hope we're not interrupting," Mike says.
"Nice to see you two making the acquaintance," Bianca smiles at me and I return a smile. "Enjoying yourselves?"
Essence nods.
"We had our dance. I enjoyed it," she nods as she wipes her face from the tears.
"Great," she says. "Sorry for disrupting, just thought I let Evan know of a little family tradition."
"No honestly, you're fine," Essence says. "Please. Do share."
"What tradition?" I ask.
Abel, my father, and my mother join their side and hop over the railing. They fix their clothes and smile.
"A birthday tradition," my mother says.
"Do I want to know? You're all scaring me. I think I've had enough surprises in one lifetime," I say.
They all laugh.
"You have forever now, Evan," Abel says.
"I'll just act like that was a compliment," I smile.
"Meet us at the top," Bianca says. "Find out for yourself."
They stand on the railing and reach above, grabbing onto the lip of the bell. I turn back to Essence.
She fiddles with a black rose bracelet.
“All I ever do is lose people,” she murmurs.
“Hey,” I say taking a step towards her.
She looks up at me and hugs herself.
“He wouldn’t want you to give up.”
She shakes her head.
“I’m not…I won’t.”
I nod slowly.
“Good.”
“Don’t give up on me neither,” she says.
“He—I won’t. I promise.”
She finds a smile.
“Until then, no sad faces.”
She gasps and smiles even brighter.
“I guess you really are still you.”
I shrug.
“He would hope so. I hope so. For everyone else’s sake.”
I look around the horizon as the water settles against the shores.
"I shall return," I say with a smile, unsure of what awaits me.
"Take your time. It was nice dancing with you."
"Dance again sometime soon?" I ask.
She blushes and looks to the ground then her eyes meet mine. She smiles.
"I'll be here," she says. "Always will be." I try not to blush, but fail.
"I have a feeling you've told me this before."
She giggles and wipes her eyes.
"Yes."
I smile.
"Have fun, Evan," she says. "And thank you. Happy Birthday."
"Thanks."
She gives me one last hug before I climb on top of the railing. I reach for the lip of the bell and pull myself up. My family stands on the very top, and I join them, staring at the horizon and across Utica.
"Beautiful isn't it?" Mother says. We all agree with a nod.
"You guys ready?" Father says.
"What's the tradition?" I ask.
"It's a race," Bianca answers. "Down the Mohawk River Valley and back."
"Really?"
"Mhmmm," says my mother smiling.
"Up for it, son?" my father asks.
"Why not.”
"That's the spirit!" Abel exclaims, throwing his fist in the air.
"Besides," Mike says. " I need a rematch. I have to remind you that even as a vampire, you will always come in second."
"Ohhhh!" the family exclaims as I laugh.
"We'll see about that," I assert playfully.
"I look forward to it."
"Okay," father says. "On go…On your mark!" my father says.
Everyone gets in their ready stance to jump.
"Get set!"
My excitement kicks in as I wait for the final call. Everyone, besides Mike, jumps, laughing, cheating. Really?! I shake my head as we watch them all dive and woo-hoo.
"Didn't see that coming," Mike says laughing.
"Same," I agree.
We look at the sun and inhale the breeze.
"Look at us, Ev," he says. "Best friends. Forever now."
"Even before all of this we would have been."
"Was only a couple months ago we were average high school students. Some of us having nightmares," he laughs a bit and I join.
"Yeah. Good times wasn't it?" I ask.
"The best."
He holds out his hand.
"No better way to spend eternity than with my best friend."
I clasp my hand into his.
"I wouldn't want it no other way."
He smiles and pats my shoulder.
"See you at the bottom."
Mike jumps from the lip of the bell and I watch as he plummets through the sky. The water below swallows him and soon, he is swimming after the rest of the family down the Mohawk River Valley.
My love for them is unconditional. We are a family, the Macrae clan, brought together by love. Mike has been there with me from the beginning, as I had tried to find what makes me the person I am today. He has been a brother, and though there have been times I feel he has let me down, in the end, he's always stood by my side, reminding me of how great a person he is.
Abel, my uncle, adds life to our family with his jokes and wit. He would make the perfect father someday, if he is lucky to find his lover somewhere, wherever she is now.
Bianca, my sister, my twin, my counselor, has been a second mother to me. She watched me while I was in school, and gives me the advice I need to here. She kept me calm throughout the rough times of my transformation, helping me keep a clear head.
My parents, Kaius and Valencia, I owe a debt I can never repay. The gift of life and the blessing of a parent's love. Sarah I have to thank as well, for her ability to work each day to prepare me for all of this.
Cedric, the misunderstood. Wherever he may be now, deserves a blessing. I can only hope he finds a calmer, clean self with his brother and sister. I can only hope he is not being led by vengeance.
Essence.
Essence LaRoux. The curly, redhead who's heart I broke. I am trying to remember everything that happened between us. Trying to piece together our bond, but I continue to fail. Will I ever remember or love her in return? I will try. There's
a dark art behind love. How fatal. How beautiful.
About The Author
R.J. Rogue (Rafael Johnson) is an English major at SUNY Empire State in Rochester, New York. He writes short stories, screenplays, and novels. He graduated from Bishop Kearney High School in 2008 where he wrote for the high school newspaper his senior year. During his early childhood, R.J. had an interest in dance but a passion for writing. His early inspirations included a collection of works by Stephen King, Edgar Allan Poe, and Ernest Hemingway. With a fear of sharing his writing, R.J. focused on dance, believing this was what he was called to do. After receiving feedback from a high school English teacher on his writing, R.J. was encouraged to write as a career, he learned the importance of not being afraid of your passions, to take pride in your writing, and to dream with your eyes open.
R.J. enjoys dancing, meditating, drawing, analyzing dreams, and drinking more than enough coffee while sustaining a vegetarian diet. He grew up in Rochester, New York where his mother is the Program Coordinator for the Pathways to Success in Rochester, and his father is the Dean of Students at Vertus Charter School in Rochester, NY. He is the oldest of five.
R.J. is co-author of The Journey of a Teenage Mother: Struggle. Hope. Success. (On Demand Publishing, 2013) and has recently completed, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) 2015, in which he received recognition for his literary accomplishment.
Youcan follow R.J. via [email protected] on Twitter@R_J_Rogue. You can contact him at [email protected].
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