“Ow!” She pulled back and stared at the nasty cut on her ankle. The cat swished his tail at her, turned and sashayed into the kitchen.
Desmond’s jaw dropped. “You’re right, that cat definitely hates you.”
Kelsey reached for a napkin and blotted the blood oozing down her foot. “Really, get him the hell out of here.”
He stood. “Talk about a mood killer. Okay, if you’re sure you don’t want me to stay the night, I’ll get going. The unmarked surveillance will be outside all night. Just call if there is any issue. Don’t be a hero.” He picked up his wallet from the table. “Catch you for dinner tomorrow night? Lao Yo’s?”
“Absolutely. I love that place.”
Desmond looked into the kitchen. “Come on, Yeshe. Let’s go home.”
The cat sauntered back into the dining room and brushed himself against Desmond’s leg affectionately. Kelsey could hear his purr like a freight train, yet all the while the feline seemed to glare at her.
What the hell did I ever do to you?
On a lark, Kelsey picked up the amulet, letting the sense of the demon reach out to her. She didn’t know what she was searching for, exactly. When she’d been in Aihika she’d felt every demon creature deeply in her pores. On Earth, she was different. Human. But not. She had no idea how any of her powers worked on Earth.
She closed her eyes and just held the amulet. It was warm to her touch. The demon immediately reached out to her, and it seemed as if she were getting more skilled at communing with him. She could recognize his energy radiating in the charm. It trembled in intensity, and little electric tingles like currents ran up her arm. The energy traveled to her chest and down her body until she could feel the current everywhere. She let the sensation envelope her as she searched for more power, searched for that connection to help her speak to him.
“You’re wrong. He’s mine.”
Her eyes popped open and she turned to Yeshe. The cat glared at her with an expression of distaste even stronger than before.
Chapter Four
Kelsey came awake that night in the secret walled garden in Xanadu, sitting in the exact same spot where Desmond had first portalled to the land. She stared up at the high stone walls that enclosed this sanctuary and noticed some small changes since she’d been there last. The deep green ivy had grown thicker and it covered more of the etched stone. She could now barely make out the carved depictions of the Buddha and other deities engraved into the rock face that she knew were there. But the walls did not rise so high that they blocked out the nighttime sky. It was bright with colors, tonight riddled with ribbons of greens and reds rippling across the expanse, like a glorious aurora borealis. The sky’s varied hues lit up all the statues and trees in fiery glows. Kelsey sat on the flat slab within the four stone Shitenno Guard sculptures. They stood upright at attention, like sentries protecting her and the surrounding garden.
A familiar sweet scent tickled her nose, and she turned to glance at the Paricchattaka tree growing against the far wall. Its continuously blooming yellow petals shone so brightly they seemed to light themselves from within, and gave off a glow that illuminated the grass and walls around it.
The tree’s presence in this garden was an anomaly. The Paricchattaka tree usually grew only in Tavatimsa, the second deva heaven, where Pancagalla lived.
Pancagalla.
Even thinking of this Deva’s name made Kelsey glower. Pancaggalalenavasi-Tissa was a Trayastrimsa Deva and was supposed to have been her protector. Instead, he had turned against her and handed her right over to the Decan Sky God, Ustha, so she would help him with his holy war against the Asuras. It didn’t matter that it was Buddha’s mother herself who bade him to protect Kelsey. She shouldn’t have been surprised. The Devas were selfish and arrogant and could not be trusted. Kelsey knew any Deva would turn on anyone else if it suited their needs. While Pancaggala had redeemed himself by eventually coming to her aid, she did not trust him and never would again.
Another lesson learned. Never trust a demon. That’s a phrase that is becoming all too clear.
Pancaggala had his own sculpture erected in the corner of the garden. Kelsey refused to even gaze upon it, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of imagining she would ever deign to reflect upon his power and supposed beauty. The Deva was lucky things turned out the way they did. After Kelsey’s last encounter with him, when her abilities in his realm had blossomed, she could have destroyed him for deceiving her and turning against her. She could have maybe even banished him to live with the Asura Devas he so hated. She was that powerful.
But she hadn’t. Instead she let him live and helped him win his battle.
And again, I saved the world, almost sacrificed myself, and nearly lost Desmond in the process. And this is my reward? To be part of a prophecy where I’d possibly have to die if it’s me they’re talking about?
When she’d helped win the Deva war, she’d also helped save the life of Ari’s girlfriend Bianca. But there had been a price to pay for doing that. There was always a price. By touching Bianca’s soul, Kelsey had been soiled. No human should touch another’s soul and as a result any physical contact with another human from then on would result in agonizing pain. It was a horrible price to pay to save the world, but she’d done it anyway.
I’m such a sap. I keep doing things to hurt myself.
When she had returned to Earth, she could not touch Desmond for weeks. Until one day, she suddenly could again. She didn’t know what happened, but she felt sure someone powerful had intervened and for that she was eternally thankful. She always wondered who had granted her that mercy.
Maybe there is at least one person, one being out there that cares about me and my happiness.
Kelsey breathed deeply and let the energy of Xanadu fill her. She was so strong here in this realm. A goddess from the underworld come to a bardo. The very place where souls comes to choose their next incarnation. As she had more than once over the past year, Kelsey wondered exactly why her journey sent her on this path. But it was finally becoming all too clear.
I’m being used. Over and over. There’s no other reason.
She realized she was unlike anyone else in the universe. A goddess from the hell realms who wanted to live a righteous life. The irony was nearly laughable. Like saying vampires have souls. Or zombies have high IQs. Or werewolves are tame and eat kibble.
Goddess or demon. Did it really matter what she called herself? Neither of them were good. Neither of them were human. You couldn’t be the daughter of the Buddhist Devil and think your soul didn’t have some darkness to it. Even if she kept sacrificing herself over and over every lifetime to evolve. Even if she kept saving the world. So whether she considered herself a goddess or a demon didn’t really matter. What mattered is that outside of the Earthly realm she simply wasn’t human, and she still desperately wanted to live a human existence. The Earthly human world was the most sought-after realm for a soul to reside in the entire universe. No matter the powers demons or gods had, simple humanity was the most coveted.
Unfortunately, Kelsey’s past pulled at her. She remembered what Desmond had told her though, time and again when she was feeling low, and it gave her comfort.
“Kelsey, everyone has a past. But it does not define us. It is always our own personal choice how we act in any given situation.”
“But Desmond, do choices even matter for me? Maybe for you they do, or for everyone else, but no matter what happens, it seems as if everything in my life has been planned, right down to my attack as a child in Tibet. You know Mara hunted me for centuries and destroyed my human soul repeatedly as punishment for leaving him. And now the monks, the very people who taught me in this lifetime and saved me from certain death in the mountains, have used me for years for the Emperor’s wishes.”
Desmond held her hands. “But Kelsey, no matter what happened, you always had a choice of how to act. From the moment you decided to leave your father’s realm, you set a course for yourself
in motion. During that journey, at any moment you could have chosen a different path, but each time you chose truth and the righteous way. Every challenge you faced, you conquered. Often, with no one’s help but your own. But you, and only you, made the decision to leave Mara’s side.”
“But why did this happen to me, Desmond?” How many times would she ask that question? It had started to sound like a whine to her, but she was afraid of the answer. And she wasn’t afraid of anything.
He didn’t answer for a moment and she knew he struggled with that question as well. “Maybe there’s more to you than we know, Kelsey.”
Her thoughts exactly. How much more about herself was still hidden from her? How much more was being kept a secret from her? And more importantly, why were the Emperor and Empress still using her?
Desmond had taken her hands again. “Just remember, you are still evolving. You’ve already learned so much this last year.” He paused and swallowed hard. “And without you, I never would have remembered my own past. Who I was. Where I came from. Or found Finley and my mother. You were the one that helped me discover the truth about who I truly am. Without you, I would have been lost.”
And Kelsey knew all that he said was true. The monks, the Emperor, and even Mara may have had a say in what occurred over her lifetime in this incarnation, but she had been the one that had acted on it.
Still…
Kelsey quickly glanced around and saw she was still alone in the garden. On a lark, she closed her eyes and concentrated. She brought herself to the present, feeling the hard, cold stone surface underneath her buttocks where she’d placed herself in a lotus position. She let her mind drift from the past and back into the present. She smelled the mixture of intoxicating blossoms in the garden. Felt the power and the energy of Xanadu permeate her being. She then turned inward and looked deep within herself for that dark part of her soul that always answered in the other realms. The part that she usually kept hidden away back on Earth so she could work on being human, but now could be called upon to help her when she needed it. A dark part of her core that was becoming more and more familiar and easier to find.
She searched and sifted through feeling after feeling, discarding some and considering others. She let all of the sensations rise to the surface, felt inward in her body to the part of her essence she sought and suddenly, there it was. It started as a little force of black energy centered in her gut. Once Kelsey recognized it for what it was, she let it out. Like a rabid dog kept prisoner in a cage who was suddenly set free, the force of energy roared forward. It expanded and filled her until she felt it in all parts of her body with an exquisite rush of pleasure that made her moan in delight. Yes, that was it. That was the feeling she always had in the Naraka realm. That feeling of desire and gratification that never left her body completely. And now it was here with her in Xanadu, and it felt absolutely perfect. She concentrated further. Her body lifted and she rose slowly off the ground. One inch, two inches… Higher and higher. She rose gradually until she levitated as high as the stone walls. Her eyes popped open and Kelsey beheld the monastery peeking through the trees ahead across the valley. The golden stupa glowed with the colors of the ribbons of the night sky.
Satisfied, she slowly lowered herself back to the earth and let the power settle back into her gut. She wrapped it up, back into a tidy package, and left it there. And then Kelsey smiled even wider when she realized that the leather cord with the thrush talisman lay against her chest. Another ability mastered. She had worn the necklace to bed, with the new understanding that she had the capability, if she willed it, to bring things physically back and forth with her through the realms. She had hoped it would work and apparently it did. The talisman was here with her, and she realized the Emperor and Empress knew she’d be able to do it as well.
A light breeze picked up and Kelsey brushed her hair out of her eyes. She touched something bead-like woven in her hair, and her hand froze. With a sudden understanding she realized she also had summoned the strand of black and pink pearls Mara had once given to her as a gift.
Another rush of satisfaction filled Kelsey as she played with the pearls. She had told the Emperor and Empress the gemmed beads meant nothing to her, yet she kept summoning them when she went to Xanadu. You love these pearls and always have. Just accept it. She’d thrown them at her father’s feet when she’d left Naraka, simply to hurt him, like a child sticking out her tongue in defiance, but she couldn’t deny her feelings for them.
I am who I am. A sense of relief flooded her when she accepted that.
She felt Caim stir from within the amulet. He sent a stream of energy to her, and she knew he begged to be released. “Speak to me, Caim. Tell me what you did to get put in there?” She concentrated, hoping to understand him more, to hear him, but all she felt was his rage. She decided to ignore him, stood, and turned to the sky. Time to return him to the Emperor and Empress and fulfill her mission.
“Ishu, to me.”
Ishu arrived quickly. Kelsey always marveled at that. In a flurry of wings, her cream-colored pet fedelia flew over the twenty foot stone wall and alighted next to her.
“Hello, my love,” Kelsey cooed and nestled her face into Ishu’s snout. The half dragon, half horse had been given to her as a pup by the Emperor and Empress when she was a child to help her heal. Now they were both grown and the fedelia wrapped her vast wings around Kelsey affectionately and nuzzled her cheek. “Yes, I know, it’s been awhile. Please take me to the monastery.” Kelsey jumped onto the creature’s back and they were about to take to the sky when the fedelia hesitated, neighed in fear, and stamped her front hoof in alarm.
Kelsey suddenly couldn’t breathe. She felt invisible hands squeeze her throat tight and cut off her air. She reached for her neck, ready to rip off the fingers of whoever choked her, but no one was there.
Kelsey slid off Ishu’s back and fell to the garden floor. Ishu neighed desperately and licked her cheek, but Kelsey couldn’t respond. Her vision blurred and the world around her became darker as she began to black out from a lack of oxygen.
Kelsey never suffered in Xanadu. This should not be happening. This was always the place where she healed.
A familiar, loving voice suddenly boomed in her head. “Take yourself back to Earth, Kelsey! You’re in danger!”
With all her remaining will, Kelsey glanced at Ishu. The creature went in and out of focus. Kelsey didn’t know how, but she felt sure the command came from the fedelia.
Caim?
The fedelia stamped her foot and whinnied in fear. “Stop stalling and go!”
She had to get back to Earth. Something was happening to her there.
Kelsey dropped her hands to her sides and began to wiggle her fingers. She didn’t have a lot of time left and the pressure on her throat continued. With the very last of her consciousness she meditated to bring herself home. Up and down she wiggled her fingers. Up and down, one after another, like waves on an ocean. Like a tide going in and out. Over and over her fingers made the dance, as she thought of her apartment, until she plummeted away from Xanadu and plunged down to Earth and back to her bedroom.
She came awake quickly, lying on her bed in her darkened room. A heavy weight pressed against her chest and another was on her neck, choking her. She realized in horror that a man crouched on top of her, his knee in her gut and one elbow pressed against her windpipe so she couldn’t breathe. With his other hand he’d already halfway removed Caim’s amulet from around her neck.
Her martial arts training kicked in. With both her assailant’s arms engaged, Kelsey made fists with her thumbs supporting her middle knuckles, and thrust them viciously into both the assailant’s lower ribs. Stunned and surprised, her attacker grunted in pain. For a single moment he eased up on the choke, and Kelsey took in a sharp breath. Then in a move requiring no more than two seconds, Kelsey wrapped her left foot around her assailant’s right ankle and took her left arm and interlocked it in his right arm. With all her force, she
raised her right hip off the bed, and twisted to her left. The man lost his balance and toppled right off her. They both fell off the bed and onto the floor, where Kelsey landed on top of him.
She didn’t give the man a single moment to recover. She reared up and rained a series of violent hook punches onto virtually every part of her assailant’s head until he was a bloody mess. As she was about to deliver the final blow, instead of covering his face, he grabbed one of his hands with the other. In the light of the open curtain Kelsey had a moment to glimpse something shiny on his finger, the air shimmered, and the man dissolved. Instead of hitting his temple with her fist, her fist kept moving through empty air. Her knuckles slammed brutally hard into her bed frame, while her knees fell a few inches and landed on the hardwood floor as she was no longer on top of her assailant.
Kelsey stood up and whirled around, furious, and then sank back to the floor as the pain of her injured leg roared in. She rested her head on the side of her mattress and tried to catch her breath until the throbbing in her leg subsided. Her rage built quickly at the audacity of someone coming into her apartment and attacking her in her own bed. And then he had disappeared. Did he use a portal? Was he a demon or a shapeshifter? Did he have powers to apparate at will?
Her attacker had to be the man from the cemetery she’d seen beside the mausoleum. And she would bet her life he was the same man she saw at the bookshop. Was he the one that had set fire to the shop? Was he the one that had sent the flying darts at her? She’d been sure there were two other people besides herself and Dolma inside at the time, but she had no idea who else might have been there.
She didn’t yet have the answers to those questions, but she did know one thing for certain.
This stranger wanted the talisman.
Kelsey bristled. Well, he wasn’t going to get it. And neither would the Emperor and Empress now… at least, not yet. She was done playing their mind games. Again, they obviously knew this amulet was something more than a simple demon prison, and again they left her in ignorance. They used her again, bribing her with Josh’s safety as their playing card. Once more, they had made her a pawn in whatever “path” they decided she should take. As usual. They’d probably known someone else also sought this talisman and that she would even be attacked. She was starting to wonder if they cared whether she lived or died.
The Search for Starlight Page 4
