by Apryl Baker
“Don’t worry. I’m not jumping on the crazy train, Daddy.” I give him a half-hearted smile. The ticket’s already bought, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“When does school start?”
Wow. My dad is the whiplash champion of subject changes. Talking about my mother is something he never does, and seeing the pain in his eyes, I finally understand it. He loves her. No matter how much he loves Emma, he’s still in love with my mom. He gets a pass on more questions today.
“Next week.”
“You ready for it?”
“I don’t know, honestly. I think so, but I’m a little scared too.”
“It’s okay to be scared, peanut, but don’t let your fear hold you back.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I let fear keep you locked up. I was so afraid for you that I forgot to think about what you needed.”
Did he really just say that? Who is this man, and where is my father?
“Don’t give me that look, Alexandria Nicolette Reed. I’m you father, and it’s my job to protect you. I thought keeping you in that bubble was protecting you, but I was wrong. I realized it the first night you came home and you stood up to me, all your mother’s fire and passion in your eyes. I can’t keep you safe by not letting you live your life. You’re going to make mistakes, terrible mistakes, but they’ll be yours to make. You’ll learn from them, hopefully, and make better decisions because of it. You grew up, and I didn’t want you to. I wanted you to be that same eleven-year-old girl who needed me to keep her safe, but you’re not. You’re a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who can live her own life.”
A single tear makes its way down my cheek. He gets it. He really gets it.
“No tears.” He smiles at me. “Your old man isn’t blind. I’m just a dad who wasn’t ready to let go.”
“But you are now?”
“God, no, but I know if I don’t, I’ll lose you, and that is something I can’t bear, Alex. We just got you back, and I’m not about to let my own insecurities and fear drive you away.”
“Emma got to you, huh?” I wipe the tears out of my eyes.
“No. I got to me. I had a dream of you leaving and never looking back because of me, and there isn’t a world where I could ever let that happen, peanut. I love you too much.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
We spent the rest of the morning talking about all kinds of stuff, from why I wanted to be a writer, the kinds of books I wanted to write, to Dad filling me in on general gossip in the family, like the grandparents going to Jamaica for a month to escape seeing all the family over the summer.
It was a good day.
Chapter Nine
Just breathe, Alex. You can do this.
I chant that over and over as I clutch my messenger bag and attempt not to freak out over going to the campus bookstore. It shouldn’t be this hard. I mean, I’ve gone out in public before. I eat at the diner. I’ve gone shopping. Going to get my books for the semester should be a piece of cake, but yet, I can’t budge from beside my Jeep.
Class starts in a couple days, and I’ve put this off for as long as I can. I decided to major in English. Even if my writing never pans out, at least I can go to work in the publishing industry. Words are my passion, and being able to work with them for the rest of my life brings me a sense of peace.
Well, standing here is making me look like an idiot, so I force one foot in front of the other and move to the sidewalk. A low sigh escapes and my muscles start to relax. Normal. This is normal, going to buy books. It’s not like I have to talk to anyone. I should, though. Talking is normal.
Please, I pray to whoever is listening, please help me find what I need to get through this, to get through everything.
“Going in, or are you gonna stand there all day?”
The heady mix of honeysuckle and fresh mown grass assaults me. Micah. Amazingly, the nerves of earlier recede and a calm washes over me. He always has that effect on me, but I’m not complaining. I don’t feel panicked anymore.
“I’m thinking of standing here all day.” I shift my messenger bag. “Are you always gonna be this good at sneaking up on me?”
“Yeah.” He comes over and loops his arm through mine, pulling me toward the building. “Count on it, Blue. Buying books?”
“Why else would I be at the campus bookstore?”
“Scoping out guys, of course.” Saidie falls into step beside us.
Micah rolls his eyes. “What are you girls majoring in? I don’t think I asked.”
“English.” The word pops out of our mouths together and we burst out laughing.
“Journalism,” she says, to which I answer, “Creative writing.”
“I bet y’all are into all those imaginary book boyfriends too, huh?” The disgust in Micah’s voice is loud and clear, earning him another round of laughter from us. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but Sadie does. She’s cracking up which, in turn, is cracking me up.
“Don’t discriminate just because you can never be as awesome as Jacob or Travis. Don’t you agree, Alex?”
“I would if I knew who you were talking about.”
Saidie’s eyes widen and she looks gobsmacked. “Travis from Beautiful Disaster and Jacob from Twilight?”
“Not a clue.”
“Ohmygod! Where have you been the last five years?”
Locked up in the looney bin. “I went to a private school and they were very strict on what we read. Limited computer access too.”
“We are so having a Twilight marathon today.” She nods, thinking. “We’ll need to stop at the store to pick up some marathon binging junk food, and I’ll loan you my copy of Beautiful Disaster.”
“You girls can leave me out of that.” Micah scrunches up his nose as we go into the bookstore.
“Leave you out of what?”
We turn to see a guy hefting a massive load of books in his arms. “Hey, man,” Micah greets him, automatically taking a couple of his books. “You put off getting these to the last minute too?”
Violet eyes twinkle. They’re not that bluish color, but a true violet. Purple. Freaky weird, really.
Micah laughs at my expression. “His eyes are pretty freaky. Conner, meet Alex and Saidie. Girls, this is a friend of mine from high school.”
“You two are new.”
Really, that is the first thing out of his mouth? The locals need to get a new thing to obsess over. And why did Micah’s words mirror my thoughts? I’d just been thinking those exact words—freaky weird. Bizarre.
“Yes, I’m new.” Saidie throws her blonde hair over one shoulder. “Get over it.”
Looks like I’m not the only one getting irritated with the townsfolk.
“I’m not complaining.” He stacked his books on the counter, freeing his arms. “It’s not every day we get two beautiful additions to our town. Welcome to Jacob’s Fork, ladies.”
“Thank you,” I murmur. I would love to be as outspoken as Saidie, but this is too new. I’m not comfortable in social settings yet.
“So what are they counting you out of?”
“Twilight marathon.”
Conner’s face matches Micah’s disgusted tone.
“He only thinks he’s getting out of it.” Saidie shoots them both an evil grin. “And I think misery always needs company, so you are coming too.”
“Me?” Conner takes a step back, his face wary. “You don’t even know me. Why would you want to do something so awful to me?”
“It’s not awful. It’s awesome. Tell them, Alex, they’re coming, and that’s that.”
“You’re coming, and that’s that.” I repeat Saidie’s words, trying to sound as enthusiastic as she is, but inside I’m begging them to decline. Spending an entire day with people I don’t really know is causing me to panic. What if I can’t do it? What if I say or do something wrong? What if…
Calm down, the voice whispers. You’ll be fine.
My eyes widen. Not again. I thought the voice had
shushed.
“Coming where, munya?”
No air escapes my lungs. Scarlet blooms across my cheeks. Flashes of the dream I had the other night swarm behind my eyes. My reaction to him is so intense, it momentarily blocks out the panic of hearing voices again. Saidie barely contains her laughter at my expression. God only knows what it looks like. Thankfully, Luka can’t see it, as my back is to him, which only serves to remind me of his lips traveling along my neck, my back pressed against him…stop! No thinking naughty thoughts. It was a dream, anyway. Focus on what’s real.
“Movie binging,” Saidie tells him. “Want to join us?”
“I’m sure he has something else to do.” The bite in Micah’s voice is unmistakable.
“What is this movie binging?” Luka’s voice is low and rough, just like I remember it. A shiver runs up my back. Why can he affect me so much?
Saidie is curious, but she’s watching me with devilment playing havoc in her expression. “It’s where you watch all the movies or episodes on TV in a series. You don’t do movie binging in Romania?”
“No. We do other things.”
“Well, then, you have to come and movie binge.” Micah and Conner both look like they want to argue, but one baleful glare from Saidie shushes them. “Tell him to come, Alex.”
If looks could kill, Saidie would be dead and buried. I try to keep my expression neutral when I turn around. He’s standing there, his book bag in one hand and several textbooks in the other. He’s in black again, but it only makes him look that much more attractive. The color suits him.
“Sure.” My voice is a little strangled, so I clear my throat. “If you want to come, you are more than welcome, Luka.”
Even his laugh is full of darkness. “I do no think you mean it, munya.”
“Of course she does,” Saidie quickly interjects. “Don’t you, Alex?”
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t. You can come or not, Luka. Now, tell me where I can find the biology textbooks.” I need to get away from him and everyone else before the panic starts to show. I can feel a slight tremor start in my hands already.
“This way.” Micah grabs my hand and pulls me away from the others. “You don’t want him to come, do you?”
“What?” Startled, I look up. His blue eyes are serious for once. “I don’t really care, Micah. Why would I?”
“I don’t know.”
“You and Conner obviously don’t want him there. Why?”
He shrugs. “We don’t know him.”
“Isn’t the point of hanging out getting to know people?” I pluck the biology book I need from the shelf. “Everyone in this town seems to have suspicions about outsiders. It’s just plain rude. You can’t judge people you don’t know.”
“I have a bad feeling about him, Blue. Stay away from him.”
A sigh rumbles out. “Micah, if you and I are going to be friends, you need to know something. I hate when people try to tell me what to do, and especially who I can and can’t be friends with. If this friendship is going to work, you need to respect that.”
“He’s dangerous.”
“Tell me how he’s dangerous.”
Frustration fills his eyes. “I can’t.”
“Subject closed.” I scan my schedule for the next book and make my way over to the English section. Micah follows me, and before he can say anything else, I turn around. “I’m serious. I spent most of my life being told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Never again.”
He nods, his eyes somber. “Okay.”
“Shouldn’t you start getting your own books?”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.” His smile is strained, but he doesn’t bring up the subject of Luka as we collect our books.
Once we are all done at the bookstore, Saidie decides we need several things so she sends us all on a mission with a list. It gives me some time to process the fact I will be in a room all day with Luka. Even now, sitting in my Jeep in the grocery store parking lot, I’m getting flashbacks of the dream. What was Saidie thinking?
Not just Luka either. A whole group of people. Can I do this? Hanging out is a normal activity. Goosebumps break out thinking about it. I’d visited the campus psychologist twice already about my anxiety. I hadn’t told her about the voice, but I had expressed my concerns over my social anxiety. She said the best way to tackle that fear is to deal with it. Jump in the fire, so to speak. This is a perfect way to test out her theory. We’ll see if I can do this.
Shaking my head, I text Jason I’ll be at Saidie’s watching a Twilight marathon. His reply is almost instant—Sorry :-(
What is it with guys and this movie? Is it that bad? Or just too girly for them? Either way, I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
***
Saidie’s apartment is very pink and purple. She painted the walls a cream color, but the couch is draped in a purple blanket, pink throw pillows scattered on it. The end tables have pink lamps, and she’s even hung purple curtains. I am so not a pink and purple girl.
I put the two cases of Coca-Cola in the fridge. It’s the one brand of pop we all agreed on. Saidie sits digging through her DVDs. I let my eyes wander over her apartment again, this time seeing beyond the pink and purple explosion. She has pictures of her family here and there, a laptop sits on the counter, but it’s the leather bound book that catches my attention. It looks almost exactly like mine, except the color is a light shade of brown. The name Sabrina Winters is emblazed in dark gold letters. I remember Saidie said her roommate was into supernatural stuff. Is she a witch?
Thinks she’s a witch, I correct myself. There is no such thing as magic and witchcraft. It’s not real. Still, I let my fingers graze the cover. It pulses under my touch, just like mine.
“It’s a witch’s journal.”
I jump, startled, and pull my hand back. An African American girl stands in the doorway, her face amused. She’s not dark. Her skin is so light she could almost be mistaken for white. Even her hair is soft, not coarse. She has to be from biracial parents.
“Ugg…” Saidie stands, holding a stack five DVDs. “Don’t get her started, Alex. We are watching movies today, remember?”
“Movies?”
“Twilight marathon. Alex has never seen the movies.”
She turns her hazel eyes on me. “I’m Bree Winters. You seriously haven’t seen the movies?”
“Alex Reed, and no, I haven’t seen them.”
“Read the books?”
I shake my head, my instinct to shy away from everyone trying to overwhelm me. It’s been so long since I’ve interacted with anyone but orderlies, nurses, and other crazies, I’m unsure of what to do or say.
“Oh my God. You can borrow my set. They’re so much better than the movies.” She plucks her journal from the counter. “Let me put this away. We need pizza, Saidie.”
“Covered.” Saidie plops down on a bar stool. “The guys are picking it up.”
“Guys?” Bree yells from down the hall. “What guys?”
“The cute foreign exchange student is coming. He has a thing for Alex.”
“He does not.” Heat creeps up my cheeks.
“He so does.” Laughter colors Saidie’s voice. “You should have seen him at the bookstore. The second he heard her, her made a beeline straight over to us. She has a thing for him too.”
“Ohhh, the Luka guy from the third floor?” Bree comes back, running a brush through her hair.
“Uh-huh.” Saidie shoots me a sly grin. “Our girl here blushed like a virgin when she heard his voice.”
Before I can respond, someone starts knocking on the door. “It’s open!” Saidie shouts.
Conner pushes the door open, five pizza boxes in his hand. Micah is behind him, carrying two smaller boxes that could be cheese bread, and Luka pulls up the rear, grocery bags clutched in each hand. Just the sight of him sets my pulse to hammering. Well, hell. How am I going to get through this torture?
Saidie should have been a general in a past life.
That girl has those men jumping with her rapid orders. Before long, we are all settled in the living room, pizza and pop in hand, bags of chips within reach, and the pre-movie advertisements are playing.
Much to my dismay, Luka has taken up residence right beside me, the couch arm supporting my right side as I work hard not to touch him. Micah isn’t at all happy, but he’s not saying anything, at least.
They’re all loud and boisterous as they hassle the girls about liking sparkly vampires. I smile and nod where I think I should, but stay quiet. My panic calmed a little when Micah arrived. Whenever he’s near, I’m always calmer. For once, I’m not gonna question it. I’m just gonna be thankful. Even the worry about hearing the voice again is muted.
“Relax, munya,” Luka whispers in my ear. “I no bite.”
My eyes sweep up to meet his. They’re darker, full of something I don’t recognize. I turn my gaze back to the TV, trying my best not to let him see the shudder that goes through me. He laughs softly, and again the urge to hit him overtakes me. He’s laughing at me, and I feel that crazy rage start to build up. Jason and I both have been getting mad at the smallest of things. Thinking of Jason, I remember I did hurt my brother. I might hurt Luka if I get angry enough. I don’t want to go back to that place, so I focus on the movie and try to block him out.
Impossible to do.
“Vampires do no sparkle.” The disgust in Luka’s voice is palpable. Saidie and Bree shoot daggers at him, while the guys just nod. I secretly agree. Vampires are supposed to be scary, not sparkly semi-cute guys. Well, Emmet is cute, but Edward and Jasper, not so much. At least their on screen personas.
“You only wish you were as cool as Edward.” Saidie tosses her pizza plate to the floor and leans back, stretching.
“I’m cooler.” The simple statement is said with so much confidence, you can’t not believe it.
“No, you’re just more arrogant.” I want to slap my hand over my mouth. Where had that come from? I am not one to start arguments. I tend to stay in the background, where it’s safer.
“That too,” he agrees and winks at me.
