‘But ye looked doon oan me, thought Ah was a slut.’
‘Aye, well, Ah was young then. Ah’ve learned no’ tae make that kinda judgement.’
‘Och, ye were right!’ Jessie laughed. ‘Ah aye liked that aboot ye, Kathy, hen! Ye were the only wan that was open aboot it, everybody else kept up this pretence tae ma face that Ah earned ma money daein’ somethin’ respectable while they talked behind ma back, but you were aye open aboot it. Ye were a nasty wee swine, mind ye, many’s the time Ah felt like giein’ ye a dirl aboot the ears for yer cheek, but as Ah say, ye were aye honest.’
Kathy took in the thin frame, the hankie held in the gloved hands, the skeletal legs so tightly crossed that they almost twisted around each other. It was as if Jessie was trying to make herself small and insignificant enough to almost not exist; blink as she passed and you would miss her.
‘Have ye never tried tae get treatment for a’ this?’ she asked, her hands forming a circle in the air in an attempt to take in Jessie’s affliction in its entirety.
‘Ye mean go tae wanna they psychiatrists?’ Jessie asked. ‘Ah’d probably find Ah’d done the business wi’ them or their faithers hen. Awfy hard tae have confidence in somebody when ye’ve seen them doon oan a’ fours in the buff, askin’ tae have their arse slapped for bein’ bad. Besides, Ah don’t think there is a cure. Ye’d be askin’ for a cure for ma life, efter a’.’
‘Is that no’ whit wee Frank McCabe specialises in?’ Kathy laughed. ‘A coupla Hail Marys an’ yer life’s cured?’
‘Aye, that’ll be bloody right!’ Jessie said sourly. There was a moment’s silence. ‘He’s ma faither, did ye know that?’ She said it so casually that Kathy wondered if she’d heard her properly. She was so surprised that if she’d been perched on the stool instead of Jessie she’d have fallen off, and as it was it was all she could do not to land with a thump on the floor.
‘Well!’ she said uncertainly. ‘Ah knew, but Ah didnae think you did!’
‘Known since Ah was a wean,’ Jessie smiled smugly. ‘Was sent hame frae school early wi’ a dose o’ the lurgy wan day an’ heard the two o’ them talkin’, so Ah waited ootside the door – y’know the sleekit way ye dae when ye’re a wean. It was just before ma confirmation an’ they were discussin’ names. Ye could tell he’d rather no’ have been consulted, but Auld Aggie was determined. She wanted me tae take the name Francesca an’ he was sayin’ there wasnae a St Francesca. Auld Aggie said it would look like it was efter St Francis o’ Assisi, but they’d baith know it was really efter him, an’ it bein’ kinda Italian insteada just Frances, it would put folk even merr aff the scent. The wee man wasnae happy, ye could tell, went oan tae say it still might make folk wonder, like, which was really stupid when ye thinka it. Who the hell would put two an’ two thegither – especially they two – an’ realise he really was Father McCabe? He said they had made a pact wi’ God tae keep it secret an’ she hadtae keep tae that, she couldnae gie anybody the slightest idea that Ah was his.’
‘Musta gied ye a helluva shock, did it no’?’
‘Well, aye and naw really,’ Jessie replied with a chuckle. ‘Ah’d always known Ah was different, Ah just didnae know how till then. Ah was always treated different frae oor Lily, the auld yin was aye helluva hard oan her, an’ Ah didnae know why. So then Ah understood.’
‘An’ ye never told them? Her an’ him, Ah mean? Ah know ma mother never knew.’
‘Naw, Ah never let dab tae Lily or tae them,’ Jessie replied. ‘The wan Ah felt sorry for was the Orangeman.’
‘Ma Granda? Dae ye think he knew?’
Jessie shook her head. ‘Ah’m sure he didnae. Poor auld bugger. He just worked tae keep us a’ an’ was never considered by anybody.’
‘That’s no’ the picture Aggie painted,’ Kathy said. ‘Accordin’ tae her he was some kinda monster, a deflowerer o’ Catholic maidens!’
‘Ach, her!’ Jessie said dismissively. ‘She put it aboot merr than a bit, Ah can tell ye! Gied it away. The Sailor’s Friend, that’s what they used tae call her when she was young, would let anybody park their boat in her harbour! If Lily hadnae looked so much like the Orangeman Ah wouldnae’ve believed he was her faither, it coulda been anybody. The poor auld sod got caught, that was a’, he did the decent thing insteada denyin’ it or bungin’ her a few bob tae get ridda it. He was a decent auld man, the Orangeman, Ah always liked him, even if he was a sap. Ah aye thought marchin’ aboot wi’ his sash was a’ he could dae tae fight back, his last rebellion against her.’ She thought for a minute. ‘Ah took care o’ his funeral, by the way, did ye know that?’
Kathy shook her head.
‘Oh, aye!’ Jessie said with relish. ‘Ah was only aboot twenty year auld, at ma earnin’ peak so tae speak. Ah told the undertaker tae make his coffin long enough for him tae wear his bowler hat as well as his sash! Aggie never knew! See when they carried him oot tae bury him, Ah could hardly keep frae laughin’, him being carried past his Fenian widow wearin’ his sash!’
Kathy thought of Con wearing his Highland Light Infantry gear, with his Child of Prague collection rolling around inside his coffin, and laughed. ‘Christ, Jessie! We’re helluva alike, you an’ me! How did Ah never notice that afore?’
‘Ye were too busy gettin’ by the best way ye knew how, hen,’ Jessie said quietly. ‘Ah know how that feels.’
‘But ye didnae needtae go oan the game, Jessie, did ye? There musta been an element o’ choice there, surely?’
‘Ach, well, mibbe they psychiatrists would have an answer tae that wan,’ Jessie smiled. ‘Low self-esteem or somethin’ they’d likely say, or because Ah’d had a bad childhood, only Ah didnae, or a way o’ hittin’ back at Aggie an’ dear auld Dad. Wasnae that either, though Ah havtae admit it was a treat confessin’ tae him, knowin’ that Ah knew who he was, an’ him no’ knowin’ Ah knew, if ye follow me! Ah aye gied him a’ the gory details tae, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. This is exactly whit yer daughter did wi’ every trick she had last week.” Ah kept imaginin’ his toes curlin’ inside his wee boots!’ Jessie stopped and chuckled loudly before continuing. ‘But it was nane o’ that lot, it just happened, an’ that’s the truth. When it did Ah realised Ah was good at it, an’ the money was bloody good tae! It was efter Harry’s faither got killed.’
‘Uncle Sammy?’ Kathy asked.
‘Come oan noo!’ Jessie laughed. ‘Ye know bloody fine Sammy Nicholson wasnae Harry’s faither! Naw, Big Eddie Harris, he was Harry’s faither. Well, he was only big here, in Glesca, but he wasnae big anywhere else, or in the brain department. Y’know how a lotta men keep their socks oan? Well Big Eddie never took his soft hat aff durin’ proceedin’s or efter. I used to look at him an’ wonder whit he kept under it. Bollock naked except for his soft hat! But he got it intae his heid that he was a top rankin’ hard man, went doon tae conquer London, only they knew rightaway whit an arse he really was. He was found knifed ootside a night club somewhere doon there, they probably just got fed-up tellin’ him tae bugger aff. An’ efter him, well, ma reputation was kinda sealed. It was wan thing bein’ Eddie Harris’s tramp, but take Eddie away an’ ye’re just left wi’ a tramp, a tramp wi’ a wean come tae that. It was always assumed that Ah only went wi’ him for the money anyway, so efter he was oot the game it was assumed that Ah’d dae it for anybody’s money. An’ they quite liked the idea o’ daein’ it wi’ Big Eddie Harris’s moll, didnae take me long to realise that. Seemed tae make them feel kinda dangerous theirsels for some reason. Funny things men, brains in their willies every wan!’
‘Ye make it sound that simple!’ Kathy said.
‘It was! A’ Ah hadtae dae was think a bit. If Ah was gonny dae it for money tae support wee Harry, Ah wasnae gonny dae it for pennies. Ah decided tae go upmarket, where the real money was. Made sense tae me then, still does.’
‘But whit can ye possibly have done wi’ them that was worth big money, Jessie? Ah never understood that.’
‘Och, hen, it’s got n
othin’ tae dae wi’ whit ye dae, it’s who ye dae it wi’, that’s a’!’
‘How d’ye mean?’
‘Christ, ye’re helluva innocent for a wumman o’ yer age, hen! Look, men’re a’ the same, they’re a’ useless buggers, they never grow up. The secret is in knowin’ that ye’re dealin’ wi’ weans, so ye treat them like weans. The only difference worth a mention is how much money they’ve got. The wans wi’ nae money dae it in backcourts or up closes for tuppence, ye don’t havtae spend any time oan them. The wans wi’ money are used tae better things, a bitta comfort an’ consideration, so ye restrict yersel’ tae them, gie them a comfy place tae perform, put oan the polite accent, an’ there ye are. Ye tell them anythin’ they want tae hear, an’ men’re no’ big oan imagination so it doesnae vary much. Ye’ve never seen anythin’ that big, never had a better time, “My, but ye’re Rudolph Valentino tae the life!” – that works a treat the wee-er and clumsier they are, but any auld lie will dae. Men will believe anythin’ ye tell them when it comes tae gettin’ their end away, the merr ye tell them the merr they’re willin’ tae pay, so the merr ye tell them See?’
‘An’ that’s it?’
‘Och, well, Ah’m bein’ modest here,’ Jessie smiled to herself. ‘Ah was bloody good at it tae, mind ye. Ah musta got some o’ ma talent frae Aggie, only Ah polished it up a bit, an’ insteada giein’ it away like her Ah made a decent livin’ at it. If the daft sods had any wee special requests they couldnae ask the wife for, Ah was always happy to oblige. The trick was in no’ laughin’ tae they’d disappeared doon the road.’
‘Like whit?’
‘Well, if they wanted tae lick apple crumble an’ custard aff ma tits, or tae have me dressed up in a gym slip an’ prancin’ aboot wi’ a perra they navy-blue school knickers showin’, well, Christ, it was better than workin’, wasn’t it? Look at yer poor Mammy, puttin’ up wi’ Auld Con, daein’ a’ they wee jobs a’ they years an’ just gettin’ by if she was lucky, then dyin’ behind they barred windaes. Think for a minute, hen. If she’d been wi’ me, changin’ some daft auld bugger’s nappy, or leadin’ him aboot oan a dog leash on the best Axminster carpet for an hour, she’d still be here. Would ye no’ rather have had that?’
Kathy thought for a moment. Jessie’s argument made perfect sense; she would rather have had Lily alive and well and with her all these years, she had no doubts about that, but still there was something that rankled.
‘So ye never actually enjoyed it?’
‘Whit’s there tae enjoy?’ Jessie shot back.
‘An’ ye never liked the men?’
‘Whit’s there tae like?’ she repeated. ‘Ye just havtae get it straight in your mind. They’re a’ useless craiturs, no’ wanna them worth the bother, even the best o’ them. Can you thinka wan that’s worth wastin’ yer time oan? Big Eddie Harris? Yer Da? Your brother Peter? By Christ, an’ did he no’ shake the dust o’ this place aff his feet sharpish like! Wee McCabe? The Orangeman? He was a nice man but, as Ah said, a big sap, that’s how Aggie managed tae fool him so easy.’
‘Whit aboot Sammy Nicholson, well?’
Jessie laughed wryly. ‘Aye, well, he was ma last chance before Ah took up ma chosen career. Ah thought Ah’d won a watch wi’ Sammy, mug that Ah was. Could Ah pick them, or could Ah pick them?’ she asked, shaking her head. ‘A’ Ah wanted frae him was a name for Harry an’ me an’ a fresh start, an’ whit does he dae? He canny even walk doon his ain stairs withoot fa’in’ an’ breakin’ his neck! Talk aboot daft? That’s when Ah decided that Ah’d stick tae the money, the true love game wasnae for me. Only twice Ah tried it, an’ baith times Ah latched oan tae daft buggers! An’ as for that clown you nearly lumbered yersel’ wi’, that Crawford boy. Christ, Ah was relieved when ye gave him the elbow, hen! Ah mind thinkin’, “She’s got merr aboot her, but if she doesnae get oota that her life’s goin’ doon the Clyde in a banana boat.”‘
‘He was quite a nice boy when he was younger, Jessie,’ Kathy replied. ‘Ah knew him a’ ma life. He was loyal and dependable an’ always there.’
‘So’s a mongrel wi’ nae brains,’ Jessie replied tartly. ‘Just throw it the odd stick an’ it’ll keep comin’ back waggin’ its tail, but ye’ll never get away frae it, will ye? Ye’ll havtae look efter it, because it’s daft, it canny look efter itsel’.’
Kathy laughed; it wasn’t a million miles from her own reading of Jamie Crawford’s character.
‘An’ did ye never notice that his hairline started hauf an inch above his eyebrows?’ Jessie asked. ‘Noo Ah was never much good at pickin’ long-term men, hen, but even Ah knew that hadtae be a bad sign, that. Ah’m tellin’ ye, him gettin’ that other lassie up the duff was the best thing that ever happened tae you, ye were just bloody lucky he didnae dae it tae you tae. But ye were aye a sensible lassie that way, naebody could ever point the finger at you.’
Kathy said nothing.
‘Ah’m tellin’ ye,’ Jessie continued, well into her stride, ‘wanna these days a scientist will come up wi’ a way of makin’ weans withoot them, a wumman scientist, an’ that’s the enda them. That’s a’ they’re good for noo, think aboot it. Whit else can they dae that justifies their existence?’
Kathy still said nothing. She had never heard Jessie talk as much as this in her entire life, could never have imagined that the desperately stylish figure Jessie had always cut could have had these thoughts running around her head. Maybe it was the tightness of the metal triangles holding that little velvet hat to her head that had contained them all those years ago.
‘Look at ma Harry noo,’ Jessie invited. ‘Hari-kari hissel’. A bright boy that had the besta education. An’ a nice boy, everybody liked him, naebody has ever had a bad word for him. Good-lookin’ tae. Remember?’
Kathy nodded; she had always liked her cousin Harry and looked up to him. Harry it was she took her childish scribbling to, Harry it was who discussed books with her. She had had such high hopes for her cousin; he would become successful, he would be somebody, she had never doubted it. One of her biggest disappointments when she came back was to find this oddly vague stranger who almost looked and sounded like him, but somehow wasn’t.
‘Ah was told tae expect great things o’ Harry, but Ah always took that wi’ a pincha salt, mind. Ah knew his faither efter a’. Whit’s he daein’ noo? He tells fortunes!’ Jessie bent over, laughing through her handkerchief. ‘He goes aboot there wi’ his crystal ball, a medallion roond his neck an’ a mysterious look in his eye, tellin’ fortunes for any numpty daft enough tae hand ower the dosh! They actually listen tae him, they’ve got him booked a year in advance!’
‘Well, he’s makin’ a livin’, isn’t he?’ Kathy laughed back. ‘It’s surely better than endin’ up a redundant boilermaker!’
‘Ye’re missin’ the point, hen. That’s a’ Harry’s good for, that’s a’ he’s ever been good for. Ye know that auld sayin’, “There’s merr tae him than meets the eye”? Well, ma Harry’s the opposite, there’s a damned sight less there than meets the eye! He believes that shite he tells the numpties, he’s no’ just makin’ easy money. That Ah could live wi’, Ah’ve done it masel’ a’ these years efter a’, but the daft bugger really believes he’s got the second sight, that’s the difference. Ah was never fooled aboot whit Ah did, because Ah’m a wumman, an’ we’ve got oor heids screwed oan. Harry’s just a man, a daft, stupid man, an’ as Ah tellt ye, they’re that easy tae fool that they dae the job for ye, they fool theirsels.’
‘An’ whit aboot yer son-in-law, Claire’s man? Noo, he’s clever, isn’t he?’
‘He’s a dentist!’ Jessie hooted. ‘Whit kinda man’s a dentist?’
‘Wan that makes money, that’s for sure!’
‘Aye, Ah’ll gie ye that,’ Jessie conceded. ‘But ye havtae bear in mind that he married ma Claire, a lassie that could bore for Britain. How clever can he be? Can ye imagine the conversation in their hoose? Nothin’! Bugger all! Silence! If ma Claire ever had a thought in her heid
, an’ there’s nae proof that she had, it got lost oan the way tae her tongue an’ died o’ loneliness!’
‘Och, Jessie! That’s a helluva thing tae say!’
‘It’s true though. The only way Ah ever knew she was alive was if she was movin’. Never said a word in her life. How the Hell she got through her weddin’ vows is a mystery tae me, Ah think she had a special arrangement tae use semaphore. So of coorse she married a dentist. They spend their time muckin’ aboot in folk’s mooths so they canny talk, maybe they prefer them that way, that’s how they become dentists. But whit kinda man wants a wife as borin’ as ma Claire? Does that no’ just prove ma point?’
Finally Jessie brought the conversation round to the reason for her visit. ‘Ah’ll needtae tell ye this noo, hen, ’cos Ah need a pee an’ Ah canny use anybody else’s lavvy,’ she said conversationally, as though it were the most reasonable thing in the world. ‘Did ye know aboot the money?’
Kathy shook her head. ‘Naw.’
‘McCabe’s got it,’ Jessie said simply. ‘It was money Auld Con got when yer Mammy died, merr than a bob or two it was tae. Compensation an’ money folk donated tae a fund that was shared oot between the families. McCabe took it aff him, said it was because he’d just drink it. Auld Aggie told me aboot it at the time. It was aye ma guess that if naebody brought the subject up, neither would he.’
‘The dirty wee swine!’ Kathy said, outraged. ‘It’s the first Ah’ve ever hearda this!’
‘Aye, Ah thought he probably hadnae volunteered that information tae ye,’ Jessie said darkly. ‘But don’t dae anythin’ daft noo, don’t go rushin’ roon’ there and slappin’ the sly wee bugger oan the ear. Well, no’ unless he pays for it anyway!’ She exploded in laughter behind her handkerchief shield. ‘Ah just wanted tae make sure ye knew aboot it, we’ve plenty o’ time tae think o’ a way tae sort him oot later. Efter a’, we know somethin’ he doesnae know we know, an’ that’s real power. Noo Ah’ll havtae go, hen, ma bladder won’t haud oot for ever. Harry’s sittin’ doon the stairs in the car waitin’ tae drive me hame, he’s probably been readin’ palms tae while away the time, or recitin’ wanna his mantras!’ She shook her head. ‘An’ ye’ll no’ believe this, but know whit his other skill is? He does conjurin’ tricks! Pick a card, that kinda thing, an’ the besta it is, he canny see the connection between that an’ him tellin’ fortunes, the daft sod!’ Jessie cackled loudly behind her handkerchief and Kathy shivered.
Chasing Angels Page 14
