by Belva Plain
“After your father died … that day when we came home from the hospital … I shouldn’t have done what I did,” Iris said. “I was too upset. I said things the wrong way. And it was the wrong time. I’d just lost my husband, and I was in pain, but you’d just lost your father. I forgot that. And for that I apologize.”
But you’re not apologizing for what you said. Laura thought. You meant every word of it.
“I’m sorry you found out,” she said, keeping her voice cool.
“So am I. It’s not something I wanted to know about you.”
“I’m sure.”
Laura started for the door, but Iris called her back. “When I told your father, he told me not to say anything to you. He said you’d work it out, and he had faith in you.”
“But you don’t.”
“I’ll wait and see what you do. And you do have to do something. You can’t go on like this.”
“I know that.”
“Good.”
–—
Laura had told Iris the truth, she did realize she had to do something. She just hadn’t been able to face it. But with Iris’s words ringing in her ears, she knew she had to go to Blair’s Falls. So after Robby had flown back to Ohio, she booked a flight of her own, cleared her schedule, and hired one of her workers to stay in the house with Katie while she was gone. Then she went into the city to see Nick.
“I’m going to Ohio,” she told him.
“Is this the scene in the movie where you tell me that you’re going to try to make your marriage work?”
“I don’t know what it is,” she said and the tears started to come. She couldn’t stop them.
“Laura, don’t cry … Oh for Christ’s sake, what does that husband of yours think he’s doing? You’ve never talked about him, and I don’t want to start, but does he have any idea what he’s asking of you? Does he realize what you’ve accomplished here? And he’s asking you to leave it all.”
“I owe it to him to go out there.”
“Why? What has he ever done to deserve that? Or you? And what about what you owe us?”
“Nick, I have to do this.”
“Because you’re married to him.”
“And you said you understood.”
“Well, I don’t. Because he doesn’t appreciate you and he damn sure doesn’t love you, and … and I do.”
“And I love you. I always will.”
“But you’re going out there to be with him. What happens if you stay, Laura? What the hell do I do?”
“I’m sorry … so sorry …” She was sobbing now. Suddenly the anger seemed to melt out of him and he put his arms around her and held her until the sobs stopped.
“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s just … the thought of losing you …”
“You won’t. Not ever. I promise.”
“But you can’t promise that, sweetheart. You never could.”
He was right. She couldn’t make any promises.
“It’s all right.” He stroked her hair the way she used to stroke Katie’s when she was little and had had a nightmare. “Do what you have to do. I promised you I’d take what I could have for as long as I could have it, and that it would be worth it to me. It has been and it still is. Whatever happens.”
But the pain was in his eyes.
Chapter Twenty-nine
The pretty part of Robby’s hometown—the actual downtown—had fallen on hard times. It was the same story as that being told throughout the country; there was a charming Main Street, which had been deserted by the shops and restaurants that had once lined its sidewalks. Those businesses had relocated to the nearby shopping mall, and the gracious old homes that surrounded the town green had been chopped up into rental units—usually with more people crammed into them than they could comfortably accommodate.
The house in which Robby had grown up was on the outskirts of the town, in what had been a working-class neighborhood, but it too had gone downhill, and Mother McAllister proudly announced that she would be selling it and moving into what she referred to as a condo complex. Laura couldn’t see any difference between the apartment her mother-in-law had picked out and the other two hundred and fifty units in the place, but Mother McAllister was ecstatic about it. She was also pleased to see Laura, or at least she said she was, and she seemed very enthusiastic about showing her around town while Robby was working at the store. This was a new twist, since Mother McAllister had never tried to hide the fact that she wished Robby had chosen a different wife. Now, surprisingly, it seemed she wanted to be friends.
And that wasn’t the only surprise for Laura. She soon discovered out that her mother-in-law wasn’t the only one who had been shopping for real estate; Robby had been doing that too. And he was eager to show Laura what he’d found. On her second day in Blair’s Falls he took her to see a house in a brand-new gated community built on a golf course.
“Now, this isn’t going to be a historic old manse you’ve lovingly restored with your own hands,” he teased. “But it’s bright and airy … just wait until you see the way the sunshine pours in! Plus, buying in Windsor Estates is a great investment.”
He drove past the security gate at the entrance—the real estate agent had given him a visitor’s pass—and after a bit of searching, he found the house he was looking for. He led her inside, and immediately began a running commentary. “That bay window overlooks the golf course!” he cried. “All the appliances in the kitchen are brand-new.”
He loved the place.
“This is just what we need, Laura. We’re starting over and this house is modern and cheerful. I know Katie will love it too.”
But I haven’t agreed to move here.
–—
Their next stop was Landon’s Department Store—the family business. Once the store had been the anchor of the downtown, housed in a gray stone building that had been a Belle Epoque gem. Ten years earlier Uncle Dan had sold the gem, which had been bulldozed to make way for a parking lot. Now, according to Mother McAllister, gang members sold drugs there. Meanwhile, Uncle Dan had reopened the department store in a small shopping center. There was a bigger mall nearby, but it was home to several glitzy chain outlets and pricey restaurants. The shopping center was a much better spot for a family-run store that specialized in mid-priced goods and old-fashioned service. Uncle Dan knew his customers well.
Once Laura was inside the store, she realized that Uncle Dan was clever in other ways. In the back offices she was introduced to two people, both of whom held the title of senior manager. It was soon clear to Laura that their real job was to stay on top of the details—particularly in the area of finance—that would bore Robby. Her husband was the vice president of the company, but Uncle Dan had seen to it that he was supported by two professionals who knew what they were doing. Clearly, he was aware of his nephew’s weaknesses.
But out on the floor, Robby was in his element. It was apparent that the staff adored him, and with reason. Not only did he know the name of every employee and the names of their family members, he had taken the time to learn something about their history as well. Laura soon had a demonstration of his main contribution to the smooth running of Landon’s Department Store.
“Hi, Agnes,” Robby hailed the gray-haired woman standing behind the lingerie counter. “I want you to meet my wife, Laura.” He gave Agnes a big smile, which she happily returned. “Agnes has been with the store since nineteen fifty-six. Her husband, Johan, used to have a flower shop downtown; it was over on Third Street. Johan’s shop was responsible for filling the planters outside the windows at our old building. Those were the days, weren’t they, Agnes?”
Agnes’s face was now pink with pleasure as she reminisced with the boss, and the lift she was getting from the exchange would carry her through her next encounter with a difficult customer who came in determined to buy a bra in the wrong size. It didn’t matter that Robby’s personal touch sprang from his own neediness, it was a definite asset to a small independent dep
artment store that was holding it’s own by offering hometown friendliness.
Robby was even more charming with the customers than he was with the staff. When he stopped to chat with a Mrs. Granby—she told him her name in the first thirty seconds—who couldn’t find a handbag in the color she wanted, he suggested that she come back in two weeks when they’d have a bigger selection. He also managed to learn that she had a dog named Buster and he told her about the new pet beds over in housewares. Laura was reminded of his days on the archaeological dig, when everyone had adored him. No wonder he was so happy working here.
Then suddenly everything changed. They were walking through the shoe department when a girl called out to Laura, “Oh my land, you’re the lady from Good Day USA!” Being recognized by total strangers was something that had been happening to Laura more and more frequently. Her wedding book had been a hit, and while she was waiting to negotiate her contract with Good Day USA she’d appeared on it three more times. With the result that there were now people in Ohio who knew her face. The power of television was amazing!
The girl and her companion had reached Robby and Laura. “It is you! I told Edna here that it was!”
Laura still wasn’t completely comfortable with this kind of attention—although her publicist at the publishing house informed her that she would get used to it—but it touched her. People just wanted to be nice, she’d discovered. Plus, being polite to potential readers was good for book sales. So she began talking with the two girls—the more aggressive one was named Dottie—and within minutes there were five women surrounding her, telling her how much they had enjoyed her TV interviews. And even though Robby was smiling, she could feel that he was fading into the background and he wasn’t liking it.
“For heaven’s sake, why is a star like you in this little backwater town?” one of the women asked Laura.
“I’m not a star—” Laura started to say.
But another woman cut her off. “And what are you doing in Landon’s Department Store?” she demanded.
“Don’t try to tell us you come to Ohio to shop for your clothes.” Dottie rolled her eyes and everyone laughed.
“My husband works here,” Laura said, and knew immediately that she’d made a mistake, as Robby stiffened at her side. “This is his store … I mean, his family … his uncle owns it …” she stumbled, making things worse.
“I’m Robby McAllister.” Robby stepped forward with his most endearing smile. “This store has been in my family for four generations. My wife and I are moving back here from New York, and you know, I don’t think this town is a backwater one at all.”
The women nodded politely and smiled back at Robby, but it was clear that they didn’t really care what he thought because it was Laura who had their interest. Two of them had read her wedding book and loved it. Then the inevitable question was asked: “Will you be writing any more books?”
“Oh yes,” Laura assured them. “The next one will either be about gardening or restoring an old house.”
A lively debate ensued about the merits of both topics while she felt Robby stiffen some more.
“I want to buy a copy of your book,” said one of the women. “I’ll run fast to the book department. Would you mind waiting here so you can sign it for me?”
“I have a better idea, I’ll come with you,” Laura said.
“I’m afraid we don’t stock that book,” Robby broke in. Then he took Laura’s arm, gave the women another smile and said, “I’m sorry, but we do have to run. We’re having lunch with the senior management from the store and we don’t want to be late.”
After the women had gone on their way, Laura said, “So why aren’t you selling your wife’s book?” She was only half joking.
Robby’s face got bright red. “I … that is, everyone … thought … it would be a conflict of interest.” But from his shamefaced look she knew that the decision to boycott her book was his.
–—
Robby waited until they were getting ready for bed that night to bring up the subject of the move to Ohio. They were sleeping in his old room in his mother’s house, and Laura couldn’t help thinking that it was a pity the woman had chosen to keep it as a shrine to his promising youth. Robby had piled up academic awards throughout his grammar school and high school career, and the local newspaper had reported his triumphs. His mother had framed those articles and hung them on the walls next to his plaques and certificates of merit. Now the faded pictures of the bright-eyed boy contrasted sharply with the faded man standing in front of Laura. For in spite of his recent success at the department store, her husband’s luster had indeed faded, there was no escaping that fact.
Suddenly Laura wanted her father. She hadn’t felt the loss of Theo this intensely since the day he died, and it hit her like a physical blow.
But Daddy, you told Mom that you had faith in me; that I’d work everything out. I don’t know if I can. I just don’t know.
Robby moved to sit on the bed and gathered his thoughts. “Look, we both know what’s going on here—” he began.
“We have some decisions to make.”
He nodded. “Here’s the way I see it. It would be a crime to let Landon’s go out of family hands after all these years and there’s no one else but me to run it. Besides, I like doing it. I’m good at it.” He stopped and looked at her expectantly. Was he hoping she’d say that those few words had convinced her and she’d be leaving New York tomorrow? Did he think it would be that easy?
“I saw that.” She carefully committed to nothing.
“I like living here.”
“I know you do.”
“And I’m going to be honest with you. If you wanted to stay home and take care of Katie and me, that’s what I’d like best. And I think it would be good for you too. You get so involved in your work, I don’t know if it’s healthy …”
“Robby, let’s not get into that.”
“All right. I didn’t mean to make you angry. I just wanted to say that I want you to be happy here. So even though I’d rather you didn’t, if you prefer to work, I’ll put up with it.”
“That’s big of you.”
“You are angry. Damn it, I don’t know how to talk to you anymore, Laura.”
“I’m sorry. And I’m not angry. Go on.”
“I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I know I’m asking you to give up a great deal by moving here and leaving your family and your business. But if you’ll do it, then I’ll live with the television interviews and the books and newspaper columns—and you can even start your business all over again and work seven days a week, as long as you don’t do it in the house. I hated that so much. But I’ll live with all the rest. I love you, Laura. I love you and I miss you. And I want you here with me.” Then he flashed his old grin. “Hell, I’ll even stock your books in my store. I’ll have them put a display of them in the front window.” He stopped grinning. “I’ll do whatever you want if you’ll just come here and live with me,” he begged.
He stood in front of her, the pictures of his former self behind him on the wall. He wasn’t a bad man, and she didn’t want to hurt him. He’d scaled down his big dreams to small ones and now he wanted her to share them with him. He would “put up” with her dreams, and her career, and for him that was a big concession. And if all of this felt like a failure to her, all she had to do was lie and pretend she was fine with it, and he’d be happy to believe her. He just wanted her to be with him. Robby loved her as much as he was able to love anyone. It wasn’t his fault that he had so little to give her. And it wasn’t his fault that she’d come to know a man who did. The image of Nick’s face flashed through her mind. Nick, who would never settle for second best and would always follow his dreams and make them work, just as she would. Nick, who had enough to give to last her a lifetime.
It was such a clichéd thought to be having at that moment. She was like the heroine of a hundred bad movies and plays, facing the choice between the man she loved and the man sh
e’d married, between love and duty. And yet, like all clichés, this one was based in reality. And the potential for pain was real too. For so many people.
Daddy, I don’t know how I’m going to work it out.
So she did what she’d been doing all along, she asked Robby to give her some more time.
“All right,” he said. “You know I’ve been hoping you’d move after the first of the year, but I realize you have to get used to the idea of this, and I can be patient. Besides, your mother will need to have you around for a while after losing your dad. So take your time. I’ll come back east in a month and we’ll talk. And maybe, in the spring, if you’re ready, we can decide when we want to put the house on the market.”
He’d misunderstood her. He’d decided that she had asked for the time so she could adjust to the idea of moving. Hating herself for being a coward once again, she didn’t tell him she still hadn’t made up her mind what she was going to do. But there was one thing she could tell him with certainty.
“I’d never ask you to come back to New York, now that I’ve seen how happy you are here,” she said.
–—
On the last day of her visit, she had a final lunch with her mother-in-law. They went to one of Mother McAllister’s favorite restaurants: a place with ruffled table mats and little salt cellars shaped like ducks. Or maybe it was swans. The food was made with lots of mayonnaise; there were gelatin salads and thick floury sauces.
Mother McAllister’s affection for Laura seemed to have waned during Laura’s time in Blair’s Falls. And now, as they faced each other over their sandwiches, it was obvious something was bothering her.
“I wish I understood you,” she finally said.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean,” Laura responded. But she did. She would never understand Mother McAllister either. “I don’t think I’m that complicated.”
“I just don’t know what you want. I know Robby thinks you’ve agreed to move here, but I don’t. I think you’re still trying to make up your own mind.”
