Between Sinners And Saints

by Marie Sexton

  "Levi," Jaime said, his voice gentle and warm, "you're exhausted. You need to sleep."

  He was aware of Jaime pulling his hand away and sitting up next to him. Jaime pushed him down so he was lying on his stomach on the bed, then sat across his ass. Jaime was only wearing boxers, and Levi only briefs. He could feel Jaime's package wedged into the crack of his ass. At any other time, he would have found it arousing, but here and now, he was too overwhelmed by everything else that had happened.

  Jaime's soft hands moved on him, rubbing gently, massaging and kneading, doing what he did best. His touch was magic, his strong fingers finding exactly the right spots. He moved slowly up Levi's body. First his back and then his shoulders and then his neck, and Levi felt the world fall away. Here and now, there was only him and Jaime, and Jaime's beautiful touch. It wasn't long at all before his eyes closed. His breathing slowed. He felt himself drifting away.

  "I'm so sorry," he tried to say.

  He didn't know if he'd really spoken. And when the answer came, he didn't know if it was Jaime's voice or not. "Whatever you think you did, Levi, I forgive you."

  Chapter 21

  Levi's mother called on Saturday to ask if he would come for Thanksgiving. After the Labor Day incident, he told her he thought it was a bad idea. The phone call ended with him angry, and her in tears. It was another hour before he realized he'd never even told her about quitting the club.

  His last night at The Zone was uneventful. Max had given up asking why he was leaving, and nobody else cared.

  He was happy when Jaime came over on Sunday. Things had quickly returned to normal between them, but Jaime still asked three different times if it was really okay for him to stay. Of course, Levi said yes each and every time. Still, it was with some trepidation he decided to try sharing his bed with Jaime again. He was afraid of the frustration it had caused him before, but he knew he couldn't sleep on the couch every night either.

  He was surprised to discover sleeping next to Jaime no longer felt like the self-torment it had before. He wanted Jaime, yes, but he had to wait. It was that simple. He still longed to touch him and he foresaw more time spent jacking off in his bathroom than he might have liked, but it didn't seem as daunting. Lying next to Jaime listening to his quiet breathing was a bit like torture, but it was a pleasant kind of torture. Levi thought of it as penance. He was serving his time now, but he hoped eventually his patience would pay off.

  Jaime and Dolly were gone long before he crawled out of bed on Monday morning. The first thing he did was make an appointment with his doctor to be tested. The night with Jory had been the one and only time he'd ever had sex without a condom, but there were always risks. When he thought about Jaime, who he was fairly certain was still a virgin, he knew he didn't want to take any chances.

  Next, he had to face the bleak prospect of finding a new job. He had enough savings to get by for a few weeks, but he knew he couldn't delay too long. It pained him to admit he was unqualified for almost everything. He vowed to not be too picky, but he hoped he could find something better than waiting tables. He confessed his doubts to Jaime that night over pizza and beer--except Jaime was drinking milk--while they watched a ridiculous movie called Mansquito.

  "You shouldn't worry," Jaime said. "You went to college."

  "I dropped out of college."

  "What was your major?"

  "Landscape Management."

  For some reason the answer had made Jaime smile.

  "What?" Levi asked.

  "It seems so perfect for you, that's all. Being outside in the sun. Playing in the dirt." Being outside in the sun was exactly what had first appealed to Levi, although he realized he hadn't thought about it in years. "There are plenty of landscapers around and nurseries. I think you should look into them first."

  He spent the next couple of weeks watching the wanted ads and filling out applications for anything that sounded even remotely promising. The week before Thanksgiving, one of the nurseries called to schedule an interview. It was only a part-time position, but Levi figured he didn't have the luxury of being picky. They asked to meet with him the week after Thanksgiving.

  Levi was just hanging up the phone when he heard the door open behind him. He didn't have to turn his head to know it was Jaime. And Dolly, of course.

  "What have we got tonight?" Jaime asked as he came in.

  "Sharktopus." Levi said it with the same dramatic relish they'd used in the commercial.

  "You're making that up."

  Levi tipped his head back to look up at Jaime. "I'm really not. Pretty sure you're going to love it, too."

  Jaime smiled and put his hand on Levi's head, brushing his hair back off his forehead. He loved how Jaime seemed to touch him more now, but he tried not to get his hopes up it meant Jaime was ready for a relationship. It was more like Jaime was finally settling into being friends without second guessing himself at every turn. "The nursery over on Collins Avenue called. I have an interview in two weeks."

  Jaime smiled at him. "Told you it would be fine."

  "I don't have the job yet."

  "You will."

  Jaime went in the kitchen and came back out with a Sprite, and they sat on the couch with Dolly between them watching the movie. Although Levi still didn't quite see the appeal of the crappy monster flicks, he had to admit they weren't any worse than most of the sitcoms the networks showed, and anything was better than reality TV.

  "You know," Levi joked during a commercial, "it's pretty obvious the best way to avoid being eaten by Sharktopus is to not be wearing a bikini." He expected Jaime to laugh, but when he turned to look, he found Jaime wasn't smiling. He was looking at him nervously, as if he wanted to ask a question but didn't know how. "What is it?" Levi asked.

  Jaime blushed, of course. He reached across Dolly's napping form and took Levi's hand. But he didn't hold it. He started to massage it, the way he knew Levi liked. "Thanksgiving is next week." He didn't look up when he said it. He concentrated on massaging Levi's hand, and Levi realized the massage gave Jaime a sense of security--he was relying on what he knew to get him through something that made him nervous. What Levi couldn't figure out was what it was about Thanksgiving that would make Jaime nervous in the first place.

  "I know," Levi said. "Do you want to have dinner? I'm sure the deli at the grocery store will have turkey and stuffing."

  Jaime still didn't meet his eyes. He continued to massage Levi's hand, wringing his fingers. "Won't you be going home for Thanksgiving?"

  "No, not after what happened last time. Why? You trying to get rid of me so you can have the bed to yourself?"

  Levi was joking, but Jaime's head jerked up in alarm. "No! Of course not."

  "We could do Boston Market instead," Levi said. "Their gravy is better."

  Jaime let go of Levi's hand, turning back to the TV. "Sure," he said. "That sounds great."

  But Levi could tell by his voice he was only saying the words. He didn't mean them. Jaime was pointedly not looking at him, although his cheeks were reddening. It puzzled Levi. What could Jaime have been getting at? He'd made a point of bringing up Thanksgiving, but didn't seem to want to spend it together. He thought Levi would be going home.

  Home. That was what this was about.

  "Jaime?" He waited until Jaime turned to meet his eyes. "Do you want me to take you to my parents' house for Thanksgiving?"

  Jaime didn't even need to answer. Levi could see it all in his eyes. He practically lit up. But then he seemed to beat his enthusiasm back down. "Not if you don't want to go back."

  "I'm surprised you want to go back. There's so many people there, and you're so--"

  "Anti-social?" Jaime asked, smiling.

  "I was going to say 'introverted,' but yeah."

  "It's not like a party, where you have to mingle or stand against the wall. Or a bar where everyone has an agenda. Your family is more like..." He thought for a second and when the answer came to him, he smiled. "Like a carnival. They're all r
unning they're own little booths. And I can try to win the stuffed bear or I can just walk by, and either way, it's kind of fun."

  "You're saying my family reminds you of carnies?"

  Jaime laughed. "Well, your family members have more teeth and fewer tattoos."

  Levi was still surprised. He watched Jaime, and slowly Jaime's smile faded from laughter to something shy and embarrassed.

  "I haven't had a real Thanksgiving dinner in almost ten years," he said. "I bet your family does it right."

  And if there had been any doubt in Levi's mind he was going to do what Jaime asked, it all disappeared in a heartbeat. He couldn't possibly face Jaime on Thanksgiving Day over plastic plates full of pressed turkey slices and instant mashed potatoes now. Whatever Jaime wanted, Levi wanted to give him. This time, Jaime wanted real turkey and ham, mashed potatoes that still had lumps and gravy that was thick and salty, green bean casserole and candied sweet potatoes. And homemade pumpkin pie.

  "I'll call my mom right now."

  He was more apprehensive than he should have been about calling his own mother, but when she answered, her voice was warm and cheery as always. "Hi, honey! I'm so glad you called. Is everything okay?"

  Exactly like when he'd called Ruth. It made him sad that he'd been so negligent about calling his family they would immediately assume he would only call if he was in trouble. He'd complained for years about how his family had forgotten him, but he suddenly realized the lines went both ways. "Hi, Mom. Everything's fine."

  "Levi, are you sure you won't change your mind about Thanksgiving? You know everybody will be here this year."

  "That's actually what I'm calling about. Jaime and I would like to come, if the invitation still stands."

  "Oh honey, that would be wonderful. What changed your mind?"

  "Jaime batted his big puppy-dog eyes at me. Apparently, you all made an impression."

  She laughed. "He's a nice boy, isn't he?"

  "You have no idea."

  This was met with a moment of silence, then she asked hesitantly, "Levi, has something changed between you and Jaime?"

  Yes. As far as Levi was concerned, everything had changed between them since their last visit. But not in the way his mom was worried about. "No. We're friends." But that was something he hoped would change with time, and he couldn't help but wonder how his mom would handle it if and when it did.

  * * * *

  They left at a disgustingly early hour on Wednesday, only because Jaime offered to drive the morning shift again. Levi slept as well as he could in Jaime's passenger seat until ten, then took over driving so Jaime could sleep if he wanted to. Jaime claimed he didn't need to sleep, but was happy to take a break from driving.

  Levi couldn't get over how happy Jaime was to be going to his family's house. His enthusiasm was contagious, and Levi found he was dreading the visit far less than usual. Whatever happened, Jaime would be there, smiling his Boy Scout smile, making his dry jokes, making Levi happy simply by being there.

  "Tell me something about you," Levi said to him as he turned on the cruise control.

  "Like what?" Jaime asked in surprise.

  "Anything. You know all about me and my family, and I don't know anything about you at all, except you're from Cleveland."

  He glanced over at Jaime and saw the haunted look that always appeared in his eyes when the conversation veered anywhere near his past. "Let's stop for lunch at the next town."

  "Okay," Levi said, trying not to smile at Jaime's evasiveness.

  "Not Wendy's."

  "I know."

  "Not McDonald's, either. Find a Subway."

  "I know."

  "If you're tired of Subway, we could look for one of those burrito places, like Qdoba."

  "Subway's fine."

  "But not Taco Bell."

  "Jaime, I know. Now quit dodging the question."

  Jaime sighed. "I don't like to talk about my past."

  "No! Really?"

  Jaime shot him a withering glare. "Smart ass."

  "Come on, Jaime. I'm not asking you to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets." Although he had a suspicion what that was already. "Isn't there something you can share?"

  Jaime was silent for a long time, thinking. Levi started to wonder if he'd upset Jaime so much he wasn't going to answer at all, not even to be evasive. But finally, he took a deep breath and jumped in. "I was on the tennis team in high school."

  "Really?"

  "I was terrible."

  "But did you like it?"

  Jaime shrugged. "It was okay. Kind of boring."

  "Then why did you play?"

  "There aren't many sports that don't involve physical contact. It was either tennis or swimming." The tone of his voice indicated swimming hadn't really been an option.

  "Ah," Levi said, with sudden understanding. "All those boys in their Speedos."

  "Exactly," Jaime said, and although Levi's eyes were focused on the road, he could hear the smile in Jaime's voice.

  "What else?"

  "I was in the choir."

  "I've never heard you sing!"

  "I didn't say I could sing. I said I was in the choir."

  Levi laughed. "Fair enough. So why did you move to Miami? No massage schools in Cleveland?"

  It took Jaime a moment to answer that question, too. "I left Cleveland the day I graduated," he finally said, not looking at Levi. "Loaded everything up the night before and, as soon as the ceremony ended, I got in my car, and I didn't stop until I was in Charleston."

  "South Carolina?"

  He laughed. "No. West Virginia."

  "So you drove all the way to Miami by yourself?" He knew enough about Jaime's anxieties to be surprised.

  Jaime shrugged. "I didn't really know where I was going. I only knew I had to leave. So I got on the road and I drove."

  "Weren't you scared?"

  "Terrified. I'd stop at hotels, then be awake half the night. But I felt like if I kept going, it'd be okay. There was some place just down the road that was safe, and I wouldn't have to be afraid any more."

  "And that place was Miami?"

  "No," Jaime said, with a sad smile. "Miami's where I ran out of road. If I'd had a passport and more than twenty dollars to spare, I probably would have kept going."

  "So you never found your safe place?" Levi asked.

  Jaime didn't answer, and when Levi turned away from the road long enough to glance over at him, he saw Jaime's cheeks were bright red. He couldn't seem to look anywhere but down at his hands, clenched in his lap, and Levi realized he already knew the answer. Jaime had found his safe place. But for some strange reason, that place was with Levi.

  Levi held his hand out to Jaime. Jaime hesitated, as Levi had known he would, but eventually reached over and took his hand.

  "I'm glad you ran out of road."

  Chapter 22

  Only Ruth's portion of the family had arrived ahead of them. It seemed strange to Jaime to be in the house without it being crammed to the gills with kids. After saying hello to everyone and putting his bag in the room he'd stayed in last time, Jaime wandered downstairs to find Ruth, Nancy, and Ruth's son Carter sitting at the kitchen table snacking on pretzels. Carter was engrossed in some kind of hand-held electronic game. The room was warm and the smell of whatever was in the oven made Jaime's mouth water.

  "Get yourself something to drink," Nancy said, "then help us finish these pretzels."

  Jaime found a ginger ale in the fridge and sat down with Ruth, Nancy and Carter just as Levi returned from putting his own bag away.

  "What's for dinner, Mom? It smells great."

  "Lasagna. But I forgot the garlic bread, and I'm out of ranch dressing. I have to go to the store in a few minutes here and get some."

  "No, Mom. You stay here. I'll go."

  "Are you sure, honey? You don't have to do that."

  "Jaime will want Sprite anyway."

  "Will you get dog food while you're there, too?" Jaime asked. "I gave Do
lly her last can this morning."

  "Of course."

  "Don't get the kind with the peas in it."

  "I know."

  "It makes her throw up."

  "I know. I've had the pleasure of stepping in it more than once."

  "And don't buy the store-brand Sprite knock-off either."

  "I know."

  "And not 7-Up."

  "Jaime," Levi said, laughing, "I know."

  "Okay." Jaime suddenly became aware of Nancy and Ruth, who were sitting on the other side of the table, looking back and forth between he and Levi. Ruth looked highly amused. Nancy looked surprised. Jaime felt his cheeks turn heat up when he thought of how their conversation probably sounded.

  Levi seemed oblivious to the awkwardness in the room. "I have my cell phone when you guys think of something else you need," he said as he walked out the door.

  Once he was gone, Nancy and Ruth both turned to Jaime at once. Their expressions were so intensely inquisitive Jaime found himself backing his chair up a bit.

  "What is up with him?" Ruth asked.

  "What do you mean?"

  "He's so..." She looked to her mom for help.

  "Different," Nancy said.

  "Cheery," Ruth said.

  "Happy," Nancy added.

  "I don't know," Jaime said, confused. Levi was always happy. There was nothing different about him.

  "And I still can't believe he's here," Ruth said. "After what happened last time, I didn't think we'd see him again for at least a year."

  "I thought the same thing," Nancy said, never taking her eyes off Jaime. "Levi says I have you to thank for bringing him home."

  Jaime was alarmed. What had Levi told them? "No, not really."

  "What did you do?" Ruth asked. "Bribe him?"

  "I just told him it had been a while since I'd had a real Thanksgiving dinner. That's all."

  Nancy frowned and nodded in apparent sympathy. Ruth seemed intrigued. "Still," she said, "I'm surprised. Especially since it meant taking so much time off from that club." She said the last two words with obvious disdain.