“You could say that.” I stepped into the tack room and grabbed Jester’s bridle. “In fact, I think I might want to do it again.”
“Good woman.” Her smile fell a little. “I guess it’s a good thing he was there, then, after Troy was such a dick to you.”
I shrugged. “I just wasn’t Troy’s type, I guess. But I’d say Connor and I got along quite well.” I unbuckled Jester’s halter and slipped it over his neck so I could put on his bridle.
“Well, I’m glad you found someone there,” she said. “I really felt bad when I found out that jerk had treated you that way.”
“No hard feelings.” I nudged the bit against Jester’s lip. He resisted for a second, ducking his head to try to get away from me. I pushed my thumb into the corner of his mouth and pressed against his gums. Finally, he gave up and yawned, which I swore was his passive aggressive way of saying “fine, I’ll put the stupid bridle on.” Little boys and their attitudes.
Speaking of little boys and their attitudes, I looked at Susan and said, “By the way, I hope Kyle wasn’t too put off.”
“That idiot was hammered last night.” Susan shook her head. “I’m surprised he wasn’t hitting on every woman in the room.”
“Gee, I’m touched.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” She paused. “Are you heading out on the trails or working in the arena?”
“Trails.” I fastened the curb chain and adjusted the throatlatch. “Want to go?”
She pursed her lips and her eyes darted toward the door at one end of the barn. “You know, I think I will. Gavin’s home and he’s being a jackass today.”
I groaned at the mention of our volatile, obnoxious boss’s name. “He’s always being a jackass,” I muttered. “If he wasn’t, I’d be worried.”
“Yeah, but when he’s being a jackass to or around me, I think I’d prefer to go someplace else.” She slid the bridle off her arm. “Give me a minute to throw a saddle on Bridger.”
Within ten minutes, Bridger and Jester were saddled and aimed toward the trails. As the farm faded in the distance behind us, I was glad I’d brought Susan along. The gentle swaying of Jester’s slow, plodding walk might have lulled me to sleep. With someone to talk to, though, I stayed awake as the trail meandered under the horses’ hooves. Our saddles creaked softly in the near-silent woods, underscoring our conversation. Our conversation which, before long, wandered back to Connor.
“So, you’re going to see him again?” she asked.
“Are you kidding?” I said. “After everything he did to me last night, I—”
“I don’t even want to know,” she said, feigning disgust.
“Liar. You asked.”
“Okay, I did. But I don’t need to know all the gory details.”
“Jealous?”
Her cheeks colored a little and she grinned. “Maybe.”
“I just can’t believe you were introducing me to Troy and not Connor,” I said. “Why in hell were you withholding that gorgeous piece of information?”
Her fingers idly played with a lock of Bridger’s mane and the sudden seriousness in her expression unnerved me. “To be honest, I didn’t even think of it, because I didn’t think he was ‘looking’ at the moment.”
“What do you mean?”
“He hasn’t been single much longer than you have,” she said. “In fact, up until a few months ago, he was engaged.”
My stomach flipped. “Is that right?”
She nodded. “Five years together, almost a year with a ring on her hand, and then she up and leaves him.”
“Wow. How did he take it?”
“Hard to tell.” Susan shrugged. “He didn’t say much about it either way. But he loved that woman. Whether he shows it or not, I’m sure it hurt, and it probably still does.”
“Great,” I said. “Just what I need. A guy who’s as fucked up in the head as I am right now.”
“He’s not necessarily fucked up in the head,” she said. “But he may not be over it yet. I have no idea. He’s a difficult man to read unless he wants to be read.”
“How so?”
“I mean I’ve seen him put on a happy face when I knew he was dying inside,” she said. “There was one time when he and his fiancée almost split up. Don’t know exactly what happened, but we all thought they were done. Another friend of ours talked to him, and he was falling apart over it. I mean, absolutely crushed. Thought for sure it was over.” She paused for a moment, letting the silence hang over the creaking saddles and thudding hooves. “But the same night they had that conversation? He was out at the pub with the rest of us and you’d never know anything was wrong.”
I took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Well, maybe that’s a good thing. If he isn’t ready for anything, and neither am I, then…” I shrugged.
“Maybe so.” She paused. “Did he mention that he’s leaving the area soon?”
A mixture of disappointment and relief fluttered in my stomach. “He is?”
She nodded. “He’s going to California. Getting his doctorate.”
I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. He hadn’t owed me that information, so I didn’t hold it against him that he hadn’t told me. Besides, we hadn’t discussed his future or mine. Up until he left this morning, the future had ceased to exist, and when it resumed existing, it was only in the context of “next time.” He hadn’t owed it to me to tell me, but knowing it now certainly stacked the deck a little differently for the future. If he was leaving, then anything that developed between us could only be temporary. I wasn’t picking up my life and following another man. Once was more than enough for that. So when Connor left, he would be gone.
And while that disappointed me because I could definitely get used to the things he did to my body, it also made this… safer. There was nothing at stake. We weren’t playing for keeps. It could just be a fun fling. A last hurrah for him before he left Seattle and a rebound for me so I could move on from Matt.
I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Maybe this would work itself out better than I expected.
Chapter Five
I collapsed another box and threw it on top of the growing stack of similarly flattened cardboard beside the door.
In the short time I’d lived in this one bedroom apartment in Seattle’s University District, I had barely managed to unpack. Boxes were stacked in every room, most of them still full but open after I’d gone riffling through them to find this or that essential item. Unpacking meant settling in, and I hadn’t been so sure I wanted to settle into this new life. Every belonging that found a permanent home in a cabinet or on a shelf in this apartment was a nod to Matt’s decision to end things.
Tonight, though, unpacking was something to occupy restless hands. I was still too exhausted to do anything that required much brainpower, and this was a relatively simple task. In a few days, I’d probably be furious with myself for how I’d organized the books on the shelf in the living room or the picture frames standing along the window sill, but it was something to do.
I desperately wanted sleep, but forced myself to stay awake until my normal bedtime. One day of screwed up sleep was enough. Unpacking required minimal thought and just enough physical activity to keep me awake.
By the same token, it required just enough physical activity to tax muscles that still ached from last night. When I bent to pull a stack of dishes from the bottom of a box, my hip smarted. Reaching over my head to hang a picture on the wall, my shoulders protested. A twinge at the base of my neck was undoubtedly from going down on Connor. I’d never known a man who appreciated a long, drawn out blowjob quite like he did. Nor had my jaw ever had to strain quite so much to accommodate a cock. Every ache and pain was well worth it for the things we’d done.
God, I want him.
I let my mind revisit everything that had happened last night as I wandered from room to room and unpacked. After a while, I made it into the bedroom, and the mere sight of my rumpled sheets mad
e my breath catch.
I want him. I want him now. I want to finish what we started.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I cut open another box and started pulling out knickknacks, makeup, a couple of candles, some—
“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I pulled out four unopened condoms and glared at them. I looked at my bed, then at the box beside me, and groaned. All night long, when I would have sold my soul to have Connor’s cock inside me, the condoms we’d needed were but a few feet away.
Cursing and grumbling, I threw them in the nightstand drawer along with the pack I’d bought on my way home from work. I doubted I’d need that many for whatever this was with Connor, but I certainly wouldn’t complain if we got to use every last one.
I smiled to myself and closed the drawer, grabbing my phone off the nightstand and heading back into the living room. Normally I wouldn’t get my hopes up about a man’s sexual prowess until I’d actually had sex with him, but I’d already done everything else with him. I knew he had stamina to spare. I knew the things he did with his mouth were enough to make me forget my own name. I knew he had a cock that gave my jaw a run for its money.
There were no two ways about it: sex with Connor Graham would be incredible.
While I continued unpacking, I kept my phone within arm’s reach, glancing it at it now and again as if I could will it to ring. Then again, Connor probably knew all the stupid rules of the dating game. All the nonsense about waiting a few days to call to keep from looking desperate.
I didn’t care if either of us looked desperate. I was desperate. After having a taste of everything Connor had to offer, I wanted him and I wanted him badly. It was nearly nine at night and I had to work tomorrow, but I wouldn’t have turned him down if he’d called to say he wanted to come over immediately and fuck me. My breath caught. Just the thought triggered a ripple of electricity from my clit, and I nearly dropped a stack of books.
Call me, Connor. Please. Please. Please.
Murphy’s Law and a tired, absent mind conspired against me, and when my phone did ring, it was on the other side of the room. I sprinted across the floor, stumbled over some boxes, tripped, caught myself on the armrest of the sofa, then dove for the coffee table. I landed beside it in an undignified heap, but at least I had my phone.
Oh, no, I’m not desperate. Not me.
I took a deep breath, calming the incriminating breathlessness in my voice, and answered.
“Hello?”
“Dani?” That voice. Oh God, that voice.
“Connor?”
A soft laugh. No, a release of breath. Was that relief? He cleared his throat. “I, um, did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, no.” I picked myself up and dropped onto the couch. “Not at all.”
“Good, okay.” The line fell silent, and I wondered if he was scrambling for something to say as much as I was.
“Did you think I gave you a fake number or something?” I laughed nervously.
He chuckled. “Well, it crossed my mind, but I hoped I made a better impression than that.” Oh, you did, Mr. Graham. You did.
Another awkward silence fell. Last night, we’d shamelessly begged each other for the kinds of things we’d never speak of within earshot of our mothers, but now the simple art of conversation was lost on us.
“Do, um,” he paused. “Do you want to—” His hesitation made me smile to myself. Last night he’d been so unshakably confident and now he sounded adorably nervous. That, and we’d left ourselves in an odd situation, with something unfinished. I was secretly thankful he was the one doing the asking; I wasn’t sure just how we should go about this. Just agree to pick up where we left off and fuck? Attempt something like a date to keep some illusion of respectability?
He cleared his throat again, then said, “Are you doing anything tomorrow night?”
God I hope so. “Um, well, no, not at the moment.”
He hesitated again. “Could I take you to dinner?”
“Sure, yeah.” I silently cursed my inability to string together a more coherent sentence, but since it was Connor on the other end of the line, this was the best I could do.
“Well, I—” He sounded about as articulate as me. “I was thinking, there’s, um, there’s a steak place down on the waterfront that’s pretty good and isn’t usually crowded during the week.”
Or we could skip dinner. “That sounds fine.”
“Why don’t I—” He paused. “I could meet you there.”
Good idea. If we meet here, we won’t be darkening the doorway of any restaurant any time soon. “I still don’t know the city very well, but I’ll manage.”
“Are you sure?” he said. “It’s fairly easy, but traffic can be a bitch—I mean, there’s sometimes a lot of traffic that time of night.”
I laughed into my hand, trying to hide the sound. It struck me as ironic that he was suddenly so shy, to the point of being careful with his language, when he knew full well just how filthy my own mouth could get. “I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, well, if you get lost, call me,” he said. “There’s a parking lot next to the corner of Broad Street and Alaskan Way. Right beside the water. It’s usually not too bad and it’s free. Just follow Broad until it turns into Alaskan, then turn right into the lot. I’ll wait for you there.”
“What time?”
“Seven?”
“I’ll be there.”
Chapter Six
With the early evening traffic and my own lack of familiarity with Seattle, it took me a bit longer than I expected to find the parking lot where I was to meet Connor. The fact that I was more than a little distracted didn’t help.
I didn’t want to call if I could help it. The bizarre layout of narrow streets was difficult enough to navigate without talking on a cell phone, which was illegal anyway, but having Connor’s voice on the other end added a whole different dimension of distraction. Though it was getting dangerously close to seven o’clock, at least I was on Broad Street now, so Alaskan Way probably wasn’t much farther up. The glittering waters of Puget Sound were visible up ahead, so I was close to the waterfront.
If it gets to be ten after, I’ll call.
At exactly eight minutes after seven, the sign for Alaskan Way came into view. Broad Street curved to the left, becoming Alaskan, and on the right was the parking lot Connor had indicated. I pulled in and searched for an empty space, forcing myself to concentrate on stripes and asphalt instead of looking around for him.
When I’d parked, I walked back toward the entrance to the lot. Not far from my own car, I found his Jeep. Though he wasn’t in it, the very sight of the vehicle put my senses on high alert.
I walked faster, searching, scanning. I swore my skin tingled as the cool evening air teased my nerve endings with the knowledge of his presence.
He’s nearby. Somewhere in this lot. He’s here.
There he was.
He stood beside the railing, looking out at Puget Sound. His back was to me, but a glance to his left revealed his profile, confirming that it was, indeed, Connor. Not that I needed confirmation. Even before I saw his face, before I was close enough to pick out any features that would differentiate him from the rest of the population, I knew. My senses zeroed in on him with a tingle of certainty that this was the man I was going to have sex with before the night was over.
Something in the distance held his attention, so I had plenty of time to enjoy the sight of him. The wind whipped at his hair and batted at the sleeves and collar of his dark brown leather jacket. His jeans were just snug enough that they only acknowledged the wind with a hint of movement. I wasn’t usually the type to pay much attention to a man’s rear, but those jeans on that butt made my fingers curl, wishing they were in his back pockets.
I was a few steps away when he turned, and the smile that lit up his face nearly made me trip over my own feet. The warm light of the waning day picked out coppery highlights in his windblown hair and added a degree of r
ichness to his already intense blue eyes.
Jesus Christ, you’re beautiful.
He put a hand on my waist and kissed me lightly. Before he pulled away, he hesitated, starting back for more before quickly backing off. I didn’t know if he was concerned since we were out in public or if he just didn’t know how forward to be, but I didn’t push him.
“Long time, no see,” he said with a shy smile.
“Much too long,” I said. We both laughed, then dropped our gazes.
He glanced down the road, then back at me. “The, um, the restaurant’s a bit more packed than I expected. It’ll probably be an hour or more.”
“I don’t mind waiting.” I shrugged.
He smiled. “Their lobby’s crowded. You okay with waiting out here?”
“This is fine with me.”
So there we stayed, standing beside the railing in the parking lot. The question was there, unanswered in the silence that punctuated our conversations about everything but what we really wanted. I wasn’t quite sure why we both held back. Maybe it wasn’t something two almost-strangers could comfortably just come out and say. Connor was a man of few words, and I gathered he wasn’t the type to dance around a subject, but he was far too eloquent to say something like, “We have condoms now. Why don’t we just pick up where we left off?”
And so we danced. Jobs. Families. Friends. The past, the present, and with the exception of the rest of tonight, the future. He didn’t mention that he was moving in a few months and I didn’t ask; it wasn’t my business and I wasn’t looking any farther ahead than tomorrow morning. For now, we were just shooting the breeze until one of us worked up the nerve to go there.
“So when do you graduate?” I asked.
“June. Finally.”
“And you said you’re studying linguistics, right?”
He nodded.
“What made you go into that field?”
“I’m fascinated with language. It’s a powerful thing.” There was a hint of self-consciousness in the half-shrug and the downward flick of his eyes. “It was poetry that first got my attention, believe it or not.”
World Enough and Time Page 4
