He broke the kiss and looked up at me, touching my face just as he had after we’d kissed away the sunset. His eyes reminded me of the moment they met mine right after he’d taken my blindfold off. When I’d realized, without a doubt, that I was in love with him.
Looking at him now, I needed to be closer to him.
Without a word, we moved apart to get the last of our clothes off. His jeans thumped onto the floor in a heap, followed by mine, and a second later, my bra landed on top.
When I rejoined him on the bed, he tried to roll me onto my back, but I resisted, pushing him back instead. I sat over him and he pressed his cock against me. His breath caught when I pushed back.
He tangled his fingers in my hair when I kissed his neck. Beside my lips, his Adam’s apple bobbed slightly and a nearly inaudible moan vibrated against my mouth.
He exhaled hard and ran his fingers through my hair while I trailed light kisses down his neck and over his collarbone. Gently holding his nipple in my teeth, I alternated between lightly teasing with my tongue and sucking just hard enough to make him squirm.
Continuing down his chest, I taunted his senses with light kisses, flicks of my tongue, occasionally blowing cool air on damp skin. Every time his muscles quivered or his breathing changed, I wanted him that much more. Time and again we’d made love, we’d fucked, we’d tasted each other, we’d breathed each other, and I just couldn’t get enough.
Closing my lips around his cock, I couldn’t decide if the moan I felt was his or mine. Possibly both. Didn’t matter. Just wanted him. I teased him with a gentle hand and a slow mouth, seeking only to turn him on, not to make him come just yet. The salt of his skin and the pulsing against my tongue gave me goose bumps just like it always did. Fingers in my hair and moans from his lips told me every time I did something right, and the more aroused he was, the more aroused I became.
Every sound, every tremor, every taste of his skin drove me on. The more I gave him, the more he gave back in the form of moans and tremors. My jaw ached, but it was nothing compared to the other ache that intensified as I sent him closer. Hearing and feeling him like this aroused me so much my eyes watered. The further he went out of his mind, the more I needed him. Much more of this and I’d come before he did.
His hand tightened in my hair. At first, I thought he was simply responding to what I was doing, but the moan that followed was as much a plea as a sound of arousal. When I looked up at him, he met my eyes, and though he didn’t speak, I knew what he wanted.
Pushing myself up on shaking arms, I came up to kiss him. He met me halfway, nearly knocking me off balance with the tender desperation in his kiss and the unsteadiness in his grasp.
My equilibrium shifted and Connor guided me onto my back. As soon as my skin touched the bedcovers, he moved down, gently pushing my thighs apart. Before his lips even touched my pussy, the blanket was bunched in my clawing fingers, and as soon as his tongue met my clit, breathing was nearly impossible.
His mouth moved just as slowly as our bodies had since we’d come through the door. With languid, restrained movements, his tongue found that sweet spot, that perfect combination of circles and flutters. So slow, so gentle, that even while the tension built inside me, while the delicious electricity rose until it was on the verge of way too much, my orgasm caught me by surprise.
One heartbeat, I was holding my breath.
The next, I was crying out his name and surrendering to blissful delirium.
Before I’d even returned to this side of sanity, Connor was over me. Over me, against me, inside me. The perfect percussion of his cock against my G-spot and his body against my clit kept my orgasm from tapering completely. It peaked and fell, but didn’t die. Instead, it lingered as a steady pulse just beneath the surface, lying dormant yet still intensifying with every deep, powerful thrust.
I rolled my hips in time with his, and our bodies fell into a perfect rhythm, moving together just as they had the first time and every time thereafter. We found each other’s mouths, but kissing was nearly impossible. Our lips touched, but neither moved except to take and release breath, panting against each other’s mouths.
Connor shuddered. Tightened his grasp on my shoulders. Released a breath across my chin. Thrust deeper, harder.
“Oh God, Dani,” he moaned. “Oh God, I’m so…” Another shiver drove him deeper, drove a whimper from my lips.
The dormant remnants of my last orgasm flared to life, the tension inside me building to that delicious breaking point, ready, on the edge, gunpowder awaiting a spark.
I pulled in a breath. As if I’d breathed him right to my lips, Connor kissed me. Deeply, desperately, perfectly.
Spark touched powder.
I held his shoulders for dear life.
And I saw stars.
Chapter Thirty-One
Breathless and sweating, we collapsed together. Aftershocks from my second orgasm still rippled through me, and Connor’s hand trembled when he ran his fingers through my hair. For the longest time, we simply held each other in silence.
This blissful afterglow seemed a fitting end to a day like today. It seemed a fitting end to this entire weekend. But I was growing to hate these fitting ends because they all conspired to push us closer to the one thing I kept fighting to ignore: August. Like the days growing shorter as summer moved into fall, every day we spent together seemed shorter than the last.
I tried to push it out of my mind. Lying with him like this was entirely too perfect to spoil with thoughts of the end. That could be dwelled upon when its time came. For now, I indulged in enjoying all the minute things: The warmth of his body beneath the covers with mine. The slow, even rhythm of his breathing. The heady, lingering scent of sex.
I turned on my side and faced him. “I don’t know what it is you do with your tongue,” I slurred. “but it’s absolutely amazing.”
He smiled and shifted onto his side, facing me. “It’s nothing exotic. Just have to find the right letter.”
“Letter?” I raised my eyebrows. “What do—” I thought about the ever-changing patterns he drew with the tip of his tongue. Lines, curves, swirls. Letters. I laughed. “Ever the linguist, aren’t you?”
“Ever the cunning linguist.” He chuckled.
“Isn’t that Master cunning linguist, now?”
“So it is.” He kissed me lightly. “And don’t you forget it.”
“Keep doing what you do with your tongue,” I said. “and I won’t, don’t worry.”
“Then I will. Just to keep you from forgetting, of course.” He smiled and stroked my hair. “Come on, you’ve never heard of that?”
“I can’t say I have.” Can’t say I’ve been with someone willing to put forth the effort. “But I like it.”
Trailing his fingertips down my upper arm, he said, “So I noticed.”
“So just what is my letter?”
He grinned. “Depends on the night. Some nights, you’re a ‘K’ or an ‘M’. Sometimes you’re an ‘E’.”
I ran my fingers across his chest. “And tonight?”
“Tonight, you were a ‘G’,” he said. “But I usually go through the alphabet at least once, just to drive you crazy.”
“It works,” I laughed. “Jesus, does it ever. I don’t suppose you know the Chinese alphabet, do you?”
“Afraid not,” he said. “But if I wanted to learn it, would you let me practice on you?”
I leaned forward and kissed him. “As if you need to ask.”
“Maybe I’ll have to sign up for a Chinese class, then.” We both laughed, but the humor quickly faded and we avoided each other’s eyes.
There it was again. Unspoken, but unavoidable. Just a playful comment about a hypothetical class brought it right to the surface. Even if he did want to take a Chinese class, it didn’t make a whit of difference as far as we were concerned because we were running out of time.
Some unspoken thought pulled his eyebrows together and tightened his lips into a thin line. Hi
s Adam’s apple bobbed and he watched his fingers play with a lock of my hair.
I touched his face, which drew his attention to my eyes. There was something going on inside that mind of his, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“You’re thinking something.” Though I barely whispered, my voice seemed to echo between the four walls of the room that was still ours for a few precious hours.
He smiled half-heartedly. “Can’t hide anything from you, can I?”
“Guess not.” Knowing there really was something on his mind did nothing to settle uneasy nerves.
Connor took a breath and propped himself up on one elbow. “Let me ask you something.”
I swallowed. “Okay.” My stomach fluttered. I had no idea where this conversation was going.
He bit his lip, and the longer he hesitated, the more nervous I became. Then I realized his smile wasn’t half-hearted at all. It was nervous. Shy, even.
Taking another breath, he said, “Would you consider coming to California with me?”
“Connor, I am in California with you.” I knew full well what he meant, but the lighthearted joke gave me a chance to laugh, which kept me breathing.
He chuckled, his cheeks coloring a little. “Right, right.” When he cleared his throat, his expression turned more serious. “I mean, would you consider moving down here with me?”
So much for breathing. “Are you,” I paused. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m completely serious.”
“Connor…” I couldn’t form the words, because there were no words to form. I couldn’t give him an answer I didn’t have.
He touched my face, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb. “It wouldn’t exactly be anything glamorous. I’m not a wealthy man, and the life of a grad student is nothing if not an exercise in frugality. It would be five years of a lot of work and not a lot of money, but…” Pausing, he ran his fingers through my hair. “…I would love it if you came with me.”
Oh, sweet temptation, thy name is California.
Blood pounded in my ears. My heart screamed yes, but my damned rational mind elbowed its way in and poured cold reality over me. This was all too familiar, an invitation to go down a road I’d walked before and vowed never to walk again.
But this was Connor, not Matt.
This was different.
Wasn’t it?
His thumb brushed the side of my face, bringing me out of my thoughts.
Swallowing hard, I said, “Do you need an answer right away?”
He shook his head. “No, no, of course not.” The pad of his thumb moved across my cheekbone. “It’s not a small decision, I wouldn’t rush you.”
You won’t, but our circumstances might. “Thank you,” was all I could say.
He touched my face. “Hey.”
I looked at him and he kissed me gently.
“You okay?” he whispered.
Nodding slowly, I sighed. “Yeah.”
“You sure?”
Our eyes met, and I was sure he saw right through me. There was no sense pretending nothing was on my mind, especially not when I knew it was on his mind as well.
I took a breath. “I guess we’re getting down to the wire now.”
He clasped his hand in mine. “We still have time.”
“Not a lot.”
“No, not a lot.” He was barely whispering. “But it’s what we have. And quite honestly, I’d rather have a little bit of time together than none at all.”
At that, I managed a smile. “Good point.”
He ran his thumb back and forth along the side of my hand. “I do wish we had more time, though.”
“I know,” I said. “But, it is what it is.”
“Not much we can do about it,” he said. “Still, that doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No, it doesn’t.” And it makes your offer so, so tempting. “I guess the only thing we can do is just enjoy it. We’ll have plenty of time to feel bad about it and mourn it later, but I’d rather spend the time we have enjoying it.”
He smiled. “You’re absolutely right. So I think—” he rolled me onto my back and bent to kiss my neck. “—we should get back to that whole ‘enjoying it’ part.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
On my way to work on Tuesday morning, I called Mary.
“Hey, you,” she said. “How was your trip?”
“It was fun.” I couldn’t even try to inject enthusiasm into my voice.
“You sure about that?” she asked. “You sound upset.”
“It was fun, it really was. Time of my life, believe me. It’s just…” I let out of a breath.
“Just, what?”
“He—” I hesitated.
“Come on, Dani, out with it.”
Tapping my thumbs on the steering wheel, I took a breath and said, “He wants me to move to California with him.”
Mary released a cough of startled laughter. “Oh, isn’t that just déjà vu.”
“Exactly,” I said.
“So, are you going?”
“I haven’t given him an answer yet.”
She paused. “That wasn’t what I asked. Are you going to go with him?”
“I don’t know if I should.”
“I thought you didn’t like Seattle.”
“It’s growing on me,” I said. “But that’s beside the point. If I move anywhere, I want to go back to Cheyenne.”
“But what about Connor?”
I sighed. “Mary, I can’t do that again.”
“This isn’t the same thing. You’d be moving with Connor, not that asshole you used to call a boyfriend. Two different men, two—”
“Two very similar scenarios.”
“I know, I know, on paper, they look the same,” she said. “But from everything you’ve said about Connor, he’s nothing like Matt.”
“I didn’t think Matt was like Matt until I got out here.”
“Dan,” she said. “There comes a point where you need to stop comparing Connor to Matt. I mean, yeah, there’s some similarities between how things have played out with them, but how many similarities are there between them?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, all the crap Matt used to pull on you,” she said. “How much of that has Connor pulled?”
“Well, none, but—”
“Because Connor isn’t Matt, sweetie,” she said. “You might be focusing too hard on the big picture, and you’re forgetting the small picture. Don’t use Matt to measure Connor, use Connor to measure Connor.”
“Even still,” I said, tapping my thumbs on the wheel. “I can’t just pick up my life and move again. I mean, what about Jester and Calypso?”
“And you would choose them over a man?”
“Mary, they’re like my kids.” I sighed. “I can’t sell them.”
“But how much are you willing to give up to keep them?”
“I’m staying in Seattle, aren’t I?”
“Let me ask you this, then,” she said. “If Matt didn’t exist, and you’d gone to Seattle for some other reason, and you had the money to move the horses, would you go with Connor?”
I blew out a breath. “I don’t know. I just don’t.”
“He sounds like a great guy,” she said. “I mean, from what you’ve told me, I’m willing to forgive Matt for dragging you all the way out there simply because it led you to Connor.”
Chewing my lip, I didn’t know what to say.
“Don’t let Matt fuck up this relationship, Dan,” she said. “And don’t hide behind Jester and Calypso if what you really want is to be with him.”
“But even if I do want to go, what do I do with them?”
“Well,” she said, her voice gentle. “You may have to make some hard decisions. I know they mean a lot to you, sweetie, but you’ve put your life on hold for them as much as you did for Matt. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to put yourself first.”
“I am putting myself first,” I said. “By not giv
ing up my horses and not following him to San Francisco.”
“Even though what you want is to do just that?”
“So you’re a mind reader now?”
“Dan, I know you,” she said. “And I know that if you were doing this because of the horses, or because you didn’t want a repeat of Matt, you would have already told him no.”
I said nothing.
Her voice softer, she said, “Just give it some thought. Don’t do something impulsive, even if that something is doing nothing.”
“I won’t.” I pulled up next to the barn and shifted into park. “I’m at work, so I should let you go.”
“Okay, take care,” she said. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
After I hung up, I turned off the engine and went into the barn. Just my luck, Susan was coming out of the tack room as I was going in.
“Hey,” she said. “How was your trip?”
“It was fun.” I smiled, and as soon as I did, I knew she saw right through me.
Furrowing her brow, she folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the doorway. “I’m assuming there’s a ‘but’?”
“Yeah, there is.”
“Okay,” she said. “So, what happened?”
“He asked me to go to San Francisco with him,” I said. “As in, permanently.”
She blinked. “Are you serious?”
I nodded.
“Are you going?”
“I, well—I haven’t given him an answer, but…” I trailed off, trying to force my conversation with my sister to the back of my mind. Running a hand through my hair, I said, “I don’t think I should.”
“You—what?” She shook her head. “Dani, are—”
“I’ve only known him for a few months, Suze,” I said. “Never mind the fact that I can’t afford to move Jester and Calypso, I can’t just pick up my life to follow someone I barely know.” Someone I barely know. As if Connor qualifies.
“But, you’re happy with him, aren’t you?”
“For the moment, yes.”
She shifted her weight, eyeing me. “Need I remind you of the fact that you’re miserable here?”
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