They surrounded Alan’s balloon in a big cloud.
In the distance, Wilf heard Alan say, “What are we going to do?”
And then he heard Kevin say something about biscuits.
And then he saw one little bird lean forward and go peck . . . and then he heard an enormous
POP!
And suddenly Alan’s balloon went shooting off . . .
. . . up
. . . right
. . . down
left . . .
. . . around and around and around and with the loudest farty noise that has ever been heard. Louder even than one of Dot’s actual farts.
Then it plonked itself upside down in a tree with Alan dangling by his ankle.
The balloon flopped onto the ground, sending the basket sideways and the BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB thing rolled slowly toward a tree, where it stopped with a gentle thud.
1 They weren’t. It was just wishful thinking.
2 Poppycock.
He scrambled down to the ground.
“Quick, Kevin! Pass me the POOBUM. I need to speak to the animals!”
Kevin picked up the POOBUM in his mouth and trotted toward Alan. Then he stopped and put it down again, just out of Alan’s reach.
“Hurry up!” said Alan. “Give it to me! This isn’t a game, you stupid dog!”
“Before you invented the POOBUM, you liked me,” said Kevin, his voice wobbling with emotion. “You respected me. You enjoyed spending time with me. You said I was the best right-hand man in the world. You told me you loved me . . .”
“Stop yabbering and give me the POOBUM, you stinky mutt!” said Alan impatiently.
“And that is why I am going to do this . . .” said Kevin. With that he grabbed the POOBUM and shook it like it was his favorite slipper or a naughty sock or one of his squeaky toys or his raggy. He shook it and shook it and bit and chewed and clonked it on the floor until it shattered into a thousand pieces.
“My POOBUM!” cried Alan.
As Wilf watched, Alan’s face started to get bigger and bigger and his whole body started to get bigger and bigger and—wait a minute—that’s not Alan getting bigger! That’s Wilf getting closer and closer in his balloon!
Oh no!
CRASH!
went Wilf’s balloon into Alan.
Wilf and Dot and Abi and Stuart all rolled out of the basket, dazed.
Alan picked up the BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB and ran toward a dirt track.
In the distance a policeman was zooming toward him on his motorcycle. Alan put down his bomb and waved his arms frantically, trying to flag him down.
The policeman stopped.
“Please!” said Alan. “You’ve got to help!”
“What is it?” asked the policeman.
“I need to steal your motorcycle!” said Alan, pushing him aside and climbing on, his bomb balanced between his body and the handlebars. Kevin jumped on the back of the motorcycle and they sped off.
“You can’t stop me!” yelled Alan. “I have my BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB and I am going to use the sick snakes and destroy everyone and everything in Africa and then the rest of the world!”
“We have to stop him before he gets to Victoria Falls!” said Wilf. But it was at that moment he heard a noise. A very loud and frightening
Wilf turned to see that he and Dot and Abi were surrounded by lions. Oh no! What were they going to do? Well, get eaten, I imagine.
The lions padded slowly toward Wilf, Dot, and Abi. Wilf, Dot, and Abi backed slowly away.
Wilf whimpered.
Dot said, “Rion!”
And Abi said, “This is going to be a very good adventure.” But her voice was very quiet and shaky.
Suddenly an elephant charged toward them. Wilf began to weigh up which would be worse—being eaten by a lion or being stomped on by an elephant? But before he could decide, the elephant, Susan (for it was she), lifted Wilf up and placed him on the back of a lion. The lion turned and smiled at Wilf. He had quite stinky breath. Steve! It was Steve!
Then Susan lifted Dot and Abi onto the backs of two other lions. The lions all set off, lolloping as fast as they could after Alan on his motorcycle.
Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever ridden on the back of a lion,1 but they run like the clappers! They bounded across the land so fast that the wind whooshed in Wilf’s ears and all he could hear was the sound of his heart thumping and Abi laughing and Dot saying “Rion!” as she tried to stick her fingers up its nose.
It wasn’t long before they could see the dust from Alan’s motorcycle and they got closer to him. Soon they were side by side.
Alan turned and shouted, “You can’t catch me!” and Steve and the other lions suddenly skidded to a halt. Alan looked surprised and then did one of his evil laughs. “Ha ha, you definitely can’t catch me nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” he said as his bike hit a rock and he went flying through the air toward the top of Victoria Falls. He landed with a
THUD
and a RUSTLE
and an OUCH
in a prickly bush on the riverbank.
Wilf scrambled off his lion.
“Where’s my remote control?” said Alan, fumbling around desperately in the bushes. “I need it to detonate the BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB!”
“Quick!” said Wilf. “We need to find it before they do!”
Wilf and Abi looked around wildly for the remote control too. Dot didn’t join in. She was too busy chewing on the remote control. Wait a minute! The remote control! Dot had it!
Alan launched himself at Dot—and Wilf and Abi launched themselves at Alan. They fought and tussled and struggled and brawled. They walloped and pounded and smacked and clouted, and finally Wilf grabbed the remote control just before Alan knocked it from his hands. It bounced down the riverbank and landed with a PLOP in the water.
Wilf was about to wade into the river when he noticed . . . lots and lots of pairs of eyes watching him from the water. The river was FULL of crocodiles. And Wilf was very scared of crocodiles. He stretched a trembling arm for his backpack so he could look at his “HOW TO STOP WORRYING” leaflet, but as he did so Alan kicked it out of his hands. The backpack flew high into the air and landed in the wide-open mouth of a crocodile, who gulped it down in one gulp.
Meanwhile, Alan started rolling the BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB toward the top of Victoria Falls.
“Kevin! Fetch the remote!” ordered Alan.
Kevin waded cautiously into the water.
Wilf was horrified. What was he going to do now? His leaflet was gone. The POOBUM was gone. He didn’t have anything to help him. He didn’t have a plan. And, most of all, he didn’t have time to worry. And there was nothing he would have liked more than to have a big old worry. But he couldn’t. The future of the whole world depended on him!
Just then a vast crocodile hauled itself toward Wilf from behind a rock. Wilf was about to scream when he realized it was Barry! Wilf wasn’t scared of Barry! Barry was his friend.
“Barry!” said Wilf. “Listen, I know you’re scared of swimming underwater and I’m scared of swimming underwater too, but we have to get that remote control back! Will you help me?”
Barry stared back at Wilf.
“You can’t understand me, can you?” said Wilf sadly.
Barry reached a long scaly claw toward Wilf’s hand.
“You can do it together!” said Abi.
And they did. Wilf and Barry walked hand in claw toward the river and then paddled into the water.
“Ready?” said Wilf. “After three. One, two, three!”
And Wilf and Barry swam together to the bottom of the river.
Only meters away, Alan had rolled the BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB into the water near the top of the waterfall.
“Hurry up, Kevin!” shouted Alan. “Once this goes over the edge, I need to detonate it and it will bounce and explode and bounce and explode, destroying everyone and everything in its path!”
Kevin plunged obediently into the water.
&
nbsp; But there was a problem. The BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB seemed to be stuck.
“Why isn’t it rolling?” said Alan, exasperated. He kicked it a few times. Something seemed to be in its way. In fact, it was not something, but several somethings. Dozens of somethings. Michelle the hippo and all her hippo friends had lined up across the river, forming a huge hippo dam.
“Damn!” said Alan.2
At that moment, Wilf and Barry surged and spluttered up to the surface of the river, remote control in hand.
“Aaaargh!” screamed Alan. “A crocodile!”
Wilf and Barry started swimming back to the riverbank.
“You did it! You did it!” cried Abi.
“This is not fair! You’re all ganging up against me!” said Alan, shaking his fist.
Just then, Kevin burst up through the water, grabbed the remote from Wilf’s hands with his teeth, and doggy paddled furiously toward Alan.
“Good boy!” said Alan taking the remote control. “Now you shall all die! For I will detonate my BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB and everyone and everything will—”
SPLAT!
At that moment, the dung beetles, who had been rolling the biggest ball of dung they had ever rolled, launched it into the air. It landed on Alan’s head. In fact, Alan looked like his head was a giant ball of dung.
Dot clapped her hands in delight and Wilf quickly grabbed the remote control from Alan’s hands. He threw it to Susan, then Susan and all her elephant friends stomped on it.
Colin the snake and Abi led all the sick snakes to safety across the hippos’ backs. Michelle and the other hippos pushed the remains of the BOUNCY EXPLODEY BOMB to the riverbank, where all the tiny birds who liked to balance on the hippos’ heads picked it apart—until all that was left was a pile of springs and wires and nuts and bolts.
“My bomb! My beautiful bomb!” wailed Alan from within his ball of dung.
Susan the elephant took pity on Alan and squirted all the dung off him with her trunk.
Alan turned to Kevin sadly. “You are my only friend, Kevin,” he said. “You are the most loyal right-hand man in the world.”
Kevin wagged his tail very hard. Then Alan and Kevin went back to the hotel and ate those biscuits that were at the bottom of the green bag.
Wilf and Dot and Abi and Stuart all went back to the jungle and celebrated together, singing songs and dancing.
“Do you know something, Abi?” said Wilf. “I’ve changed my mind. I do like animals.”
“I’ve changed my mind too,” said Abi. “I like people. Well, one person in particular.”
Abi gave Wilf a big hug, and Wilf went very pink indeed.
1 It’s best not to.
2 Correct.
THE END
Not this again . . .
You KNOW it’s the END of the book!
Go away!
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Wilf the Mighty Worrier is King of the Jungle Page 6
