by Sky Corgan
I decided to go back to the dance floor first to tell the girls that I had returned. It seemed like the most polite thing to do.
I made my way through the throngs of people. I was almost to the room with the dance floor when something stopped me dead in my tracks. I could feel heat radiating from me as my hand balled around the shirt.
Pressed against the wall leading into the room with the dance floor, Bobby was with Georgina. He had her pinned, and she wasn't struggling. Unless one can struggle with their mouth and groping hands.
He was kissing her.
Her arms were around his torso, her fingers clawed into the back of his shirt. The look of pleasure on her face made me want to vomit.
Energy surged through my arm. I wanted to reach forward and rip him off of her, then beat the bloody shit out of her. She had moved fast. I couldn't have been gone for more than thirty minutes, but she had already somehow managed to sink her fangs into him.
It was like the last party all over again. He was there alone one minute. Then the next minute he was with a girl.
Except for last time, it had been a stranger. Last time it had been somewhat bearable because it had been a stranger.
This time, it was one of my friends.
Well, maybe calling Georgina my friend was a stretch. But she was in my social group. She was my people. It wasn't the same as if he had just picked some random hoebag out of the crowd.
As I watched them together, anger turned to defeat. In the span of a few seconds, I felt friendless and alone all over again. I could not hang out with these girls anymore. Not after this.
My entire body sagged as I turned to walk towards the kitchen. The déjà vu was strong. I knew what I was going to do. Hopefully, there would be another bottle of whiskey. Or preferably tequila. I liked tequila more than whiskey.
As luck would have it, Dustin was standing in the common area talking to two guys. I shoved his shirt into the crook of his arm, not saying a word as I continued on my way.
His head jerked up to look at me. “Where are you going?”
“To get drunk,” I half growled, not even glancing back at him.
It was none of his concern.
He wouldn't have to babysit me tonight. I had a new game plan. Get so drunk that I didn't care anymore and fall into bed with the first guy who seemed interested. Maybe if I slept with someone else, my feelings for Bobby would disappear.
Even though I hoped for it, I knew that wasn't likely.
Despite everything, I still wanted him. Despite everything, I still cared for him. Seeing him with Georgina...
“Fuck,” I dragged out the word as I realized that there was no bottle of liquor waiting for me in the kitchen. Could the night get any worse? “Beer. There's still beer.” I nodded, talking to myself like a lunatic since I had no one else.
No friends.
Sure, Leonor and Holly and Melody were still good people, but they were friends with Georgina, and she was now my enemy, so that made them my enemies by default. That's how this worked. I would be cordial with Leonor since we were roomed together, but I didn't have to hang out with her friends.
My hand landed on the first Solo cup I could reach. I picked it up and tossed back the contents, opening up my throat like a bottomless pit. Some of the people passing through the kitchen stared at me like I was crazy, but I didn't care. They had no idea what kind of pain I was in.
I threw the first empty cup away and grabbed the next in line. Hopefully, I'd get drunk before I got full. That's why liquor would have worked better for this. Beggars can't be choosers, though.
I started to lift the cup to my lips, but a hand caught mine, and beer sloshed all over the side of the cup and onto my sandals. I leaned away from it but didn't step back. My eyebrows pressed together as I followed the arm that belonged to the owner of the hand up to the person's face.
“What do you think you're doing?” Dustin burned into me with his pale blue eyes.
“Exactly what I said I was going to do. I'm getting wasted.” I jerked my hand away from him and chugged the next beer, slamming the empty cup onto the counter.
If he was impressed by my drinking ability, it didn't show. When I went to grab for another cup, he clasped his hand around mine, his grip so tight that it almost hurt.
“Hey!” I grimaced.
“I'm cutting you off.”
“You most certainly are not.” I glared up at him.
“I most certainly am.” He let go of me to take the cup that I had just drained and filled it with water in the sink.
“What gives you the right?” I placed my hands on my hips.
“I'm not going to be holding your hair back while you puke again.” He turned the water off before setting the cup down and wiping his hands on a dishtowel.
“I didn't ask you to help me last time.” I snapped at him.
He picked the cup up again and approached me. My body stiffened as he placed his hand on the small of my back, giving me a not so gentle nudge to herd me along. Not wanting to cause a scene, I got to walking.
“Where are we going?” I asked. There was defiance in my voice, though I was doing little to resist.
“Outside.”
By the time we actually reached outside, I was glad that he wouldn't let me have another beer. Everything I drank in rapid succession was hitting me like a ton of bricks. The world swayed, though it wasn't as bad as it had been the last time.
Dustin lead me to some lawn chairs in the backyard. When we got to them, he stood in front of me, planting his hands on my shoulders to force me to sit. My body practically molded into the chair as I was pushed down onto it.
He sat in the lawn chair beside me, slipping the cup of water into my hand. “Drink.”
“Yes, Father.” I rocked my head in a mocking gesture, narrowing my eyes at the water like it was my worst enemy before taking a sip.
“You are a mean drunk.” He smirked at me.
I opened my mouth to spew more rudeness at him, but my eyes focused on his lips, and I saw something that I hadn't seen before. His perfectly chiseled jawline. The slight five o'clock shadow of stubble growing on his chin and cheeks and above his lips. The pale blue of his eyes. He was so masculine and strong and hard.
For the first time, possibly ever, I found him attractive. Really attractive. Like, I could see what all of the hype was about.
I grunted, looking away in disdain as I reminded myself that the guy is an asshole. Was an asshole? Is an asshole? I didn't know anymore. All that I knew was that I didn't like him. He could be nice to me for the rest of my life, and I wouldn't like him. Wouldn't find him attractive. Not really.
I exhaled deeply, thinking that it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Right now, I didn't give a shit about anything. Zombies could spring up from the earth, and I'd just sit here.
The blissful carelessness didn't last for long. As I watched everyone around us having a good time, talking to their friends—some of the girls hanging off of their boyfriends—all I could think about was how alone I was. All I could think about was how Bobby threw away four years of friendship to fuck some random bitch. All I could think about was how he destroyed his friendship with me and then destroyed the friendships I had managed to build without him. Now I was sitting at a frat party all alone. No friends. Nothing. Alone.
I huffed bitterly as I cast a sideways glance. Maybe not completely alone. I was sitting beside my worst enemy.
Nope, things couldn't get much worse than this.
I sulked forward, setting the cup of water on the ground and resting my head in my hands. Again, I reflected on what my life could have been like if I had gone to a college closer to home. Why did I have to follow Bobby? Why did I doom myself to this?
The negative thoughts went in a rotation. Of being abandoned by Bobby. Of losing my friends. Of missing home. Tears came to my eyes unbidden. They didn't come quietly either. They came out with suffocating vigor. They came out with a wail of sorrow.
I didn't even care who saw me. I needed to get this out. Get it all out.
I heard a clacking sound, and then I felt strong arms wrap around me. Their owner didn't matter to me. I needed the support. I clutched onto them, letting everything go. The sobs that fell from me were wrecking.
Someone stroked my hair and told me that everything would be alright. It was a soothing male voice. I tried to pretend that it was my father, but I knew it wasn't. Somehow, despite the haze of everything that I was feeling, I knew it was Dustin.
He was being kind to me. Again. I didn't know why. I didn't care.
I cried and cried and cried. Cried until the poisonous pain had gone from a raging boil to a gentle simmer. I expected Dustin to let me go the second that I stopped heaving, but he didn't. He held me until I pulled out of his grasp.
That's when reality returned and embarrassment set in. The front of his gray hoodie was dotted with dark spots from my tears. When I looked into his eyes, they weren't as soft as his voice had been. There was concern behind them, though. Just a touch.
I wiped my face with the back of my arm and picked up the water to drink down as much of it as my stomach would hold. I needed to sober up. I couldn't continue to act like a fool.
“Would you like for me to take you back to your dorm?” Dustin asked.
I clasped the cup in both hands, staring out into the yard though not really looking at anything in particular. My grand plan of getting laid tonight had lost its luster. I knew myself well enough to realize that all I would do is wake up with more regrets. I was better off just leaving the party and going to bed. There was enough alcohol in my system to send me into a hopefully dreamless sleep.
Besides, there was no way I was walking back to the dorm with the girls after what I saw.
“Yeah. That would be swell.” I forced a smile.
Dustin herded me back through the house much like he had when he brought me outside, with his hand on the small of my back. The first time he did it, it felt violating. This time, I was glad that he was there to stabilize me. My legs were wobbly, though I was certainly capable of standing and walking on my own. Most of all, his touch was oddly comforting. It made me feel less alone, despite the fact that I knew he probably didn't really give a shit about me. At least, he was nice enough to make sure I got back to my dorm safely.
He stood behind me as I forced my way up into his stupidly big truck. It felt strange being so high up off of the ground, but in my inebriated state, I kind of liked it. Maybe this is why he likes driving this thing. All of the other cars around it look like small bugs. He could run them over if he wanted to.
Dustin crawled into the driver's seat beside me and drove the short distance to the parking lot in front of my dorm. He didn't kill the engine, which was a good indication of his plans to kick me out and return to the party.
“Thanks,” I said hesitantly as I gripped the door handle. “I'm sorry that I dragged you away from the party.”
“It's fine.” He didn't even glance at me. “Just don't let it happen again.”
So cold.
Whatever. I had no energy left to be snarky or rude. Besides, he did do me a solid by taking care of me again.
I decided to let it go, opening the door and slipping out of the truck. I was barely a few steps away when he backed up and peeled out of the parking lot like he was pissed off.
Maybe he was. Who knew? I would be too if I had to keep rescuing a drunk girl from herself, especially one that wasn't my friend.
None of that mattered anymore, I told myself. All that did matter was that I was back at my dorm safe and sound. I didn't have to go to any more stupid frat parties. And I didn't need to worry about pining over Bobby anymore. That part of my life was over. Tomorrow, I would start fresh.
CHAPTER EIGHT
By some miracle, the next morning did not come with a hangover. To my credit, I did drink a lot of water. I even got up in the middle of the night to refill my glass.
Leonor didn't come home all night, which meant she probably slept at the sorority house. I was glad. The last thing I would have wanted was to have a conversation in the middle of the night about why I hadn't walked home with them.
It was inevitable that that conversation would take place, though, and it did when she finally returned around noon. At least, she didn't have the girls with her. I'd seen enough of Georgina to last me a lifetime. If I never saw her again, I would be elated, but that was too much to hope for, especially when one of her best friends was my roommate.
“Hey.” Judging by the way that Leonor practically skipped into the room, she didn't seem to have a hangover either.
“Hey. Stay at the sorority house last night?” I pushed my chair away from my desk. I'd been working on homework when she came in.
“Yeah.” She sat on her bed, smoothing out the comforter as if she suspected someone had been on it. No one had. “I heard that you disappeared with Dustin Nikoli again last night.” She waggled her eyebrows at me. “That's why I didn't bother texting you. I figured you were in good hands, if you know what I mean.”
The implication in her words sent a shiver of disgust rolling through me. “As if I'd let that jerkface touch me.”
“Jerkface, huh?” Amusement was plain on her face. “For someone you claim to not like, the two of you spend an awful lot of time together.”
I stiffened. “We don't spend a lot of time together. We just happen to be at the same places at the same times.” And he just happens to always show up when I start doing something stupid.
I could see how things looked from her perspective. If I were in her shoes, I might think that something was going on between us as well.
“Convenient,” she purred, obviously not believing me. “Well, if it does happen between the two of you, I want all of the details.”
“It won't. Not ever.” I folded my hands over my chest. “I gave him back his shirt. I'm done with him. We have no reason to talk to each other again.”
“If you say so,” she quipped with a mischievous smirk.
“I do say so.” I held firm.
“Oh, lighten up, Brenna.”
I deflated, silently cursing myself as curiosity took hold of me. “How did the rest of your night go?”
“Good. We danced. We drank. We flirted. That boy that Holly was with wanted to take her up into one of the bedrooms, but she wouldn't go. Georgina got some, though. Lucky bitch.” Her eyes flashed with jealousy.
It felt like her words had driven a spike of pain straight through my heart. I had told myself last night that I was over Bobby. If that was true, then why did this hurt so badly.
I let out a sigh that was far louder than it should have been.
“What's wrong?” Leonor raised an eyebrow at me.
“Nothing.” I shook my head.
“Don't lie to me.” She gave me an expression that suggested I should spill the beans or else she was going to be upset.
Briefly, I thought about brushing her off. The truth of the matter, though, was that I did want to try to save the friendship. Whether I liked it or not, she was all I had at this stupid school, and I didn't want her to think that I didn't want to hang around Georgina anymore for no good reason.
“The guy that Georgina hooked up with last night...” the sentence dropped as if it had fallen from the edge of a cliff.
Leonor's face went deadpan for a moment, but then her eyes widened as realization hit her. She raised her hand to cover her gasp. “That boy. He was the one. The one you have a crush on.”
I bobbed my head slowly, my lips pressed into a tight line. “That was Bobby Calhoun, the love of my life for the past four years.” Despite saying it, the words caused a hollow feeling in my chest.
“Oh my God. Brenna, you should have said something.” Leonor dropped her hand to her lap, gazing at me in disbelief.
“What could I have said? He's not mine. I hold no claim to him.” I gestured absentmindedly.
“If you would have
said something, Georgina wouldn't have gone for him.” She cocked her head to the side as if to silently say I should have known that.
“Again, it doesn't matter.”
“Things aren't going to be weird between you and Georgina now, are they?” She scrunched up her face.
The answer was yes. But between the way she was looking at me and the fact that I really didn't want to put in the effort to make new friends, all I could say was, “I'm sure I'll get over it.”
“I'm glad.” She sighed in relief. “I really like hanging out with you. It's fun when you're not all sulky.”
I rolled my eyes. She probably thought I was sulky a lot.
“Besides, you should be focusing on Dustin.” She perked up again.
I groaned internally. “Yes, I will definitely be focusing on him. Focusing on staying as far away from him as possible.”
***
Some things are easier said than done. While I was doing my part to avoid Dustin, he certainly was not doing his part to avoid me.
A few days passed before out next encounter, but it certainly wasn't long enough. I had been studying in the grass in the courtyard when his looming shadow blocked out the sun. I was beginning to think that was his calling card. Come be a big, intimidating, hulking thing of unpleasantries.
“Did you enjoy your hangover on Sunday?” His voice made the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.
I gazed up at him. Today he was wearing a brown leather jacket with a scarf wrapped around his neck and looking particularly rich and douchey...and attractive.
“No hangover. Thanks for helping me the other night.” If I could keep things short and sweet, then maybe he'd go away and leave me to my studying.
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his khakis. “You can't do that anymore.”
