by C J Benjamin
Then Remi’s head was in the sky.
Then blackness again.
Then it smelled like salty forest earth.
Then I saw Nova’s head in the sky, eclipsing the sun. Did he have a halo?
“Nova?” I whispered.
Blackness.
It was black for so long that I started to panic and my mind raced away with me.
I must be in the locker. Of course I was in the locker. What was I thinking? How could I have said her name? I know better. It’s just… Oh, she gets me so mad. What is her problem with me anyway? Ugh… I really shouldn’t have said that. She’s never going to leave me alone now. Oh no! What happened to Remi? And 42? I didn’t mean to get them in trouble. Why did I have to say anything? Poor Remi, he’s going to kill me, that is, if he ever speaks to me again after getting sent to the locker. Then I’ll have zero friends. Nova! He’s my friend, right? Why did he have to tell me his stupid name anyway? That’s what started this whole thing. I’m gonna… Nova! Nova!
“There you are. We were starting to worry about you, little Jane.”
Light!
I opened my eyes to see our nurse, Miss Breia’s large face staring down at mine.
“You were out for a long time, little miss. And talking up a storm just a minute ago. What’s Nova?”
Oh crud! What did I say? I wondered.
“What happened to me, Miss Breia?” I asked.
“Well, you fell off the rubble pile dear, and that’s how you got that black eye. You don’t remember? Must have been some fall.”
“What?”
I popped up to try to look at my face, but it must have been too fast because the room started swimming and I felt all hot and clammy.
“You’d better stay lying down, dear. I think you have a concussion.”
Suddenly it came back to me. I remembered perfectly that Jemma had punched me square in the face for saying her name and saying she missed her sister. I did NOT fall off the rubble pile. I’ve never fallen off. Who would make up such a story? I was gonna go with it though because maybe if no one knew the truth, I wouldn’t end up in the locker.
“How’d I get here?” I asked.
“John 18,” she whispered.
Why did women always whisper when they said his name? I thought to myself while I tried to absorb what she was saying.
“Oh, he brought me here?”
“Why yes, and he’s been by to check on you quite often, always wondering if you’re awake yet. Shall I go get him and tell him you’re alright?”
“I… um… maybe…” I stammered.
“Yes, he’ll want to see you. I’ll be right back. Now stay put, okay?”
And she hustled out the door.
I was happy to stay where I was. I laid in bewilderment. I had so many questions. Like, how was I not in the locker by now? Where was Remi and 42? Where was Jemma? Surely she had to be ratting me out by now. There was no way she was going to let this go. She would bug me for days just for stuttering over a name or shedding a tear. But this, this was much worse. I suddenly realized I was shivering. I was shaking at the thought of what I was in store for as soon as I stepped out of the nurse’s station. Maybe Jemma hadn’t told on me yet because what she had planned for me was worse than a trip to the locker? Just as I was working through all the possible forms of harassment Jemma might be plotting, Nova walked in.
“Hey Tippy, you’re awake! And about time, too,” he jested. “So, how are you feeling?”
“I… well… you…” It was all I could get out, I was happy to see him, but then I remembered I was mad at him for the whole name situation in the first place. But then I felt hazy and couldn’t quite connect the thoughts in my head with the words coming out of my mouth. Nova twirled the bedside chair around and straddled it backwards. His face was inches from mine. I instinctively felt myself stop breathing, as he placed his hand on my forehead.
“Miss Breia, I think 65 may have a fever. Would you be able to get her a frenlic palm that we can soak to draw the heat out?”
“Oh, of course 18, that’s exactly what we need to do. You’re so clever. I’ll go get it this instant. You stay here with her, okay?” Miss Breia sprung into action as soon as Nova had addressed her. I’d never seen her move so fast. She bustled around the office seeming to not know how to find the door before she finally gave a nervous laugh and scurried through it.
Now we were alone. Despite this, he still leaned in closer and whispered to me.
“I have to do this fast so listen to every word I say, okay?”
All I could do was nod.
“Good. Now, I’ve made up this story and we’re all sticking to it, so memorize it or we’re all going to the locker. You were climbing the rubble pile and you lost your footing and fell. You fell into 31 on your way off the pile and that’s why she has a black eye, too. I saw it happen and ran over to make sure everyone was alright. You were unconscious, so I brought you to the nurse’s station directly.”
I nodded again, not sure if there was more to his story or if I was supposed to speak.
“Do you understand that?”
Nod. Nod.
“Okay, what’s wrong with you? Did you forget how to speak? I can never shut you up and I just told you a tremendous lie and you’re just staring at me?”
“I… I don’t really remember what happened. It’s… foggy.”
Nova stared at me for a moment and then started smoothing my flaxen-blonde hair back and out of my face. He tucked an unruly strand behind my ear and I really thought I might have a fever as my cheeks reddened.
“What do you remember?” he whispered.
“I got into a fight with Jemma. She was going to try to get us in trouble, so I yelled at her, I said her name, and I might have let it slip that I knew she lost her sister.”
“Tippy!”
“It’s your fault! You told me all that stuff and then she was just being so awful to me and it just slipped out. That’s when she hit me.”
“Okay, so how did you hit her back?”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t hit her. What did she say to you? She hit me and that’s all I remember. I think I hit my head and then I remember seeing Remi, and it was black and then I smelled you….”
Nova laughed at this and then said, “Okay… anyway. You really don’t remember what you did to her?”
“Remember what? I just told you what happened. What am I missing?”
Just then I heard an out-of-breath nurse huffing toward us down the hallway.
“Tippy, listen to me, I don’t have time to explain it all right this second,” Nova spat out rapidly in a hurried, hushed voice that I’d never heard him use before. “You need to stick to the story I told you and keep saying you don’t remember anything else if they question you. I’ll explain it all later. They’re going to let you go back to your room soon and I’ll come find you. In the meantime, promise me you won’t say anything to anyone! And stay away from Jemma.”
I wanted to protest, but the stress in his normally carefree voice frightened me. I stared at him wide-eyed and nodded. He gave my hand a squeeze and met Miss Breia at the doorway of my room.
“Oh, 18… how is she? I got back as soon as I could, I’ve got the leaves!” She gasped, waving them triumphantly in the air for us both to see. She must have been running because she was still trying to catch her breath, and she looked more in need of the fever-reducing leaves than I did. Miss Breia is a sweet woman normally, but she was really turning on the charm for some unapparent reason. Nova put his arm over her shoulder and turned her back toward her office.
“I think she’s doing much better, I have a few concerns though. Let’s let these leaves soak and talk out here,” he said leading her out of my room.
As I watched them stroll out of my room, I thought I saw Remi peeking in as the door closed behind them. I tried to sit up, but my head fought me and I felt woozy again. After the pounding in my ears subsided I could hear bits of what
they were saying.
“Oh, hello dear, can I help you?” said Miss Breia’s voice.
Then nothing.
Then, I heard Nova’s voice but I couldn’t make out the words.
Then Miss Breia again, “Yes, yes, you’re right, she shouldn’t have any visitors right now. I’ll let her know you stopped by. Now run along so you’re not late for lessons.”
Then I heard Nova saying something else and Miss Breia gave a girlish laugh.
Then I must have drifted off to sleep.
5
I awoke with soggy frenlic leaves on my forehead. I was still in the nurse’s station rather than the locker, so I took that as a good sign. I successfully propped myself up on my elbows without too much resistance from my head and surveyed the room. It was small and mostly the same grayish-tan color that made up the stone walls of the rest of the Center. You could tell Miss Breia tried to make it cheery though because there were bright-yellow curtains hung on the inside of the barred windows. I watched them billow in the breeze, mesmerized by the way the sunlight caught the checkered pattern. Next to my white linen cot bed was an old wooden chair, still facing backwards from Nova. There was a simple bedside table next to me, containing an oil lamp, a bowl of soaking frenlic leaves and a mug of water. I reached for the water and sipped as I looked around the rest of the tiny room. There wasn’t much else. Just some generic medical posters on the wall and a washbowl. Just then Miss Breia popped her curly-haired head in.
“You’re up! Very good, how about some breakfast?” she smiled as she carried a bowl of porridge and fruit toward me on a teetering tray. I smiled back and let her peel the leaves off my head and prop me up higher so I could sit facing her. She handed me my breakfast and put her hands on her big hips.
“Well, you do look much better. These frenlic leaves did the trick. That John 18 is something, isn’t he?”
“What?”
“Never mind. How are you feeling this morning, little Jane?”
“Better, I think.”
“Excellent, because if you can finish your breakfast I’m going to release you.”
I swallowed as hard, dark thoughts of the locker rushed through my mind.
“Release me to where?”
“Well 18 and I think it’s too soon to send you back to lessons and work just yet, but we think you’d be more comfortable in your room. I’ve already had a cot bed set up for you so you don’t have to share a bed with the other children while you’re recovering.”
“Oh… um, thank you.”
What was going on here? I was going back to my room and getting my own bed?
That never happened to any of the other orphans that I knew about. If what Nova said is true, I should surely be going straight to the locker. I thought maybe they were just making sure I was healthy enough to endure the pure torture of sensory deprivation that the locker offers. But never did I think I’d be rewarded with my own bed and getting out of lessons and work.
How hard did I hit my head?
None of this was making sense. Maybe I woke up in some alternate universe where orphans were treated kindly and there was no such thing as the locker. I had no idea why Nova was making decisions about my future. Miss Breia said that ‘she and 18 think I’m not ready for lessons and work…they think I’ll be more comfortable in my room.’
Since when did Nova help staff at the Center make decisions?
I choked down my porridge so I could get out of the nurse’s care as soon as possible and hopefully get some answers to all my questions. Miss Breia was overly pleased to see I finished my breakfast. She helped me out of bed and even wiped me down with cool water before she helped me dress. I normally would have insisted I could do this all on my own, but I was still experiencing dizzy spells that would sneak up on me when I wasn’t expecting them. I felt like I was just learning to use my legs for the first time. I almost knocked over the bathing bucket that Miss Breia was using to wipe the sweat from my boney shoulders. It was hard not to like her. She patiently steadied me each time I swayed and even hummed pleasantly as she bathed me. I didn’t know how to receive such kindness. I just stared at her plump face, hoping she could tell I was grateful.
Now that I was clean, dry and dressed in my freshly laundered uniform, I was actually starting to feel better. More like myself, yet still wary of how well things were going for me. I was waiting for the floor to drop out from under me at any moment. I couldn’t help feeling I must be dreaming when Miss Breia led me into the thirteen-year-olds’ room. It was completely empty and looked just as I remembered it, minus the slim white cot bed under the foggy glassed windows.
“Is that for me?” I questioned.
“Of course, now why don’t you just rest here until lunch, then I’ll make sure someone from the dining hall brings you a meal,” she said with a warm smile.
“Okay.”
“Now if you need anything you come find me, alright?”
She turned to walk toward the door and I had an urge to call to her. Her name escaped my lips before I knew why I was calling her.
“Miss Breia?”
“Yes dear?”
“I…um…thanks.”
“You’re most welcome dear.” Then she was gone.
I sat on my new cot bed cross-legged as I tried to make sense of what was happening to me. I gazed toward the sooty windows next to me and then untucked my shirt so I could use the bottom of it to try to clean a spot to see through. It was no use. The smudges and dirt seemed to be on the outside. I actually preferred the barred windows that were in our lesson rooms and dining hall better. You could see through them clear enough and you could always feel the ocean breeze. As I longed for the ocean breeze, I leaned up against the window pane and it budged! I sat bolt upright and looked around. I was still alone in the room. I turned back to the window and pushed on it again. This time the bottom pane tipped out and I could see the ground below. I instantly shut it and double checked that I was still alone. So far, the coast was clear. Just as I was turning back to face the windows, I heard his voice.
“You really don’t know how to stay out of trouble, do you?”
I caught my breath for a second before I realized it was Nova.
“You scared me! I was just…”
“I know what you were doing. Very clever. You figured it out without me even having to tell you about it.”
“You know about the window?”
“Of course,” he smirked. “Who do you think unlocked it?”
“Nova, what’s going on? You said you’d explain everything to me.”
He walked toward me smiling. When he sat on my bed, I could smell his sweet earthy scent. I felt my face heat up again as he put his arm across my shoulders.
“You’re right, and I will. I have a plan for us. And it involves this window. I’ve gotten you out of lessons and work for the rest of the week, but we need more time.”
“For what?” I said impatiently.
“This is the part where you listen and I talk, okay?”
“Okay!” I howled. “Just get to it already.”
“For the rest of the week I need you to meet me behind our palm in the courtyard. I can tell you everything there. I don’t want to say too much in here in case someone is listening to us.”
I nodded for him to continue.
“At lunch today meet me out there. I’ll knock twice at your door when I’m heading out to the courtyard, okay? Give me a few minutes head start and then meet me there. Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. This has to stay between us.”
“Okay.”
“Promise.”
“I promise, jeez.”
Nova shook his head at me and smiled that big, brilliant smile of his.
“What?” I prodded.
“Nothing… I’ll see ya in a few,” he said as he got up to stride toward the door.
I caught him by the hand. “Now it’s your turn to listen,” I said.
“I need to know what I did! And
why I’m not in the locker! I know I provoked Jemma and she punched me, but you said there’s more. I need to know what else happened.”
Nova grabbed my face in his hands. His green eyes bore into mine and for a moment I felt like I was going to be swallowed up by them and drown in that deep-green sea swirling behind his pupils. “Trust me,” was all he said and he left the room.
I sunk back down onto the bed and felt even more confused than before. Nova had helped me this far. He brought me to the nurse’s station and he covered for me with his lie about falling off the pile. I guess I had no other choice but to trust him. I didn’t have much chance to think about it though, because a moment later there was a knock on the door.
I rushed to it and whispered, “Nova?”
“No, sorry to disappoint you, it’s just me,” muttered Remi as he pushed past me.
“Remi! Oh I’m so glad to see you!”
“Yeah, well I brought your lunch.”
“Remi, what’s going on? Please tell me what happened. Are you okay? What about 42? I didn’t get you into trouble, did I?”
He just stood there staring at me, holding my tray of food with a bewildered look on his face. At first he looked like he was angry, but then he took a few more steps toward me, holding my gaze the entire time.
“I don’t remember what happened. I remember her hitting me and that’s it.”
Remi looked like he was deciding whether he believed me or not.
He must have sided with me since he put my tray down and sat down on my bed. I joined him.
“65, you hit her back. I think. I’m not really sure what happened either. One minute she was punching you in the face and the next second she was flying backwards.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when she hit you, you put your hands up and she flew backwards. It was like you hit her too, but I was right next to you, 65. I never saw you touch her. You both just fell down and it was chaos. I was trying to see if you were okay, but I didn’t have a chance. Nova swooped in and told everyone what to do.”
“What did he say?”
“He told me and 42 to stay with you and told everyone else to get back to work so we didn’t attract attention and get sent to the locker. Then he ran over to 31. To see if she was okay, I guess?”
