Those positive words hit Pia in her heart and gave her the strength she needed. She hugged Ms. Davis. The talk didn’t change the facts, but it did change her thought process. She now had to decide to be stronger and move forward with her life. She only hoped she could.
“I can give you a pass to class, or you can sit here for a minute—the last bell is about to ring. You going home?”
“No, ma’am. Since the basketball team is doing so well and we’re going to the play-offs, I’ve got cheer practice. I don’t feel like it, but hearing what you’ve shared, I need to push myself through.”
Ms. Davis smiled. “That’s what I’m talking about. Have faith. And I’m here any time.”
Pia didn’t know how to respond to that, so she didn’t. She just grabbed her things and headed to the gym. As she walked, she saw tons of signs about the upcoming Valentine’s Day dance. She wondered, how could the world be so happy when she felt so miserable? Trying to remember Ms. Davis’s words, she took a deep breath and walked on.
She wasn’t usually in the gym so early. Since Ms. Davis didn’t make her go to her last class, she got there before the end-of-the-day bell rang. A lot of the basketball players were hanging out. They had weight training as their last class. Immediately, Pia slowed upon hearing male voices before she rounded the corner.
She heard one guy joke, “It’s time to catch another girl off guard. We’ve been playing good ever since that night we took it. Can we do Pia again?”
“That sweet shakida turns me on when I look at her. She’s not like the sisters wearing weave. Pia’s long, flowing hair does something to a brother.”
Another bragged, “Yeah, I want to put my hands all through it too, but this time I want to let her see who I am. You know she probably liked it. It’s not like she put up a big fuss.”
All Pia had to do was round the corner, and she would be able to clearly view the three guys who raped her. But she couldn’t move. It was like somebody was actually holding her back or like she was tied down. She wanted to break free. She wanted to hurt the world. Instead, she ran into the boys’ locker room. It was dark, and she hit the metal trash can. She looked inside and saw a bunch of trash. She scrambled through her purse and grabbed the book of matches. Pia took a match out, struck it, and threw it into the trash can. The flames erupted.
“What is going on? Is that a fire?” A wet Stephen Garcia rushed out of the shower and asked, “Are you crazy?”
“No! You guys are crazy. Were you a part of it? Were you with them?”
“With who?”
“Don’t try and act all innocent like you don’t know.”
Stephen turned away. Any other time Pia might have been interested in his naked butt, but all she wanted was to take her boot and kick him right in his crack. He turned around quickly as the flames started bustling over the top of the can. He grabbed a wet towel to cover the can, dousing the flames.
“Your teammates raped me, Stephen, and I want them dead.”
“Well, they ain’t in here, and the only two people that’s gonna die if a fire grows right this second is me and you. And we need to live. I know a little something about what you’re talking about, and I guess I’ve been silent too long. This isn’t an accident that I’m in here right now. You want to turn them in, I’ll back you up.”
Forgetting that Stephen was nude, she fell into his arms, thankful for his support. Mentally freaking out from all she’d heard and done, she sobbed heavyheartedly.
CHAPTER SIX
Immeasurably (Sanaa’s Middle)
Sanaa stayed after school to make up a quiz she’d missed in physics class earlier that day when she and her girls ditched school to go to the hospital. She was actually pretty thankful Ms. Davis worked it out to make her time away excused because she was trying to get into college, to go somewhere and to become somebody. She needed to finish strong to accomplish that goal.
While she still wasn’t sure what she wanted to be, her folks wanted her to pursue a prominent career. They didn’t go to college, and neither did their parents, or their parents’ parents. She’d be a first-generation college graduate if she kept on the path they had for her.
Sanaa kept thinking things could be worse. Though she was in a two-parent household that barely made ends meet, compared to Olive who had no parents, Sanaa didn’t have anything to complain about. She just wanted to do her part so that she could go to school. She knew she’d have to get a scholarship because her parents certainly didn’t have any credit to take out loans. She’d heard about the Hope Scholarship from Ms. Davis. To qualify for the Hope Scholarship, she had to have a 3.0 in her core classes. She had a 3.4, so she had a chance at the scholarship. She’d also always dreamed of going to the University of Georgia, but their qualifications were higher. If she didn’t put the pedal to the metal and help herself out, that longtime dream was going to fade away.
Feeling confident that she’d aced the quiz, Sanaa headed on out to the parking lot and ran into Pia. She noticed her friend was still frazzled. Sanaa wanted to ask if the talk with Ms. Davis helped, but she decided not to pry.
“Can you take me home?” Pia asked.
“Yeah, sure. I’m up to talking too, if you want,” Sanaa said, pressing anyway.
“Please, Sanaa, I don’t want to say nothing.” Sanaa noticed a guy near the school staring hard at Pia. “Okay, I see that guy over there staring at you. The basketball player, what’s his name? The Hispanic one? Stephen?”
“Yeah Stephen ... who cares?”
“Okay, I know we’re just starting to become friends, but in my definition of the word, friendship is a two-way street. You scared the heck out of us at the slumber party when you said you didn’t want to be here. The last couple of weeks you seemed like everything was okay. Then, all of a sudden, earlier today you were reclusive again.”
“Reclusive? What does that even mean?”
As they got in the car, Sanaa said, “I’m trying to use some SAT words. It means to withdraw. Can’t you tell by the context language I used what it means? We’ve gotta get ready for college.”
“Oh, Sanaa. College, really?” Pia said in an exhausted tone.
“Yeah, don’t you wanna go? You can’t even measure what college does for your future.”
“Nothing wrong with doing a trade,” Pia said, squinting her eyes.
“I know. Hispanic folks ain’t the only ones that do that line of work. My parents do too. My dad is a brick mason, and my mom does hair, so I wasn’t trying to offend you. I’m just saying. I want better than what my parents had, don’t you?”
“My mom can’t even keep a job. She thinks senoritas are the hottest thing since Marilyn Monroe. The white men, black men, and Hispanic men all want her. She just lays down, and our bills get paid. So, yeah. I want more than my mom, but that doesn’t mean college is gonna do it.”
“What’s your GPA?” Sanaa asked her as they drove.
“A 3.1.”
“You qualify for the Hope Scholarship. There are tons of great schools in our state that you can go to.”
“I wouldn’t do great in anybody’s college.”
“I’m not trying to pressure you about your future. I’m just sayin’ from where I stand, your future looks bright. I can only imagine that you keep focusing on what happened to you, but I encourage you to turn your attention to what can happen for you.”
Out of the blue, Pia said, “I’m just debating if I wanna turn the guys in. I know somebody who knows who they are, and I got a good hunch who they are too.”
“I thought you told us you were blindfolded?”
“I was. But no denying the voices. I heard them bragging about it, saying they wanted to do it all again.”
“Are you serious?”
“I wish I was joking. I wish all of this was a bad nightmare. But it’s my reality, and I just don’t want them to get off scot-free. However, if I bring it to the forefront, then I’ve got to live it all again. I don’t even have any evide
nce. I watch Law and Order: SVU.”
“Having a witness sounds like you got evidence to me,” Sanaa shared.
They pulled into Pia’s place, and Pia hugged Sanaa hard. “Thank you for believing in me. Somewhere along the line I gotta start believing in myself.”
Twenty minutes later Sanaa pulled up at her own house, and she was shocked to see Miles’s car there. She parked, jumped out, and abruptly said, “What are you doing here? What do you want?”
“I wanna talk to you,” her boyfriend pleaded.
“Well, I haven’t reached out. Clearly you can see that I don’t want to talk to you.” Sanaa shuddered, thinking of the last time she saw Miles—embracing her former best friend, Toni. Sanaa had stopped talking to him after that.
“I haven’t been able to function, Sanaa.”
“Why don’t you call Toni to help you with that little problem?” Sanaa started walking away.
He ran and got in front of her. “Toni? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. What you saw wasn’t what it was.”
“I got twenty-twenty vision.”
“You gotta give me a chance to explain.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” Sanaa said with attitude as she placed her hands on her hips.
“If you loved me you would.”
“Maybe that’s just it. Maybe I don’t love you anymore. How could I still love a guy who sold me out the way you did? And then as soon as the world views me as damaged goods, you go and get with my best friend, the one who’s wanted you all along.”
“So you never wanted me?” Miles said as he stepped close to Sanaa and stroked her cheek. “I don’t know what you think you know. Whatever. I know you saw Toni’s arms around me, and yes, I ain’t gon’ try to hide it anymore. She came on to me really hard, but I told her no. She was tugging on me and acting a little drunk and weird. I don’t know.”
“Drunk? Really? We were at school, Miles. Toni doesn’t drink.”
“There’s a lot about Toni you don’t know.”
“And how come you know it?”
“That’s not even the point, Sanaa. I guess I’m saying she’s real jealous of you. But I love you, baby. I wouldn’t sell you out.”
“So what are you saying? She put my name on the swoop list?”
“No, no, no. I’m not saying that. I don’t know how anybody found out that we were together, but I just want you. Don’t you want me too?” He stepped in real close, leaned down, and gave her a kiss she couldn’t back away from. In her mind she wanted to tell him, Get the heck away, but in her heart she held him close. They still had a lot to work on, but she accepted his apology because she cared for him immeasurably.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Lonely (Willow’s Middle)
“So there’s no need for you to walk in here, thinking you still on the dance team,” Hillary said to Willow the next day after school.
“Girl, you better get out of my face! You would think you learned. I’ve already showed you that you don’t run me.”
“I don’t run you, but I’m not in this alone. Booyah!” Hillary voiced as she held up a clipboard with a bunch of different signatures on it.
“What is this?” Willow said, snatching the clipboard out of Hillary’s hand.
“It’s a petition, dummy. Read the top carefully. It says, ‘If you think only people with high moral standards should represent Jackson High in extracurricular activities, sign here to have Willow Dean removed from the dance team.’”
“Ha ha. Valentine’s is coming up, not April Fools’, my dear. You can’t have me removed. Petition? That’s whack.” Willow laughed.
Hillary turned around to the squad standing behind her. “We’ve all signed it, everybody here.”
“Everybody hasn’t signed it,” yelled out Willow’s one friend, Carly, who had her back.
Willow rolled her eyes. “So what if you chumps signed a petition? I’m not going nowhere.”
“Uh, we beg to differ. And why would you want to stay on a squad when you’re the laughing-stock of the school?” Hillary challenged.
Before things could heat up, the dance supervisor, Ms. Seely, called Willow to her office. With each step Willow had a bad feeling about what was taking place. Willow was shocked to see her mother seated in the office.
“So you’re kicking me off for real?” Willow blurted before hearing them out.
Ms. Seely explained, “We do have a code of conduct that you signed and that your mom signed. I don’t want to dig into your character, Willow. You’re an awesome dancer, it’s your senior year, we’re headed to the play-offs, and I don’t want to have to remove you. But there’s some talk about your promoting bad behavior and maybe even punching one of the dance team members. If you can honestly tell me that all these allegations have no merit, then I say stay. But regardless of what you have or haven’t done, it’s a big distraction going on with you on this team. This is a team, not a solo, individual extracurricular activity.”
Tearing up, Willow asked, “So what are you saying? I should take the high road and leave either way?”
“You’re a tough cookie,” Willow’s mom said, and she touched her daughter’s hand to give her strength. “And I’m proud that I raised you not to care what others think, but you admitted to me that there are some things that you want to clean up. We all need to get better, so I’m not condemning you. You know that, sweetie. But you don’t have to stay in this hostile environment, either. You’ve got other talents and skills. You want to do some modeling or take some acting classes? Maybe we should try that?”
Snatching back her hand and wiping a tear that fell, Willow uttered, “So you want me to quit, Ma? You also taught me to never quit.”
“Look at all these signatures, Willow. If this many people have a problem with something you’re doing, though they’re being petty, there’s no need to take yourself through extra drama. But it’s your decision. Ms. Seely is saying she’ll support you either way,” her mother said.
Willow looked at her mom. Though she was a pastor, she wasn’t a lady who tolerated foolishness. The fact that Hillary had the audacity to even make up a list and get a bunch of people to sign it was insane. However, Willow knew she needed to give it credence. Hillary had gathered over two hundred signatures. Willow didn’t want to be dancing and have people booing her. Though she probably could take it, she knew that kind of obsessive bullying could weigh on even the most confident of people.
Ms. Seely had asked her whether she’d broken the character clause of the contract she signed, and she probably wouldn’t drill her for an answer, but Willow wasn’t a liar. She wasn’t a perfect angel. She had punched Hillary. And although Willow’s appearance on the swoop list, after willingly sleeping with half the basket-ball team and the football team and a few sporadic guys in the school, didn’t violate the contract, it had caused some problems on the team. Though it was subjective, Willow didn’t want to be the one on trial anymore, so she looked at the two women who wanted her to take the easy way out. She obliged them.
“Can we go, Mom?”
Ms. Seely tried to give Willow a hug. Willow didn’t want it. Her mom tried to comfort her. She didn’t respond to that either. Carly waved bye. Willow just rolled her eyes. She had to give up something she loved because she didn’t want to deal with the drama. But it still hurt.
Still, something in her was changing. The old Willow would have sought revenge and planned a way to get Hillary back. This new Willow understood that she really couldn’t be mad at anybody but herself. While she didn’t care what people thought of her, she realized she did want them to respect her. But how could they respect her when her actions hadn’t been ones that respected herself? She’d punched a teammate. And, sure, she had loved it when guys placed their hands all on her and wanted to be with her.
But that was then, and this was now. Willow realized that those few moments of pleasure were not only potentially dangerous and unhealthy, but they also hadn’t made her feel
good about herself as a person. In the end, those moments made her feel unimportant and used. Those guys didn’t care about her in an important, real way.
At home that night, Willow was in her bedroom when she heard a knock on her bedroom door.
“So, you up for some company?” Dawson said, peeking into her room.
Willow’s mom didn’t have any problem with Dawson coming into her room since they’d grown up together. Her mom didn’t realize that Dawson had real feelings for her, or maybe she did understand that and wanted Willow to appreciate a kind of guy who really cared versus the jerks she’d been with for so long. Nonetheless, he was there, but Willow didn’t respond.
“Okay, then let me talk. I know a little bit about what’s going on in your world. I’ve seen the petition come around the school. I actually tore one up. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that because it means there were more signatures you didn’t see, but I got your back, front, and sides. If I could just sit with you for a minute until you are ready to talk, I’m cool with that.”
She didn’t yell for him to get out, but she didn’t have anything to say either. She had no desire to call the swoop girls. She was actually a little salty with them, thinking at least one of them had to have seen the petition, but nobody told her. What kind of friends were they really? And she felt a little worthless. The tears started to drop. Dawson reached over and hugged her. She appreciated the moment of comfort because, thanks to him, though she couldn’t express it, she didn’t feel so lonely.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Martyrly (Olive’s Middle)
“So you know Willow’s pissed at us,” Sanaa said to Olive over the phone the next evening.
“Why?” Olive asked, completely baffled. “We didn’t do anything to her.”
“Well, she called me, going off saying she couldn’t believe we didn’t tell her about the petition.”
“Are you serious? We didn’t tell her because we didn’t wanna hurt her feelings. She finds out and she’s mad at us anyway? I got way bigger problems to deal with than to be worried about somebody being too sensitive,” Olive said.
On Your Knees Page 3
