Cowboy 12 Pack
Page 59
Somewhere between breaths, the embrace began to change. Needs switched and heat started to seep into their touch.
“Brandi,” he breathed against her neck, his hands, no longer clutching, now roamed freely over her body. “God, I want you…need you.”
That was it. She was toast. Soggy toast. She melted into him and gave herself over to the desire he invoked. Her fingers worked the buttons of his shirt while she kissed his neck and shoulder. “I want you, too, Kade,” she said, spreading open-mouth kisses to his ear where she closed her teeth around his lobe and tugged.
His body shuddered under her palms and, an instant later, two hands clamped around her, one snaking up to the back of her head, the other sliding down to cup her ass as he crushed her tight.
He tugged on her hair, and when she released his ear, he captured her mouth and devoured her strength. Slow, and with aching precision, the man kissed her to within an inch of her sanity. Again. God, he was so good at that maneuver. He drank, dipping deep, sweeping long until her toes curled in her boots, and she wondered briefly how she was ever going to get them off. Then it no longer mattered. He was dipping her back to trail kisses down her throat and chest, hands sliding up her body, sending heat to every peak and valley she possessed.
“This has to go,” he said against her neck.
She drew back and stood. Grasping both sides of her dress, she tugged the snaps open in one swift move.
A slow, hot smile spread across his face as he gazed up at her. “God bless denim,” he said, sliding his hands up her legs, brushing his thumbs over her center and groaning. “You’re wet.”
She smiled down and nodded. “Yep.” Then let the dress slowly fall off her shoulders before she set it on one of the boulders.
He sat there, between her legs, his gaze hot and dark as he took in her bra, panties and boots. “Mmm…and God bless cowboy boots.” He made to get up, but she pushed him back down.
“No.” She reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, watching his gaze darken and throat work in a swallow as her breasts bounced free. They felt heavy and ached when he gazed at them with such hunger. Leaning over him, she set the bra on her dress, then inhaled when his hands snaked up to cup her and brush a thumb over her nipples.
“Gorgeous,” he rasped before lifting up to take one in his mouth.
Her legs nearly buckled. Then he was sucking on the other one, and she was holding his head to her chest.
“Wait, not…oh…that feels so good,” she said into the quiet sky, the sun casting a golden glow behind his grazing horse.
He released her and spread kisses down her belly, hooking his index fingers in her panties as he slowly drew them down her spread legs. She lifted one to move it closer so he could work the lace over her boot. Then he sat back against the boulder and gazed up at her.
“Mmm…now that’s a beautiful view.” Warm hands glided up her exposed calves, lightly brushing behind her knees to skim her thighs, all in an assault to test her strength.
She was losing. Fast. Need shook through her legs so bad, she would’ve fallen if he hadn’t steadied her.
“Not yet,” he said, tugging her to stand over him.
Her palms hit the boulder. “Oh, Kade, I doubt I can stand. You take my strength,” she admitted, staring down into his handsome, desire-ridden gaze.
“Trust me.” He smiled, then cupped her ass and guided her knees to his shoulders. “Just hold on,” he said before putting his mouth on her.
Brandi inhaled and closed her eyes. Damn the man was good. Within seconds, he had her panting, using just his mouth. His talented, wicked mouth. Heat gathered in all the right places, and when he adjusted the angle and pressed closer, she lost control and burst.
When she finally regained enough of her faculties, he pulled her down on top of him and kissed her long and deep. He was hot and hard and oh so delicious her stomach fluttered. She trailed a hand down his torso, over his jeans to trace the bulge driving her mad.
He grunted and captured her hand, then drew back to stare into her face. “I won’t last, honey.”
“Then let’s get you naked,” she said, tugging free to slip his shirt off his shoulders before she leaned down to lick his nipple.
“Hey, minx,” he said, grabbing the back of her head and bringing her mouth to his for another of his amazing kisses.
When they broke for air, she fumbled with his jeans, but he grabbed her hands and pulled them away.
“Stand up.”
She did, praying she had enough strength to hold her weight while he quickly shed the rest of his clothes. Then he pulled a packet from his jeans, sheathed his glorious erection, and her mouth watered in anticipation. The man sparked a hunger, made her greedy for release, a release only he could provide.
He fixed his clothes and sat on them with his back to the boulder before guiding her over him again. Her pulse hiccupped. Ed hardly ever let her take top, saying she was too heavy. But Kade had let her take top several times, seeming quite happy with the position. Still, this…this was going to be different. He was sitting straight up. They’d be…
“Oh…” Her throaty cry mingled with his groan as she slowly sank onto his erection. “You feel so…perfect.”
He nudged her knees out a little further, and she moaned when more of him slid inside.
“Ah, hell yeah,” he muttered, voice strained and rough and deliciously hot.
His hand slid up to grip her hips as he leaned forward to capture a nipple in his mouth and tug.
“Kade.” Her eyelids fluttered closed, and she clutched his shoulders as she began to move. Had to move. Needed to move. Was going to die if she didn’t start to move…
A low, sexy sound resonated from deep in his throat. He released her nipple to spread hot, open-mouthed kisses over her collar bone, and then bit her neck in the spot behind her ear that he knew drove her crazy.
Breath caught in her throat while heat skittered down her spine, chasing the goosebumps that got a head start. She squirmed, her whole body tingling as they brushed, torso to torso. And when he released her neck, she opened her eyes and her pulse leapt.
They were eye level. So close she could feel his heart beating against her own chest. The connection was strong. His gray, smoldering gaze was open and frank, and she saw everything he couldn’t say. Felt everything. He held nothing back, showing it all. Her heart soared, and she let him see how she felt about him. Showed him all she had, gave him all of her as they moved, heartbeat to heartbeat, soul to soul…one wounded, healing human to another.
And as the emotions and touches and need became too much, she started to close her eyes…
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “Don’t close them. I want to see you. Need to see you.”
She nodded, focusing on the need in his eyes, the hunger…the love. And as they rocked together, upping the pace, he brushed a finger over her center and it all became too much. Everything burst.
Brandi cried his name in a drawn out moan, watching the beautiful man as he followed her over the edge, her name on his lips, gaze to gaze, heart to heart.
They were going to be all right. Everything was going to be all right.
WHO THE HELL was he kidding?
Kade sat in his truck, staring at the newspaper he’d picked up along with his coffee that morning. The front page article commemorating Sergeant Nylan’s death was enough to suck what little hope he had managed to dredge up the past few days.
He was done.
Brandi deserved better. He’d said it all along. Now, he just had to do something about it. Every time he tried, she managed to get under his skin, take hold and make him feel like there was a light at the end of his dark tunnel. That he could still offer something to the world. Her world.
He crumpled the paper in his fist. Who the hell was he kidding?
As First Sergeant, his soldier had depended on him, counted on him, and he’d let that soldier down. Whipping the paper across the cab, he curs
ed as it scattered on the floor. He’d let the soldier’s family down. The soldier’s daughter down. God, he didn’t want to let Brandi down. Didn’t want to be in a position where she needed him and he wasn’t there for her. He couldn’t deal with that. Could never live with that…
Pressing the balls of his hands against his eyes, he knew what he had to do. Always knew what he had to do. Now he just needed to grow a pair and let the woman go. She’d shared so much, gave so much, there was no way he could give that much back to her. She deserved someone who could. He removed his hands and straightened.
His gift to her was freedom.
“That a new way to read?” Connor appeared outside his door, a damn smirk on his face. “It’s easier if your eyes are opened, not smashed into her hands”
“I’m not in the mood, Connor.”
“I can see that.”
“Did you want something? I have to get to work.”
“Seeing as you’re sitting outside the station, I’d say you have the get to work part covered, buddy.”
Kade let out a long breath. Christ, he didn’t need this right now. He opened the door, forcing the tall cowboy to step back. “You’re right,” he said, grabbing his coffee before he slid from the truck. “Thanks.”
As he headed up the sidewalk, he silently cursed when his buddy fell into step and lumbered beside him. Damn McCalls. Stubborn. The whole lot.
“Won’t work, you know,” Connor stated, following him into the station, nodding to his sister-in-law sitting at her desk, her gaze snapping to them as they walked in.
In his office, he set his cup on the desk and clamped his jaw tight to keep the curse inside, then dropped into his chair. “What won’t?”
Connor shut the door and leaned against the filing cabinet. “Ignoring me. I’m a McCall. We’re like a bad habit. We don’t go away.”
“Don’t I fuckin’ know.”
Dumbass stood there and grinned that lop-sided grin. “Someone’s all riled up.”
“Connor, what the hell do you want?”
“I want to know if you’re okay.”
Fuck. Not that again. “I’m fine. Just fuckin’ fine. Okay? Now go.” He made a shooing motion.
A brow rose on his friend’s face, but the cowboy made no damn movement to go. In fact, the pain-in-the-ass sat down on the bench and stared at him. Don’t sit. Kade sipped his coffee and held his buddy’s stare.
Finally, he shrugged at the tall oaf. “What?”
“You spouted the JFF.”
“What?” he repeated, beginning to wonder if he’d had a mini stroke. Some of what his buddy was saying wasn’t making sense.
“The JFF—just fucking fine. We don’t spout that shit when we’re fine, we spout it when we’re not. Got it?”
Kade rubbed his temples and groaned. “No, what I have is a headache. A six-foot-four-inch headache.”
“That’s only because you’re special.”
“Jesus, Connor! I’m not special.” He jumped to his feet and began to pace. “I’m far from special. Okay?”
“No, it’s not okay. And neither are you, Kade.” Connor was on his feet, grabbing his shoulders before he could blink. “The sooner you realize it and get help, the better. I’m worried about you, man.”
Christ. That last sentence got him. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slow before he met his buddy’s gaze. “Sorry, Connor. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m just tired,” he said, slapping the man’s arm.
“I can see that.” He hesitated before releasing him. “I know today’s a tough day. If you want to blow it off, get drunk—beat the shit out of boulders. I’m your man.”
A smile tugged his lips as a flicker of humor reached his soul. “Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind. But I’m fine.”
His buddy cocked his head. “As long as you’re not just fucking fine. Remember, no JFF.”
“Right.” His smile broadened. “No JFF. Got it.”
“So…no beer?” Disappointment skittered through the man’s gaze.
He shook his head. “No beer. I’m on duty.”
“Damn. Guess I’ll have to go rustle up some cattle, then.” Connor slapped his shoulder. “Call if you change your mind.”
“Will do.”
He walked the man to the door, mostly to make sure the guy actually left the building. He really did have one hell of a headache and just wanted to put his head down on his desk for a few minutes without undergoing the third degree. Guilt immediately flooded his gut. He knew Connor only badgered out of concern.
Five minutes later, he lifted his head from his desk to find a pair of shrewd brown eyes studying him. Another damn McCall.
His deputy leaned against the closed door, arms folded across her chest, gaze unyielding. When the hell had she walked in? And closed the door?
Straightening up, he played dumb. “Something wrong? We get a call?”
Her lips twitched. “No. Good try, though.” She held her hand up when he opened his mouth. “Save it. I’ve tried it all, and am an authority on masking feelings.”
Christ. Not her, too. “I have a headache. That’s all.”
“Bullshit. That is not all.”
Something in her gaze kept the retort from finding his lips. There was no pity in her expression. It was dark and haunting. Jesus. The woman did understand his pain. But how? She wasn’t in the military. Didn’t see combat. Didn’t lose a soldier…
His head snapped up. But she did lose a husband. To a bullet. In front of her.
He rose to his feet, crossed the office and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry, Jordan. That had to be so tough.”
She was stiff for a moment, then hugged him, patting his back. “You got all that in a glance, huh?”
He nodded. Once you experience that kind of pain, guilt…it marks you forever.
“It was tough, but I got through it, and so will you.” She drew back to stare into his face. “It won’t be easy, but the pain does lessen. Life does go on. The guilt…doesn’t go away.”
Not what he wanted to hear.
“But it eases. Won’t always be as sharp. Won’t feel like you’re trying to breathe with a gut full of broken glass.”
Yeah, she did know exactly what he felt.
“The key to healing is to want to heal, Kade,” she said. “Admit to yourself that you need help, then get it.”
He didn’t need help. He needed to not feel that broken glass every damn time he sucked in a breath. Needed everyone to stop telling him he was going to be okay. Needed to stop seeing Sergeant Nylan’s face whenever he closed his eyes. Needed to stop seeing the dead man’s little girl every fucking time he turned a corner. Needed to stop seeing the dead man’s girlfriend every time he saw his own.
Blowing out another breath, he nodded.
With one last pat to his back, Jordan left him to his solitude.
She was right. He needed to do something. In fact, he was going to do just that, starting tonight.
EVERYTHING WAS NOT all right.
Brandi thought, after what they’d shared, what they’d showed, what they’d done to each other out on Kade’s land, everything was going to be okay. That they could get through anything.
She was wrong.
How could the two of them get through tough times if only one wanted to try?
It’d been three days since the barbeque. Three days since Kade Dalton had taken her out of herself and showed her his soul, shared his heart. Three days since she’d seen him.
After making love against the boulder, they’d gotten dressed and took a slow ride back to the ranch. It had been incredible. Riding on the back of a horse with Connor was not the same as riding on the back of a horse with Kade. She’d clutched him tight, felt his heart pounding under her palm, heard the strong beat against her ear…
And when they reached the ranch, the party was still going on. They’d danced, holding each other, barely moving, the connection so strong others noticed. Kevin had even commented he was stay
ing the hell away from women and horses.
He needn’t worry.
She glanced at the clock on her living room wall. It was ten after eight. Kade was supposed to come by for dinner at seven. He was over an hour late. She blew out the two candles and stood. Same thing had happened last night. And the night before. Each time he’d called and said something about working late, or getting an unexpected call. Some were true, some weren’t. Tonight he hadn’t even bothered to call.
Her mind, her heart, held out hope that he was working and couldn’t get to a phone. But, being that his cell was always with him and it only took a few seconds to send a text, she let hope dwindle and faced the sting of reality. He was avoiding her. But why?
They’d connected. They’d opened up. They’d shared more than bodies.
A tear slipped down her cheek. She inhaled and swiped it away. It was the connecting, opening up, sharing that he was running from. She knew it to her soul, but didn’t know what to do about it.
Picking up her violin, she gave into her emotions and played until her heart hurt too much to continue. She stopped and pulled in a breath. Kade meant the world to her. She couldn’t just give up. There had to be something she could do to help him. To get him to seek the help he needed.
When a knock echoed through her little house, she set the violin and bow on the table and raced to the door. Please let it be him. She didn’t care that he was late. At least he came.
She opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief. It was him. Dark circles under his eyes, face pale, mouth drawn, he looked exhausted. Her heart ached for the man she loved.
“Kade.” She burrowed into him and held tight. “I was worried about you,” she said, then noticed he’d stiffened and didn’t return the hug. Drawing him into the house, she shut the door and frowned. “What’s wrong?”
He moved out of her grasp, glanced at the table and cursed. “I’m sorry, Brandi. You cooked dinner. I forgot.”