Cowboy 12 Pack
Page 62
God, she hoped he didn’t hate her.
She just hadn’t been able to stand by and watch the man she loved deteriorate any more. Her heart sat heavy and broken in her chest. He wouldn’t listen. Wouldn’t get help. She didn’t have a choice. So she approached Connor and Cole and Kevin. Now, she could only wait, and hope it worked.
“Then I told Santa to stop on by your place and take a picture so the aliens on the moon would know what you looked like.”
She nodded to Ben. “That’s nice.”
“Earth to Brandi.” Her brother snapped his fingers incessantly in front of the computer. “Hey. Snap out of it. What gives, sis?”
Blinking, she focused on his handsome face, noting concern darkening his gaze. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I’ve been talking for a good ten minutes and am lucky if you heard ten words.”
She smiled and held up her hand. “Five, only five were worth noting.”
“Oh?” He arched a brow and sat back in his chair. “And what were they?”
“You coming home for Thanksgiving?”
He grinned. “I don’t know, are you?”
“Ha ha, very funny.”
“I thought so.” He winked. “Clever, too.”
“Oh, brother.”
“Yes?”
Smiling, she shook her head. Ben always could get her to laugh. No matter how rotten she felt. Like now. Her smile faded.
“All right. Who is it I need to come down there and rough up? Kade?”
Her heart squeezed. Hearing his name out loud brought memories, touches, feelings into the open. God, it hurt. “No. No one.”
“You two still seeing each other?”
She shrugged, then shook her head, trying to work past her hot throat. “Not really.”
He straightened up and moved closer to the screen. “Then come on home, Brandi. At least for the holiday. A change of scenery will do you good. You know Tyler misses you.”
Her strangled heart tightened further. Damn. Ben didn’t play fair. “That was low.”
“No, it was the truth. And we all miss you. Come on up. Snow will probably be on the ground by then. You might even be able to get some skiing in before you head back to Texas. If you go back.”
“No if’s about it. This is my home now.” She could never leave Kade. He needed her. Hell, she needed him. He was her heart.
“Then come to the Poconos for a visit,” he said. “At least promise me you’ll think about it.”
Nodding, she inhaled and let it out slowly. “I’ll think about it.”
No harm in thinking. Didn’t mean she’d be doing.
After ending the call, she walked to the kitchen and stared out the window over the sink. In the distance, whitecaps crashed into the shore as wind whipped the waves into a frenzy.
Boy, could she relate.
A sharp rap on the door brought her attention back inside the house. Maybe it was Kade. She turned and rushed to answer, then did her best to keep the disappoint from her face when she found Kerri, Jordan and Shayla, holding a bundled up Amelia, standing on the porch instead.
“Hey.” She moved aside. “This is a surprise. Is something wrong?”
“You tell us,” Jordan replied, stepping inside. “You were supposed to meet us for coffee and cake a half-hour ago.”
Shoot. “Sorry. I was on Skype with Ben and it slipped my mind.”
“No problem, hun. I’ll put the coffee on.” Her friend smiled then made her way to the kitchen.
“Yep, we brought dessert here.” Kerri held up a plate with a mouthwatering chocolate cake begging to be devoured. “And it’s only a hundred calories a slice.”
“You are a goddess,” she said. Shutting the door, she turned to help Shayla remove Amelia’s coat. “And you are a sweetheart.”
The redhead placed her daughter’s coat on the couch. “She couldn’t wait to come over to see Mozart.”
“Oh, I know. It’s all about the cat.”
A smile tugged Brandi’s lips as she watched him get up from his spot in front of the lit fireplace and stretch before walking toward the little girl. Having been around Tyler, the cat was used to being roughed up, and was surprisingly gentle with the toddler.
“So, how is your cute brother?” Jordan asked.
“Which one?”
Shayla raised a brow. “You have more than one cute brother?”
“Actually, I have four very handsome, very single brothers,” she informed.
“Damn.” Her assistant sighed.
“Ben is fine. He’s trying to get me to go to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving.”
Shayla picked up her daughter and walked into the kitchen. “And you’re not?”
“No.”
“Why?” Kerri frowned, placing cake on plates. “Your family must miss you.”
“Yeah, but I… I don’t feel right leaving.”
Jordan pulled four mugs out of the cupboard and glanced at her. “Because of Kade?”
She nodded, tears heating her damn throat again.
“Hey, honey, come here.” Kerri pulled her in for a hug. “It’s okay. He’s going to come around. I’m sure of it.”
“I’m glad you are, because I just don’t know.” She sniffed. “It’s been weeks since we really talked. I cornered him at your wedding, but I doubt he heard what I had to say.”
Her friend squeezed tighter. “I’m sure he did.”
“You should go,” Jordan said.
She drew back and stared at the woman pouring coffee. “Where? Pennsylvania?”
“Yep. In fact. You need to go.”
Now Kerri was nodding.
“Yeah,” her assistant agreed.
And Brandi just stood there shaking her head, her heart hurting so bad she couldn’t find the words. God, she couldn’t leave. What if Kade needed her? What if he showed up here and she was gone? No. She was staying.
Jordan took her hand and tugged her toward a kitchen chair. “Listen. I know it hurts. Hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. But don’t you see? Kade needs to not have you around.”
“I haven’t been around him.”
“It’s not the same.” The woman shook her head. “You need to be out of Texas. I had to do the same thing last year. And yes, it was very tough, but Cole needed to realize he needed me in his life. He had to come to that conclusion on his own. The same goes for my boss.”
Kerri nodded, passing her a plateful of cake that, at the moment, would probably taste like cardboard.
“Yes,” the cook said. “Once he realizes you’re not here, and he won’t run into you at Shadow Rock, or my house, or the pub, reality will set in.”
“I-I don’t know.” She glanced at three eager faces. “If I go, I can only go for a few days. I have too much work started here. I can’t leave for more than that.”
“Sure you can,” Shayla said, settling her daughter on her lap. “I can handle things. Just tell me what needs to be done and by when, and I’ll make sure it happens.”
“See? Perfect.” Jordan nodded. “Now, let’s make plans over chocolate.”
THE DAY BEFORE Thanksgiving, Kade sat in his office, playing solitaire on his phone. Since hiring Jordan, more than half of his workload had disappeared. He swore some days his deputy stared at the phone, wishing someone would commit a crime so she had something to do.
Less of a workload was better these days. Less work, less stress. According to Doc Carrington, the therapist Cole had recommended and Kade had been seeing for the past six weeks, less stress was a plus for him right now.
After returning stateside earlier this year, he’d seen a round of shrinks, as per protocol, but it had stopped with their mobilization. And hadn’t helped. Mainly because he’d need more. Much more, he’d recently realized, but with a backlog of over several hundred thousand soldiers inputted into the system, most were going untreated. Like him.
Having brought that dilemma to Cole’s attention, his friend had started a foundation through McCall
Enterprises for returning Veterans to seek the help they needed.
The Bobby Nylan Foundation.
Slowly, he was getting back on track. Breathing no longer hurt. The constant knot in his gut had disappeared, and his headaches had lessened. Now, if he could just do something about the damn ache in his chest and unrelenting need for a certain designer, life would rock. But he was determined to stay out of Brandi’s life. Give her a chance to meet someone normal. Someone who wasn’t broken. Someone who didn’t need a damn therapist just to get through the day.
Okay, things were not that bad anymore. In fact, they were rather good. He’d gone from meeting three times a week, to once a week. And sleeping had returned to normal. No more nightmares, just dreams of Brandi and how incredible she’d tasted and felt, and how wonderful she’d made him feel.
Christ… He shut down the game and tossed his phone on the desk. He needed to stop thinking about her if he was to move on, too.
“Sheriff Dalton?”
Head snapping up, he was surprised to find Shayla standing in his doorway. Then alarm set in and he jumped to his feet. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”
“I’m fine.” She sent him a reassuring smile. “I just wanted to talk to you about something.”
He nodded and pointed to a chair. Okay, so it wasn’t her deadbeat dad. “Sure. Sit down. What can I do for you?” Shutting the door, he noted there were only a few tight bands squeezing his chest in her presence.
Progress. Something to report to the doctor at his next appointment.
“I wanted to talk to you about Bobby.”
More bands appeared, and brought their friends. Shit. He tried to pull in a few breaths before breathing became a chore. Funny how mentioning her dead boyfriend had increased the stranglehold.
Kade retook his seat and stared across the desk at the woman. “What about him?”
“I’m sorry,” she said, twisting the bracelet around her wrist. “I should’ve told you sooner, but I needed the healthcare for Amelia, and I was worried the truth would’ve affected her coverage.”
Healthcare?
He cocked his head and frowned. That was certainly not what he’d expected the woman to say. “Told me what, exactly?”
She drew in a deep breath and continued to play with the bracelet. “That Bobby was never my boyfriend…or Amelia’s father.”
He sat back and blinked for a full minute. Sixty seconds of absolute confusion and a jumble of emotions. The man he killed…did not leave a child behind? The soldier who’d died, his mind corrected—another breakthrough to tell the doc.
The soldier who’d died did not leave a child behind.
“He wasn’t?”
“No.” Her red waves rippled as she shook her head. “Bobby and I were friends. We’d been in a few foster homes together growing up. When I found myself in trouble, he told me he could get me healthcare if we pretended he was the father.”
And that’s when things started to make sense. “The birth was covered, and once she was born, he had Amelia registered in DEERS as his daughter, and she was automatically covered.”
“Yes.”
“But when he died, coverage only lasted a year.”
“Yes. I’m really sorry.” Tears filled her guilt-clouded eyes. She blinked them away and drew in a breath. “I had no idea you…I just didn’t realize how this all affected you. I’m sorry I was such an idiot. If I didn’t have to keep moving, then I would’ve found a steady job before now, gotten my daughter on my own healthcare plan and come clean about Bobby sooner.”
He set his elbows on the arms of his chair and steepled his fingers. The dead soldier did not leave a daughter behind. Funny how that one thought made such a huge difference. That was what ate at his gut. That he’d taken away the baby’s father. He knew what that was like. It had happened to him, twice. First his actual father, when he’d died during the first Gulf War with the Marines. Then, a few years later, his uncle had died, the man who’d selflessly stepped in and up, taking in a cantankerous, hurt, miserable little boy and turned him into a man.
“I’m sorry. You must really hate me,” Shayla said, chin tipped at a defiant angle, yet her eyes still held that apologetic expression.
Kade shook his head. “No, I understand. You were worried about your daughter.”
She nodded, blinking back a fresh sheen of tears. “Yes.”
“It’s okay. I can’t fault you for caring about your child.” He wished to God his own mother had had that attitude.
The woman smiled. “Brandi said you’d understand. I’m going to miss her.”
“Miss her? Why? Are you leaving?” He rose to his feet and stared down at her. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea from what you told me about your father.”
“Me? No.” She shook her head and stood. “Brandi. She’s gone back to Pennsylvania.”
Brandi? His heart rocked so hard in his chest it felt as if someone had ripped it out from clear across town. “She left?”
Without saying goodbye?
Of course, idiot. After all, he’d told her, insisted she let him go. That she move on and forget about him. So why the fuck did it hurt so bad?
Because he loved her and didn’t want her to move on. He wanted her to love him so much she would never leave. Would never abandon him. Just like his mother had done.
His father.
His uncle.
His aunt.
Christ.
Just like he’d done to Brandi.
He shouldn’t have given up on them. He should’ve tried to fight, held on while he sought help.
“Yes, she left a few days ago.” Shayla headed for the door, then stopped and turned to face him. “I shouldn’t be saying this, but well, I feel bad about keeping you in the dark about Amelia so maybe I can make up for it with Brandi.”
His pulse tripped. “What about Brandi?”
“It wasn’t her brothers she went up there to see.”
Her words sent a sharp pain through his chest. Sharper and more painful than any band or vise. He glanced down to see if the statement had drawn blood.
Ripped open…
Gutted…
Jesus, she wasn’t going to go back to Ed? He couldn’t bear it if he’d sent her back into the arms of that asshole.
“But I know she cared for you,” Shayla continued. “So, if you feel the same, maybe you can go get her and tell her. There might still be time.”
With a firm nod, the woman left his office and him in a state somewhere between shock and panic. Blind fucking panic.
Brandi was gone.
He would no longer see her.
What was she doing with her horse? Had she made some sort of arrangements with Brock? Maybe she hadn’t planned ahead. Maybe she left on the spur of the moment.
Maybe he should start coming up with answers instead of adding more questions to the already huge pile.
Maybe he needed to think about what he wanted…ah hell, who was he kidding. He knew what he wanted.
Brandi.
That was never a question. And he knew what she’d wanted. Him.
Question was, did she still feel that way?
Only one way to find out. But it was not something you did over the phone. He was a man of action, and this required action.
Kade strode from his office to stand in front of Jordan’s desk, waiting impatiently until she got off her phone.
“Yes.” She held up her index finger and nodded for him to wait. “We’ll see. I think so. Absolutely. Yes, tell Emma we’ll be there for dinner tomorrow. Maybe have the champagne on standby.”
Champagne? What were they celebrating?
“He’s right here, I’ll ask.” She moved the phone from her ear to her shoulder and smiled at him. “Cole’s mom wants to know if you’re coming for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.”
He shook his head. “No, thank you. I have other plans.” Out of state plans.
“He said no, but thank you. Okay. I’ll tell
him. All right. See you then. Bye.” His deputy hung up the phone then rose to her feet. “She said if you change your mind, you and your family are always welcome to drop by.”
He nodded. An open invitation that stood for decades. Some years he took them up on it, others he didn’t…this was an other.
“Okay, boss.” She placed her hands on her hips and stared at him. “What did you need?”
A little stab of guilt poked him. “I hate to do this to you, but I need you to cover down tomorrow.”
A wide smile crossed her lips. Odd, he thought maybe she’d be upset.
She stepped forward and grabbed his upper arms. “You’re going after her, aren’t you?”
A helpless sound, similar to a snort left his throat. The woman knew everything. Jesus, Cole never stood a chance.
“Yes. I need to beg her forgiveness.”
“True, and bring her chocolate,” she said then pulled him into a hug. “I’m happy for you, Kade.”
“Happy? Aren’t you jumping the gun there, Jordan? She hasn’t forgiven me yet.”
“True, but she will. Brandi loves you.”
He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. God, he hoped so. Hoped he hadn’t killed her feelings for him by being a bigger ass than Ed. “It’s time I find out.”
Time he did a lot of things. Like take the therapist’s advice and worry about himself. Think about what he wanted. Put himself first.
And what Kade wanted was no longer in Texas.
Chapter Sixteen
‡
THANKSGIVING MORNING WAS always a busy time in the Wyne household. Between turkey, and stuffing, and football games in the back yard with a bunch of Guard buddies, there was barely anytime to think. Exactly what Brandi needed.
Lord, she needed to just not think.
Coming back to the Poconos had been a good idea, but bittersweet.
Sweet because she couldn’t imagine Thanksgiving anywhere else but with her family, in their big, old, rambling house full of activity, and laughter and love.
Bitter because she missed Kade. Missed his big, old, rambling ranch full of activity, and laughter and love. Missed his warmth, his acceptance, praise, affection, his hard, hot, sexy body and the way they fit. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
Would he ever realize it? Did he even know she was gone?