by Eve Gaddy
“Officer Barnes, thank you. And thank you for taking care of my little girl when you found her.”
Maggie couldn’t speak, so she nodded and left. Before she broke down completely.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
AN HOUR LATER, Maggie returned. Tucker took one look at her face—set, implacable, absolutely emotionless—and knew the news was really bad.
She laid her Glock on the table, then stripped off her equipment belt and laid that beside the gun, then started to leave the room. That alone told Tucker how upset she was. She hadn’t left her weapon out since before they’d brought Grace home.
“Where’s Grace?” she asked.
“She’s asleep. Was it her mother?”
Maggie nodded. “Yes. I’m going to look in on Grace and then go work out.”
Like hell she was. “Maggie, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Are you charging the woman?”
“No.” She didn’t add anything else, just stood there looking blank.
“Why not?”
“Because she was an abused woman who protected her baby in the only way she knew how.” She turned away from the hall and walked over to the window.
“By leaving her in a parking lot? Some protection.”
Maggie turned back around. “It was the best she could do, given the circumstances.”
Briefly, she told him the story Grace’s mother had told her.
“So you’re not going to do anything? You’re just going to let this woman have Grace back as if she never did anything wrong? As if she never walked away from her without a backward glance?”
“CPS will handle it, but if she can prove she can provide a safe environment for Grace and take care of her properly, then yes, she’ll get her back.”
He simply stared at her. Maggie’s mask slipped and he saw despair in her eyes. “No one would take the case, Tucker, if we did charge her. I saw her. Hell, I interrogated her. She was telling the truth. She was a victim and we can’t condemn her for that. As for leaving Grace alone, she didn’t. She hid nearby and watched me. She didn’t leave until she knew Grace was in my custody.”
“She could have just told you she waited. How do you know it’s true?”
“She recognized me when I walked in the room.”
“None of that makes what she did right. Why did she get involved with a gang member in the first place?” He went over to where Maggie stood, wanting to shake her out of her unnatural calm. No, he didn’t want to shake her, he wanted to console her. Not that she’d allow it.
“She’s young. Only eighteen. She was trying to survive. She met the banger at work and thought he was nice. He got her evicted from her apartment. She didn’t know it was him, of course, so when he asked her to move in with him, she did. She had nowhere else to go.”
He wanted to take Maggie in his arms, comfort her. But she radiated don’t-touch signals. Afraid she’d break, he suspected. He remembered she’d said that after her miscarriage she’d sucked it up and gone on. That’s what she was doing now. Alone. How could he make her understand she didn’t have to do everything alone now?
Tucker put his hand on her arm and squeezed gently. “We could fight her. We could fight for custody of Grace.”
“No. You didn’t see her. She was a victim. I can’t victimize her again, and that’s what we’d be doing if we fought for Grace.” She paused and added, “She loves Grace. It must have killed her to give her up.”
“You love Grace, too.”
“I’m not Grace’s mother. I never was. And now I never will be.”
“Maggie—” He started to put his arms around her, but she held up a hand.
“Don’t, Tucker. I appreciate the thought, but just…don’t be nice. Don’t be…anything. I have to—I’m going to box,” she said abruptly and left the room.
She hadn’t said, “And leave me the hell alone,” but that’s clearly what she meant. She didn’t want him, his comfort, his advice, nothing. She didn’t want him. And it was too damn bad that he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone in his life. Because he wasn’t going to get her. Ever.
LATER THAT EVENING Maggie was giving Grace a bottle when Tucker brought her the phone, looking grim-faced. She’d heard it ring but hadn’t answered. She couldn’t think of a soul she wanted to talk to. All she wanted was to spend time with Grace, though that was a double-edged sword, since every time she looked at the baby she wondered how much longer she’d be able to keep her.
“Who is it?” she said, not taking it.
“Nina Baker,” he said. “From CPS.”
He held out his arms and she put Grace into them and took the phone from him. She got up and walked out of the room, leaving Tucker the rocking chair. The fact that her friend had called Maggie herself instead of letting someone else in CPS do it was undoubtedly bad news and she didn’t want to be around Grace when she heard it.
“It’s Maggie.”
“Maggie, it’s Nina. How are you?”
She saw no reason to lie. “Not so great. What have you heard?”
“We’ve talked to Chief Corbitt and he says the police are not bringing charges. I talked to Grace’s mother myself and I’m going to recommend she be allowed to retain custody of Grace once she has employment and a place to live. I wanted to tell you myself. I’m so sorry, Maggie. I know how attached you are to the baby.”
Maggie doubted that, but she didn’t say anything. It was what she’d expected, after all. Nina knew she cared about Grace but she had no idea the full extent of Maggie’s “attachment” to the baby.
Nina continued, “Would it be possible for you to bring Grace to the CPS office tomorrow so her mother can see her? I’d like the first visit to be on neutral ground, and with her CPS caseworker present.”
“Of course. What time?” Maggie marveled that she could sound so calm when she wanted to scream and rage. But that wouldn’t do any good, so she clamped down on her emotions and did her best not to feel anything. The only thing she did feel was…frozen. Everything inside her had frozen the moment she’d heard Carol Davis’s story, and she hadn’t thawed out yet. Maybe she never would.
They settled on ten the next morning. Maggie went back to Grace’s room, halting at the door to watch Tucker with Grace. They were so sweet together. She could imagine Tucker with a child of his own. He’d be a good father. A wonderful father. She entertained a brief, desperate fantasy of herself with Tucker’s child. Their child.
God, she was hopeless. He wanted to have sex with her. That didn’t mean he wanted the same fantasy she did. Far from it. He’d married her as a favor, and now the favor was about to be unnecessary. Over and done with. If she wasn’t selfish, she’d tell Tucker to start divorce proceedings right now. But she didn’t. She couldn’t face being alone, not yet. It wasn’t fair to him, but she needed his support. The divorce would come soon enough, just as Grace would be gone soon. And Maggie would be alone, just as she’d always been.
“What did she want?” Tucker asked. He’d put the baby in her pajamas and now cuddled her against his shoulder as he patted her back.
“I’m taking Grace to see her mother in the morning. They want the first meeting to be at the CPS office.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“You don’t need to do that. I can take her myself.”
“I know you can, but you’re not going to. I’m coming with you.”
She studied him a moment, then shrugged. She knew that when he had that face on he was unshakable. “We need to be there at ten.”
The meeting with Carol the next day was every bit as hard as Maggie had feared it would be. Carol cried when she saw Grace, weeping unrestrainedly when she held the baby in her arms. Grace looked like her mother, Maggie realized, gazing at the two of them. And Carol Davis obviously loved her child. Emotion like she’d shown couldn’t be faked.
After a while Carol calmed down and when she realized Maggie had been keeping Grace, she asked her a million questions about the baby
’s progress and all the things she’d missed over the past few months.
Tucker didn’t say much but Maggie felt his presence and his support and was grateful for it. Because she knew that soon, not only would Grace no longer be in her life, but neither would Tucker.
Maggie was quiet on the way home, thinking about the visit. Carol had cried again when she’d had to leave Grace, but then she’d straightened her shoulders and wiped away the tears. “I’ll have a job by the end of the week,” she’d told the caseworker. When the woman had asked her what she’d be doing Carol had replied, “Whatever it takes. I want my child back and I’m not afraid to work to make that happen.”
Maggie wanted to hate Carol for taking Grace away from her, but she couldn’t. Everything she’d told Tucker was true. And she admired Carol for facing the situation and trying her best to overcome it. She resolved to talk to Delilah and see if she and Cam had an opening of any sort at their restaurant. She also had the number of a woman who did child care in her home and had flexible hours. Maggie had thought about using her when she went back to work. Now she’d give the number to Carol Davis.
At least if Carol stayed in Aransas City, Maggie would be able to see Grace occasionally. Although she wasn’t sure that wouldn’t be worse than not seeing her at all. But she wanted to make certain that Grace was happy and cared for. Grace was the important one in this situation. What did Maggie’s feelings matter as long as the baby was safe and happy and loved?
“You’re awfully quiet,” Tucker said, breaking in to her thoughts.
“I’m just tired. I haven’t slept very well lately.” Not since she got the news about Grace’s mother.
“I know. I’ve heard you up during the night.” He picked up her hand and squeezed it. “I watched you with her. With Grace’s mother. You’re amazing.”
Surprised, she looked at him. “Why?”
“Because you’re doing what you think is best for Grace and her mother, no matter what it costs you.”
“She’s barely more than a kid herself, Tucker. Carol Davis has been kicked just about every way there is, and she’s still fighting. She’s fighting to be with her baby. I’m going to help her do that.”
“Even though it kills you,” he said quietly.
“Even then.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE DAY MAGGIE had dreaded finally dawned. It should have been dark and dreary to match her mood, but it was a beautiful day, crystal clear, mid-eighties, with a light breeze blowing and less humidity than usual. She tried once again to talk Tucker into going to work.
“I’m not going to fall apart, you know. You can go on to work. I’ll be fine.” And she would. She was blessedly numb. She only hoped she stayed that way long enough to hand Grace over to her mother. “Besides, I’m going to work as soon as Carol leaves.” She didn’t know if working would keep her mind off the baby, but at least it would give her something to do besides stare at the walls and miss Grace.
Tucker was sitting at the kitchen table, watching her give Grace a bottle. “I can go in later. Has it occurred to you that I’m going to miss Grace, too?”
It hadn’t, really. She felt like a jerk. “I know you care about her, I just—”
“I love her, too, Maggie,” he said flatly. “You can’t be around a baby like Grace for as long as we have and not fall for her.”
Now she felt like an even bigger jerk. “I’m sorry, Tucker. I’m sorry I dragged you into this and now you’re hurting, too.” She got up and put Grace in his arms, to let him finish feeding her. “I’m going to get the rest of her things ready.”
Tucker came in with Grace a little while later. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing giving her all the baby’s furniture and toys?”
“I might as well. All Carol has is a crib and most of this stuff will be really useful for her. Besides, I’m not going to be using any of it.”
“Ever?”
Her heart twisted but she said calmly enough, “I would want a husband to have a child and I won’t have one for very much longer.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”
Shocked, she turned to look at him. Surely he didn’t mean that like it had sounded. “What do you mean?”
“We don’t have to get divorced.”
Her stomach rolled. If he was trying to make her feel better it sure as hell wasn’t working. Because she realized she wanted more than anything to stay married to Tucker. To have a real marriage with him. But Tucker didn’t want that. He’d only said it to comfort her. She’d already conned him into a marriage he hadn’t wanted; the least she could do was stay true to her word and give him a divorce.
“Divorce was the plan,” she said lightly. “I don’t see any reason to change it.”
He didn’t say anything, just gazed at her for a long moment before turning away and putting Grace down on the changing table. “What do you want her to wear?” he asked, and the moment passed.
Ten minutes later the doorbell rang. Her eyes met Tucker’s. Wordlessly, he gave her Grace and went to answer the door.
“I love you,” Maggie whispered to the baby and kissed her cheeks, then her soft, fine hair. Grace smiled and waved a chubby fist in the air.
Maggie walked out of the bedroom and put Grace into her mother’s arms, then helped Tucker and Carol’s friend load everything into the truck.
“I don’t know how to thank you,” Carol said when they finished. “Not just for this—” she gestured to the loaded truck “—but for everything you did for Grace, and for taking such good care of her. Will you come see us?”
Maggie nodded. Although she knew CPS was on the case, she’d check on them to make sure everything was all right, as well.
Maggie watched the truck drive away, standing there staring after it until they were long gone. Tucker came over and put his arm around her and watched with her.
“Come on,” he said gruffly. “Let’s go inside.”
She let him lead her. She felt…nothing. Empty. Tucker still hadn’t let go of her, she realized. He must think she was going to break down, but that was the last thing she intended to do. She moved away from him. “I’m going in to work. I should be back around dinner.”
“Don’t go in, Maggie. Stay here with me.”
“No.” Her throat closed up and she felt herself losing it. “I need to work, Tucker. It will take my mind off…everything.” Work had been her solace in the past. It would be again.
He walked over to her and took her limp hands in his. “Do what you need to do. But I want you to know, I’m here for you.”
God, she wished she could accept his offer of comfort. Wished she could allow herself to depend on him, on his strength, on his caring. But she couldn’t. She’d already committed the ultimate folly of falling in love with him. Depending on him now would only make it that much harder when he left. Because Tucker was going to leave her, just as Grace had. Just as her parents had. Just as everyone she loved left her.
TUCKER PICKED UP a pizza for dinner, even though he wasn’t hungry and he doubted Maggie would be. But he meant to see that she ate something, regardless. He knew that taking care of herself was the last thing on her mind, so he’d try to do it for her. He hadn’t been surprised that she’d gone to work immediately. That’s how Maggie coped with what life threw at her. By sucking it up and going on.
Her lack of emotion wasn’t natural, though, and he believed it was only a matter of time until she broke down. He’d meant what he’d told her that morning. He intended to be there for her, whether she wanted him to be or not.
He wouldn’t think about how much he, too, missed Grace. Maggie was the important one here.
Her patrol car was in the driveway and her personal car in the garage, so he knew she was home. He threw the pizza box down on the kitchen table and went in search of her. He could not only hear it, but he felt the vibrations of the music coming from the exercise room. Expecting to find Maggie beating the hell out of the punching bag, he o
pened the door and stepped inside. She wasn’t by the bag.
He scanned the room and found her huddled in the corner with her knees drawn up to her chest. Crying. No, weeping. Passing by the boom box, he clicked it off, and in three quick strides he was beside her. “It’s about time,” he said. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, put her head on his shoulder and his arms around her. “Damn it, Maggie. I’m so sorry.”
It said volumes that she didn’t bother to fight him. She simply turned her body into his and continued to cry. It hurt him to hear her so desolate and not be able to help, but he thought crying it out was likely the best thing for her—the only thing that might make her feel even a little better. So he held her, comforted her, murmured soothing words into her hair as she sobbed.
She held something clenched in her hand. Something pink. One of Grace’s socks, he realized. He felt a lump in his own throat, seeing the tiny reminder of the baby they would both miss so much.
A long time later, she finally ran down. Tucker still held her, not at all anxious to let her go. He picked up the towel lying beside them and wiped her tears, then gave it to her to blow her nose. Wordlessly, he took the sock in exchange for the towel and put it in his pocket, out of her sight.
“Better?”
“Not really. More like empty,” she said, her voice hoarse with tears.
He tucked her hair back behind her ear, then, intending only comfort, he kissed her. For a moment she was perfectly still, then her arms went around his neck in a stranglehold and she kissed him back. He tasted salt from her tears. And heat, a river of it, flowing out of her.
She pulled back and locked eyes with him, hers still tormented. “Make love to me, Tucker.”
Oh, God, he wanted to. But not like this, not with her so sad, so despairing. “Maggie—”
She interrupted him by kissing him. When he would have spoken she kissed him again, her tongue sweeping his mouth with desperate urgency. “Make me forget. Make me feel something, anything besides this pain that won’t stop.”
