by Teagan Kade
She pauses, and I open my mouth to respond, but no sound comes out. My mind is too busy racing to form words just yet.
Her words hang in the air. I let them sink in. They’re everything I want to hear but… but they can’t be real. She can’t actually mean it. I’m a mess, an asshole, irresponsible… I try to think of more flaws, but it’s no use. The arguments dry up in my mind.
Clearly, I’ve underestimated her. She’s here and I want her. All the logic and reasons stopping me before fall away. I want her so much more than I’ve ever wanted anything else.
She starts talking again, filling in the silence. “Not to mention, you’re pretty terrible at making assumptions. Luke, which is his actual name, by the way, was meeting with me to interview for a job—not that you made that any easier. He’s Pearl’s son and he’s not interested in wom—"
I pull her into me and cover her mouth with mine, kissing her, tasting her, savoring all the feelings pumping through me right now. Savoring takes a while and it’s a few minutes before I finally break away and press my forehead to hers.
“I’m sorry,” I start to say, but she’s angling to reach my mouth again. “I’m sorry, I was stupid…” I manage between kisses.
“I’m… sorry… too,” she’s saying even as she’s pulling her shirt off and sliding her hands up mine.
Fuck, it feels so good to feel her skin pressed to mine again. I want to kiss every square inch.
We’re pressed against the exterior wall of the Den and the sun is beating down on my back. Nothing feels so right or so natural as being with her, here in this place, in these woods that have always felt like home.
She’s wearing a flouncy little skirt and when I lift her, wrapping her legs around my waist and pressing into her against the wall, it’s almost as if there’s nothing there to bar my entrance. The scraps of fabric between us are almost incinerated by the sheer heat of our nearness. I want nothing more than to sink into her and stay there… forever.
The realization slams into me, like a tree in the middle of the trail that you’ve seen coming for ages, but you closed your eyes and pretended wasn’t there. I want her… not just her body, but all of her.
“What the fuck!”
A heavy hand rips me away from Ava and, before I can block it, balls into a fist that has no trouble connecting with my face.
“Stop!” I hear Ava scream.
For a moment the punching stops. Dex has pulled Deric off me and is standing between us, staving off further attack. I don’t remember even hearing them pull up, but I was too distracted making out with the woman I love.
Love… Shit that’s crazy to admit, even just to myself.
Ava scrambles to pull her shirt on.
“What the hell is going on? You’re seducing my sister, you fuckwad?” Deric shouts at me.
“Damn it, Deric, just calm down a hot minute! It’s not what it looks like,” Ava starts.
“Oh, really? ’Cause it looks like he was about to fucking nail you!”
“Look, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, but we’ve been together for a little while now…”
Deric pushes Dex aside with one big thrust and comes at me again. If this was a real fight, he’d be getting as good as he’s giving, but I have no right to defend myself here, so I don’t. He’s right to be angry. I betrayed him. I betrayed our friendship and I deserve to suffer for it.
“I fucking trusted you, man!” Deric cries, looking rabid. “She’s my goddamn sister, not some bimbo tourist you go screw in the bushes!”
Another two blows rain down on my jaw before Dex manages to wrestle Deric back up.
“Cool it, Deric!” he says, pushing him back.
“Stay out of this,” Deric snarls.
“Leave us,” I nod, accepting the retribution.
“Uh, yeah, can’t. This is my business too. I’m not letting you two fucktards screw this up. You’re acting like a couple of bitches.” Dex turns to me. “This is why I told you not to fuck around with his sister!”
Deric’s eyes go wide at the comment. “You fucking knew?”
“Shit.” Dex realizes his mistake and rolls his eyes in clear exasperation.
Deric rakes his hands through his hair and kicks a pack that one of them must have dropped when they got here. “Fuck this!”
Dex helps me up roughly, and I pull my shirt back on.
“Deric, just stop, will you? Listen to me!” Ava pleads, but he’s marching to the trailer on the back of the truck, ignoring her.
“Go to hell, all of you,” he snaps, and jumps onto one of the four-wheelers, riding it straight off the trailer and into the woods.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
AVA
“Deric, wait!” Dean shouts after my brother, jogging behind the four-wheeler as it quickly pulls away. “Shit!”
I sag against the side of the Den. All this drama is exhausting. All I really want is to curl into Dean’s arms and just… be. Why did my easy-going, nothing ever ruffles his feathers, Big Lebowski-loving brother have to show up and lose his damned temper now, of all times? What happened to ‘the Dude abides’?
It doesn’t matter. Let him throw his temper tantrum. What does he really have to be angry over? Sure, we kept it a secret from him. Big deal. We’re both adults and Dean is a good guy, even if he doesn’t see it as clearly as I do.
Dean stalks back looking worried.
“Just let Deric go for a while,” I assure him, grabbing his hand. “He’ll cool down eventually.”
He shakes his head. “Yeah, eventually, maybe. But in the meantime, those trails are closed. The bear that came after us is still out there and the Rangers are actively trying to catch it.”
That gets my attention, and not in a good way. I know my brother can handle himself in most situations, but a bear is a force of nature. That’s not something you just brush off. Angry as he is, he’s probably not even paying attention to what’s around him. The idea of anything happening to him chills the blood in my veins.
Dean drops a kiss on my forehead and lets go of my hand, jogging to the trailer and hopping on one of the four-wheelers.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask, panic rising in my voice.
“This is my fault. I need to deal with it. Dex, look after Ava,” Dean says, looking past me.
“No way, I’m coming with you!” I protest. Maybe I’m not quite so capable as the rest of them and maybe I still have an injured ankle, but this is just as much my fault as it is Dean’s. I came here knowing Deric could be working or nearby as well. If anything, him finding out like this is entirely my fault.
He shakes his head. “I’m not willing to risk your safety again. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon with your brother.”
And just like that he zooms off down the trail. Why? Why am I cursed to be constantly left out? It’s like I’m a kid again and they’re all heading off to the Den or the arcade and I’m left watching from the sidelines.
“To hell with this!” I say, throwing my hands up in the air and spinning on Dex. “I’m going after them and so help me you lift a finger to stop me I’ll lay you out flat. I have a green belt in Taekwondo and I will round-kick your ass into the next county, got it?”
Dex looks taken aback. “Got it…” he says hesitantly.
I climb on the third four-wheeler. The seat is wide, and I feel awkward leaning forward and positioning myself the way I saw Dean do it. I grip and try to twist the handles to rev the engine up the way Dean and Deric did, but nothing happens.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…” Dex starts.
“Do I need to repeat myself? I am a skilled martial artist, Dex. Don’t try me,” I warn with a lie. I have a green belt, that much is true, but referring to my self-defense lessons as anything approaching ‘art’ is a gross and negligent exaggeration.
“No, but you don’t know what you’re doing and I’m sure as shit not letting you go off by yourself. Here, climb on behind me.”
I do as he order
s and we take off, following after the unfolding soap opera that is my life.
Their path is easy enough to follow since the trail is slightly narrower than the four-wheeler and they’ve crushed a fair amount of trailside vegetation.
I suppose it’s fitting we have this fallout here in the woods. No matter how much I’ve run from them, I keep getting pulled back to them. I don’t feel like running so much anymore, even after the near-death experiences I’ve had.
Now I see Dean everywhere. I see the wild places he’s roamed and the isolation he’s sought, the vulnerability in him. In a way, he’s like the forest—so powerful and dangerous and yet, like all the broken plants crushed so easily beneath the tires of the four-wheelers, fragile in a way that not many see.
The trail widens and opens to a clearing. We’ve branched off to a side trail I’ve never been on, but I see Dean and Deric right away in the grassy open field off the trail.
I tap Dex’s shoulder. “Let me off,” I call, and he comes to a stop.
I start jogging towards them. The ground is uneven, and I’ve got my boot on to stabilize my ankle so it’s not exactly easy.
“Deric, just let me explain!” Dean is shouting.
“Explain what? That my sister was your side chick? All this fucking time I’ve been telling you to get laid and you’ve been screwing my sister behind my back like I’m some kind of idiot!”
“It’s not like that, man,” he answers.
“Oh, right! What’s it like then? What? Was she a pity lay?” Deric asks, and if I was close enough I’d slap him.
“No! Fuck, just calm down! You’ve got it wrong. I… love her. Okay? I fucking love her!” Dean says.
I stop in my tracks.
For a moment all I can do is process what I’m hearing and grin like a crazy woman. It’s the first time Dean has said the words and I wish to high heaven we weren’t out here in the middle of an argument with my petulant brother when he said it but, then again, I don’t really care. All I care about is the fact I love him too. I want to throw my arms around him, to shower him in kisses, to tell him I’ve always loved him.
A crashing sound comes. A finger of dread creeps up my back at the familiar sound of rustling plants and branches. I turn in time to see the black figure running awkwardly out of the trees.
“Dean!” I scream automatically.
It’s headed straight for him and his back is to it. He turns in time to see the bear approaching, but my scream seems to have distracted it. Seeing me, it changes course and heads straight at me.
I start to stagger backwards, but I’m slow and clumsy with my booted ankle and the bear is going to be on me in an instant. Suddenly, Dean comes charging towards it, knocking into it from the side. I watch as slow motion as the bear is knocked off balance before it quickly gets up and squares off against Dean.
“Ava, get out of here!” Deric calls, running towards the bear with a stick. Dex pulls me back, helping me to a safe distance before grabbing a stick and joining the others.
The bear charges at Dean and knocks him down easily, taking a swipe with its massive paw, and the blood that shows on its claws stops my heart.
Dex and Deric are closing in, shouting, throwing rocks and sticks, trying to scare the bear away. It’s useless. It’s stands over an unconscious Dean, pawing at him like it’s testing to see if he’ll wake up. Its snout lowers to his body and every nerve in my body seems to reject what I’m seeing. I can’t tell if it’s smelling him or licking.
I should probably run, but I can’t. Instead I hop onto the four-wheeler and mimic Dex’s movements, punching the gas and directing the vehicle straight at the bear, screaming some kind of savage battle-cry.
“Ava, no!” Deric screams, but I stay my course.
The bear looks up and makes a short charge at me, standing its ground. As I get within a handful of feet, I rev the engine even more and watch as the bear backs down from the challenge, splitting off and dodging back into the woods.
I look over at Dean. Deric is kneeling beside him and Dex is tearing off fabric from his shirt to press against a gushing wound I can’t quite make out. All I see is blood, way too much blood. My vision seems to cloud and my stomach inverts. I’ve been scared plenty of times in my life, but the fear taking over me right now is unlike anything I’ve known.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
DEAN
Beep, beep, beep.
The sound of the heart monitor is the first thing I register. Next, the dry, chalky feeling in my mouth. Ugh, I need to brush my teeth. There’s a bitch of an ache in my right shoulder, so I don’t move too much. Slowly, details start to seep in. My forehead feels numb and achy, which explains the bandage over it. There are bandages on my chest and shoulder as well.
What the hell happened?
I remember confronting Deric and then it goes blank.
“Well, about goddamned time. You couldn’t have dragged that out any longer could you?” Deric’s voice comes from the foot of my bed.
He’s looming in the doorway, watching me with wary eyes.
“What happened?” I croak, my voice sounding dry as if it hasn’t been used recently.
“You’ve spent three days here,” he answers.
“Why?”
“The bear attack… Don’t you remember?” he asks, sounding surprised.
It sounds vaguely familiar, like when someone mentions a movie you watched in grade school. I can’t picture it, but it sounds right.
A faint snore sounds from the side of my bed. I look over to see Ava, bent over the side of the bed, her head on the mattress, honey gold hair fanned out around her face.
My cottony mouth manages to crack into a grin as I watch her sleep. I remember one thing very clearly—I love her with every injured and uninjured part of my body. I reach out to brush the hair out of her face.
Deric clears his throat. “So… looks like you lived after all.”
I look back at him, remembering our fight. “Sorry to disappoint you.”
It’s dimly lit, the sky outside the window is dark, so it’s hard to tell but he looks almost apologetic.
“Look, I was pissed. Frankly, I still think I have a good fucking reason to be. It was a shitty thing to do, moving in on my sister.”
“I had no intention of any of this…” I start.
“Just wait. I’m not done. Like I said, it was a dick move. And I’m not saying I won’t worry about Ava, or that I’m not hurt that you guys hid it from me, but I’ve had some time to think about it,” he sighs, sitting down in a chair a few feet away. “And Ava has sure as hell banged it over my damn head enough times, but it’s not my job to police her relationships. If you ask me, no one is ever going to be worthy of her, but it’s not my call. Ava is a grown adult and she can take care of herself. Frankly, I’ve pretty much sucked at doing that as it is. Every time something happens, you’ve been the one there for her, not me.”
“So… you’re okay with this?” I ask, surprised.
“I’m tolerant of it… with time, and continued proof that you make her happy, then… yeah, I could be okay with it,” he admits. “Hell, it’s not every day my sister charges a freaking bear. If you can inspire her to do that, clearly there are some next level emotions going on I don’t get.”
My stomach leaps into my throat. “She did what?”
“Oh right, you don’t remember,” Deric chuckles, before detailing what happened after I got knocked out by the injured black bear. It floors me. No one has ever risked themselves like that for me.
Sure, I have no doubt that Dex or Deric would look out for me, but that’s somehow different.
“Holy shit,” I breathe, looking over at Ava with a healthy dose of awe.
“I know. So, I figure if Ava’s willing to risk her life for someone else like that, who am I to get in the way? I’d rather she picks someone I know would and has done the same for her. Your sappy declaration of love helped too, I guess,” he shrugs.
That’s
right. I remember it now. Not that I regret it. If anything, I’m glad she knows. The fact that she’s still here tells me everything I need to know.
Damn, I need to get out of this hospital bed.
ONE WEEK LATER
Meet me at Den… Deric and I went over everything. We need to talk.
I can almost imagine the frustration in Ava’s mind. I made sure to warn Deric before I sent it not to answer her calls, knowing she’d try to shake him down for information.
Once I got discharged from the hospital I went and stayed at Dex’s place. Lois, Ava and Deric’s mom insisted I stay with them, but with our relationship becoming public knowledge I figured they should have some space. The last thing I want is to cause any problems for Ava with her family. Deric claims to be ‘tolerant,’ but I know better than to push it.
Besides, staying with Dex worked out well. I didn’t want Ava knowing what I was up to beforehand.
The bandage is off my forehead and I’m relieved to find the gash isn’t as bad as it could have been. Only two streaks of broken skin starting at my eyebrow and cheek and going into my hairline. They were shallow enough that butterfly bandages sufficed. The wounds on my shoulder were a touch more intense and did require stitches. They still ache, but the sting has mostly faded.
It’ll leave a good scar for stories, if nothing else.
I go over to the boombox and pop in the CD I brought, pull out the candles I packed and start lighting them, setting out the Strawberry Daiquiri Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers.
The door swings open. “What the heck does this text message mea—” Ava starts to ask, cut short.
I watch her expression change from frustration to confusion as she takes in the candles, the Boyz II Men. I walk over to her, taking the bag off her shoulder as a smile slowly spreads across her face.
