“We want your cooperation and you know what’s going to happen if you don’t cooperate,” Connors responded without the slightest hint of sympathy.
“So what does ‘cooperation’ specifically mean?”
“It means you’re going to provide us with the headhunters’ organizational chart, names, locations, etc. It means we want advance notice of its plans and intentions for operations against Klowntown. It means you give us any information we request. If you turn on us, you’ll certainly regret it for the rest of your miserable life.”
Willis simply nodded his head in agreement.
***
Preparations in Klowntown went ahead at a hectic pace since much needed to be done in a short period of time. The windows to clown houses were boarded up, entry doors reinforced and emergency drills conducted, all in advance of the anticipated onslaught by the Haters’ dreaded hunters. Even if they didn’t attack soon, it was still good practice since it would happen sooner or later. They couldn’t afford to be unprepared or caught off guard for even a moment because their very lives were at stake. It was the uncertainty, a “them or us” mentality at play. Everyone was on edge and riding an emotional rollercoaster without knowing how the ride would end.
The Mayor of Baraboo and the Executive for Sauk County jointly submitted a formal request to the Governor of Wisconsin to send national guardsmen to Baraboo to protect Klowntown from an expected raid from the Hater militia. The request was promptly denied since the Governor was a closet Hater. She despised clowns in all of their forms and wanted nothing more than for the clowns disappear from Wisconsin, one way or another and she didn’t care which way.
Both local officials knew well there would be bloodshed if the Hate carried out an attack that had been rumored to happen soon. Not only clowns and headhunters would die, but innocent residents too, those who didn’t take sides in the conflict. That’s what worried the officials the most. Honest to goodness, God fearing taxpayers might end up as casualties. That wasn’t good for business or reelections. There was even some talk about evicting the clowns if they didn’t leave of their own volition. The officials realized that would mean a death sentence for thousands of people and they wrestled with their consciences over the dilemma. Ultimately, they decided to maintain the status quo and let the clowns continue to live in Klowntown despite the possible consequences for the citizenry. Their better angels had come to the fore, but their chances for reelection had just gone to Hell.
***
Aubrey’s taskforce had already prevented two assassinations of clowns in Alabama and Illinois based on Willis’s information. Willis also passed along the Haters’ plan to attack and destroy Klowntown, but didn’t yet know the date or details. In the meantime, Aubrey had been discussing with Connors possible law enforcement support for defending Baraboo and now close to finalizing a plan.
***
Crusty had sent a secret message to Mike Adams with the date and time the grocery store trucks would leave Baraboo. He also provided the identities of the two routes they would use in transporting the clown families. Adams was pleased with the news and promised himself to dispatch Crusty quickly and efficiently so he wouldn’t suffer. That was the least he could do for the guy who’d been a valuable asset to his organization.
Adams had devised a two-pronged strategy to attack and destroy the clowns. He would use his headhunters to intercept the trucks and kill the occupants. He made it clear he wanted no survivors. That meant the truck drivers, clowns, women and children would be butchered on the spot. As another message of his terror campaign, he ordered all of the bodies to be nailed to wooden crosses affixed to trees along the roads so they could be clearly seen by passersby: a clear warning to others that practicing clownery didn’t pay. It was just more of his quirky, macabre sense of humor.
A second tranche of hunters would storm Klowntown at the same time and set it ablaze. As people fled their homes, they’d be shot down one by one like rabid dogs which they were. No one was to be spared. It was no time to show human kindness since clowns were a vile, subhuman species that needed to be eradicated for the betterment of the country. It was an important civic duty and little more. May God bless America and the Haters plan for the successful outcome of their ultimate objective of saving the country once and for all from the blight of the insidious practice of clownery in American.
He’d worked out virtually all of the logistical details of the operation in his head. He briefed his two teams on what each was expected to accomplish. Adams estimated that the entire operation could successfully be completed in five hours, tops. Close coordination was required and each team commander had the authority to communicate directly with the other. He expected nothing less than a flawless execution and a decisive, clear victory for the Haters. Nothing short of that goal would be tolerated. His commanders understood his meaning: no screw-ups or they’d be summarily dispatched as well. If the public thought Sarasota was a bloodbath, wait to see what I do to Klowntown, Adams spoke to himself. Armageddon was about to arrive at the doorsteps of Baraboo, Wisconsin and no one could stop it. It was an inevitable and immutable fact. The winner in the final battle between good and evil would soon be decided. Adams was a winner and he could already taste victory.
***
The battle of Klowntown began promptly at 10 am on a beautiful fall day in October of 2020. The attack came as no surprise to either the residents of Baraboo or Klowntown since everyone in Sauk County had been on high alert for the past ten days awaiting the momentous event. A handful of trusted officials of both communities had learned of the time and date beforehand. That was critical to their defense plan and would result in saving many residents their lives.
The headhunters advance on the grocery trucks went smoothly at first. The hunters were tipped by their spotters when the four eighteen-wheelers pulled through the city limits of Baraboo and headed to the interstate to begin their journeys north. They passed several Wisconsin State Patrol cars as they narrowed the distance to their targets. No problem with the cops they thought, the officers were merely disinterested bystanders and observers of what was about to happen. The patrol cars lazily followed the dozen or so hunter vehicles and watched when the grocery trucks were brought to a halt by several, large trees felled across the road. As suspected, the hunters, in their frenzied zeal to attack and kill, didn’t bother to wait until the truckers left the county. In hindsight, that turned out to be a mistake on their part. The hunters encircled the trucks like a pack of wolves smelling live prey. The grocery trucks couldn’t move backward since the hunters had blocked their retreat with several of their vehicles. The fallen trees couldn’t be breached to offer an escape going forward. They’d been trapped and awaited their fate.
The hunters got out of their vehicles and walked to the tractor trailers while leveling their weapons on the driver and co-driver of each cab, warning them not to make a move or they’d be killed too. The drivers had no illusions as to what the hunters planned to do to them after the clown families were slaughtered.
As the hunters opened the trailers double doors, a fusillade of shotgun blasts met them straight on. The frontline of six county law enforcement officers and clown cops then dropped to their knees and a second standing line of six more shooters repeated the deafening and deadly volley of gunfire. The tactic was much like the British Army’s firing line formations which were employed in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries to great effect.
As repeatedly practiced, the two six man teams in each of the trailers next took up defensive positions at the four corners of each rig and engaged the hunters in a fierce firefight before most of the hunters were killed or wounded. The State Patrol officers then swooped onto the scene, from both the north and south directions, and arrested those hunters trying to flee. They would be initially charged with the illegal possession and use of a firearm. Additional charges would be piled on later. The count of the dead or dying from the action topped thirty-six, a
nd all hunters. Only two cops were wounded in the fray. Aubrey’s plan, as executed by Ralph Conners, worked well.
***
Baggy Britches didn’t have time to celebrate the news from the tractor trailer operation since the enclave of Klowntown was presently under attack from two directions by the Haters forces. The clowns as well as few of the Baraboo residents had suffered casualties in a firefight for high ground just within the city limits. It was a strategic position that commanded a clear view of downtown Baraboo, but now served as Mike Adams’ forward observation point to direct the battle. The clown outpost there had been overrun and those not killed were forced to retreat. The headhunters used ATVs and motorcycles with armed, pillion riders along with a few Hummers carrying rounds of extra ammunition to spearhead a coordinated, fast strike into the heart of the city from opposing directions. The strands of razor wire strung by the clowns across key choke points slowed down the attack by decapitating or otherwise injuring some of the intruders before they had a chance to reach the inner city. But such victories were few and far between. The clowns were forced to regroup their forces to meet the changing battlefield landscape. Lines were shifting quickly and the clowns defenses were beginning to crumble.
***
Lt. Colonel Frank McGregor was personally, professionally affronted and disgusted by the activities of the Haters. In his mind, the Haters pogrom of eradicating clowns was not only unconstitutional, but un-American too. McGregor was a true blue patriot and commander of the Wisconsin National Guard unit stationed at Camp McCoy in Sparta, Wisconsin, located some thirty-five miles north of Baraboo. He simply couldn’t stand by and watch the clowns in Baraboo massacred. McGregor had grown up on a healthy diet of John Wayne, Wheaties and scouting. He knew what was right and what he must do. He also knew the possible consequences of his decision since the governor had turned down requests from several organizations to have the National Guard intercede in the siege of Klowntown. McGregor understood he’d be courts marshaled for what was about to happen, but he picked up the phone anyway and called his chief of staff.
“Saddle up the troops, Roy. We’re heading to Baraboo.”
***
The fighting wasn’t going well for the clowns. They’d won a few skirmishes with the hunters, but the Haters forces were almost at the gates of Klownville. The barbarians had to be kept outside the gates at all costs. Otherwise, many clowns and their families would die. Most of the cops participating in the hunter trap had returned to the city to bolster its defenses. That was good, but perhaps it was too little too late as the saying goes.
***
Mike Adams was fuming, his body on fire, thinking of Crusty. He turned to his second in command and screamed:
“That miserable fucker sold us out and set us up to be mowed down at the truck convoy,” he venomously spat out the words. “He was a double agent whose allegiance to the clowns hadn’t changed one iota. A true-blue motherfucker and Benedict Arnold all rolled into one treacherous bastard. I can’t believe I fell for his scam. Oh, but wait until I find him quivering under his bedcovers. He won’t receive any sympathy from me. Oh no, I’ll slowly skin the sucker alive and happily watch him suffer. That’s the least he deserves for betraying us and our cause.”
Adams temper tantrum finally abated and he returned to look at his map. Overall, he thought the battle was going fairly well. He’d misjudged the ferocity of the clown resistance, but believed his strategy was working as planned, although at a slower pace than anticipated. No worry, it was the end result which mattered.
***
The fires started throughout Baraboo at roughly the same time, all the nasty handiwork of the hunters. The Baraboo Fire Department, augmented by Sauk County brigades, did its best to keep them under control and from spreading. But it seemed to be an uphill, losing battle with Sisyphus leading the charge. As one blaze was extinguished, another would pop up to take its place. It reminded the firefighters of the Whack-a-Mole game, although with the consequences of losing much more serious.
One of the northern defenses of Klowntown was a hundred yard wide no man’s land with an outer and inner cyclone fence running about a half mile in length. Circus World had offered twenty of its big cats to prowl the enclosure and discourage anyone from entering. For the most part, it was working well which allowed the limited clown resources to be deployed elsewhere.
Firefights between the police and hunters were becoming more frequent as the day wore on. Some innocents got caught in the crossfire and were injured or killed. Saint Mary’s Hospital was getting overwhelmed with trauma admissions and made a desperate plea for blood donors. Many people answered the call.
The carnage continued to grind on until the arrival of Lt. Colonel McGregor’s cavalry at the 11th hour or four pm local time. When they heard the news, some of the clowns joked it might be Calvary instead. None looked forward to that event. Fortunately that wasn’t the case.
The guardsmen quickly took control of the situation using overwhelming numbers of troops equipped with the latest panoply of lethal weaponry. The headhunters were outgunned and outmatched and soon realized the situation was hopeless and began stealthily leaving Baraboo. Not Mike Adams though, he still had work to finish with a Crusty clown.
The Wisconsin State Patrol ordered all of the hunters vehicles to be towed to an impound lot for safekeeping and later searches for any incriminating evidence. Removing the vehicles would prevent the Haters from quickly leaving the area. The tow operators had a field day hauling one vehicle after another from where they’d been parked in a willy-nilly fashion on the outskirts of Baraboo.
***
It was a tough, bloody battle until the guard arrived. That’s when things turned to favor the clowns. The guard conducted mopping up operations of the remaining headhunters. Those who surrendered would be transported to Camp McCoy for processing and incarceration. The legalities would have to be addressed later by higher authorities. Those who didn’t die in the corn and soybean fields of Baraboo would finally face justice.
***
Mike Adams searched high and low for Crusty and finally found him holed up at the commissary at Klowntown along with several other residents who had taken shelter there. Adams wouldn’t leave Klowntown without saying goodbye to his good pal Crusty, just a thoughtful, parting gesture to square the books between them. Crusty was dressed to the nines and had been waiting for his arrival. In this case, it meant Crusty was wearing a red, white and blue costume with camo greasepaint covering his face along with his signature red, bulbous nose and matted orange wig. Despite his bravado, Crusty was a confirmed pacifist who wanted nothing more than to bring joy and laughter to the world.
“Well well, what do we have here, a citizen-soldier clown?” Adams scoffed while barely able to control his seething rage. “It’s time to stop your clowning once and for all. Do want to go easy or hard? It’s your choice. You betrayed the cause and now you must pay the piper for your treachery,” as he moved the stiletto back and force between his hands. “A bullet isn’t good enough for a traitor. No, this will be a nice piece of wet work, up close and very personal, my friend.”
As he spoke those words, Adams advanced towards Crusty. As he did, he immediately lost his footing and fell hard to the concrete floor. Crusty had strewn tiny ball bearings across the commissary’s floor making it difficult for anyone to maintain their balance. Crusty easily shuffled his oversized clown shoes to where Adams had fallen and gave him a one two punch with his trick boxing gloves that employed a spring activated scissor mechanism which delivered serious punches to Adams’ head. Dazed, he again fell to the floor, but when he tried to get up, Crusty squirted him directly in the eyes with a gag sunflower. The reservoir had been carefully filled with battery acid shortly before. Adams was temporarily blinded, but Crusty had always believed the guy hadn’t possessed any foresight or vision to begin with. He chuckled at his cheesy pun.
Adams was trussed up using several of Crust
y’s silk scarves. As a last insult, Crusty sat on the stoop while waiting for the cops to arrive and haul Adams away.
***
News of the victory spread like wildfire throughout the world and Klowntown was overwhelmed with tweets and letters congratulating the clowns. Crusty was declared a hero for his role as a double agent who was the key to the defense of Klowntown. He was now worshipped by tens of thousands of youngsters who now wanted to be clowns when they grew up. Crusty could now rest on his laurels or on his whoopee cushion as the case may be.
October 13th was declared Crusty the Clown Day, an official holiday in Sauk County when Crusty and the Battle of Klowntown were celebrated. Chuck had chosen well. He’d pitched Crusty on his plan to infiltrate the Haters to learn of their intentions and to supply disinformation to confuse and delay their attack. Crusty readily accepted the dangerous job and began by acting as a malcontented, standoffish character who often disrupted council meetings for the sheer pleasure of doing so. His reputation for being at odds with the council eventually reached Mike Adams ears and he was recruited by the Haters shortly thereafter. With Crusty insinuated into the enemy’s camp, Chuck’s game plan worked to a tee.
***
Just like The Phobia first started, it abated in a matter of a few months following the battle. The scales had been removed from most of Americans eyes with reason and rationality again taking hold throughout the nation. It was if much of the population had woken from a bad dream. Sanity had been finally restored. There were still some hardcore Haters, but for the most part they went underground or stayed silent fearing for their safety.
The national leadership of the People Opposed to Clowns along with Mike Adams and his key lieutenants were extradited to the International Court of Criminal Justice in The Hague to stand trial for crimes against humanity. The U.S. administration was happy to turn them over to avoid a potentially sticky, tar baby of a political situation at home. Specifically, they were charged with genocide by profession, a new category of transnational crime now punishable under United Nations law.
Macabre Memories Page 11
