by Susan Stoker
Well, Poe more than Wyn because Wyn somehow is the calmest of us all.
High school was almost three years ago and we live in different cities now, but there’s been a lot of coordination over the phone and FaceTime while they helped me plan the whole thing. Or rather, they planned it for me.
Now, I stare at Callie and explain, “It’s not the wedding. It’s not a freak-out. It’s just something that I have to do.”
“No, it’s not. That’s what I keep telling you.”
“She’s my sister,” I tell her.
Callie’s features ripple with anger. “Yes, unfortunately. But you don’t owe her anything.”
My heart squeezes. “She wants to see me.”
“She’s a bitch.”
I gasp and she gasps as well.
Then she looks down at her giant baby belly and pats her stomach. “Sorry. Mommy didn’t mean it.”
She looks like she’s about to pop, but she still has about three more weeks to go before she becomes a mommy for the second time. In less than like, three years by the way.
Apparently, abstinence is not something she and her husband, Reed Jackson, practice. That’s how they ended up with the first baby over two years ago when Callie was still a senior in high school.
I wish I could say that it was a joyous thing for them but it wasn’t.
It so fucking wasn’t.
It’s hard to believe now but back then, Callie hated Reed. Like, really, really hated him, and I’m not gonna go into detail about that because there’s too much history there. But she didn’t want anything to do with him and especially didn’t want to tell him about the pregnancy.
And well, Reed reacted like a crazy, possessive asshole to that. Just a fun little factoid – Arrow seems to think that Reed did nothing wrong.
His exact words when I asked him if he would’ve done the same thing: “Yeah. She’s his girl. She belongs with him, period.”
Yeah, okay, so the guy I’m marrying is crazy as well. And fine, a little bit sexy for saying that, but Reed and Callie were a big mess and for a long time, I was really scared for them.
But hey, it all worked out and now she’s having another baby.
Not that I blame her.
The fault lies completely on her husband’s shoulders. No one told him to be that gorgeous. Like, so insanely gorgeous that my friend here can’t help but throw her panties at him out of extreme horniness.
Callie’s words, not mine.
“What about the other one?” I ask, referring to her first baby.
She glances at something off-camera before waving. “Oh, the other one’s sleeping.”
“Oooh, so does that mean Mommy can say bad words now?” I wiggle my eyebrows.
She raises her chin. “Mommy is a lady. She only curses under desperate circumstances. And this is an example of a desperate circumstance.”
My shoulders slump and I sit on the bed. “It’s not. She’s my sister and she wants to see me. I haven’t seen her in over a year. Of course I have to go. And…” I shrug. “Maybe she’s changed.”
Okay, I don’t know if I really believe that.
But I’d like to.
She’s my sister.
Sarah, and I have never really gotten along. Not even when we were kids. I always idolized her and she always thought of me as a nuisance.
I thought things would change, if only slightly, when our mother died when I was ten and she was fifteen. I thought we’d somehow grow closer in our grief but exactly the opposite happened. Soon after Mom’s death, we were sent to live with her old best friend, our new guardian, Mrs. Carlisle.
That’s where I met him for the first time – my Arrow.
My sister met him too and, well, they started dating. For eight years they were together, and I watched them being in love while secretly pining for my sister’s boyfriend and simultaneously hating myself for it.
For being the world’s worst sister.
When I found out that Arrow was going to propose to Sarah, I decided that I’d had enough. That I’d get out of their lives and take my poisonous presence away.
Only my plan failed and somehow, I ended up at St. Mary’s School for Troubled Teenagers, an all-girls reform school, where I met Callie, Wyn and Poe, my best friends for life.
And then Arrow somehow ended up there as well, betrayed by my sister and as our new soccer coach.
I still have a lot of anger toward Sarah for that, for betraying Arrow, for cheating on him with his best friend.
For breaking his heart.
And well, she’s angry at me for falling in love with him, and maybe even for the fact that he returns that love.
But I’m getting married now and a couple of days ago she called me out of the blue, telling me that she was in town and that she wanted to see me.
I’d sent her the wedding invitation in the mail – of course I did; she’s the only blood relative I have left in this world – but she never responded to it, never called me or got in touch with me about it.
She’s here now though and I can’t help but think that maybe she’s here for the wedding. Maybe she wants to be a part of it.
Maybe there’s a way that we can have some kind of a relationship.
“Really? You really believe that?” Callie asks, still looking angry, and I love her for it.
Because I understand her hesitation.
I also understand that if Arrow found out I was doing this, he’d lose it.
He especially hates Sarah for some of the things that she has done – cutting me off, calling me names – after she found out about our relationship.
As I said, she’s my sister, even though I know after what she did to Arrow we’d never be totally okay. But I’d very much like to have some kind of a relationship with her.
“Since when did you become so bloodthirsty? I thought that was Poe’s job,” I ask her.
She rolls her eyes, settling against the mountains of pillows and rubbing her belly. “Since I became a mommy. I’m a momma bear now. And Poe isn’t as bloodthirsty anymore.”
“She isn’t, is she?”
“Yeah, she’s a changed person.”
“Love will do that to you.”
Callie grins. “Love with Mr. Marshall.”
I sigh happily. “I know. He’s dreamy.”
“He is.” She sighs too. “I can’t believe you get to meet him this weekend. I wish I was going to be there.”
I wish that too. But she can’t travel because she’s massively pregnant.
But everyone’s coming for the wedding this Saturday, Poe and Mr. Marshall – that’s what we all call him even now just because it sounds super sexy – Reed and Wyn and Callie’s brothers.
She has four brothers and we’ve all gotten close over the past couple of years. Mostly because Arrow is a soccer player, Reed is a soccer player and all four of Callie’s brothers are soccer players too.
So too much soccer and testosterone for the win!
“I also get to meet your brothers. Who are also dreamy and oh my God, Conrad is –”
“Stop it. Stop,” Callie squeals.
She always gets touchy when us girls perv over her very drool-worthy brothers.
I grin evilly. “What? I’m allowed to call your brothers dreamy.”
“No, you’re not. Not in front of me.”
“That’s so not fair. Wyn is allowed to date one of them but I’m not allowed to even express how much I appreciate them? That’s a double-standard and besides, you do know what people do when they date, don’t you?”
She puts her hands over her ears. “Ew. It’s gross. Stop. I don’t wanna hear it. And you got me. I love Wyn more than I love you.”
I scoff. “No, you don’t.”
“Fine. I don’t. But can we please talk about something else?”
I chuckle. “All right. But whatever we talk about is not gonna be as interesting.”
She rolls her eyes and we both fall silent then.
&nbs
p; She looks at me and I look at her and the mood has shifted back to the one we started out with, tense.
“Wear the dress,” she says, tipping her chin at it where it’s lying on top of the rubble of clothes.
“Yeah?”
“Yes. It makes you look, you know, mature and serious.”
I swallow. “Okay.” Then, “I wish you were here.”
I really do. I wish Poe and Wyn were here as well. They’re both arriving tomorrow but I haven’t told them anything. Their reaction is going to be exactly like Callie’s and I don’t wanna worry more people or have them tell me that it’s a bad idea.
The only reason I told Callie was because I needed help picking out an outfit and she wouldn’t help me until I told her why. Besides, she’s all the way on the east coast. She can’t do much through a computer screen.
But for all my bravado, I really wish she and the girls were here with me.
“I wish I was there too.” She narrows her eyes and points at her stomach. “It’s all his fault. I can’t believe he did this to me. Again.”
“I’ll punch him for you when I see him,” I offer, then draw in a sharp breath. “It’s gonna be okay.”
“Okay. Just remember: you can’t let her get to you, okay? This is your wedding week. You can’t let your sister ruin it for you.”
2
Salem
My sister is the most beautiful woman in the world.
She has dark hair like mine but it’s glossy and straight, and her skin is pale and unblemished, while mine is riddled with freckles, especially under my eyes and on the tip of my nose.
Arrow loves them.
He likes to count my freckles every night as if he’s counting the stars in the sky and God, I wish he was here with me.
If I had told him, he would’ve come.
Well, first he would’ve told me to not go and, obviously, we would’ve had a fight. Because he may be the guy I love and the guy I’m going to marry this Saturday, but he can’t tell me what to do.
Since I hate fighting with him, I would’ve started crying in the end, and since he hates seeing me cry, he would’ve hit something, like a wall or a door, in an aggressive display of helplessness before storming out of the apartment that we live in.
Hours later, he would’ve come back and found me in bed, waiting for him. He would’ve slid inside the covers and I would’ve turned to him. He would’ve counted my freckles and kissed each one of them and fucked me slowly and gently.
And finally, he would’ve told me that the only way I could go see Sarah was if he came with me.
Damn it.
Why didn’t I let it happen that way?
Why didn’t I tell him that I was going to see Sarah and why the hell did I make Callie promise me that she wouldn’t tell him either?
What was I trying to accomplish?
Well, if it was shaking legs and a thumping heart with sweaty hands, I think I’m doing fantastic.
The thing is, my sister always reduces me to this nervous, self-conscious wreck.
Even though I’m wearing a perfectly pretty dress made of orange-yellow cotton with cap sleeves and a boat neckline, I still feel inadequate in front of her.
Sarah has on a semi-professional silk blouse and a pencil skirt that I find, just from the looks of it, very constraining. I wonder how anyone can move in that thing, let alone sit so daintily perched at the edge of her seat with her legs crossed.
I was early, but Sarah was already sitting there when I arrived at the venue of her choosing, a little Mexican restaurant a few blocks away from Arrow’s and my apartment in California.
Should’ve known. My sister loves arriving super-duper early and telling people that they’re late. Which she did with me.
But anyway, I’ve been here fifteen minutes and so far, we’ve ordered food, exchanged pleasantries and chatted about her job – she’s in PR and works for a firm on the east coast. She moved there when she found out about Arrow and me. Before that, she worked for the firm that handles the PR for Arrow’s team.
She asks me what my plans are after college and I tell her that I haven’t decided anything yet. That right now, I’m enjoying my classes and playing soccer. She looks slightly disappointed at that.
It absolutely does not feel like we’re seeing each other after over a year.
On the other hand, it does feel familiar. In the sense that we’ve never been close and there have never been any sisterly displays of affection between us.
Even today we just smiled at each other. Mine was bright and with teeth, hers was a small, tight one.
And now, as we wait for our food to arrive, I broach the subject of my wedding. “So, uh, did you get the card? I mean, the invitation.”
Sarah was about to take a sip of her water but she pauses now and lowers the glass to the table. For some reason, her cautious action puts me on alert.
She looks at me. “Yes, I did.” A hesitant smile, something I don’t expect to see from my sister; she’s always been so confident. “Thank you. For sending that. I wasn’t expecting it.”
I’m taken aback.
For a second, I can’t say anything at her unusual display of vulnerability. And then, I can’t stop myself from blurting out, “I had to. We’re sisters.”
Sarah studies my face. “We are, aren’t we?”
“Yes. We are.”
She nods and lowers her eyes to the table. I open my mouth to say something to her, put her at ease. Because I know she’s not.
I can see that and there’s this strong urge in me, despite everything, to make things easier for her, my big sister.
But she looks up and says, “I’ve been trying to think about what to say to you. You know, once I saw you. To be honest, I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, see you and just talk.”
Again, my reply bursts out. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you too.”
Sarah smiles. “Good. Because I want to say so many things. I don’t even know where to start.”
I can’t help but chuckle at that. “I usually have the same problem.”
“And that’s my fault. I’ve never been very…” She swallows. “Warm with you. I guess I’ve always been…”
“Always been what?”
“Jealous of you, I think.”
“Jealous of me?”
A wave of regret washes over her face. “Yes.”
I don’t know what I was expecting when I came to see my sister today. Well, I knew what I was hoping for.
I was hoping for some sort of compromise between us, some sort of reconciliation.
But never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that Sarah would tell me this. That the sister whom I’ve always looked up to, the sister who’s always been better than me at everything, would be jealous of me.
I always considered her perfect, flawless – at least before I found out about her betrayal – and I always admired her for it. And I always thought that she hated me because I was the opposite of her and I am.
I’m not perfect and that’s okay.
But this is… I don’t even know what to say.
“B-but why…” I fumble with words but in the end nothing comes out.
Sarah blinks her very red eyes. “You’re just… so out there. So free and unreserved. You didn’t have to make Mom like you. She just did. I had to work hard for her affection. I had to be perfect, get good grades, follow all the rules. But she was never that way with you. She loved you regardless.”
“Mom loved you too. She was always so proud of you.”
“I always thought that if I was perfect, she’d love me more. She’d think I was special, treat me differently. But I guess a mother loves her children equally, doesn’t she? It was petty of me to think that, to want something like that and I don’t know how to ever make up for that. I –”
Her hands are on the table and she’s twisting the napkin between her fingers and I swear, I can’t see her like this.
So defeated and unsure
and so fucking vulnerable.
I lean forward. “It’s okay. You don’t have to. We’re sisters. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I always looked up to you, Sarah. Growing up, you were my whole world. My idol.”
“But not anymore, right?”
I squirm in my seat, unable to meet her eyes.
As much as it pains me to see her like this, she’s right. I don’t think I can ever forget what she did to Arrow.
“I –”
“It’s okay.” She doesn’t let me speak. “I know. I know what I did. To you. To A. I regret it every day. I can’t believe that I did that. Actually, I can. I can believe it. I always wanted to feel special and different and extraordinary. And when Mom died and we went to live with the Carlisles and they started to pay attention to me more than you, I just… I thought I was finally getting my due. And someone like Arrow was interested in me and I thought, why wouldn’t he be? I’m perfect for him. I thought we’d always stay together, and I guess I took that for granted. I took him for granted, and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. And I’m alone now.”
Tears well up in my eyes.
I know she’s alone. I know that.
I know that Arrow has cut all ties with her, and Arrow’s mom – our guardian – who’s always been a champion of Sarah, has pulled back from her as well.
Over the past three years, I’ve tried to make contact with Sarah but she’s always been less than receptive.
But maybe this could be a new beginning for us.
Maybe we could be something to each other.
I reach out and grab her hand. “You’re not. You don’t have to be. We can talk. We can try to be friends. I’ve always wanted that.”
“You think so?” she asks hopefully.
I squeeze her hand. “Yes. And I’ll talk to Arrow too. I know he’s not angry about whatever… happened between you two but…” He’s mad at how you’ve treated me. “But he’ll understand. We’re sisters.”
“We are.”
“Yes.”
“You know, as afraid as I was to come see you, deep down I knew that you’d say that. You’re better than me, Salem.” I wave off her compliment, but she insists. “You are. And…”
