“Thanks for the concert. I enjoyed hearing you play very much.” I hoped my voice sounded as normal to him as it did in my head.
“Then why did you leave?” He took a hit of pot and offered it back to me. I declined, allowing Pepper to finish it off.
“She needed some air.” Pepper answered for me. I tried to laugh coyly, but what came barreling out was a donkey’s bray. Then I snorted. Pepper blew smoke out in a choking sound and bent over, holding her stomach while she guffawed.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” There was a wheezy quality to my voice. “It’s been a long time since I’ve smoked.” My face burned with mortification, but I still had to fight the urge to start laughing again.
“No worries.” Will looked amused and pushed us both over to a couple of metal lawn chairs. Before too long, Billy joined us, but there was no chair for him. Instead, Pepper stood and offered hers, then sat on his lap. I was buzzing quite nicely and was glad no one else came out to the deck to interrupt the intimacy the four of us shared. Our quiet chatter about nothing important was more stream of consciousness, and I was so glad I agreed to Will’s invitation.
*****
Pepper watched Vivienne carefully. With each passing moment, she could feel her friend loosening up. The hookup still might not happen, but Vivienne seemed happy and was enjoying herself. Sure, it would have been better if she could have helped her friend get laid, but the idea had been so spur of the moment, it had been impossible to orchestrate it successfully.
I should have thought about it first, she thought as she watched Vivienne laugh at some story Will regaled her with. The story of my life.
Pepper wasn’t blind to the fact that Will was warming to Vivienne in a way she hadn’t expected. Billy was too drunk to join in too much of the conversation. He was simply holding her and zoning out while the insects serenaded them and voices murmured all around. But Will and Vivienne were engaged in a lively discussion, flitting from topic to topic like two kids with ADD. Pepper tried to follow it and participate for a while, but it felt too much like a mental tennis match to her. They talked about books and music she’d never heard of and movies she’d never seen. So she smiled dreamily and let the easy cadence of their voices soothe her and prolong her buzz.
Pepper started to shiver when the temperature dropped to near 60 degrees and the breeze blowing through the trees picked up. Her thin dress didn’t offer much protection to the cooler night air. She asked Will if he had a sweater or hoodie she could borrow.
“Why don’t we just go inside?” Will suggested. He helped Pepper off Billy’s lap and then pulled Billy into a standing position. He listed to the side, then leaned against Pepper. Will then turned to Vivienne and offered her his hand, which she took right away, much to Pepper’s delight.
“Where we goin’?” Billy slurred, causing Pepper to totter unstably on her stilettos.
Will reached for his arm and slung it around his shoulders.
“Inside, big guy.” Arm in arm, they shuffled inside the house while Pepper and Vivienne followed.
Pepper was surprised to see the house had emptied considerably. The family room was completely empty. A couple of people were in the kitchen with Tim. Another couple of people were in the foyer, saying goodbye to the bass player, Dan. Looking at her watch, she saw it was almost one in the morning. As if on cue, a yawn yanked her mouth wide open and she struggled to hide it behind her hand.
“I saw that,” Vivienne whispered.
“Heh, I guess I’m not much for stamina anymore.” Pepper rubbed her eyes to keep them from drooping.
Vivienne’s smile faded.
“We should call a cab, I guess.”
“No, no. We can stay. I’m not ready to go, yawn or no yawn.” Pepper waved her hands at Vivienne. Shit, she thought. Damn yawn!
“You can stay with me,” Billy mumbled drunkenly as Will dropped him onto a soft leather couch.
“Thanks, Billy, but no thanks.” Pepper patted his head affectionately.
“There’s a guest room,” Will offered. “Go crash if you want.”
Pepper hesitated for a moment, unable to tell if Will wanted her to go so he could have Vivienne alone or if he was just being his usual kind self. She didn’t take the chance, faking a second yawn.
“Show me the way. Come get me when you’re ready to go, Viv.”
“Not too much longer, I promise. Will was telling me about the shows they played for the troops.” Vivienne’s eyes were wide and bright with wakefulness, but missing any sort of lust, much to Pepper’s disappointment. Still, you never know what’ll happen if I just get out of their hair.
“Help me, Pepper.” Will yanked Billy back into his arms. Pepper kicked off her shoes and picked them up in her right hand, then used her left to sling Billy’s arm over her shoulders. Together, she and Will staggered with him over to the stairs and up each one slowly. The upper level looked out over the living room, and the hallway was lined with doors. Vivienne watched as Pepper opened the one Will pointed to, and they dragged Billy inside. When they came back out, Will closed the door and then led Pepper in the opposite direction. Pepper smiled, winked, and waved goodbye to Vivienne before disappearing from view.
Chapter 11
When Will came back, I was already comfortable on one of the leather couches with my legs curled up under me. My boots were on the floor and I had snagged a throw from the back of one of the leather chairs.
“Glad to see you’re making yourself at home.” Will had made a detour into the kitchen and returned with bottles of water. He tossed me one and winked, making me want to giggle like a teenager.
I gave him a cheesy grin and twisted the cap off.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Will tipped his water in my direction.
“Tell me about the tour.” I leaned against the soft leather.
“Lord, do you have a month?” Will grinned, but launched into stories about the cities they’d seen and how exhausting it all was. He loved performing and didn’t deny loving the crowds screaming and chanting for the band, but the business end of it all sucked. They needed to find a new manager, one that wouldn’t book them for twelve months at a time and was more interested in the band members’ wellbeing than the almighty dollar.
“I guess I never thought of it that way,” I mused.
“What?”
“You’re obviously doing what you love to do. You get to fly around in private jets and have every creature comfort possible. It never occurred to me that it could be exhausting or boring or a hassle.” I suddenly felt bad for him. Maybe the grass wasn’t always greener on the other side of the fence.
“It sucks, if you think about it too much.” Will tilted his head from side to side as he considered it. “Then I think about what it’s like to not have to worry about money. Helping out my family. Getting to see parts of the world I never thought I’d see. Having a job where I get to make music. It all becomes worth it, then.”
“You’re preaching to the choir.” I gave him a thumbs up. “Before The Widow’s Path, I was able to indie-publish pretty consistently. I wasn’t wealthy, that’s for sure, but it was enough to spend my life doing what I loved instead of tolerating what I had to.”
Will grinned at me and I thought my heart would melt. I wanted to ask him how he could be so damn manly-slash-sexy and cute-slash-boyish all at the same time. I had to force myself to keep the conversation going, or else I’d have spent the rest of the night just staring at him, drinking in his good looks.
I must have asked him a hundred questions. I wanted to know all about Static Neverland, when he learned to love music, where he had grown up, what making a TV show was like. He answered them all with enthusiasm and a frankness I never would have expected. Will revealed his desire to get into acting and producing, and even admitted he had dabbled with short story writing a time or two.
“Really? I’d love to read your stuff sometime.” Yikes! I couldn’t believe I said that
to him.
“Oh, no,” Will demurred. “It’s not that good. I just did it to see if I could.”
I couldn’t back out now, so I pressed him.
“Don’t be silly. You’ve written some beautiful lyrics. Are the stories fiction?”
“Yeah.”
“What genre?”
Will shrugged.
“One’s kind of a sci-fi fantasy thing, but I don’t have a real big science background, so I’m sure it sucks. And the other one’s about a kid trying to decide what he wants to do with this life.”
I nodded and gave him a warm smile.
“Well, if you change your mind, I’d be happy to take a look. I’ve been in a group for years and it’s all about encouragement.”
“Meh,” Will said. “Maybe.”
He changed the subject then and asked about The Widow’s Path. He was shocked when I told him how it had been fifteen years in the writing. I was flattered because he really had read the book. He couldn’t have asked some of the questions he did if he hadn’t understood the story.
We talked about the foundation and my inspiration for starting it. I told him about the families who had been helped so far, and how excited I was to keep doing good work for those left behind. Will was adamant about the band helping out, and once again I was flabbergasted at the selflessness of the offer. I admit I was excited about having such a big name attached to the foundation. I knew it was selfish, but I couldn’t help myself.
I opened up about my writing in a way I hadn’t done with anyone but Pepper or my mom for such a long time. In spite of my own frankness, I could tell Will did not know the book was my own personal story. I didn’t bother telling him that particular truth. It didn’t seem important. He got the point of the story and had been moved by it, much like everyone else who read it, just like I had hoped when I published it. Besides, I didn’t want him feeling sorry for me. The look on his face as I talked was one of interest and attention. I hated to watch peoples’ faces morph with pity and discomfort when they found out I was a widow.
I was glad to get to know Will in a way Pepper never intended. He was much more easygoing than I would have thought, considering what little I knew about him before tonight. He seemed more normal than a celebrity should be. I was an avid magazine reader and I conceded with shame how often I just swallowed what was written about famous people without giving them the benefit of the doubt.
“Tell me about your family.” Will’s question caught me off guard. The array of topics we’d covered was so wide and varied, it never occurred to me that he’d be interested in family.
“Well, it’s just me and my mom. My dad died seven years ago.”
“Oh, man, I’m sorry.” Will’s bottom lip slipped forward in a slight pout. I almost passed out when I wondered what it would be like to bite it.
“Uh, yeah,” I muttered, clearing my throat and studying a hangnail on my finger. “My dad was the best.”
“What did he do?”
“He was a construction superintendent for a company that built commercial banks, and he built furniture in his spare time. He was really talented. Half the stuff in my house is from him.” My eyes misted a little thinking about Dad. It didn’t matter how long he’d been gone or how old I got, it was always painful to think about him not being around.
“That’s really awesome. What about your mom? Is she creative, too?”
I cocked my head to the side. “Well, not in the typical sense. But she’s scary smart.”
“Scary?” Will laughed. “What the hell does that mean?”
I grinned.
“Some people are smart. Other people are really smart. And then there are the ones who know so much it scares you. That’s scary smart.” I groaned inwardly thinking how juvenile that sounded. It was a concept I’d developed when I was a teenager and never let go of, in spite of moving into my fourth decade of life.
Will chuckled and nodded at me.
“I like it. I know scary smart people, too. It sounds like you’re pretty close with your mom.”
“Yeah. She’s as much my best friend as Pepper.”
“Any brothers or sisters?”
“Nope. Just me. My folks were onlies too, so it’s just the two of us.”
“Wow,” Will whispered. “You’re so… lucky!” Astonishment filled his eyes. “It must have been so peaceful and quiet.”
Laughing, I shook my head.
“I suppose. Sometimes it was lonely.”
When I asked him about his family, he regaled me with stories about his two older sisters and two younger brothers and being the “middle child.” I laughed until my sides ached listening to him relate countless exploits he’d had growing up. The time his sisters dressed him up in their clothes and carried him around like a baby doll. The practical joke competitions with his little brothers and how much blame he could lay at their door for his misdeeds. His parents were still married and living in the house where he grew up back home in Kansas City. I had to admit I was a bit jealous, having been an only child and having no frame of reference to relate to his experiences.
I concentrated on sipping my water when the laughter we shared died down. Will looked tired and I thought it was probably time to get Pepper and head back to the hotel. I was just about to open my mouth to voice my thoughts when he beat me to it with a question.
“Have you ever been married?”
All at once, my body tensed. I don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t come up. It was probably natural for him to wonder. After all, we’d talked about every other subject under the sun.
“Well, I was once,” I said softly, staring at my hands, having a difficult time remembering what it was like to wear a wedding ring. The change in conversation made my stomach start to ache.
“Didn’t work out?” he asked, not recognizing my discomfort. He was leaning forward in his chair, elbows resting on knees, looking at me intently.
“Not exactly.” I leveled my gaze to his. “I’m a widow, actually.”
Normally I took a perverse sort of pleasure at dropping that bomb on people when they asked about my marital status. At my age, being unmarried intimated there was something wrong with me. The shock and shame that would spread across the inquisitor’s face made me feel vindicated, and I would soak in all the apologies to come. But the distress on Will’s face and the stunned shock in his eyes made me feel sick with guilt.
“I’m so sorry.” He looked away quickly. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t speak.
The misery on Will’s face abruptly deepened and understanding bloomed as his cheeks paled.
“The book’s about you, isn’t it?” He sat back up and looked at me, his eyes full of anguish. Then he surprised me again by crossing the room to sit down beside me.
“Yes, it is.” No sense lying about it.
“Oh, fuck.” Will ran his fingers through his hair and leaned forward. “What a shitty thing. My God! I’m so sorry,” he said again. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“It’s okay, Will. It was my choice not to make it public. You don’t have anything to be sorry about.” I cracked my knuckles and avoided looking at him.
“Did you have any kids? I mean, do you have any kids?”
“No.” An image of the last care package I ever sent flashed through my mind. I had written a letter to Bruce pouring my heart out about how much I loved him and how I couldn’t wait to have a baby when he got home. “We thought we had plenty of time for them later.”
“Well that’s good.” Realizing at once he’d said something insensitive, Will tried to backtrack. “Wait, I didn’t mean that.”
I touched his arm trying to make him feel better.
“I know what you meant.” I didn’t want what had turned out to be such a special night morphing into something he would be embarrassed to remember. I was used to sensitive people saying insensitive things without thinking.
He put his hand over mine and I thought he was just being supportiv
e and grateful for my forgiveness. But his eyes came back to mine.
And then he was kissing me.
Chapter 12
And then I was kissing her.
Two thoughts ran simultaneously through my brain. Man is this woman hot! And What the hell are you doing? I was half on top of her, my mouth smashed against hers. I hadn’t been with a woman in well over a year. I felt that year in my pants the instant my lips touched hers. I was embarrassed to hear a groan start in the back of my throat. I cut it off immediately.
I could tell she was shocked because, when I peeked, her eyes were wide open. I almost stopped, but she was pulling me closer. Her fingers were laced together behind my neck and I could feel the gentle pressure forcing me nearer. She was trying to kiss back, but she seemed unsure of herself. Then she closed her eyes.
My hands had started on her biceps. I moved my right arm around her to cradle her shoulders. My left hand shot into her hair to pull it out of the loose ponytail she wore all night. I pressed our chests together and cupped the back of her head in my hand. Oh, how I wanted her now. Her kisses were becoming more confident.
I let my tongue try to tease open her lips, waiting for any resistance. When I felt hers come out to meet mine, I knew it was going to be a very long night.
Chapter 13
Will was the best kisser I’d ever known. I tried hard not to compare him to Bruce, but when it first started it was difficult not to. Bruce had been pushy and aggressive with his kissing, and it hadn’t lasted long before he would move on to other things, forgetting all about my lips. It wasn’t that it was bad, but it was really the only real experience I had.
I didn’t lie to Pepper when I said I’d been in a relationship with a man for six months four years ago. But that man had never touched me, which was why we broke up. I wasn’t interested in a physical relationship, so he had moved on and, honestly, I couldn’t blame him. But the truth was, I hadn’t had sex since the last time with Bruce, when I was only 21 years old.
The Widow and the Rock Star Page 8
