Pepper laughed heartily.
“Come on! You’ve directed some of the hottest women in the world!”
“Directed, yes. Worked with, yes. Conversed with, no.” Pepper could see a deep flush creep up his neck and she felt at once he was genuine.
She looked at him, tossed her head and grinned. Touching his arm, she said, “Well, you can talk to me. I’m just a regular person in better packaging today. You should see me after cleaning my apartment or a night without sleep.”
Gabriel’s flushed cheeks cooled.
“Would you care for a drink?”
Pepper hesitated and tilted her head downward.
“I was just about to leave, actually. Grab a cab, head home.” She threw her thumb back toward the door behind her.
The dejection in his voice was unmistakable and he pulled away.
“Oh. Another time, then.”
“Would you like to get a bite to eat?” Pepper reached for his arm again. “Someplace a little less crowded?”
Gabriel’s eyes lit up.
“Yes! I have a car. I’ll go get it.” He turned to leave, and Pepper squeezed his arm.
“Wait! Let me go say goodbye to Viv. Would you like to come with me?”
“No, no, you go ahead. I said hello to her earlier and I don’t wish her to think me a pest. I’ll get the car and meet you around front.” Gabriel grinned and then raced from the restaurant.
Tittering, Pepper hurried to Will and Vivienne’s table.
“I’m outta here, guys.”
“What? Where are you going?” Vivienne demanded.
“I just scored myself a date.”
“With whom?” Vivienne leaned forward.
“Someone nice, I think. You wouldn’t know him.” Pepper reached across the table and kissed each of them on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Have fun!” Will raised his glass to her.
“Be good!” Vivienne called out.
“If I can’t be good, I’ll be careful!” Pepper winked and then dashed away.
Chapter 33
Between kisses, Will forced me to admit I’d had a good time. When we left the party and got into the limo, he pulled me onto his lap to press his lips against mine. I tried to protest, but he was insistent and my heart fluttered. He was exquisitely adept at making me lose all willpower to resist.
“I don’t—”
Kiss!
“—think—”
Kiss!
“—we should—”
Kiss!
“—be doing—”
Kiss!
And then I did that letting go thing again. No alcohol for an excuse this time, I just decided to live in the moment.
When the car pulled up in front of the hotel, we stopped kissing long enough for me to straighten my dress and hair and for Will to adjust his tie and jacket. Ever the gentleman, he helped me out and then tipped an imaginary hat to the doorman as he held the door for us. I grinned at the ridiculousness of it. My heels clacked loudly on the marble floor of the lobby as Will guided me to the elevators.
When the doors opened, I stepped inside alone. Will remained outside. I looked at him with a confused expression.
“Well, I think I’ll say goodnight.”
“What?” My eyes flew open, locking onto his.
“I wouldn’t want to take advantage or anything—”
I grabbed his tie and yanked him inside just before the doors slid shut.
Chapter 34
Pepper didn’t get home until the sun began its rise. She replayed in her mind parts of her nine-hour date with Gabriel Seigal, as she unlocked the door and stepped inside. Her cell phone vibrated unexpectedly and she fought to get it out of her purse and close the door at the same time.
“Hello?” She didn’t bother to check the number.
“I wanted to hear your voice one more time.”
“Gabe, that’s sweet,” Pepper said. “But this isn’t my voice anymore. After nine hours, I’m hoarse.”
“Very well. Ring me when your voice returns.”
“I will.”
“Do you think it will be back in an hour?”
Pepper barked out a partial laugh.
“Probably not. I will call you later, though, I promise.”
“All right then. Goodbye.”
“Bye.”
Pepper ended the call and tossed the phone on the couch. She felt luckier than a lottery winner as she eased her tired body down. Stripping off her sandals, Pepper shivered with the memory of Gabriel’s brief, chaste, goodnight kiss.
He had whisked her away from the party to a quiet little all-night diner thirty minutes outside of LA. After his initial nervousness vanished, they ate and talked for five hours about the movie business, how they’d each gotten into it, family history.
You name it and we talked about it, she thought fondly.
They interrupted each other whenever a new opinion or memory or story popped into their heads. They finished each other’s sentences when they found something they agreed on. It had been the kind of date Pepper could never have dreamed up.
Fearing they would be asked to pay rent, Gabriel took her to the beach, where they sat and walked and talked for four more hours. When she finally thought she would collapse with exhaustion, Pepper begged him to take her home. He was sweetly apologetic and honored her wishes.
Hugging herself, Pepper smiled, hopeful that the evening hadn’t been a dream but could actually mean something.
Pulling herself up to finally go to bed, her phone rang again. Giggling, she grabbed it and flipped it open.
“Gabriel, I said I’d call you later.”
“It’s Will. I fucked up.”
Pepper was fired back into wakefulness like a gunshot.
“What are you talking about? Where’s Vivienne?”
“I left her at the hotel sleeping.”
Pepper exhaled with relief.
“How did you fuck up?” She walked to her fridge and grabbed a bottle of water to offer some relief to her parched throat.
“I left.”
“So what?”
“I shouldn’t have.” Will voice was watery and weak, like he had just vomited.
Pepper sighed.
“Then why did you?”
“I don’t know!”
“All right, calm down.” Pepper took a swallow. “Where are you now?”
“Home.”
“Have you slept?”
“No.”
“Well, I suggest you do. Unless you plan on driving back to the hotel right now, there’s nothing else you can do.”
“I can’t sleep,” Will groaned.
“Look, I’m not coming over to read you a bedtime story,” Pepper snapped. Rubbing her eyes, she apologized. “I haven’t been to bed myself and I’m exhausted.”
Juggling the water and the phone, she tried to get undressed, only spilling a little bit of the water and leaving her dress in a heap on the floor.
“Will, be honest with me and tell me what’s really going on.”
She could hear him opening his mouth and closing it again.
Finally, he said, “I did it again.”
“What?”
“I ran. I chickened out. The old Will popped into my head and I bailed.”
“But tell me why. What made you do it?” Pepper pinned the phone between her ear and shoulder as she wrestled off her bra and panties.
“That’s the hell of it,” Will sighed. “I can’t. It felt almost like a reflex. It’s what I normally do, so it’s what I needed to do. Does that make any sense?”
Pepper smirked.
“Makes perfect sense.”
“But I got home,” he continued, “and I can smell her perfume on the sheets. It’s like she’s right here.”
Pepper stifled a chuckle by taking another drink of water. As she crawled into bed, she whispered, “Aw, Will, you’ve got it bad.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” His vo
ice was barely audible.
“Nothing to do about it now.” Pepper yawned. “Either go back to the hotel and face her or wait till you’re both awake and coherent.” When he didn’t say anything, Pepper’s brows furrowed. “Do you love her?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you need to figure that out first, don’t you?” Pepper said the words softly, not wanting him to feel any worse than he obviously did.
“I’ve been trying.”
“Well you aren’t going to at six in the morning on no sleep.” Pepper frowned and rubbed her eyes again.
“You aren’t helping me.” Will was getting peevish.
“I can’t give you answers I don’t have, Will.”
“She doesn’t love me, Pep.”
“Maybe not yet. But that doesn’t mean she can’t.”
“What if she chooses not to?”
Pepper was saddened by the despondent tone of his voice.
“Then you deal with it.” She hated saying that to him, but Pepper knew how stubborn Vivienne could be. If Viv wasn’t willing to stay in California, she wanted Will to be prepared for that. She wouldn’t lie to him or Vivienne.
“That does not help.” The churlishness returned.
“I’m sorry, Will. I can only bully Viv so far. Getting her to go out partying or shopping or even walking the red carpet is one thing. Making her fall in love is out of my control.”
“Shit.”
“Exactly. Try to get some sleep. If I know Viv, she’ll call you later.”
Chapter 35
When I woke up around nine, Will was gone. I was mostly disappointed, but a tiny bit relieved, too. I needed some time to myself. But I did snuggle back into the comforter and pillows to get another nose full of his cologne. I had no idea what it was. It reminded me of the ocean and clean sheets, and I was stunned to find myself missing him. I didn’t expect him to leave without waking me or saying goodbye. Reluctantly, I let go of the covers and crawled out of bed. I spied the note he wrote and grabbed it up, happy he had taken the time to leave it. He said he’d call later and I trusted that he would.
My stomach growled loudly and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had anything decent to eat. I ordered a huge breakfast from room service and then took a hot shower. When the food arrived, I rolled the cart out to the balcony so I could enjoy my meal outside. I sat in my bathrobe, hair wrapped in a thick white towel and contemplated the food before me. Suddenly I found myself lonesome. I didn’t mind eating alone, preferred it, in fact, but something was missing. I hated admitting it, even if just to myself, but I wished Will was with me.
Trying to put him out of my mind, I proceeded to stuff myself with eggs, pancakes and coffee until I thought I would either throw up or go into a carb coma. It didn’t work. The whole time I ate, I went over every moment together since we met.
I tossed my napkin onto my empty plate and flopped back in the chair. The towel unraveled from my head and dropped to the floor, allowing my still damp hair to cascade behind me in a wave of tangles. I put my hands into it and rubbed vigorously giving it a crazy, snarled look. The now-hot sunshine baked my face and I could almost taste the salty ocean as the smell filled my nose.
“You’re such an idiot,” I said out loud. Then I laughed, but it sounded bitter to my ears. How had I gotten myself into this mess? I never should have come to California, no matter the circumstances. Had I stayed home, I would not have met Will and I wouldn’t be so conflicted about what to do with the rest of my life. I’d have stayed ignorantly buried in my safe little cave in Michigan.
Instead, I was swimming in a sea of smarts. Knowledge of things I hadn’t had in years, stuff I wasn’t sure I wanted to know about. What it felt like to sleep beside someone all night long and then wake up with him. What it was like to have a best friend to do things with whenever the whim struck. What it meant to have a fulfilling life instead of just an existence. But now that it was all in my head, I couldn’t turn it off or run away from it. I was going to have to force myself to face it all.
With no one to see or hear or know, I admitted the things that were hardest for me. I wanted to stay in California. I wanted to play with Pepper. I wanted to leave Bruce and Michigan behind. I wanted to write more books and spend my life doing the things I wanted to do without being afraid or worried about what other people thought. I wanted to be irresponsible and spontaneous. I wanted to live the next twenty years of my life like I wished I’d lived the last twenty. I wanted a do-over.
The thing is, I couldn’t do all of that. I had a home and responsibilities in Michigan that I couldn’t just walk away from. The economy was in the toilet and I’d never sell my house. My mom was damn near 80 years old, and I couldn’t leave her all alone. Pepper would poo-poo them as trivial matters, problems easily solved just to get me out to the West Coast. It would be easy for her to say, she wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions of the hasty decisions my libido wanted me to make.
I knew there was nothing wrong with wanting to stay in California. I also accepted that there was no problem with wanting Will in my life on a more permanent basis. But what was difficult was dealing with the fact that I couldn’t have those things now that I knew I wanted them. I felt like a child who couldn’t have the toy she demanded.
I was going to have to face facts. I would be going home, probably sooner than later, so as not to prolong the agony. I was going to have to break this news to Pepper and she was not going to be happy. Last, I would have to talk to Will. I know we had promised not to get attached, but I needed to be honest with him. I wanted him to know how important he was to me and how much I appreciated all he’d taught me.
I thought I was completely resigned to my fate, but then my cell phone rang. Ahh, Mom. Julie Andrews’ “My Favorite Things” floated out of the phone and into the air.
“Good morning!” I chirped, after I answered it.
“Well good morning to you, too! But it’s afternoon here.” I loved how I could always hear Mom’s smile in her voice.
“Well, whatever. How the heck are ya?”
“I’m okay. Just doing my thing. I saw something interesting on television last night.”
“Oh?” My eyebrows raised. And then my breakfast whipped around like a tornado in my stomach. The premiere!
“I was watching channel four and they were talking about a local celebrity being on the red carpet.”
I stopped thinking about losing my breakfast when I heard Mom’s muffled laughter.
“Uh, oh. You saw that, huh?”
“Yes, young lady, I did.”
“I was going to call you—”
“You looked wonderful!” Mom said, her voice breathless with excitement. “I wish you had called me so I could have been prepared. I would have recorded it on the DVR. Wherever did you get that gorgeous dress?”
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, relieved that Mom sounded happy.
“Pepper had a costumer friend who loaned it to me. It was a last-minute thing that came up and we decided to go.”
“It was the perfect choice for you, dear. I don’t recall you ever looking quite that beautiful,” Mom whispered. Was she crying?
“Thank you, Mom. I appreciate that. I was really nervous, though. I’ve never been in a situation like that. Did I look scared?”
“No!” Mom said with a little irritation. “I’m telling you, you looked absolutely great. But who was that handsome young man you were with? Not another loan from Pepper?” She laughed at her own joke.
“Heh, not at all. His name is Will and he is Pepper’s friend, but technically I guess you could call him my date for the evening.”
“I see.”
I couldn’t tell what she meant by that.
“He’s just a friend, though. A new friend.”
“Well, I’ll take your word for it, but he certainly seemed like more than just a friend.”
I choked on the sip of coffee I had been taking.
“What do you think? Vivienne, he looks at you like he’s madly in love with you. It’s the same look your father gave me for forty-four years.”
Tears instantly filled my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. I knew the look she meant. I’d seen it myself all my life up until the day Dad died. It was the look I had always wanted from Bruce.
“You’re just imagining things, Mom.”
“Bet me and lose,” Mom muttered.
“What was that?” I was trying to wipe my face on the sleeve of my robe and hadn’t caught what she said.
“Never mind. Where did you meet Will?”
“Pepper introduced us a few nights ago when we went to a bar to hear a few bands play. I guess they met when he came out to LA a few years after she did. He’s a really nice guy.” Leaving out the more intimate details, I told her we’d spent some time together and with Pepper. “The premiere was really more for publicity than anything else.”
“For the foundation?”
Damn, Mom caught on fast.
“Yes. You see, Will and I went to dinner the other night and a bunch of our pictures turned up in the tabloids and on the Internet. My agent thought it would be a good idea to go out again so it would look like I was trying to cultivate a relationship with Will for the foundation.”
“The news said he’s a musician.”
“Yep. He’s the lead singer for a band called Static Neverland.”
“Never heard of them,” Mom admitted, then laughed. “But I suppose you know that already.”
“Yeah, that’s why I didn’t really tell you about any of this. I didn’t think it would matter to you.” That was the thing, though, everything that happened to me always mattered to my mom. She loved me and was proud of me.
“Of course it does! I would have been furious with you if I hadn’t gotten to see you in that dress on the red carpet. I know I’m not much of a Hollywood celebrity watcher or anything, but of course I would be where my own daughter is concerned!”
It was good to talk to Mom about the event. I told her about how nervous I’d been and how angry I was to have to do it in the first place. As if I was there all over again, I remembered the night at the restaurant when all the photographers converged on us. Mom clucked and “for shamed” the paparazzi for interfering with our privacy. I recounted the party at Will’s house and how the band had played for the people there that night. I described how we had bumped into each other at the bar and how Pepper had used that as an opportunity to introduce us. When I finally stopped talking, it occurred to me that I had worked my whole timeline with Will back to the beginning for Mom. Such a short period of time, but we had bonded so much.
The Widow and the Rock Star Page 17
