Sighing, Pepper let a few tears fall in honor of Olivia.
“I’m going to miss you, lady. Besides your kid, you were the only other person who cared that I actually walked the Earth.” Laughing a little, Pepper wiped her face with the hem of her tank top. “Be at peace, old girl. You deserve it. And don’t worry about your daughter. I’ve got this.”
Chapter 50
The room was completely dark when I woke up. It took me a minute to realize it was partly because I had the covers over my head. When I tossed them off, sweet, fresh air filled my nose. It was still dark, though, because Pepper had closed the windows and drapes. I could hear the faint humming of the air conditioning unit outside my window. The green glow of the clock radio on the bedside table told me it was 7:23 p.m.
I needed to pee and wished I didn’t have to get up to do it. I laid still for another few minutes before I got to the point where I might actually have an accident. Struggling out of the covers, I rolled off the side of the bed, landing on my knees. Groaning, I stood up. My body ached all over and my joints felt stiff and sore. My head pounded steadily and I could barely lift it. I shuffled to the door and opened it. I could hear quiet voices and they stopped. Ignoring them, I made my way to the bathroom.
When I came out, I debated on whether or not to go straight back to bed or investigate what was going on in the living room. The smell of pizza made my stomach lurch with both hunger and disgust. I dragged myself down the hall and into kitchen. Gabriel stood at the counter, filling a plate with a hot, cheesy slice.
“Hello, Vivienne,” he said when he saw me. There on his face was the pity I so desperately wanted to avoid.
“Hi.” My voice sounded scratchy and flat.
“Would you care for a bite?” He offered the plate he held to me.
I wrinkled my nose and stepped back as though he were offering me poison.
“No thanks.”
“All right. Well, come and sit with us for a few minutes, then, yeah?” He stretched out his hand for me to take. I didn’t have the strength to lift my arm so I just stumbled next to him and then into the dining room. Pepper was sitting at the table, nibbling at the crust of her finished piece of pizza.
“Hey, Vivvy.” She smiled, but she knew me better than anyone and managed to keep her face bland and her tone even.
“Hey.” I slumped into the chair on one side of her, while Gabriel took the other.
“Want anything?”
I shook my head, not wanting to speak. Why did I come out here? Why don’t I just go back to bed?
The silence between us was tense. Whatever Gabriel and Pepper had been discussing was obviously not something they wanted to continue in front of me. I looked at the empty chair at the table. Mom would have loved to be here, meeting Pepper’s boyfriend, glad that her “second daughter” had found someone. Sighing, I wondered if I would ever be able to look at an empty chair or space without wishing my mother was in it.
“I spoke to Jake today,” Pepper said slowly.
I just sat there, not really caring. Jake? Oh yeah, my agent. Whatever.
“He says everything is handled and you don’t have to worry about a thing.”
“’K.” So what?
I saw Pepper give Gabriel a worried look.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but do I need to be doing anything about a funeral?”
I shook my head.
“No funeral. Mom didn’t want one.” No I don’t want to hear this.
Pepper laughed a little.
“That sounds like your mom. Okay. What about her house? Do I need to go over there and check on anything?”
Shrugging, I hugged myself tightly.
“Dunno. Probably not.” Why does she keep asking questions?
Nodding, Pepper leaned away from the table. “Did she—”
“What?” I hissed. “Just leave it, Pepper. What the fuck does it matter anyway?” Finding energy in my anger, I stood up and shoved my chair back. I stomped back down the hallway and into my room, slamming the door behind me.
*****
“Well, that was interesting,” Gabriel whispered when Vivienne had gone. Pepper sighed and shook her head sadly. She reached over and righted the upturned chair.
“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you lose the only thing you have in life. What about your parents? You still have them?”
Gabriel looked abashed.
“Yes, actually. They’re both still in England. Well into their nineties, but doing smashingly.”
“Are you close with them?” Pepper asked.
“Well, not as much as I should be, I suppose. But I see that they have the very best of everything.”
Pepper snorted.
“Wait till they die, Gabe. Then you’ll know what Vivienne’s going through.” Pushing her plate away, she sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair.”
“Quite all right, my dear.” He reached across the table to put his hand over hers.
“I’m not sure what to be doing right now,” Pepper admitted. “I know I should leave her be, but she worries me. How long do I let this go on before I try to get her to snap out of it?” She didn’t appreciate the confused and unsure look Gabriel gave her.
“I really couldn’t say, darling.”
“Well, you’re no help.” Pepper winked, when she really felt like weeping. He bit into his pizza, and Pepper watched him, her heart aching with love. She wasn’t only worried about Viv, but about Gabriel, too. He had a billion dollar company to manage; he didn’t need to be sitting around while she cared for Vivienne. It scared her to think maybe he would get irritated after a while and dump her. Her heart knew better, but her experience with men reminded her that they could turn at a moment’s notice. One minute they were kissing you, the next they were trying to kill you. Pepper knew she needed to talk to him about going back to California, but was reluctant to bring it up. She liked having him near, especially when she was struggling so hard to help Vivienne. But she knew it wasn’t fair to ask him to put his life on hold for her, especially when it was so much more important than her own.
“I think you should go back to California.” She said it quickly before she could chicken out.
“What?” Gabriel’s mouth was full and he snatched at a napkin to cover it.
“You heard me. I don’t have a clue how long I’m going to be here and you have a business to run. And don’t give me that song and dance about having a phone and a laptop. You need to be in the office.”
Gabriel gave her a kind and patient look, and Pepper’s racing heart calmed immediately. He wouldn’t look like that if he was thinking about leaving me, right?
“Pepper, darling, don’t be ridiculous. I’m the head of the company. I can do as I please. And right now, it pleases me to stay with you.”
Pepper looked away so he wouldn’t see the tears forming in her eyes. Grateful wasn’t the word she felt. There was no one single word to describe her relief. That solace gave her the courage to go on.
“I appreciate that, Gabe, more than I can say. But I can tell it’s going to get pretty messy around here. Vivienne wouldn’t want you here to see it all.”
“Then I’ll stay in the hotel and you can visit me at your leisure.”
“Now who’s being ridiculous?” She leaned toward him to place her hand on his face. “Really. Stay a couple more days if you want, but it makes more sense for you to go home. I can call and we can text.”
Sighing, Gabriel threw his napkin on the table.
“I loathe the idea of leaving you here all alone to deal with this. I want to help.”
“I know, but there’s nothing you can do.” Pepper leaned to give him a tender kiss. “This is a job strictly for the best friend.”
“Vivienne is extraordinarily lucky. I hope one day she realizes it.”
“Believe me, she does. You don’t get to be best friends without hitting a few bumps in the road. She’ll be fine, eventually.�
� Glad the mood of the moment was lightening, Pepper grinned. “Besides, she has to be. You guys have a movie to make.”
*****
Shivering beneath the covers once more, I felt like a coward and a piece of shit. I had no right to attack Pepper the way I had. All she did was try to help and I lashed out at her. My shame kept me from going out to apologize to both her and Gabriel for my bad behavior. Guilt at what my mother would think of my conduct ate away at my heart, making me burrow farther beneath the blankets.
In just a little over a week, my life had turned completely upside down. Days ago, I had been sitting in a posh hotel with my best friend, contemplating a move to California to maybe develop a relationship with the first man I’d dated since my husband died. Now I was trapped in bed, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’d lost my only living relative and the most beloved person in my life. I was also doing my best to drive away the best friend I ever had.
I drowsed for a while, thoughts swirling through my brain. I wondered if Nurse April was being as kind and considerate to her next dying patient’s family. I thought about my mother’s house and what I was going to do with it. I wondered if her car was still in good shape. Should I sell it or keep it? I needed to call her lawyer and find out if she’d ever updated her last will and testament. I thought sadly about her neighbors. Grace, the lady who lived on the right side, was the one who saw Mom drop in the driveway. If she hadn’t been getting her mail out of the box, she wouldn’t have seen it and called 911. How long would Mom have lain on the hard concrete before someone noticed her? I wondered if Mom had known anything was wrong. Did she have any symptoms? Had she been anywhere or seen anyone and just not said anything, not wanting to bother someone else with what she believed was nothing?
Too many thoughts, too much information. Too much pain and too many unanswered questions. And the most galling thing was that none of it mattered.
Chapter 51
Vivienne hardly came out of the bedroom, unless it was to use the bathroom or get a glass of water. She did not eat and she did not speak, and it was obvious to Pepper that she tried to make her forays out when Pepper wasn’t around. This went on for several days.
Pepper busied herself by keeping the house tidy and puttering around in Vivienne’s yard. Never having been one for outdoor work (she’d never had a yard in California), she was comforted with pulling weeds out of the flower beds, hoping what she yanked out of the ground were, in fact, weeds, and sweeping the concrete patio. She enjoyed sitting outside, relishing the warm sunshine and summer breeze while she waited for Vivienne to get to the next level.
Gabe stayed at the hotel for the most part and only came to the house to pick her up for meals out. Pepper told him every day to go home, but he refused to leave her. He said he wasn’t comfortable going back until he knew Vivienne was on the mend. He took her shopping for groceries, and then one morning presented her with a brand new, top of the line Apple laptop so they could Skype when he did go.
Pepper kept in touch with Jake with texts, saying there was no progress and that he should continue to handle things as he saw fit. It was a good thing he had a financial durable power of attorney so he could conduct certain business on Vivienne’s behalf. Pepper also kept Will posted through texts and emails.
Every day, the mail brought more sympathy cards. Pepper wondered how word had gotten out about Olivia, and Gabriel suggested to her that Vivienne might have published a notice in the paper. Pepper verified this when she went online and found the obituary. She took the cards and placed them in a box in the spare bedroom closet, not knowing if Vivienne would ever be able to look at them.
Pepper found herself on a Friday morning mousing in the kitchen for something to eat without having to cook. Gabriel wasn’t coming by until later, as he had been up late working and was sleeping in. She nearly wet her pants when Vivienne’s house phone jangled loudly in the silence of the house. The thing had hardly rung, and the couple of times it had, the calls were from solicitors. Pepper dove for the receiver mounted on the wall in the kitchen, praying the sound hadn’t disturbed Vivienne.
“Hello?” she was breathless and cleared her throat to hide it.
“Uh, hello. May I speak with Vivienne, please?” The female voice was smooth and calm.
“She’s not available. Is there something I can help you with?”
“Well, are you a family member?” The voice remained even, but there was a hesitancy to it.
Pepper frowned and her whole body went stiff with fear.
“No. Can I ask who’s calling?”
“This is Van Lerberghe Funeral Home.”
Shit. Pepper groaned inwardly. “Vivienne isn’t able to come to the phone just now. I’m her best friend, Pepper Taylor. Is there a message I can give her?”
“Hi, Pepper. My name is Karen Howell. I’m the Director here. I was calling to let Vivienne know that her mother’s ashes are ready to be picked up. Forgive me, but I was startled when someone other than Vivienne answered the phone. How is she doing?”
Pepper’s knees went watery with relief.
“Frankly, Karen, not well. But what else can you expect? Her mother was her only family.”
“Yes, I know. We handled her father’s funeral several years ago. When I got the call about Olivia, I was very sad. Please let her know she can take all the time she needs. We’ll keep her mother safe and sound until she’s ready to come by.”
“Thank you Karen, I’ll let her know.”
Pepper hung up the phone and leaned against it, her forehead resting on her arm. Shit, just what I want to do.
“Who was that?”
Pepper whipped around to find Vivienne standing in the hallway, swallowed by her robe. Her hair was wild and tangled, pitching out at odd angles from her head. There were deep, dark circles beneath her listless eyes. Her skin was almost gray. Pepper gasped at the sight of her.
“You scared the crap out of me!” She tried a smile, but Vivienne did not return it.
“Who was that?” Vivienne repeated.
Letting go of the phone like it was burning her, it clattered on the countertop. Pepper shoved her hands into the pocket of her shorts.
“That was the funeral home.” She watched as a look of anguish spread across Vivienne’s face. “Mom’s ready to be picked up.”
*****
“Mom’s ready to be picked up.”
Pepper’s words slammed into me like a dodge ball from elementary school gym class and I heard myself groan. My knees went weak and I lost the ability to remain standing. I crumpled to the floor and started to hyperventilate.
Pepper rushed to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, telling me to breathe slowly. My first instinct was to push her away, hit her, slap her, make her feel as bad as I did. But she was too strong and she smashed me to her chest. Something deep within me recognized the comfort she offered and I leaned into her.
“Why?” I screamed, my throat cracking with the force of my voice. “Why?!”
“I don’t know!” Pepper was crying with me.
“Fucking God! I hate you!” My hands gripped Pepper’s arms and squeezed. “You rotten, motherfucking piece of shit!”
“That’s it, Vivvy, let it out,” Pepper whispered into my ear.
“First my husband and then my dad and now my mom! Why does everyone fucking die on me?”
“I’m here, I’m here.” Pepper’s voice was like a knife cutting through my madness. I clutched her more tightly.
“But you’ll die, too!” I wailed, mucus flowing out of my nose. Spit flew out of my mouth and I watched it drop to the floor.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Pepper’s words were a promise I couldn’t believe.
“It hurts, Pepper. It hurts so much.” I snuffled and wiped my face on her bare arm. “I want to die, I just want to be dead. Please, God, just let me die!” Pepper’s gasp of shock did nothing to ease my desire to be dead.
“It’s going to hurt forever, Viv,
but you have to fight. You gotta fight that pain as hard as you can. I need you here with me. Now you’re all I have left. Don’t leave me.”
*****
Pepper sat on the floor in the hallway with Vivienne for close to an hour before she was able to get her friend up and to the couch. By then, her legs were tingly and her back was stiff, but she didn’t care. Vivienne was all that mattered and Pepper would do anything for her. She hadn’t stuck around after Bruce died, knowing that Viv’s parents would be there to pick up the pieces. She couldn’t help but wonder if this is what Olivia and Daniel Forest had dealt with all those years ago. Somehow, Pepper didn’t think so. She knew Viv had loved Bruce and all, but that was only three short years out of her life. Surely, Vivienne couldn’t have reacted this badly.
This has to be normal, right? She sat on the couch, still holding Vivienne like a mother holding a child. Never having experienced the kind of love and devotion from her parents, Pepper could only pretend to know what Vivienne was going through. One moment at a time, she told herself.
*****
A voice in my head told me to keep holding on to Pepper. She was going to get me through this, whether I wanted to survive or not. All I had to do was hang on tight, and soon things would get better. Months later, I would come to believe it was the sound of my mom’s voice. But in the moment, I didn’t care who it was. I listened.
“You know what?” My head was pressed against Pepper’s chest and I could feel her heart beating very fast.
“What?” she murmured as she stroked my hair. It reminded me of my mom and when I would sit on her lap as a small child.
“I think I feel better.”
Pepper laughed and it helped me to smile.
“I hope so.” She ruffled my head with affection. “You gotta quit scaring me, Vivvy.”
The Widow and the Rock Star Page 26
