“Yeah. The most delicate parts of a rose,” she said, almost under her breath – words I could tell were spoken from ugly memory.
“We don’t have to talk about it if—”
“No, it’s fine. I mean… it’s not, but. At least you get it, you know? You were there too.”
“It was a little different for me, but… yeah. The Garden was a fucked up home for me too.”
Beside me, Penelope laughed a little, probably at my use of profanity. “Is it weird that it wasn’t… I don’t feel like it was all bad, you know? Not that I want to go back – not that anyone could ever make me – but I just… sometimes I wonder what happened to the people I knew… you know?”
“Of course. I used to wonder too, but then… you feel so helpless that you try to make yourself forget.”
“Does it work?”
“Does what work?”
“Trying to make yourself forget.”
I let out a dry laugh. “Yeah… eventually. But it’s hard, because like you said… everybody isn’t all bad. When it came to your peers, you probably made friends, and it’s hard to forget friends. The “instructors” though…” I closed my eyes for a moment, shaking my head before I returned my attention to the road. “Those were the first people I tried to get out of my head.”
“Were yours mean?”
My eyebrows went up. “Yours weren’t? Well… I guess we were being conditioned for different things.”
“Yeah. Yours were trying to make you tougher – mine were all about… being prettier, speaking softly… how to appeal more to the clients. And I mean… I know it was horrible, know it was wrong, but… there was one instructor we all loved. When I first saw you, that night at the Playpen… I thought you were her. I thought you were coming to save me. Ms. D always said she would.”
I had to slam on my brakes to avoid barreling into the car in front of me, so caught off guard by what had come from Penelope’s mouth. I shifted my car into park, not caring about the angry drivers around me as I turned to look at my passenger.
“Ms. D?! Was her name Dacia?!”
Penelope shrank away, shaking her head. “I-I don’t… I don’t know. We all just called her Ms. D!”
“What did she teach you?!” I demanded, silently praying that the answer didn’t make me spill the contents of my stomach all over this car.
“Just like… beauty stuff. How to do our makeup and hair, hygiene. Stuff like that.”
Oh thank God.
“You know her, don’t you?” Penelope asked, and I nodded.
“She’s my sister. I’m trying to find her.”
Finally, I responded to the loud horns urging us out of the way, putting the car back into gear so I could move. The last thing I needed was to get pulled over or something – I wanted no reason to have to interact with the cops.
“She never mentioned having a sister… but she wanted one. She said she thought of us as her little sisters,” Penelope went on. “She always talked about feeling like a sister was something she was missing.”
I shook my head, trying my best to fight back tears. “She probably didn’t know. I didn’t know. Not until I saw her here.”
“You saw her here?!” Penelope exclaimed. “Here in Las Vegas?!”
I nodded. “Yeah, uh… she didn’t appear to be in great shape. She’s not with good people right now.”
“But not with the Belrose family either?” she asked, in a hopeful tone I didn’t – couldn’t – share. I understood why Penelope thought it was an improvement, but if Dacia was being used as a pawn, I couldn’t see the positive angle.
I didn’t want to kill Penelope’s spirit though.
“No, not with them.”
At least, I didn’t think. We still didn’t know when – or actually if Maxim had flipped… there was the possibility that he was double-crossing Sebastian too.
So many questions, not enough answers.
“Let’s just hope I can find her,” I told Pen. “Maybe you can see her again, okay?”
Penelope smiled – a very rare occurrence. “I’d really like that. Ms. D was always sweet to us, even when the other instructors picked on her for it.”
Just the thought of people picking on my sister had me ready to fly into a rage, but I swallowed the feeling, knowing that right now, it was pointless.
“Penelope, um… have you ever heard of something called The Collective?”
“No… should I have?”
I shook my head. “No, not necessarily. What about… Maxim Bissett? Or Sebastian Gray?”
“No. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I quickly assured her. “Please, it’s nothing to be sorry for. Trust me – be grateful, actually.”
Penelope pushed out a sigh. “I don’t have many things to be grateful for, so that should be easy.”
The pain in her words made my chest ache as I turned into the medical plaza where Loren’s office was located. It only took a moment to find a parking spot, and once I did, I shifted the car off and turned toward Penelope.
“Do you… remember anything before the Belrose compound? Anything at all?”
She shook her head. “I’ve tried. Really hard. Tried to remember if I had parents… siblings… a dog. But I don’t remember anything. Except for the electricity.”
I cringed.
Yeah, same.
“You know what I was thinking,” she continued… her tone dropping to something even sadder.
“What?”
“Maybe I should’ve kept that baby,” she answered – the very last thing I expected to hear her say. “What if that was my only real chance to have a family? Somebody from my own blood, connected to me?”
“No,” I said, firmly. I reached across the console to grab her hand. “No. Penelope… I know it probably seems really abstract right now, but you’re going to keep going to therapy, and you’re going to let us get you out of the house. We’re going to get you all set to go to school next year, and you’re going to make friends, and have crushes, and all that other teenage stuff. You’re sixteen… you have so much more to see and experience beyond what you’ve been through. Don’t you lose hope for that.”
“Okay.”
Her reply was too quiet, too concise, for me to believe it, but I knew it would take time – knew I couldn’t do too much pushing right now. I made a mental note to talk to Angela Whitfield about the process it had taken for her to reacclimate me into “normal” society, then opened my door to exit the car, with Penelope following.
“Do you have a boyfriend, Alicia? Or… maybe a girlfriend?”
My eyebrows furrowed together as I turned to her, trying not to laugh. “No. Neither. But I’m heterosexual, if that’s what you’re trying to figure out.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she blushed. “It’s just… you’re saying that I just need to go to therapy and all that, to help me be normal or whatever, so I wondered… if it worked for you. If you had like… regular relationships.”
“Well… uh…”
Shit.
“I… have really great friends,” I answered, scrambling to pull something from my brain. “And I have a good relationship with my employees, and I have people who I consider family, even though they aren’t blood.”
Penelope nodded as we entered the building. “But… not romantic relationships?”
I hated to have to, but I shook my head. “No. I… can’t say that I’ve ever experienced a “normal” one of those. I prefer to keep things physical, but that’s just me,” I quickly added. “That doesn’t mean your experience will be the same.”
“Do you wish yours were different?” she asked, as we stopped at the elevator bay to wait for one. “Like… do you wish you wanted more?”
I chuckled. “I… don’t know how to answer that.”
“I mean… have you ever met somebody that made you… not prefer to keep things physical. Made you want something more than physical? You know?”
Even t
hough my thoughts went immediately to Cree, I shook them away, because that situation… I didn’t know what that situation was, and I didn’t care to interrogate it right now. I didn’t even know where to begin processing the alien feelings that he stirred up in me, and if she wanted to know my preferences… I preferred to pretend none of it existed, unless I was right there in the moment.
I wanted to lie.
But she’d been lied to enough.
“I think we’re venturing into grown folks business,” I told her as we stepped onto the elevator. “And that’s far enough.”
She sucked her teeth. “Seriously? You saw the place you rescued me from, right? And this is too grown?”
“Fine,” I said. “Not grown folks business then. My business. And like I said… we’re done.”
“Whatever,” she muttered, crossing her arms.
Instead of giving in to the urge to argue with a teenager – working in security for people with more money than they knew what to do with, I’d run into plenty of the spoiled, bratty types – I kept my mouth shut, letting the elevator ride happen in silence.
When it opened on the right floor, I motioned for her to follow me and she did, right to Loren’s private office suite. The waiting room was empty, as expected – I’d requested as much privacy as possible. We were a little early for our appointment, but I knew Loren would be waiting, so instead of knocking, I opened the door to her office to step right inside.
And immediately felt my heart drop to my toes.
Loren was there in her office, as expected, but she wasn’t alone. Standing in front of her – with his hand pressed to her slightly swollen belly – was Cree Bradley.
“I… oh,” I stammered, immediately wiping any traces of what I was feeling from my face. “Loren, am I so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I assumed you’d be alone.”
Loren shook her head, her hair falling in perfectly coiffed waves around her chin as she did. “No, you are totally fine. I think Cree was probably ready to leave anyway, after the bomb I dropped on him today, but I may as well introduce you. Alicia, this is my baby-daddy. Cree, this is Alicia – my most badass friend. Well… the most badass woman I know, period.”
I let out a fake laugh. “Um… Cree and I already know each other, actually. Kingston’s fiancée is good friends with Cree’s sister.”
“Oh nice! So I shouldn’t have to do too much convincing for him to agree with you being the baby godmother then.”
My eyes went wide. “Oh wow. That is… that is really something,” I gushed, avoiding looking at Cree as much as I could. “But hey… Penelope, let’s step out and let them finish talking.”
“No need,” Cree said, finally speaking up. His hands were in his pockets now, instead of touching Loren, and something about his voice forced me to meet his eyes. “We were done. Loren… let me know whatever you need, okay?” he said, shifting his attention to her for a moment before bringing his gaze back to me. “And Alicia… I’ll see you later.”
“For what?” I sneered, taking full advantage of my reputation for being an unapproachable bitch. Loren snickered over my reaction to him, but Cree seemed taken aback.
Why?
I was just being what I’d always been, at least to him – something I never, never should’ve changed.
Once Cree had slipped out, I turned to see that Penelope was wearing this weird smile, and her deep brown skin was flushed considerably redder. At first, my mind traveled to the worst possible place – she doesn’t recognize Cree as a Playpen customer, does she?! – but then her mouth opened, and she blurted the actual issue out.
“Dr. Harris… you’re pregnant by him? He is dreamy,” Penelope gushed, making my shoulders sink in relief, and making Loren laugh.
“Ah, my dear… if only dreamy was all it took. Have a seat, both of you,” she said, gesturing to the chairs in front of her desk.
Penelope, her teenaged mind still stuck on Cree’s “dreaminess” wasn’t about to let it go so easily. “So what’s wrong with him? Is he mean? Did he cheat on you?”
“No,” Loren chuckled. “We were never really dating for him to have cheated on me. And no, Detective Bradley isn’t mean at all. He is, actually, quite a good man. For someone else.”
“But—”
“Pen,” I fussed, and Loren shook her head.
“She’s fine, Alicia. She’s just curious about the ways of the world – relationships, dating, all that.”
I scoffed. “And you are going to teach her?”
Loren bit down on her lip, the perfect picture of beautiful mischief – a look she’d probably given Cree. It was weird of me to stare at her, I knew, but I couldn’t help it. Loren Harris was gorgeous.
Intelligent.
Successful.
Charming.
Normal.
Loren was everything.
I could see why he wanted her.
Of course he wanted her.
Who wouldn’t?
“Of course not,” Loren purred, propping her chin in her hand. “I’ve never been good at it, so I’m probably not a good influence.”
“You’re a great influence,” I countered. “In many ways.”
“I appreciate your confidence in me.” Loren turned to Penelope. “And now for you, young lady – how are you feeling?”
“I feel okay.”
“Physically… mentally… any concerns? So that we’re clear, you can talk about anything with me.”
When Penelope didn’t say anything, I glanced over to find her staring at her hands.
“Um… the pill that you had me take… it doesn’t mean I won’t… you know…”
“Be able to have a baby later?” Loren asked, her tone gentle. “No, not at all. As with anything, there is a chance of some ill-effects, but the most likely scenario is that you’ll be able to carry a healthy pregnancy in the future.”
That made Pen smile a little. “Okay. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Any other concerns?”
“Just… why you’re not all about that fine detective…”
“What have I told you about grown folks’ business,” I scolded, as Loren laughed.
“Penelope, out in the waiting room, I have a fresh batch of magazines,” she said. “Go make yourself busy. You and I are done. I just wanted to lay eyes on you, make sure you were doing okay.”
“But—”
“Go, now,” Loren insisted.
She pouted as she went, but Penelope followed Loren’s instructions, leaving the two of us in the room alone. As soon as the door closed, Loren let out a deep sigh, leaning back in her chair as she stretched out her arms.
“Ohhh myyy Godddd,” she groaned. “You have no idea how tense of a moment you interrupted. Thank you. Thank you a lot.”
My eyes widened. “Huh? What happened?”
“Nothing really, he was just…he was really intense about it. But he’s been through a lot lately, with his partner getting shot. I really caught him off guard, but I’m starting to show, and I couldn’t risk him seeing me with a damn baby bump before I told him.”
I nodded. “Right. Of course.”
“I could’ve done a lot worse in the sperm department I guess. Cree Bradley is fine. And that was a fun two weeks. When I tell you the dick was magnificent, girl…”
I let out a laugh that couldn’t have sounded anything other than manic. “Oh, nice. Nice. That’s just… that’s great. He seems great.”
“Doesn’t he? He’s gonna be a really good dad, I think.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I agree. Did he… seem happy?”
Loren smiled. “Uh… surprised, definitely. But yes… he seemed pretty okay with it. Wants to come to appointments, wants me to give him regular updates. Wants to talk to lawyers – work out generous child support, a custody agreement. It was sweet.”
“That is sweet. He seems sweet. Are you guys gonna move in together or anything? I saw how he was touching your belly…”
Loren waved me off. “Oh girl that was nothing. I think that was just… reflex more than anything. And we are definitely not “moving in together or anything.” Between sex marathons, we barely said two words to each other.”
“Wow. I didn’t think that was possible for you Loren.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, funny. Let’s go see what this girl is out here doing.”
I followed Loren in getting up from my seat, playing along with this conversation even though my brain was going crazy. We exchanged goodbyes, ready to leave, but I still had so many questions, none of which, honestly, I needed answers to.
I maybe wanted, but didn’t need.
What I needed was a reminder that good men, and babies, and hell – choices, about either of those things, weren’t things this world had for me.
The feeling I had now – the empty, hollow feeling… the loneliness.
This was how it had always been… and would always be.
TEN
“A baby? A real live baby? A human baby?”
“What other kind of baby would I be talking about, bruh?” I asked Naim, frowning as if he could see me through the phone.
On the other end of the line, he chuckled. “Ay, you’re the one out here spreading your seeds, not me.”
“I know that.”
“Well then, cut the shit. Tell me about this woman. The mean one with the gun, right?”
I closed my eyes, throwing my head back against the couch as I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to relieve my ongoing headache. “Nah… not her.”
“Dude… it wasn’t Rowan, wasn’t it?”
My eyes popped open. “What? Nah,” I told him, shaking my head. “It’s been years since me and Rowan messed around.”
“Good. I understand we weren’t all close like siblings, but that would’ve just been weird. But… damn, so it was somebody else? You’re really dedicated to that Vegas lifestyle, huh?”
“Hell nah,” I denied. “You know I’m not about that.”
“Okay so get to the point,” Naim insisted. “Tell me about my future niece or nephew’s mama.”
Naim was, simply put, my older brother. He was five years my senior – already entering high school by the time I was taken into the Cartwright home. Janie never had an issue with keeping us on the straight and narrow, but whenever she needed a little extra reinforcement, Naim was it. He was one of the first kids she ever took in, and you couldn’t tell him they weren’t related by blood with the way he was attached to her.
Deuces Wild Page 14
