by Amy Briggs
“Oh. I... uh... Well, I’m not sure what that was. He asked for my phone, and so I handed it over without even thinking about it,” I explained. That was completely true; I didn’t initiate it. I was minding my own business, I tried to rationalize to myself.
“He’s not a commitment guy,” Chase interjected, clearly attempting to soften the blow.
“She’s on vacation, Chase. Maybe you should mind your own business and let her have a fling if that’s what she wants to do.” Rayne turned around to me in the backseat, and gave me a wink and a nod, making me even more embarrassed. I hadn’t considered any of the topics of this conversation, I simply handed over my phone and numbers were exchanged before I knew what had even happened.
“Well, if that’s the case, then he’s the guy,” Chase replied sarcastically.
“Okay guys, nobody is having a fling. I’m not even sure why I gave him my phone. I really just want to spend some time with my friend, away from home this week. Not traveling. That’s all I’m up for. I’m exhausted, and I’ll probably spend half the time here sleeping and reading, especially when Rayne is away,” I said defensively.
“I’m sorry. I was just teasing, honey,” Rayne said apologetically.
“It’s okay. I just don’t want either of you to think something is going on when it’s not.” I desperately wanted the conversation to end, when my phone buzzed in my hand. Incredibly grateful it was on vibrate and didn’t signal to everyone in the vehicle I had a message, I looked down to see a text message from Colin.
I’d like to get to know you better
I was confused. We had hardly spoken that night, but I was still intrigued by him. Of course, the fact that he was handsome didn’t hurt, but it both puzzled me and left me a little flustered. I wasn’t good at flirting to begin with, and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.
Why?
Because you seem interesting. And you’re beautiful.
He called me beautiful. And he thinks I seem interesting? Well what do you say to that? I stared down at my phone, contemplating what to say back. I was on vacation. A vacation that was mostly about trying to regroup; to rethink what my next steps would be. I didn’t need some random guy getting in the way, keeping me from what I was trying to accomplish. As I considered what I wanted to do, my phone buzzed again.
No pressure. Let me take you out while Rayne is away. Show you around.
Before I could mull it over anymore, I found myself typing back.
Ok. She leaves the day after tomorrow. I’ll be staying at her house.
Can’t wait. I’ll text you tomorrow with details. Sleep well beautiful.
Goodnight Colin.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket just as we pulled up to Rayne’s house.
“Thank you so much for the ride, Chase. It was really great to meet you,” I said as I hopped out of the backseat.
“It was my pleasure. Listen, if you need anything at all while Rayne is away, don’t hesitate to give me a call, or even Colin. I kid about him, but he’s a good guy. Enjoy your time here.” He waved.
“Thanks, little brother! See ya later!” Rayne called out before putting her arm around me. “What do you say we have some wine and a little girl talk? I know I have to leave in a day, but I missed you, and I want to catch up,” she said as she squeezed me gently.
“I’d love that, Rayne. Thank you so much for opening your home up to me this week. I needed to get away so badly,” I confessed as we walked up to the house, letting ourselves in.
Rayne immediately went to the kitchen and quickly brought back a bottle of wine and two glasses as I settled onto the couch. Pouring us each a hefty glass of dark red wine, she called out the elephant in the room. “So, what’s going on, Sarah. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, and your spark… well, it’s dim. So talk to me.” She handed me a glass, taking a large sip from her own.
Unsure of where to begin, I sighed before taking a small sip of the tart wine. While the alcohol coated my tongue and warmed my throat, I decided to just lay out how I’d been feeling. “I’m scared all the time, Rayne. Like, I can’t stop thinking I’ll get kidnapped again. It’s a black cloud of fear that follows me around daily. I do my job, I smile and serve drinks, and do what I’m supposed to, but I feel like a goddamn robot.” I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears.
“Have you been talking to anyone about this? I mean, professionally?” she asked.
“Yeah, I have a therapist,” I replied.
“And what does this therapist have to say?”
“He says that I should take some anti-anxiety drugs to calm my nerves, and he gave me sleeping pills so I could sleep. But I don’t want to take a bunch of pills. I just want to stop being afraid. The drugs don’t make me less afraid, they just make me not give a shit about anything,” I vented.
Leaning back in her seat, Rayne took in a deep breath. Obviously thinking over what to say, she looked away thoughtfully for a moment before replying. “Sarah, your therapist is a douche.”
Surprised by her response, I let out a small laugh. “Yeah, he really is.”
She laughed too, for a minute, then reached her hand out to touch my knee gently and replied in a more earnest tone. “In all seriousness, Sarah, what happened to us in Egypt was a big fucking deal. I try not to think about it, but it creeps in sometimes. I have found that talking to people who have been through similar experiences has helped me feel understood. For me, my biggest hurdle in moving forward was just that. I didn’t feel like anyone understood what I had gone through.”
“That’s exactly how I feel. And while I’m putting it all out there, I feel guilty that I am talking to you about it when what you went through was so much worse than what happened to me,” I admitted softly. My chest tightened with guilt over the conversation, and over feeling so hopeless that I made the trip all the way there simply because I couldn’t manage this on my own.
“First of all” - she set her wine glass down on the table in front of us - “do not apologize for that ever again. You should not feel guilty at all. If it wasn’t for you, they may never have found me at all. You helped save my life, Sarah.” She took the wineglass from my hand and set it next to hers before she closed her hands over mine. “Every day is different, and every day takes effort. The key is wanting to move forward. We can’t ever forget what happened. It was awful. It was scary. And it was real. But it doesn’t have to define us. For me, leaving the airline and moving helped, and of course having Ghost in my life. But we’re all different. Are you seeing anyone?”
“Oh no, not at all. Rayne, I don’t leave my house except to go to work, and then when we lay over, I stay in the hotel now. I’m too scared to go anywhere. Tonight was the first time I’ve even been out for drinks since we got back.”
“Jesus Christ, Sarah!” she exclaimed, then lowered her voice. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound so shocked. But honestly, you deserve a life. You didn’t survive for nothing, you know.”
“I never looked at it that way,” I replied, thinking over what she said.
“You have purpose. You’re here to love and to be loved. I’m so glad you talked to me about this, honey. I promise you that you’re not alone, and that you have nothing to feel guilty about. We all have good and bad days. You just have to remind yourself not to pack your bags and move into that place.”
Even though the things Rayne was saying I already knew deep down, hearing them from her made them resonate with me more. As I sighed again heavily, beginning to feel sleepy, I smiled. A real smile. “Thank you,” I whispered to her. She moved closer to me and pulled me in for a hug, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt hopeful.
Chapter 6
Colin
I laid in my bed that night, thinking about Sarah. I didn’t typically lay around thinking about any woman, but her kind and innocent disposition, coupled with her striking beauty, had me reflecting on the evening over and over. I rolled over and grabbed my phone, knowing that I
didn’t have any more messages from her, but still wanting to reread the few we’d exchanged. Again, she’d barely said anything at all, and yet she had me hanging on every damn word. The fact she wasn’t chomping at the bit to hop in bed with me like most of the women I ran into near the base, made her a challenge as well. Not that I was trying to bed her, that wasn’t it at all. There was something about her eyes that spoke to me. She had stories to tell, and I wanted to know them.
While she hadn’t said much, she’d agreed to let me entertain her while Rayne was away, and that left me with excited butterflies. A feeling I couldn’t recall having had since high school when Missy Blake said she’d go to Homecoming with me. I set the phone back on the nightstand and rolled over to my back, staring at the ceiling. As I thought about all the questions I wanted to ask her, I also deliberated over where I could take her, where she’d feel comfortable enough to talk to me. I had an idea, but I was going to need the day off. Grinning to myself, sleep began to take over, but not without thoughts of getting Sarah to smile for me dancing around my mind.
***
I woke up the next morning ready to tackle the day. After a solid workout and a short run, I headed to work, Sarah still on my mind. While I’d always been a ‘no woman’ guy, it didn’t even bother me that I was into this chick. I couldn’t wait to get her to myself the following day.
When I walked into work, Chase was already at his desk. “Hey man, what’s up?” I said cheerfully.
“You’re awfully happy this morning.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Had a great workout,” I replied.
“Uh... huh,” he said suspiciously. “What’s really going on?”
I chuckled, probably sounding nervous, and said, “Nothing at all. Oh hey, I do need to take two days of leave. I have some stuff I need to take care of, and I’m going to drive up to my parents’ ranch to check on things. They’ve been away at my sister’s in Georgia for two weeks or so, and asked me if I could. I’ve got a ton of leave stored up.” I was definitely over-explaining, so I shut up. Getting the leave from our supervisor wasn’t going to be an issue, so I sat down to send over the form I needed to fill out. The government’s way of handling everything: forms.
“I didn’t realize they’d been away that long. You want some company?” Chase asked.
“Nah, I’m gonna go for two days, check on things, and just study. It’ll be boring as hell,” I replied nonchalantly, hoping that would end the discussion.
“Bro, you study way too much. There’s more to life, you know,” he lectured. If only he knew that I was planning to take a woman back to my family’s ranch, which I’d never done before in my life. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to convince Sarah to come with me overnight, but I was damned sure going to try. It wasn’t because I wanted to sleep with her, but because it’s such a long drive.
My parents’ place was just outside of Fort Worth, which as the crow flies, is only two and a half hours, but it could take way longer with traffic on the highway until you get out into the farm country. It was just easier to stay the night if you were going to make the trip. I hoped she would agree to go with me like she’d agreed to everything else. She was of few words, but what she said certainly counted.
Truthfully, I didn’t need to go check on the ranch at all, but I thought that it would be something Sarah would enjoy. We had some horses she might enjoy getting to know, and everyone loves baby goats. They hopped around like maniacs. My whole plan was to work on getting the fear in her eyes to disappear so she could relax. She seemed on edge, and it was definitely why she’d come down for the week. To get some rest, to unwind. I wanted to be a part of that.
Trying not to sound any guiltier than I already was - I hated lying - I just said, “Yeah, I know. But once I know it, then I’ll know it. You ought to be studying another language too, bro. It’ll be great for your career.”
“That’s so much work. No thank you. At least, not right now,” he replied. I thought we had changed the subject, but it turned out that Chase wanted to ask me about my behavior the night before. “So, tell me. What was up with you last night?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing full well what he was referring to.
Sitting up and leaning his arms on the top of his legs, he gave me a sideways glance. “You know exactly what I mean. I saw you take Sarah’s phone. And you weren’t yourself at all; you were distracted as hell. What’s going on?” he asked.
“I wasn’t distracted,” I lied.
“Uh, yeah, you most certainly were. Either way, what was with you and Sarah? You know she’s my sister’s friend, not some conquest,” he lectured me again.
I hadn’t treated her like a conquest, and the implication was irritating. “I never acted like she was. She seems like a nice person, and knowing that Rayne was going to be away for a couple days unexpectedly, I offered to exchange numbers in case she wanted something to do.” That was a true statement; I wasn’t lying at all.
“Right,” he said sarcastically. “Well, just be nice. She’s a sweet girl. And she’s had a rough year, like Rayne. She doesn’t need a broken heart on top of everything else she’s had to deal with.”
“Bro, I don’t go around breaking hearts all day. My number one focus is always work. Serving our country. That’s never going to change.” I was growing tired of the conversation, and the fact that I was being referred to as some playboy was infuriating. Yes, I did have the occasional fling, however I was never dishonest about it, so I didn’t see why the horse needed to be beat to death over it. I just wanted to spend some time with Sarah. I never relaxed, and she was intriguing, which was more than I could say for most of the women in this town.
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry. Don’t get your panties in a bunch over it. I just don’t want to deal with the wrath of my sister if you fuck over her friend, that’s all.” He held his hands up in surrender.
“Nobody wants that. And I won’t be fucking anyone over. I was actually just trying to be a nice guy. An accommodating host, if you will,” I chuckled.
“Oh God, lay off the coffee, man. You’re over the top today.” He rolled his eyes at me and went back to work, ending the conversation.
“I think it’s time for a refill, actually.” I grabbed my cup off my desk, and strolled down the hallway to text Sarah, and top off my morning java.
Chapter 7
Sarah
I woke to the smell of breakfast cooking, and my mouth started watering immediately. The sizzling bacon was calling my name, and I grinned as I sprung out of bed to make my way to the heavenly aroma.
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Rayne sang to me, making me giggle.
“Good morning!” I replied cheerfully, leaning over the counter in her beautiful kitchen. Everything looked brand new. Shiny appliances, unworn tiles, and it was neat. All of her things seemed to have a perfect spot, unlike my apartment, which was the size of a shoebox and barely had room for my microwave, let alone the tiny stove it came with. “It smells wonderful in here.”
“Well, I figured that since I was abandoning you tomorrow for a couple days, I would make you a fabulous breakfast, and we could have a spa day. What do you say?” she asked, handing me a cup of coffee.
As I inhaled the aroma of my favorite beverage on earth, I gratefully smiled. “That sounds amazing, Rayne. I’ve never been to a spa.”
Setting the spatula she was cooking with down dramatically on the counter, she exclaimed, “You’ve never been to a spa?!”
I shook my head, laughing at her theatrics. “Nope. Never.”
“Well Sarah, today is going to be a treat then.” She pointed the spatula at me. “We have appointments for hair, nails, massages, the works. I could use a day of pampering myself, and it’s the least I can do for inviting you here and then leaving you. At least I’ll be leaving you relaxed and pampered.”
“I can’t let you do that, Rayne.” I didn’t want her to spend all that money on me.
“Oh, I won’t b
e taking no for an answer, milady. It’s a girls’ day, and it’s my treat. So, eat your breakfast, and then let’s get ourselves ready!” She set a plate full of bacon, eggs, and two pancakes down in front of me.
“Rayne, this breakfast looks amazing,” I said as I let the delicious fragrance of breakfast tickle my senses.
“I don’t do this very often, if I’m being totally honest, but I felt like we both needed it,” she laughed.
After we stuffed ourselves with food, we ran off to our rooms to get ready for our girls’ day. I hadn’t checked my phone - it wasn’t something I was glued to on a regular basis - so when I saw I had three messages from Colin that morning, I was both shocked and a little excited. I still couldn’t figure out what in the hell he was so adamant about getting to know me for, but I was beginning to enjoy the attention. I looked at the first one.
