Lizzie felt her world shift. She heard her father’s words, but somehow they couldn’t seem to land in any order in her mind. She was still wearing her scrubs. She had just gotten off work and stopped by the >
She looked down expecting to see her heart in pieces at her feet, but she only saw her sneakers and the scarred planks of the floor. She felt a strong hand on her arm and knew who it was without looking.
“Get me out of here Spec. I can’t think about that right now. Make me forget please.”
She looked up and met her brother’s eyes. Shadow had his normal expressionless mask on but she knew that he felt her pain. He knew her. His eyes cut to Spec and he nodded slightly, giving his blessing.
Spec didn’t say a word. He just led her to his bike and helped her climb on. Then he took her away.
Five
Rider sat in the tiny room at the jail where he was being held. He chewed on his thumb until it hurt, but he couldn’t stop. He bounced his foot and repositioned himself in his chair until Lacey snapped at him. He couldn’t listen to her though. He couldn’t think. What was going on? Why was he here? Nothing made sense. He was so thirsty and he was sweating. It was a cold sticky feeling on his skin and he wanted to take a shower, but he couldn’t think. He needed a hit. Then he would be able to think. Just one hit…
“Damn it Rider, listen to me!”
He looked up into her big blue eyes and remembered when they looked at him with love. It was gone now. Now they were angry and maybe disappointed. He hated that. He looked away. He needed a hit. He was thirsty. Why was he sweating? He was cold…
“Rider! What the hell happened? They are saying you raped this girl. You have been charged with rape!”
“What girl? Did I rape a girl? Doesn’t sound like me.” He shook his head to try to clear it, but it didn’t help. His mind was a fog and he couldn’t make any sense of it. Could he have raped a girl?
Lacey sighed. “No, it doesn’t sound like you. Tell me what is going on. Rider, please try to focus for just a few more minutes. Is there anything you need… other than whatever you’ve been taking?”
“I’m so thirsty Lace.”
“Ok. I can help with that.” She opened a bottle of water and slid it in front of him.
Rider drank the whole bottle, but it didn’t help. He started to shiver and that made his bones hurt. He wanted to curl up and cry, but Lacey needed him to focus now. She handed him a cold can of soda and he drank it too. It tasted so good.
She pulled a picture of a woman with long blonde hair from her file. She looked familiar, but he didn’t know why.
“Do you know this woman?”
“She’s blonde. Like Lizzie, but she’s not Lizzie. They never are.” Rider slumped in his chair.
“No she’s not Lizzie. She claims you raped her. Do you remember seeing her two nights ago Rider?”
Rider shook his head. He couldn’t remember. Two nights ago he had been at the club house with Shaker. Had it only been two nights?
“It doesn’t sound like me does it Lace? Do you think I could have done that? I don’t think I could have done that. I’ve never needed to do that.” Rider closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
She reached out and took his cold, shaking hand. “No Rider. I don’t believe it for a second.” She squeezed and Rider felt something he hadn’t in a long time, hope.
“How long have you been like this?” She asked quietly.
“Strung out or fighting it?”
“Both.”
“I don’t know. Few months maybe. I didn’t mean to, just happened and then I didn’t mind so much.” He looked up and he knew what she saw. Pale, pasty skin, sunken cheeks, ragged hair, red rimmed glassy eyes. He didn’t even know himself anymore. “I decided to stop so I left. Only had enough to be able to keep going. Had to make it back home. Did I make it home? Where am I?”
He watched as she wiped a tear from her cheek. He had made her cry again. He always made everyone unhappy. The only thing he could do was fuck, but that didn’t fix everything.
“Don’t. Don’t cry for me.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” She sniffled. “We aren’t home Rider. We are in Georgia and you have been arrested. We have to get you clean Rider. We have to do that first and it won’t be fun. Can you agree to that?”
He nodded. “Wanted to do that, but I need help Lace.” He started chewing on his thumb again.
“Alright. I can get you some help but we need to do this first. Now I need you to try to think. The woma knsp; Then had a rape kit done at the hospital. Your semen was found inside of her. We know you had sex. She claims it was rape. Now I need you to tell me what you remember. The doctor’s report said she had bruising, but did not state that he thought it was due to a rape. He seemed to elude to the fact that her bruises didn’t point to rape. I have never heard of you mistreating a woman in a physical way, but I need you to talk to me.”
“Doesn’t sound like me.”
Lacey closed her eyes.
“Where’s Lizzie?”
“You aren’t ready to see Lizzie. She is home in Cool Creek. You hurt her and this is not the way you want her to see you.”
“Does she think I did this?” Rider chewed his thumb until he tasted blood. “I was coming home to Lizzie. Lizzie will help me. Lizzie always helps me, even if she’s mad.”
“Of course not. No one does. You have family here Rider. The brothers are here to stand by you. Remember who you are. We are all here to help you. Preach is pitching fits to anyone who will listen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is thrown in with you.”
Rider looked up then and felt a measure of clarity for the first time in months. His brothers were here. That meant the world to him. He nodded.
“I may be a junkie Lace and I may like women, but I’m no rapist. I fucking know that.”
Lacey smiled the smile he loved. “I do know that. So let’s figure out how to get you clean and beat this fucked up charge. I need you to want both. I can’t help you if you don’t want it really bad. Your brothers are doing what they do.”
“I do. I didn’t plan to be this way.” He knew what it meant. His brothers were hunting the assholes who were trying to get him thrown in jail. They would spill blood for him, for his honor and they knew he would do the same for them.
Lacey only nodded. There was no judgment in her eyes and he felt like a pussy for feeling his eyes water. He knew this would be harder than anything he had done before and more important. He felt it deep down inside of him like it was gnawing on his bones. This was the most important decision he would make in his life and probably the hardest to stick to.
“Fuck I’ve become a pussy. Shit.”
Lacey laughed. “Oh Rider. You’ve always been one, it’s why the women love you so much… because of your sensitive side.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” He buried his face in his hands. “I hate this shit.”
“Let me take plLet me care of this Rider and you’ll be home before you know it. When is the last time you had a hit?”
“This morning. It’s getting to me Lace. I’m not sure I can take this.”
“Alright. I think you need to be in the hospital. Heroin?”
Rider nodded feeling like a piece of shit. He had picked the granddaddy of them all. She pulled a handful of butterscotch candies from her pocket and laid them on the table.
“This won’t help much, but maybe just a tiny bit. I will arrange for you to be moved to a hospital. You cannot detox here safely. If it gets too bad before you are moved you need to let someone know. This can get dangerous.”
Rider was afraid all the sudden. If it was going to be that bad maybe he would just keep using. He felt ashamed for even having the thought and then he was something else, he was angry. The anger burned through him like lava through a forest. It singed his pain, seared it until he couldn’t see anything but anger. It also gave him focus. He was angry with the Devils and with Ginny for fucking with his fam
ily and for fucking up his body. He was angry with Lizzie for fucking Spec, for not seeing past his walls and loving him. He knew it wasn’t fair, but he wanted to hate her, loving hurt too bad. He was angry with his brothers for turning on him. He was angry with Shaker for giving him this shit that had ruined him. Mostly he was angry with himself. He was angry for running away and leaving his mother and sister to deal with that abusive dick he called stepfather. He was angry for leaving his young girlfriend when he found out his bull riding injuries had caused him to become sterile. He was angry for the way he had treated Lacey and then Lizzie. Most of all he was angry with the way he had blamed it all on someone else. He had made his choices and never accepted responsibility and now he was accused of something he hadn’t done and he feared no one would believe him. He remembered a story his mother had told him when he was small. It was about a boy who lied until no one believed him and he was eventually eaten by wolves. He hated fucking wolves, but it had taught him not to lie. Now he feared his brothers would throw him to the wolves.
He sat up and gripped his cramping stomach. No. His brothers were the wolves and he was part of the pack. They were here and they would fight this thing together. He wasn’t running from the wolves anymore, he was one of them and that bond couldn’t be severed. He felt strong. He was still in pain, but he used it now.
He wanted to throw things. He wanted to beat the shit out of someone, but he wanted to beat the shit out of himself most of all. When the pain started he just wallowed in it, knowing it was nothing short of what he deserved. He curled in a ball on his cot and screamed in pain. He vomited until he couldn’t move. He had never been so humiliated in his life and he knew it was his own fault. He owned his torment and felt it hardening in his very soul. He felt a knot of strength grow until he felt with absolute certainty that he would beat this. He would start a new and he would live the life of a man instead of the boy he had lhe boy he ived for so long. He pulled the pain inside of him and let it harden his soul. He knew what his brothers did when they went out on missions for the club. He had never been asked to do those things because Preach hadn’t trusted him enough, hadn’t trusted him to be able to handle it, now he could and he would prove it.
Six
Lizzie lay in the sweet smelling grass and watched the puffy white clouds play chase across the sky. Spec hadn’t tried to talk to her. He had just driven until he found this place and parked. He’d spread out a blanket and laid beside her as she tried to think of what had happened. He was still right there even after an hour or more. He seemed content to watch the clouds and listen to the bees buzz as they flew about. It was one thing she loved about him. He was content. He was constant and steady. If he made a promise, he kept it, even if he had to take risks to do it. Lizzie respected that.
Lizzie let her mind drift as she only did with Spec. She trusted him more than she did anyone else and she knew he would protect her in every way. She glanced at him to see him resting his head on his linked hands. His feet were crossed at the ankles and his eyes were closed. He looked peaceful, relaxed, but he was alert. He knew what was around them. She knew that he would keep her safe so she let her guard down. She knew too that he would be totally honest with her with anything that wasn’t club business and a few things that were. He trusted her too. It was a friendship that was completely unexpected, but completely necessary to both of them. They had no expectations of one another other than trust and friendship. Lizzie had never experienced a relationship like it and it fed her on a level she couldn’t describe. She thought it fed him too. He sought her out as often as she looked for him and there were some times that it was just a need to be near someone that you knew would never betray you.
She let her mind drift to Rider. He seemed to betray her at every turn and sadly it was becoming what she expected from him. It had been months since Rider left without a word the morning she had awakened in his bed for the first, and probably the last time. He hadn’t made contact with her and she knew he hadn’t done so with many of the brothers. She had been furious at the way they had treated him, but they had all been so mad. They blamed Rider for things that were out of his control, but it made them all feel less foolish to blame someone other than themselves. They hadn’t seen Slick as a trader even though it was obvious looking back. Rider was no more to blame than Lawless, but since Law was a scary motherfucker no one dared blame him. Law blamed himself though.
Lizzie chewed her lip. Maybe that was the difference. Law admitted his wrong doing. Rider was defensive about his part in it all. He never admitted anything. He always blamed someone else or something else. It was one of the few things Lizzie didn’t respect about him and she knew the brothers saw it as a weakness. She saw it as juvenile, but Rider had always seemed to be as lighthearted as a kid.
“Do you think he did it?” Her voice was hoarse, but she had to know what Spec thought.&nbsly gp; He was the smartest man she had ever known and he knew things that most couldn’t know.
“Fuck no.”
Lizzie closed her eyes and let that certainty settle. Spec was never wrong. Spec shifted until he was hovering over her.
“Rider needing to rape a woman is like me needing help with my email Lizzie. It doesn’t happen. Plus he isn’t that kind of man.”
Lizzie looked up into his blue eyes and saw his absolute certainty. She felt that bubble of hope in her chest and let it free. Everything would be alright. She reached up and caressed Spec’s face.
“You are too good for me.”
“Nonsense. I’m not nearly good enough, but you will never figure that out.” He winked and pressed a kiss to her lips.
“Have you seen him? Since he left?”
Spec nodded. “I’ve kept an eye on him.”
“What’s going on?”
“Bad shit Lizzie. Very bad shit. Shit that will haunt him the rest of his life. He will never be the same after this.” He studied her face. “Do you think you can handle that?”
“Will he be alright?”
“That depends on him. No one can help him until he decides he needs helping. I think he may be there.”
“It’s so sad.”
“It is. Sad to see a brother brought so low.”
“That too…”
“Too?”
“Yes. It’s sad that he will kick your ass when he gets back because you have been in my bed.”
She had surprised him. Spec’s eyes lit with mischief and she loved that look the best. Lizzie giggled when his hands grew hungry. She rarely surprised him and it did something to him. It was almost like an electric shock.
“What is the rush?”
“I need to get all of you I can before you are finished with me.”
His words were spoken playfully but Lizzie heard the finality in them and knew they were his true thoughts. She knew too that he was never wrong. It dampened her joy, but she tried to hide it. He knew she would run to Rider if he would have her and deep down Lizzie knew it too.
She wrapped her arms around Spec as he lifted her shirt and tasted her skin. She would give Spec every ounce of herself she could until Rider got home and then she would see how she felt. There was no use in worrying over it now. She knew that if Rider needed her that she would give every ounce of herself to helping him. She knew she would always give him all of her, even if he didn’t really want it.
Seven
Rider sat in his hospital room with Preach and tried to listen. He was detoxing in the hospital north of Atlanta. He was thankful they hadn’t made him stay in the jail. He was sick. This felt worse than any flu he had ever had in his life. He was shaking with chills and sweating and the shaking hurt. He wanted to just die, but Preach wouldn’t allow that.
Preach wasn’t being quiet about how pissed he was, but Rider could think of nothing but how much he hurt and how much he wanted another hit. The doctors had suggested drug replacement which would be easier, but Preach had said no. Preach hated junkies and he was pissed that Rider had become one in the
few months that he had been gone.
Rider wasn’t proud of it either. The apple never falls far from the tree it seemed. He thought back to his father and all the times he had chosen a hit or a bottle over his family and he vowed not to walk down that road.
Rider’s attention snapped to Preach.
“What did you say about Lizzie?”
“No.” Preach pointed his finger at Rider. “Fuck no. You are not to have anything to do with Lizzie. Before this shit went down you treated her like shit after she killed herself trying to help your sorry ass get better after that whore nearly killed you. You don’t get to do that to her again. She will want to help you because that’s who she is. She can’t help herself and for some damned reason she thinks she loves you. You don’t touch her. If I help you get out of this shit and help you get back to where you were before Ginny fucked you up, you have to stay away from Lizzie.”
Rider (Defenders M.C. Book 3) Page 3
