by Alexa Land
“I could really take a lesson from you,” I said. “And you know what? I will. Lead the way while we’re on this cruise, we’ll do whatever you want. I’m going to let your enthusiasm rub off on me.” That could actually be just what I needed, total distraction from my troubles.
He beamed at me and said, “You’re in for it. I was reading online about all the shipboard activities. There’s twenty-four-hour-a-day costumed karaoke, and game shows where you can win prizes, and a family talent show. Let’s enter! There are classes all day long, too. I want to take one on how to draw Dotsy Dog, and a cooking class, and dance lessons! Take dance lessons with me, Christian!”
I smiled at him. “Anything you want. We’re going to do the hell out of this cruise. When it’s all over, I want us to be so worn out that we sleep for a week.”
He threw his arms around me and kissed my cheek. “I’ve never been so excited about anything in my entire life!”
*****
I’d expected the interior of the Imagination to look like a circus clown’s acid trip, but the ship was surprisingly tasteful. Sure, a guy dressed like a huge speckled dog in a captain’s hat greeted us when we came onboard, and okay, maybe the ship’s designers could have cut down on the gilding by about three hundred percent, but the huge lobby was actually pretty, with a big curved staircase, glass elevators, and elegant ironwork framing the three stories of balconies that opened onto the grand foyer.
Chance took my hand and dragged me over to the guy in the dog suit, insisting that we get our picture taken. My smile for the camera was genuine. This was going to be fun.
There was some kind of commotion at the ship’s entrance and we turned to watch Nana sweep onboard with her entourage. She was dressed in a crisp blue and white suit and a captain’s hat (probably because she had every intention of piloting the ship). Five tiny little white-haired women flanked her, all with giant handbags over their arms and all dressed in navy and white nautically-inspired outfits, not quite identical but pretty close. Behind them were at least thirty members of Nana’s family, Trevor and Vincent among them. They smiled and waved when they saw us.
Nana was positively beaming. She made us join her family for a group photo with the ship’s mascot, then grabbed Chance and me in a hug. After a million introductions, Chance and I finally went off to find our cabin.
Nana had reserved a significant portion of deck nine for her party. Surprisingly, Chance and I had a room with a balcony. It seemed like those cabins would have gone to her relatives. I was grateful for that feature, because it might have felt a bit claustrophobic without it.
The cabin was set up like a tiny apartment. A tied-back curtain could separate the bedroom from a seating area with a compact couch, coffee table, desk and television. The bathroom was split into two tiny rooms, one with a shower, the other with a toilet, and each with a sink. “Our home for a week. It’s so cute!” Chance exclaimed, then snatched up a schedule that was on the bed and began studying it.
“Think the pool’s open yet?” I asked.
“It is.”
I unzipped my backpack, tossed him a pair of swim trunks and grabbed a pair for myself. Our luggage was going to be brought to our cabin later, so it was lucky these had made it into the carry-on (just because I’d almost forgotten them and packed them at the last minute). “Last one down the giant waterslide has to wear a pair of Dotsy Dog ears the rest of the day,” I told him with a smile.
“You’re on, even though I was totally going to get a pair of those ears anyway.” He unbuttoned his shirt, but then he hesitated and looked at me. The hand prints around his neck had faded out, but he had the remnants of a huge bruise on his rib cage from where he’d been kicked.
“Two choices,” I told him. “Decide you don’t care what people think about that, or keep a t-shirt on. Either solution works.”
“Do you have a t-shirt I can borrow?” I handed him one from the backpack and we both got changed.
We went up on deck and rode the waterslide six times in a row, then splashed around in the pool for a while. Finally we toweled off, and on the way to finding a place to sit, I bought us each a pair of big, floppy Dalmatian ears from a souvenir stand. They were fastened together by a furry black headband and reached past our shoulders. Chance chuckled delightedly.
Gianni and Nico were sitting at a table in the shade and waved us over. “Well, you two are certainly getting in the swing of things,” Gianni said with a grin.
“When in Rome,” I told him.
A cute, blond waiter with an Australian accent came to take our drink order. He flirted shamelessly with Chance, and the two made eyes at each other before he went back to the bar. When he returned with our neon blue cocktails, he slipped Chance a note and told him, “I could get sacked for this, but it’s totally worth it.” He winked at my companion before moving on to the other tables.
Chance read the note and grinned before slipping it in the soggy pocket of his swim trunks. “What’s it say?” Gianni wanted to know.
“He gets off work at ten and wants me to meet him.” Chance looked pleased. “I shouldn’t, though.”
“Why not?” I asked before taking a sip of my big blue drink.
“Well, because I don’t want to ditch you during our first night on the ship. That wouldn’t be very nice of me.”
“Go get laid, I insist,” I told him.
“We can keep Christian occupied,” Nico said. “I believe Nana has us scheduled to play Family Feud in the Starlight Lounge at eleven. There are already about fifty people on her team, so Christian can be number fifty-one.” He smiled at me cheerfully.
I grinned at that. “Awesome.”
“Alright. In that case, I’ll go.” Chance looked happy.
A kid in a green Army surplus jacket and Harry Potter-style glasses snatched a chair from another table and plunked it down between Gianni and me. “Greetings, menfolk,” he said as he took a seat. “I’m currently AWOL from the kids’ club, so if you see anyone dressed like a total spaz in a lime green Hawaiian shirt, alert me. That’ll be one of the kids’ club henchmen, coming to drag me back to hell.” He was holding a coffee cup and took a drink before settling back in the chair.
“Hi Joshie,” I said. “Where are your dads?” Trevor and Vincent had adopted the boy a few months ago. He was eleven going on thirty-five and incredibly smart. I adored the kid.
“Off doing some romantic shit,” he said. “A couples massage, I think. I’m trying to give them some space, so I said I’d go to the kids’ club. Problem is, when Nana registered me, she accidentally checked the box that said I could only leave if a parent signs me out. That’s why I chose to go AWOL instead of bugging my dads.”
“That bad, huh?” I asked.
He looked at me over the top of his glasses. “They were decorating cookies shaped like dog biscuits. Let’s think about all that’s wrong with that for a moment. Next up they were going to do a canine version of the hokey pokey and wanted us to put on ears and tails. You two are halfway there.” He gestured at our dog ears with his chin before taking another sip of coffee. I chuckled at that.
Joshie turned to Gianni and said, “Uncle Gi, who are you bunking with, Nico?” When he nodded, the kid asked, “Do you have room for one more? Nana put me in with my cousins, Petey and Patty, and I’m going to go mental if I’m confined in an enclosed space with those two.”
“Sure. There’s a pull-down bunk above the fold-out sofa, so we have plenty of room,” Gianni said.
“Awesome.” All of a sudden, Joshie slid down in his chair and said, “Aw crap. There’s one of the kids’ club goons.” A guy in a lime green Hawaiian shirt was crossing the deck, headed in our general direction. “I think I’ve been made. I’ll catch you guys later.” Joshie slid out of his seat and disappeared into the crowd.
“God I love that kid,” Gianni said with a smile. “He spends most afternoons at Nana’s house while his dads are at work, so we’ve been bonding.”
“Wh
y are you staying there?” I asked. “Is your house being renovated or something?” I’d heard all about his palatial mansion on the coast, because Skye had gone to a wedding there and kept raving about it. Apparently the house had been left to Gianni by an older sugar mama when she passed.
“The house is no more,” Gianni said.
“What happened to it?”
“Basically, my lawyers weren’t as good as Glenda’s nephew’s lawyers. Even though the will should have been iron-clad, they figured out a way to take everything from me. Oh, and not only did my lawyers lose, they cost me all of my savings in the process. So, long story short, it kind of sucks to be me right now.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
Gianni sighed and looked at the drink in his hand. “At least the court proceedings are over. It got so ugly. The nephew made me out to be a gold-digging slut who was only using Glenda for her money. I really did love her, but it didn’t matter. Everyone who looked at our age difference, including the judge, totally assumed I’d manipulated her to get that house. I swear I didn’t.”
His cousin leaned over and put his arm around Gianni’s shoulders. “Your family knows the truth, that’s all that matters.”
“Even my own family doubts me. Not all of them, but some. I see it in their eyes when they look at me.”
“Well, fuck them,” Nico said. “I for one totally get it. You’ve just always preferred men and women who are older than you. That’s hardly a crime.”
Gianni smiled embarrassedly at Chance and me. “Sorry for the personal drama. This all just finally came to a conclusion last week, although I’d been forced to leave the house with a temporary court order before that. I’m still kind of picking up the pieces.”
“No need to apologize,” I said. “We all have stuff we’re dealing with. My recommendation? Lots of booze, waterslides, and silly dog ears. That’s my recipe for coping this week.”
Gianni raised his glass. “I’m down with the booze. If I have enough of it, the rest of that might not sound so batshit crazy.”
We hung out with the two Dombrusos, chatting and drinking until sunset, which was when the ship’s deep baritone horn sounded. A crew member came around and gave each of us a petite, silver pompom, and we shook them and sang the Dotsy Dog theme song along with the rest of the ship’s three thousand passengers as the Imagination pulled away from the dock. Maybe it was the booze, but I found it exhilarating.
Gianni and Nico left their pompoms behind when they went to get changed for dinner. Chance and I picked them up and I began working out a cheerleading routine as we made our way back to our cabin. Both of us were drunk enough to be giggly.
“Ready? Okay!” I yelled, putting my hands on my hips. We were in a public space with plenty of people around, but I didn’t care. I raised the pompoms and swung them around as I cheered, “You fell down and missed that pass, get up now, brush off your ass! The other team thinks we are beat, but our tight ends look oh-so-sweet!” To accompany that line, I twirled around, bent over and shook my butt at Chance. Then I spun to face him again and circled my hands around each other as I chanted, “Time’s almost up but that’s not all, come on team and grab those balls! Gooooo Team Gay!” I quickly spelled Y-M-C-A with my outstretched arms, then whooped and clapped as I bounced up and down.
Chance doubled over with laughter. Publicly humiliating myself was totally worth it, just to see him laughing that hard. “Oh my God, you’re so drunk,” he said as he gasped for air. “And that’s the worst cheer ever.”
“It is not! It even rhymes!” I cracked up too and Chance and I leaned on each other, brushing tears from our eyes.
I looked up after a few moments and my breath caught. At first, I thought it was a drunken mirage. But no.
Shea stood at the ship’s railing maybe ten yards away, on the other side of some shuffleboard courts. Our eyes locked and my heart jumped. He started to take a step toward me, just as a little girl playing shuffleboard sent the puck sailing in his direction. He slipped on it and lost his footing, staggering for a moment before flipping backwards over the railing and disappearing from sight.
“Oh shit,” I yelled, “man overboard!”
Chapter Seven
I ran to the spot where he’d been standing and looked down. It turned out the deck below us was much wider than this one, and Shea had landed on it instead of plunging into the Pacific. He was flat on his back though, so I leapt over the railing and rushed to his side. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“Super embarrassed, but otherwise fine.” He sat up and rubbed his shoulder. “What are you doing on a Dotsy cruise?”
“My friend Trevor is getting married and Nana, his fiancé’s grandmother, is hosting a wedding ceremony for the couple. What are you doing here?”
He grinned at me. “My cousin Brian’s getting married. His fiancé Hunter doesn’t have a family, so Nana pretty much adopted him and is throwing them a shipboard wedding, too.”
“Ah.” I helped him to his feet and asked, “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.”
A few crew members pushed through the crowd around us and started asking a lot of questions, then insisted that Shea get checked out by the ship’s doctor. “Well, um...good to see you,” he called as they led him away.
“You too.”
“Next time don’t jump over the railing, sir,” one of the crew members told me flatly.
Next time? As if people were going to be falling over railings left and right and they expected me to keep leaping after them? “Yeah, sorry. Wasn’t thinking.”
Chance had joined me by way of the stairs. He held an armload of pompoms, mine and his. “So, that just happened,” he said as we headed to our cabin.
“Yup.”
“Quite a coincidence, the object of your desire ending up on the same cruise.”
“If I’d stopped and thought about it, I could have predicted that. I knew he and one of the grooms were cousins.”
“So what are you going to do about this?”
“Do about it? Nothing.”
“Oh, come on! This is totally meant to be. The universe is trying to push the two of you together!”
“No it isn’t. Shea and I just know some of the same people, including my friend Skye. Speaking of which, I hope he and Dare made it onboard. I haven’t seen them yet.”
“Stop it.”
“What?”
“That blatantly obvious attempt at changing the subject. We were talking about you and Shea.”
“Shea Nolan?” Nana appeared at my elbow, wearing so many floral leis that I couldn’t see her mouth. “Hi boys. I couldn’t help but overhear, because I was eavesdropping. What’s this about you and Shea, Christian?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” Chance said. “Christian’s crushing on this guy, but he says they can’t get involved because he’s moving away in a few months. That’s nuts though, because think of all the fun they could have between now and then!”
“Shea...oh, the cop! Brian’s cousin. Is he a gay homosexual? I didn’t know that. He’s a fox, that I did know. I don’t even mind all that much that he’s a cop,” she said. “That seems to run in his family. His cousin Kieran’s a cop too, and he’s perfectly lovely, so good for my boy Christopher. They’re both around here someplace. I tell you, it’s hard to keep track of a hundred and seventy-eight people!”
“Wow! That’s how many people you invited?”
“No, I invited a lot more than that. It was short notice though, so not everyone could get the time off.” Nana looked disappointed. She stopped at a cabin door and said, “This is me. You boys coming down to dinner?”
“Yes ma’am,” Chance said, “as soon as we get changed.”
Nana nodded and said, “You just leave this thing with Shea to me. It’ll work out fine, you’ll see.” She dug into her handbag and fished out a plastic card, which she tapped on the keypad to her cabin. As she pushed open the he
avy door she said, “By the way, I’m proud of you boys for getting into the Dotsy spirit! I saw you on the waterslide earlier, and the ears are very cute.” She flashed us a thumbs up before disappearing through the door.
“Oh hell, I forgot I was wearing the ears,” I said, knocking my forehead against the wall. “I’ll bet Shea saw that cheerleader routine, too. That’s just all kinds of awesome.”
“Dude, how could you forget you’re wearing the ears?”
“I don’t know, I just did.”
“But I’m wearing them, too. All you have to do is look at me and you’re reminded.”
“Still.”
Chance grinned and started heading toward our cabin again, and so did I. “You’re so into that guy,” he said.
“Who says?”
“You. Just look how bummed you are about making a fool of yourself in front of him. Then again, he’s pretty much the clumsiest guy ever, so your respective embarrassments kind of cancel each other out. I mean, he fell over the railing! I was waiting for a splash! Would you have jumped in and saved him if he’d landed in the ocean?” I just shrugged. “You would have, wouldn’t you? Come on, admit it.”
“Well yeah, especially since it was pretty much my fault he fell. I distracted him by being such a dork and doing that cheer.”
“He didn’t fall because he got distracted by the cheer, he fell because he got distracted by you. Did you not see the look on his face right before he went boots over britches? It was the same look from back at the bar, like a starving man staring at a great, big club sandwich.”
“I used to be a priceless artwork in your analogy. Now I’ve been downgraded to cold cuts.”
“I realized my earlier analogy was missing a key component. Yes, he looks at you with reverence, but he also looks at you with intense longing,” he said. “Hence the sandwich.”
When we reached our cabin, I turned to Chance and raised an eyebrow. “What do you think Nana meant when she said we should leave the thing with Shea to her?”
“No idea,” he said with a big grin, “but I can’t wait to find out.”
