Against the Wall

by Alexa Land

  “Do you want anything from home?” I asked him, but he shook his head.

  “I have everything I need right here.” He gave me a weak smile.

  “You look tired, baby. Why don’t you take another nap?” He nodded and shut his eyes, and I turned off the lamp on the nightstand, then stroked his hair until he fell asleep.

  A while later, I was startled by loud knocking on the front door. I glanced at Shea, but he was still out. I was surprised to find his brother Finn in the hallway. I also wondered how he’d gotten into the building, since guests were supposed to enter a security code at the main door. “Where’s my brother?” he snapped in lieu of a greeting.

  “He’s napping,” I said. “Keep your voice down.”

  “I want to see him.”

  “How’d you know where he was?”

  “His roommate texted me,” Finn said. “Now are you going to let me in, or what?”

  “No. I just said he’s sleeping.”

  “Doesn’t matter. He’s coming home with me.”

  “Like hell he is! He’s really sick!”

  “Well he sure as hell isn’t staying here with you!”

  I squared my shoulders and glared at him. “Look, asshole, I know I’m not your favorite person, but don’t take that shit out on your brother. He spent all last night throwing up, and his fever keeps coming and going. Dragging him out of bed just to spite me isn’t going to do him any favors.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t trust you to take care of my brother. I don’t trust you at all, because you’re a liar and a user.”

  “I’m neither of those things. Your friend Sam knew the score this summer, I never lied to him or led him on. I know you’re not going to believe me, but it’s still the truth.”

  “What’s your name?”

  I knit my brows. “Christian George.”

  He smirked at me. “Bullshit! I looked you up, there’s no record of anyone with that name. You’re a total fraud.”

  “You looked me up? What the fuck!”

  “Let me see some ID.”

  “Hell no!”

  “That’s what I thought, a fraud and a liar. I’m getting my brother out of here.” He made a move to step around me and I jumped in front of him. “Get out of my way, Christian. Or whatever your name is.”

  “You’re not dragging Shea out of bed and into the cold night air. I won’t let you!”

  “How do you think you’re going to stop me?” he sneered.

  I hit him with a level glare. “I’d be happy to show you.”

  “You get that I’m a police officer, right? You lay one finger on me and I’ll arrest you so fucking fast it’ll make your head spin!”

  “And you get that you’re trying to enter my apartment illegally, right? I’ll have your ass thrown in jail for that.”

  “Good fucking luck,” he growled.

  A shaky voice behind me said, “Knock it off, Finn.”

  I rushed to Shea’s side as he leaned on the bedroom’s doorframe and put an arm around him. “Sorry we woke you, baby. Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

  “He’s coming with me,” his brother insisted, marching up to us and obviously trying to intimidate me with his size as he puffed up his chest.

  I stared at him and said, “What the hell are you going to do, tug on him like a wishbone? Go home, Nolan. Your brother needs to rest.”

  “I’m staying with Christian,” Shea said, and we turned our backs on Finn as I helped him back to bed.

  “Don’t trust that guy, Shea! Have you forgotten what he did to Sammy?”

  “Nothing,” Shea said. “He did nothing to Sam. He told him not to get attached, and Sam did anyway. He never lied to him.”

  “But he is a liar, Shea. Christian George isn’t even his real name!” Finn exclaimed. “I don’t know what angle he’s working, but I know he’s not who he says he is!”

  Shea dropped wearily onto the mattress and shot his brother a look. “You’re being such a tool right now.”

  Finn changed his approach. “Come on, Shea.” His tone was imploring. “Come home with me. If you’re this sick you need to be with family, not with some sleazebag you picked up in a bar.” I rolled my eyes at that.

  Shea laid down and said as I pulled the blanket over him, “I need to be with my boyfriend. Thanks for your concern, Finn, but you’re completely off base. Now please go home. This has all been exhausting.”

  Finn hesitated for a long moment, then told his brother, “I’m going to check on you in the morning. Be sure you answer your phone, or else I’m coming back here.” To me he said, “This isn’t over, asshole.” Then he turned and stormed out of the apartment.

  I got under the covers with Shea and took him in my arms as I asked, “Was your brother adopted? Raised by a pack of wild boar, maybe, before being poorly integrated into society?”

  He grinned at that, his eyelids heavy. “He’s overcompensating.”

  “Tiny penis?”

  That got a hoarse chuckle from him. “I mean he wants to make up for the fact that my parents have passive-aggressively disowned me. He’s trying to be my whole family now, but he doesn’t know how to go about it.”

  “He really doesn’t.”

  As I rubbed Shea’s back gently he murmured, “You’re totally going to catch this virus. I feel so bad for exposing you to all these germs.”

  “I don’t care. All that matters is taking care of you.”

  He snuggled against my chest and murmured, “You’re so sweet. Just the kindest person. My brother’s so wrong about you.”

  “Not about everything,” I said. “George is my middle name, I don’t use my last name.”

  “Why not?” His eyes were closed, and he rubbed his forehead against me.

  “Because my dad’s a famous singer and I don’t want people to make the connection.” I wanted to be truthful, but figured that was vague enough.

  Shea opened his eyes and looked up at me with a lopsided smile. The poor thing still looked so pale. “How famous? Are we talking Bowie? Hendrix? Tillane?”

  I tried to play it off, even though that had startled the hell out of me, and joked, “I do bear an uncanny resemblance to Jimi Hendrix.”

  Even while virus-riddled, he was still observant as hell. “Wait. Did I guess it? Is your dad Zan Tillane?” There really was no such thing as a poker face around him.

  “Please don’t say anything, okay? I’m sure you can imagine the media frenzy that would erupt if people found out I was Zan’s son. I’ve always been afraid that the paparazzi would track him down through me somehow, and that’s the last thing he needs.”

  “There are all those stories, from him committing suicide to getting in debt to the mob and being buried next to Hoffa. I can think of at least a dozen different urban legends about his disappearance.”

  “The truth is, he’s a recluse with a lot of problems.” I sighed and added, “He was in pretty bad shape Sunday. Sometimes he’s great, other times, he’s just a wreck. I never know what I’m going to walk into.”

  “That must be hard.”

  “He’s just so stubborn. Medication would help with his bipolar disorder, but he refuses to take it.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he says he doesn’t feel like himself when he’s medicated. He hates the lows, but I think he hates missing out on the highs even more.”

  “That’s so unfair to you and his other caregivers.”

  “There are no other caregivers, just me.”

  “Oh wow,” he murmured.

  “I mean, I get it, though. Yeah, it’s hard on me, but I remember what it was like when he was drugged up. He was just sort of...there. It was like he didn’t really feel anything. I don’t know, maybe he didn’t give the meds enough of a chance. Maybe he would have learned to adapt to them or the doctors could have worked on finding the right dosage for him or something. But now, well, he and I just sort of deal with it.”

  Shea reached up and touc
hed my cheek, sympathy in his eyes. “Your secret’s safe with me. I promise.”

  “I know. I really do trust you, Shea.” I kissed his forehead, which felt warm. “Shit, I think your fever’s coming back again.”

  He nodded and said, “This thing isn’t done with me yet.”

  *****

  It turned out that brief reprieve was just the eye of the storm. Shea spent the next night and day either throwing up, burning up, or both. He told his brother he was fine though, so at least Finn left us alone. I caught the bug too but wasn’t nearly as sick as Shea, so I was able to keep taking care of him.

  Chance checked in at one point, and when he found out we were ill, he brought us groceries, stuff like tea and crackers and soup, the few things we could tolerate. I had him leave them outside the door so he wouldn’t catch what we had. I called and checked on my dad too, and was pleasantly surprised when he actually answered the phone. He seemed down, but not as bad as he’d been on Sunday and said he was fine with me missing our mid-week visit. “But I’ll be there Saturday,” I told him.

  “Don’t push it, not if you’re sick,” Zan said.

  “I won’t come if I think I’m still contagious, but I really hope I can make it.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s Christmas.”

  “Oh.” He sounded surprised. “I forgot that it’s December.”

  *****

  By Thursday, Shea and I both turned a corner. I still felt shaky, but I could entertain the idea of eating without instantly feeling nauseous, so that was progress. I got up and showered and put on clean clothes, then went to help Shea. He was still really weak, but his stomach had settled and his fever had been gone for a while now. Some color was even returning to his complexion, which had gone almost grey for a while there.

  I filled the tub and bathed him gently, then helped him put on some clean sweats and a t-shirt. After I combed his hair for him and he brushed his teeth, I guided him to the living room and tucked him in on the couch, then stripped the bed and washed the sweat-soaked linens in the little laundry closet off the kitchen.

  I returned to the living room and knelt beside him, stroking his damp hair as I asked, “Can I bring you anything, baby?”

  “No thanks. Just come here.” He slid back and made room for me on the couch, and I stretched out on my side beside him as he pulled the blanket over me.

  “You look so tired. You’ve barely slept the last few days,” he said softly.

  “It’s okay.”

  He put his arms around me. “You’ve been amazing, Christian. Even when you got sick too, you took such good care of me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate all you did.”

  “It’s no big deal. That’s just what you do for people you care about.”

  “Not everyone would do what you did. You could have sent me home with Finn right at the beginning and saved yourself days of grief.”

  “No chance. I wanted to take care of you.”

  Shea smiled at me. “That’s because you’re sweet.”

  “Shhh.”

  I kissed him and he chuckled. “You can’t silence me that easily. I know you hate taking compliments, but tough. You’re a sweet, kind, wonderful guy, Christian. Deal with it.”

  “Right back at you.”

  “Now that I’m back among the lucid and showered, I’m embarrassed that you had to see me that sick. Talk about being at my worst.”

  “I don’t care about that at all, Shea. The only thing that matters is that you’re feeling better now.”

  “That virus was something else. I don’t recall ever being quite that ill.”

  “But hey, at least you’re over it in time for Christmas. You can still do whatever you had planned.”

  “I was supposed to go to my cousin Jamie’s Christmas Eve party tomorrow night after I got off work, but I doubt I’ll feel up for it. I was going to ask you to be my date, by the way. Saturday I’m working a double shift and I don’t plan to miss that.”

  “You’re working a double shift on Christmas? How come?”

  “A lot of the men and women I work with have kids. They need the day off a lot more than I do.”

  “What about your roommates, what are they up to?”

  “They’re probably already on the road. They go down to Leo’s parents’ house in Orange County every year. On Christmas Eve, they have a giant lasagna feast with about thirty relatives. Then on Christmas after they open presents, the whole family goes to Disneyland.”

  I raised an eyebrow at that. “Disneyland is open on Christmas?”

  “Yeah, and it’s packed. They love it, though.”

  “Do you ever go along?”

  “I went one year, but usually I’m working.”

  “You know, it’s really not fair that you always end up working on the holiday, just because other people have kids.”

  “I don’t mind it that much, especially now. I’m not welcome at my parents’ house anyway. It would have been nice to see my relatives on Christmas Eve, but that’s okay, too. I did just spend a week at sea with an awful lot of them,” he said.

  “Well, maybe by tomorrow night you’ll feel well enough to go.”

  He grinned at that. “Brushing my teeth almost wiped me out, so it’s pretty doubtful.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  After sleeping most of Thursday, I was pretty much back to normal by Friday. Shea was really weak, but he still wanted to go to work. “I just sit behind a desk. It’s not that strenuous,” he told me when I tried to talk him out of it.

  “There’s no way,” I said. “You’re just not well enough yet.” My point was made for me when he got tired halfway through trying to put on his pants and needed to lay down for a couple minutes.

  “Maybe you’re right,” he finally conceded. I handed him his phone and some sweats, then sent a couple messages of my own. I texted Skye, Dare, and Chance, asking if they wanted to drop by in the evening for a little Christmas Eve get-together. We were past the point of being contagious and I figured Shea should still have some fun, even if he couldn’t really go anywhere.

  Nana dropped by in the afternoon, wearing a Santa hat and a red dress with white trim that made her look like a tiny Mrs. Claus. She gave me a highly flammable rum-inundated fruitcake and made a fuss over us when I told her we’d been sick. I had to assure her we were fine repeatedly before she finally believed me and stopped trying to dial 911. “Merry Christmas, boys,” she said before continuing on her rounds. “You make sure you eat up all that fruitcake now. It’ll cure whatever ails you.”

  Around six, Skye and Dare arrived along with Skye’s brother River and his boyfriend Cole. All of them were bearing shopping bags. “You two just relax,” River told us. “We know you’ve both been little sickies, so let us handle the food and libations.”

  “And decorations,” Skye added, unpacking some twinkle lights and sparkly garland. Cole and Dare helped him quickly festoon my apartment while River made some appetizers.

  Chance got there a few minutes later. “Thank you for inviting me,” he said as he gave me a hug. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”

  “The question now,” Skye said, “is whether you’re feeling well enough for cocktails.”

  Shea and I declined, opting for gingerale instead, but we encouraged them to go drink up. Skye mixed up a big batch of something really pink, then poured drinks for everyone else and added an elaborate pineapple-and-plastic-palm-tree garnish to each glass. When he handed one of the drinks to Chance, my friend asked. “Thanks. What is it?”

  “A Big Fucking Cock,” Skye told him.

  Chance laughed at that. “Well hell, who doesn’t want one of those?” he said before taking a sip. Apparently he liked it, because he then drank down half of it.

  Skye said, “Whoa there, bud. I know. People always get excited when they get their first taste of Big Fucking Cock. But trust me, you want to take it nice and slow.” They both grinned delightedly and Dare chuck
led.

  “So, you decided not to go up to your mom’s?” I asked Skye as he squeezed in beside me on the couch.

  “We were all set to,” he told me. “River and Cole were going to go with us. Mom caught some kind of respiratory thing from her boyfriend’s kid though, and since the doctor already has her on bed rest, we all decided a visit might be a bit much right now.”

  “Sorry your plans fell through.”

  “It’s alright,” Skye said. “No one’s without family as long as Nana’s around. She invited us to the Dombruso Christmas Extravaganza at a restaurant owned by one of her relatives. Are you going?”

  “She invited me, but I already had plans.”

  “Well, when you get done with whatever you’re doing, you should come by,” Skye said. “There’s always room for more at a Nana Extravaganza. You too, Shea and Chance, if you don’t have family stuff all day.”

  “Thanks, but I’m working tomorrow,” Shea said.

  “No you’re not. You’re resting,” I told him.

  “I’ll rest at my desk at work.” I rolled my eyes at that and he added, “How about if we just see how I am in the morning?”

  “Fine.” I turned to Chance and said, “What about you? What are you doing for Christmas?”

  “I’m spending the day with friends,” he said. “We do a special celebration every year.”

  “Cheers to that,” I said, raising my gingerale.

  About two hours into our impromptu shindig, Shea fell asleep on the couch. He looked so cute curled up in a little ball against the armrest. I pulled the blanket up and tucked it around him, then lightly brushed back his soft hair before turning to my friends.

  Skye was beaming at me. “Wow,” he said.

  “What?”

  “I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “Like what?”

  “You know,” he said. “You’re so...what’s the word, Dare?”

  “Nurturing? Doting? Madly in love? The last one is more of a phrase,” Dare said with a grin, “but it still seems to apply.”