Roxi was right. Will didn’t want to date me. I shouldn’t hold out too much hope that he would change his mind. Maybe I did need to think about other options. It would be easier to be friends with Will if my heart had moved on to someone else.
Right now, I wasn’t ready to think about that. “So are you going to explain the rules to me before the next period starts?” I asked. “I’ll need to know if we’re both going to date hockey stars.”
The game didn’t take my mind off Will as much as I would have liked. But Roxi’s explanations meant I got a lot more into the action, practically gripping my seat by the time the Pumas scored the last goal.
And if my mind instantly went to how much I’d like to see Will celebrating after a win he’d actually played a part in, well, no one needed to know.
Chapter Thirteen
Will
If there was any awkwardness between Lacey and me, it all came from my side. Somehow, Lacey seemed perfectly happy to ignore the fact that we’d slept together and... well, I knew that should make me feel better. After all, I had been the one to leave her the morning after.
Yet, I couldn’t help the way my heart felt a little betrayed. It felt almost as if Lacey didn’t care. I tried to tell myself that it just solidified why dating was bad. If she could ignore something like that so easily, then who was to say she wasn’t able to push all her feelings to one side when convenient?
Except that was stupid. I couldn’t be angry at Lacey for doing the exact thing I wanted her to do.
I had started running with Vega again. Seeing Lacey every morning made my heart skip a beat. She never mentioned what happened between us. Neither did I, of course, but... I don’t know. I felt like maybe I wanted her to. At the same time, I really didn’t.
My head was a mess. So was my heart.
“If you frown any harder, Green, you’ll scare the kids off before they even get here,” Sloan called out as she approached me in the stands.
Sloan taught our kids’ program. She had done for years now. While I didn’t know her very well, she always seemed very optimistic. Maybe you had to be to teach children.
A while back, Sloan had offered to let me come join a few sessions. Not being cleared for skating, that wasn’t much of an option. Now that I was cleared, but before I was allowed to play again, it seemed like the perfect time to take her up on that offer.
It was still at least half an hour before the kids were meant to get there. I doubted my frowning was actually going to scare them away.
“I’ll try to be more chipper once they get closer,” I promised her.
Sloan smiled. “You don’t have to be chipper if it doesn’t come naturally,” she assured me. “Just try to avoid being actively frightening! They’ll think you’re a hero, no matter what. Don’t worry too much.”
I wasn’t worried. But I’d try to take Sloan’s advice to heart. “Do you have much experience with boys?” she asked.
“I used to be one, does that count?” I offered with a grin. “I mean, I also played a lot of team sports with boys when I was one.” Truthfully, I felt like I probably had more experience than a lot of other people who hadn’t played team sports growing up.
But did I know how to teach them to play hockey? I wasn’t sure. I’d managed to teach Lacey how to skate. These kids were a lot more advanced in their skills than Lacey had been.
And of course, once again, my mind went to Lacey and that day we went out on the ice. Damn it.
I wasn’t sure what spurred me to ask, but before I knew it, the words were out of my mouth. “Sloan, if you asked someone out and they said no, but then you ended up sleeping with each other anyway, would you... be cool with it?”
After a moment’s pause, I frowned. “That’s not a proposition,” I added. As attractive as Sloan was, I had no interest in either asking her out or sleeping with her.
Sloan lifted a hand to cover her mouth. I could still tell that she was trying not to laugh, and not entirely succeeding. I didn’t mind. I supposed it wasn’t every day she had someone tell her that they weren’t propositioning her.
“I don’t quite know what ‘cool with it’ would be in that situation,” she murmured. “If I asked someone out and they said no, I’d try pretty hard not to sleep with them. Seems like I’d be running the risk that I’d get hurt, otherwise.”
And yet, Lacey hadn’t avoided sleeping with me. Did that mean she didn’t think I could hurt her?
“But everyone’s different.” Sloan shrugged. “Do you want imaginary me to be cool with it?”
Did I? I didn’t much care what imaginary or not imaginary Sloan did. But I honestly had no idea if I wanted Lacey to be cool with it. Obviously, I didn’t want her hurt. And yeah, sneaking out of her bed before she’d even woke up didn’t do much to imply that. It was nonetheless true.
Swallowing, I gave a small shrug. “I’m not sure what I want,” I admitted. “I don’t want her... you?” I frowned. “Her.” It was going to be easier if I didn’t actually involve Sloan in this, imaginary or not. “I don’t want her hurt.”
I knew that for certain.
As Sloan raised an eyebrow, her mouth twisted thoughtfully. “That’s a start, I guess. But I assume not wanting people hurt is pretty much your default?”
She had a point. Even if Lacey had been a complete stranger to me, I wouldn’t want her to feel hurt by something I did. Or by something someone else did, for that matter.
“So if she's genuinely cool with it, this mystery woman, that implies she’s not hurt. Do you think she might be pretending to be fine with it?”
I didn’t. I had no idea what sort of liar Lacey was, but I didn’t think she was someone who’d hang out with someone who’d hurt her. She was... romantic. I knew that. I wasn’t sure I understood what that meant.
To me, someone romantic might not have dealt with a one-night stand as well as Lacey had. Then again, maybe that was just my perception of what romantic was. I’d be the first to admit that I didn’t get romance.
“I don’t think she’s pretending,” I answered finally, realizing that I hadn’t already. “She’s... I don’t know. I guess maybe she is fine with it? But I...” Maybe I just wanted Lacey to care. But what right did I have to want that?
Sloan gave me a moment to finish my sentence. But I didn’t know what I wanted to say. Or whether I wanted to say it to Sloan. After all, I didn’t know her well.
“Well, you slept with her, too, didn’t you?” Sloan asked. “You must have been cool with it, at least at the time.” I hadn’t really been thinking at the time. Not of anything more than how good Lacey had felt against me.
I shrugged, prompting Sloan to roll her eyes. “If you’re fine with it, and she’s fine with it, it seems to me like it shouldn’t be bothering you enough to bring it up with me. So either you’re not fine, or you don’t want her to be fine.” Sloan paused. “Which is it?”
That was a fair question. I didn’t want Lacey hurt, so I could hardly want her to care more if that meant she’d be hurt by what I did. On the other hand, I wanted this to matter. And that was the problem.
I’d had one-night stands in the past. There were very few pro players I knew who had never had one. Never had I wanted the woman to want more from me. If anything, that was usually the exact opposite of what you wanted to happen.
But with Lacey…
“Fuck, I don’t know,” I sighed. “I guess I must not be fine.”
It felt weird to say it out loud, but it was the only thing that made sense. Sloan took a step toward me, giving my arm a gentle punch.
“Don’t look so sad about it,” she suggested. “Just because someone is fine with a one-night thing, that doesn’t automatically mean they don’t want anything more.”
Didn’t it? I must have looked surprised. Sloan shook her head. “Aren’t you glad to be skating again? Even though you still want to play in a real match?”
That was an exceptionally good comparison. I knew hockey and so did
Sloan, we both understood how good it felt to skate, even if you couldn’t play. To think that the feelings I had towards that might be similar to how Lacey felt about me was definitely interesting. It made me feel glad that I’d brought it up with Sloan, I doubted any of the guys on the team would’ve been able to give me even half as good a comparison.
“You’re very good at this,” I praised Sloan. “Have you considered switching from training kids to relationship counseling?” My tone was teasing. I hoped that Sloan got how much I actually appreciated her talking to me about this.
She gave me a bright smile, which made me think she probably did know I appreciated her thoughts. “Oh, I could only counsel hockey players,” she told me, laughing as she said it. “The rest of the world wouldn’t understand my analogies.”
I doubted that was true, but I got wanting to work with athletes. “Besides, the Pumas’ cubs would be pretty upset if I left them to help people with that icky kissing stuff.”
Speaking of the cubs, Sloan started explaining what her plan was for their session.
It was easy enough to focus on listening to Sloan’s explanation. And by the time she was done, the cubs were actually arriving, all looking very excited when they spotted me. I let them ask me a million questions until Sloan urged them all onto the ice.
The afternoon was fun. A lot more fun than I had expected. Afterward, I helped Sloan to put all the equipment away and thanked her again for her advice. Or, rather, just listening to me and pointing out stuff that was probably obvious to others.
Now all I had to do was actually talk to Lacey.
I thought about putting it off, doing it tomorrow, but I knew that the longer I left it, the less likely I was to actually do something.
So once we were done, I headed over to Lacey’s place. I sat in my car for a good ten minutes thinking about what exactly I wanted to say. But then it struck me that it didn’t really matter. Lacey had always been so easy for me to talk to. Whatever I did say, she’d get it.
With that confidence, I finally got out of my car. After knocking on the door, all I could do was wait.
I expected the same greeting I’d had that morning. But there was no excited bark from Vega. And when the door opened, it wasn’t Lacey standing there.
Instead, a guy a little shorter than me stared up into my face, his sandy brows bent together. “Yes?” he asked. “Who are you?”
I didn’t much like his tone of voice.
“I’m Will,” I answered. From the lack of Vega’s excited barks, I guessed that she wasn’t home and thus, probably neither was Lacey. So... who the fuck was this guy, then? “Who are you? I’m a friend of Lacey’s,” I added.
He probably wasn’t a robber or something, since one would be unlikely to open the door to a stranger. Lacey didn’t have any siblings as far as I knew, so that didn’t leave a lot of options.
“Will?” His frown somehow deepened, then he shrugged. “Must be a new friend. I’m Harlan. Lacey and I used to live together, before I moved.” My eyes widened. Harlan, as in Lacey’s ex? What the hell was he doing back?
It wasn’t as if I could ask. Could I? It wasn’t any of my business.
“Lacey’s out. She might be a while, otherwise I’d say you could come in and wait. Was she expecting you?”
“Um, no.” I shook my head. Honestly, I didn’t want to sit around with Lacey’s ex and wait for her to come back. Especially not when I had no idea why he was even there. “So did you...” Could I ask? Before I could stop myself, the rest of the question tumbled out of my mouth. “Come back for her?”
And maybe, more importantly, did Lacey want him back? I’d seen how upset she was when Harlan had suggested it wasn’t safe for her to let me take Vega for runs. Did that mean she still cared for Harlan? She’d told me he’d moved and left Vega behind. Had his move been the reason they broke up? And if it was, him being back might be for Lacey.
I could hardly blame him, I had come back for Lacey. Just maybe not soon enough.
Before I could prepare myself for an answer, Harlan was nodding. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I moved. I just figured it was time, you know?”
I didn’t know what to say. If Lacey had told Harlan she wasn’t interested, would she have left him alone in her house? Would he still be hanging around?
I wondered how long he’d been there. And whether Lacey had known that he was coming back.
But above all of that, I felt a mix of anxiety and disappointment low in my stomach. I was too late. Maybe this was for the best. Relationships didn’t work out. And, apparently, neither did trying. I just wished I could feel less shit about the whole thing.
“Right,” I nodded. “Well, best of luck.” Ugh, I wasn’t even listening to what I was saying. I just wanted to leave, to not look at Harlan’s smug fucking face. “I’ll text Lacey, so don’t worry about telling her I was here.”
It would just invite questions I didn’t want to answer. Harlan, at least, didn’t seem bothered. He nodded before closing the door, leaving me standing there like an idiot.
Fuck!
Leaving Harlan and Lacey’s place behind, I headed for the park nearby. I needed the walk to clear my head before I went home. If Harlan was back in Lacey’s life, I wondered if that meant I shouldn’t come tomorrow to pick Vega up.
I felt like I’d missed my chance through nothing but sheer stupidity and cowardice.
But I should have learned that, when it came to Lacey, the universe seemed to bring us together no matter what. I’d barely entered the park when I spotted her and Vega. Lacey was sitting on a bench. At first, I thought about maybe not bothering her.
But then I saw her the way her shoulders shook, like Lacey was crying. Vega’s face was pressed against Lacey’s lap in what I assume was comfort. Frowning, I walked over. I could hardly leave. It didn’t even enter my mind.
“Lacey?” I called out softly once I was close enough. “Is everything okay?” It obviously wasn’t, she had tear-stained cheeks as she looked up at me. My breath caught. I felt physical pain at the idea that Lacey was hurt.
Her red-rimmed eyes glanced up at me, something very like fear melting into relief. As much as it hurt to know that Lacey was upset, I liked that seeing me seemed to bring some measure of comfort.
“Oh, Will,” she said, her voice catching in her throat. “Harlan turned up today to pick up Vega. He wants to take her back to Boston!”
A fresh wave of tears overcame her, making her bend her head to rifle through her nearby purse. Failing to find a tissue, she scrubbed at her cheeks with the heel of one hand.
“I mean. She is his dog. I can’t tell him ‘no’.”
Oh. Oh.
When Harlan had said he was there for her, I had assumed he’d meant Lacey! That’s what my question had been about. But of course, he had assumed I meant Vega. Hence the misunderstanding.
Instantly, I felt a relief wash over me. And then guilt. Lacey was clearly very upset, yet I couldn’t help but be glad that Harlan hadn’t come back for her. It was a selfish thought. Straight away, I also felt her hurt. If someone wanted to take Teddy away from me, I would be devastated.
Taking a seat next to Lacey on the bench, I reached out to wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her in closer against me. I hoped she’d find it comforting. From the way Lacey pressed her face against my shoulder, it seemed to work.
“I’m so sorry. I thought that he had permanently given Vega to you,” I commented, rubbing my hand over her back.
A little of the tension in her muscles eased as she turned her body more towards mine. Vega whined, at least until Lacey’s fingers found the special spot between her ears that Vega loved having scratched.
“So did I,” Lacey muttered, still a little tearfully. “He said Boston was no place for an active dog. And that he wouldn’t have time to spend with her. He wanted to focus on his career.”
Thinking of Felix, I couldn’t help but feel it was just an excuse. If an NHL p
layer could make time for four dogs, Harlan ought to be able to make time for one.
“And then he just showed up today! Like this had been the plan all along. But I swear it wasn’t. He knew I was putting her on my insurance!”
My mind was racing, trying to find solutions. I wanted to fix this for Lacey but I had no idea how. I could easily offer to get her a new dog, but I knew that wasn’t the same. No one could replace Vega for her the same way that no one could replace Teddy for me.
“I’m really sorry, Lacey,” I said gently, giving her a squeeze. Seeing her like this, so hurt, broke my heart. Everything I had wanted to say to her could wait. I needed to figure out how to fix this, how to make Lacey less sad.
Reaching out to pet Vega’s fur, I bit my lip. Maybe there was something I could do.
“Do you want me to sit with you and Vega a little bit or shall I leave you two alone?” I offered, thinking that before Lacey got back, I could have a conversation with Harlan. Figure something out that would allow Lacey to keep Vega.
She shifted, so she could blink up at me. Her hand reached out, fingertips brushing against my chest before she pulled away. I’d never seen such vulnerability in her face before. It hit me like a sledgehammer. I wanted to do anything to make this right.
“You’re so sweet, Will. Such a nice person.” Lacey swallowed, clearly trying to get her emotions under control. “You’re sweet for offering to stay with me. But even more for asking if it’s better if you go.”
She moved her hand, tangling her fingers in Vega’s thick fur. “Can you leave us for a bit? I have to - I have to say goodbye, and that’s so hard.”
“Yeah.” I nodded but in that moment, I knew that I was going to do absolutely everything in my power so that Lacey would not have to say goodbye to Vega. Before I left, I pulled her into a hug. It felt good to have Lacey so close against me again. But my heart ached for her.
Body Checked (Salt Lake Pumas #2) Page 13
