by Carol Rivers
When Bert had turned the corner Kate closed the door slowly. Her heart was fluttering as though a bird was trapped in her chest. It was happening a lot lately. She’d had a funny five minutes when she’d got up and then again as she’d seen Flo off to school this morning. Usually it wore off by the time she was getting Tom ready. But it was a real bugger this morning.
She went back to the kitchen. What would she buy with the boot money? Very likely a nice mutton stew with lentils or split peas. She might even run to a sixpenny bar of milk chocolate. She loved seeing the kids’ expressions if she left a piece by each of their mugs at supper time.
Kids, she thought to herself as she put the kettle on to boil. Hardly kids any longer. Only Flo really. Oh, if only she could get Tom to come out of that blessed bedroom and join in a bit more with the family! It might even help Vinnie to settle down if he did. Boys needed a father. A visible one.
Vinnie was going to have to change his tune. Bert was going to have to find a job. Sods, the pair of them, doing a bunk last night.
Kate pulled back her shoulders. She intended to iron out a few creases in this family. First off, today, she’d push Tom out just as soon as Lizzie got back. He wouldn’t like it. He wanted to sit and sulk in the bedroom all day. Well, if he was well enough to go up the market on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays, he could come up the park with her for a breath of fresh air of a Tuesday.
From now on . . .
Kate took a breath and stood still. Her hand went up to her breast. A pain shot across her chest and down her arm. For a moment she smiled at the irony. A bout of indigestion just as she was going to put her family to rights. Well, indigestion or no, this was a day they were all going to remember.
The smile was still on Kate’s lips as she reached out for the kettle, but somehow it slipped through her fingers, the heavy weight tumbling to the floor and bouncing on the stone. The water trickled out and carved a curving passage towards the door, collecting the dirt and fluff on its journey that she had yet to sweep up. Kate’s eyes closed and a band of iron encircled her chest.
This time, it didn’t go away.
Lizzie stood on the steps of Mr Bloome’s shop. Two women from Langley Street were coming up the road. She went back in and waited for them to go by. When the coast was clear she walked out again and turned in the opposite direction. Mr Bloome had at first offered her eight shillings for the boots. They had finally agreed on ten.
When she reached Westferry Road, she saw Lil Sharpe. Lil was wearing her outdoor coat and flowery turban. That was unusual for Lil. She never came out of the house without her hair done.
Lizzie waved. Lil was in a rush and she wasn’t wearing her lipstick. That was a one off, too.
‘Lizzie . . .!’ Lil’s hand went up to her neck, holding the flap of her coat. Lizzie’s fingers tightened round the ten shillings buried deep in her pocket. ‘It’s yer Ma, Lizzie. She’s ’ad an accident. You better come quick.’
‘What sort of accident?’ Lizzie asked anxiously, her heart thumping.
Lil chewed her lip. ‘Let’s get back to the house, love.’
Neither of them spoke as they hurried back to Langley Street. Outside the house stood Dr Tapper’s pony and trap. Dr Tapper, a grey-haired man in a black frock coat, sat at the kitchen table, his black top hat and Gladstone bag beside him. Lizzie knew him well. He had brought all the Allen children into the world and a good many more in the neighbourhood.
He looked up as Lizzie came in. ‘Sit down, child.’
She sat beside him. ‘Where’s Ma?’
‘Lizzie, I have some bad news.’
Lil squeezed her shoulder, but Lizzie didn’t sit down.
‘Did you know your mother had a bad heart?’ the doctor asked.
Lizzie shook her head. ‘No, but she has indigestion.’
Dr Tapper paused, glancing quickly at Lil. ‘I’m afraid it wasn’t indigestion, my dear. She was very sick. This morning she suffered a heart attack.’
Lizzie stared at him. She still couldn’t take it in. ‘Me Ma ain’t—’ she began as the doctor nodded slowly.
‘I’m afraid she didn’t recover.’
Lizzie felt sick as she looked into the doctor’s sad eyes. He said quietly, ‘I’m very sorry, Lizzie.’
‘’Ere, gel, drink this.’ Lil pushed a mug of tea into her hands, but she couldn’t drink it. ‘Yer Ma’s in the front room and yer Pa’s in there too.’
Dr Tapper’s thick grey eyebrows arched. ‘There was nothing you could have done, Lizzie, if you’d been here. And I know this is of no comfort to you now, but she suffered very little.’ Dr Tapper’s lined face was sympathetic. ‘I advised her a few weeks ago to rest, but I’m inclined to believe that it was advice she would have found hard to follow.’
‘She came to see you?’ Lizzie was unable to believe what she was being told.
‘I warned her it could be serious but she didn’t want to believe it could be her heart.’
‘I should have been here,’ Lizzie whispered, almost to herself. ‘Why did I go out?’
Lil clasped her shoulder. ‘You heard what the doctor said. You couldn’t have done anything. She wouldn’t want you blaming youself. You was the best daughter a mother could ever have. And she knew it.’
‘What happened?’ Lizzie asked in a small voice. ‘Who found her?’
‘I came in about half nine,’ Lil sniffed. ‘You must have just gone. Thought it was funny when I tapped. There wasn’t no answer. I came in and found her here on the floor. Lucky Doug was home. He went round for Dr Tapper.’
Lizzie stared down at the cold floor. She couldn’t bear to think of Kate lying on it. If only she hadn’t gone up to Mr Bloome’s.
‘Will your mother remain here or do you want the undertaker to take her?’ Dr Tapper wanted to know.
‘I don’t know.’ Lizzie looked up at Lil. ‘What would she have wanted, Lil?’
‘Think she’d want to stay here,’ Lil said quietly. ‘I’ll help you to lay her out.’ Lil’s long nose was red where she had been blowing it. ‘She was my friend for over twenty years. It’s the least I can do.’
‘We’ve only got the front room,’ Lizzie said in a daze.
‘Your father will have to stay with us. We’ll take down the bed and get Doug and Bert to bring the mattress into our front room.’
‘Bert ain’t home yet is he?’ Lizzie asked.
Lil shook her head. ‘That’ll be the next thing, telling everyone. Think it’s best when Flo and Babs come home if you tell ’em with Doug and me, gel. It’s up to you, but it’ll be a rotten job on yer own.’
Lizzie couldn’t think ahead. All she could think of was this morning, when Kate had told her to wrap up and that there would be a nice piece of bread pudding waiting when she got home. None of this seemed real. Any minute now, she would appear and ask about the boots. Lizzie couldn’t cry because she didn’t believe her mother was dead.
Dr Tapper broke the long silence. ‘Before I leave there are one or two points. . .’ He glanced at Lil.
Her thin eyebrows rose. ‘I’ll make meself scarce for a bit. Call me when you need me, love.’ She scraped back her chair and, with a nod to the doctor, left.
Dr Tapper wrote out the death certificate, signed it and handed the sheet of paper to Lizzie. Then he reached into his bag and took out an envelope. ‘Lizzie, this is for you. Use it to help with the funeral.’
She looked inside the envelope. ‘I can’t take all this,’ she said bewilderedly.
‘You’ll find five pounds won’t go very far,’ he told her. ‘You have the family to look after and bills to pay. Life won’t be easy, my dear. A head start might prove useful.’ The doctor rose. ‘I’ll call on the undertaker and ask him to come as soon as he can. Will Mrs Sharpe be with you today?’
Lizzie nodded.
He put on his top hat, patting it well down on his head before leaving. After he had gone, Lizzie stood outside the front room. She couldn’t go in there yet. She couldn
’t bear to look into her father’s face and see his pain. Instead, she went into the kitchen and looked at her mother’s pots and pans hanging from the walls. Kate would never use them again. Tears filled Lizzie’s eyes. As she wiped them on her sleeve, she heard her mother’s voice, saying, ‘No time for tears, there’s work to be done.’
Lizzie sat down at the table and wept.
Bert stood looking up the passage, his big eyes glistening with tears. ‘It ain’t possible,’ he mumbled when he heard that Kate was dead. ‘She was all right when I left. She ’ad indigestion. That was all.’
‘It was her heart, Bert. Dr Tapper said so,’ Lizzie told him.
‘But she never said she had a bad heart.’
‘Ma wasn’t like that. She never complained.’
Bert wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
There was a tap on the back door, and it opened. Lil and Doug walked in. When Lil saw Bert she pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve. ‘Here you are, love. It’s one of Doug’s and it’s clean.’
Bert took it and went out into the yard.
‘Give him a minute to take it in and then we’ll wheel yer dad next door,’ Doug said softly.
‘We’ve got a couple of hours till the family comes home,’ Lil said after a while. I’ve brought a white nightgown with me. It’s got lace around the neck. Kate always liked good linen and a bit of a ruffle.’
They had a cup of tea, then Doug and Bert wheeled Tom Allen into number eighty-four. Lizzie was shocked when she saw her mother lying on the bed. Her face was white and thin, the skin on her cheeks hollowed out over the bone. She lay fully dressed, her eyes closed, her arms by her side.
‘You all right, gel?’ Lil asked gently.
Lizzie nodded. She felt even more as if she was dreaming. She kept thinking that Kate would wake up, get up off the bed and smile.
‘It takes a bit of getting used to, the first time.’
Lizzie knew that Lil had done the work before, helping other people in the street.
They undressed Kate, and Lil drew the nightgown on. She looked very small. Lil arranged the long grey plait and folded Kate’s hands over her breasts. Lizzie knew then her mother would never come back.
Lil touched her shoulder. ‘Leave me to finish, if you like.’
Lizzie shook her head, swallowing hard. ‘I can’t believe she’s gone, Lil.’
‘Me neither,’ Lil admitted, her voice low. ‘Thank God she didn’t suffer, love. That’s what I think to meself.’
Dr Tapper was as good as his word. The undertaker arrived in the afternoon. He brought the coffin on a hearse drawn by a jet black horse. The iron bedstead was dismantled and Bert and Doug took the mattress next door. Two men carried the empty coffin into the front room and stood it on wooden plinths.
Kate was laid in the coffin. It had been a long, distressing day, and both Lizzie and Lil shed tears. ‘She looks at peace, love,’ Lil said when they stood alone beside the coffin.
But Lizzie didn’t think so. She thought the body looked like a stranger lying there.
Lizzie did as Lil had suggested, and when Flo and Babs came home she took them next door. There was no easy way to tell them and they were soon in tears. Her father sat in his wheelchair, his head bowed on his chest. Flo clung to her, sobbing, unable to understand, and Babs sat beside Lil, her eyes red and puffy with weeping.
‘I don’t believe you,’ Vinnie yelled when he came home that evening. He ran into the front room.
‘It was her heart,’ Lizzie told him as he stood staring at the coffin. She tried to comfort him, as she had the others, but he shrugged her off. She knew he didn’t want her there and she left him alone. Later she heard the front door slam.
‘He’ll come home when he’s ready,’ Lil said when she came in the back door and found Lizzie crying. ‘Listen, you’ve still got to eat. I’ve got a bit of supper going next door. Have a bite to eat. Keep yer strength up, at least.’
‘No, thanks,’ Lizzie said gratefully. ‘I’d rather stay with Ma.’
‘No doubt you’ll have a few callers,’ Lil told her. ‘People paying their respects and all. Would you like the girls to sleep in me spare room?’
‘Thanks, Lil.’ Lizzie blew her nose and wiped her sore eyes. ‘I’d never have got through this without you.’
Lil sighed softly. ‘She was me best mate, your mum.’
When she was on her own again, Lizzie sat beside the coffin. She wished she could talk to Vinnie. She needed his support. She wanted to tell him that they all had to stick together now, as Ma would have wanted. But she thought Lil was right. Vinnie had to grieve. He wouldn’t be back tonight.
Only she and Bert slept in the house that night. It seemed empty and strange without everyone. Lizzie tried not to think of the coffin downstairs and the cold and lifeless body inside it. But she didn’t sleep well.
Next morning she was pleased to see Kate’s friends and neighbours, who came to pay their respects. She wasn’t so happy, though, to see an official from the council. He had been gone ten minutes when Lil tapped on the kitchen door. Lil was dolled up this morning, her brown hair in tight, shiny curls, her make-up plastered on. A cigarette dangled from her red lips. Doug followed after her. For once he wasn’t smoking his pipe. His round, tired face broke into a smile. ‘’Ello, love. How you feeling this morning?’
‘All right, thanks, Doug.’
Lil patted her arm. ‘The girls are still sleeping. Thought I’d let ’em have a lay in.’
Lizzie put on the kettle. ‘A man from the council’s just been round.’
‘Blimey, that was quick! What did he want?’ Lil asked suspiciously.
‘He wanted to know who was gonna look after Flo,’ Lizzie explained, pouring out three mugs of tea. ‘I think someone from round here must have told them about Ma.’
‘What did you tell him?’
‘I said I was looking after Flo. Then he said I was too young. I said I’d be sixteen in December and then he said that still made me fifteen.’
‘Nit-picking old sod,’ muttered Lil. ‘Ain’t got nothin’ to do all day, I s’pose, ’cept sit on his arse.’
‘He said it wasn’t him personally what makes the laws.’
‘No, but he can see Flo’s being looked out for,’ cried Lil angrily. ‘You’ve got two strapping great brothers living in this house. That not good enough for the council? Bloody do-gooders. I wish I’d been here, I’d have put him straight.’
‘And caused more trouble for the girl, no doubt.’ Doug glanced sternly at his wife before turning back to Lizzie. ‘Go on, love, what else did he say?’
‘Not much. He told me he’d come again after the funeral. See how we’re managing.’
‘How do they think you going to manage?’ Lil couldn’t keep quiet for long. ‘Same way you’ve been trying to manage ever since your dad come home from the war. Same as you do every day. The authorities didn’t offer no help when yer mother could ’ave done with it. Now they want to break up a family! Who do they think they are?’
‘Powerful people, that’s who they are,’ said Doug darkly.
‘Well, I’d like to see them try—’
‘Shut up a minute, love.’ Doug put up his hand. ‘You’re only making this worse.’ He said after a pause, ‘Lizzie, how do you feel about looking after the family?’
‘Course I’ll look after them, Doug. That’s what Ma would expect.’
‘You are still only fifteen—’
‘Sixteen in December,’ Lizzie reminded him.
He smiled. ‘You’re a brave lass.’
‘How’s Pa this morning?’ It was to Doug her father usually turned in times of trouble, but Doug shook his head.
‘Early days yet,’ he told her, not quite meeting her eyes. ‘I’ll keep him company for the next few days. Me boss has given me the week off. I was due an ’oliday anyway.’ Doug was a white collar worker at the docks. He had worked in the offices of the PLA all his life. At fifty-five, he was ten years older than hi
s wife and he looked it. Doug smiled as he rose. ‘Well, now I’ve seen you all right, I’ll leave you to it.’
‘Did Vinnie come home?’ Lil asked when Doug had gone.
‘No, it was only me and Bert here last night,’ Lizzie answered quietly. She hadn’t told Lil about the fire or the events that had led up to it. It didn’t seem to be important now. Kate’s death overshadowed everything.
Lil was silent for a few moments. Between puffs on her cigarette, she asked, ‘How are you fixed for money, gel? We’d like to lend you some. I know Kate was a bit short,’ she added tactfully.
Lizzie took the envelope from her pocket and showed Lil the five pound note and Mr Bloome’s ten shillings.
‘Christ,’ Lil gasped. ‘Where did you get that from?’
Lizzie told her what Dr Tapper had said.
‘Bless his cotton socks,’ Lil said, tears in her eyes as she stubbed out her cigarette in the saucer. ‘Well, that solves the immediate problem. It’s the future you got to think of. What are the chances, do you think, of Babs being taken on at Hailing House, as paid staff?’
‘Don’t have a clue, Lil.’ Lizzie couldn’t think beyond the moment. Somehow they would manage, but Lil was always practical, wanting answers before the questions.
‘Well, you’ll have to find out. Babs acting the Lady Bountiful ain’t gonna put food on the table. And what about Bert?’
‘Gone for a walk,’ Lizzie told her, knowing that Bert and Vinnie still hadn’t spoken and she was beginning to wonder if they ever would. ‘Said he needed a bit of fresh air.’
A silence fell then as they sat with their thoughts, until, sometime later, there was a knock at the door. ‘I’ll shoot out the back way,’ Lil said quickly. ‘It’s probably someone to see yer mother. I’ll call in later.’
But when Lizzie opened the front door it was Danny who stood there. ‘’Ello, love,’ he said softly. ‘I only heard this morning or I would have come sooner.’ He handed her a bunch of white lilies. ‘Thought I’d bring these and pay me respects.’
She was close to tears. It was only the night before last that he had stood on the doorstep and kissed her. Kate had been alive then.
