“I’m going to fuck you with my hand. Because unlike in the movies and books, I don’t keep condoms in my office. Tonight, though. . . I’m going to fuck you raw.”
He pushed two fingers as far as they’d go into me. The pace he set was fast and steady. My nipples were on fire, my ass hurt as my body moved in time against him. I’d been here before, this place where all I could do was give in and trust that Master Gareth would look after me.
It was awesome.
“I’m going to take one of the elastics off. Don’t come.”
Okay, not so awesome. I was really fucking close.
As he reached up with his free hand and fumbled with the band, I closed my eyes and tried to time my breathing with the movement of his fingers in me. The second the elastic came free, though, blood rushed from the point and the burning pain nearly pushed me over the edge.
I cried out and tensed. “Can’t stop it!”
Master Gareth pulled his hand free of my pussy. “Don’t you dare. Hold on.”
Tears leaked from my eyes and rolled across my temple into my hair. “Can’t stop.”
“Yes, you can. One more elastic and then you can come. Liz? Do you understand?”
I recognized the words, but they weren’t quite registering in my brain. More tears slipped down my face, which helped bring me back from the edge. “Yes.”
“I’m going to take the band off and put my fingers back into your cunt. Only when I say so can you come. Liz?”
“Please hurry, Sir.”
I loved that Master Gareth knew when I was doing my best to follow his directions, when the limits he’d set out for me were too much. He didn’t push me farther and within a moment the second elastic pulled free and his fingers were back in my pussy.
I managed to hold off for two seconds before my orgasm slammed into me. The waves of pleasure started off strong, growing in intensity as he continued to milk my body. I didn’t know if I was screaming or not, if I was even capable of that. My body became a lightning rod for my release, directed my orgasm throughout every atom of me.
Somehow, I didn’t pass out.
Not sure why not.
Master Gareth—no, just Gareth now—helped me up and cradled me in his arms until I came down from my high. He placed the occasional kiss to my damp temple and stroked his thumb across my shoulder.
Finally, I was able to swallow and look up at him. “Hi.”
His smile was barely a quirk of his lips, but his eyes looked to be dancing. “Hi.”
“So, that happened.” I shifted on the desk. “Ouch.”
“We should get you dressed and back home. I want to put some cream on you and make sure I didn’t do any damage. The ruler probably wasn’t the best choice.”
And that was what confused me. The girls at the office said that this was abuse. That the psychological marks he’d leave behind would be worse than the red marks on my skin that I’d finish the night with. But if it really was cruelty, he wouldn’t care for me afterward, making sure I had ointment on a welt if necessary and water and a blanket.
Would he?
“Thanks.”
“Hey, you okay?”
I wasn’t about to ruin the moment by getting into my concerns with him. There’d be time for that later. “I’m good. Just been a long day.”
Gareth frowned and I knew he wasn’t buying it. Still, he didn’t push me further. “How about we get takeout on the way back to your place?”
I perked up. Food was totally the way to my heart. “Oh, can we go to that new burrito place? That shit’s so good.”
“Sure.” He tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “And maybe we can talk later. Once you’re more yourself.”
My stomach growled. “Sounds good.”
As we got dressed and righted his office, I knew that I would put off having that particular conversation as long as I could. For the life of me, I didn’t know what that said about me.
CHAPTER 14
“If I ask you a question, will you promise not to freak out?”
Connie stopped pulling her laundry out of our dryer and looked at me. “You know whenever you say something like that I freak out regardless?”
“I know. But I was hoping this time might be different.”
I’d put off answering Gareth’s questions about my mood the other night by filling him full of burritos, nacho chips, and homemade salsa. Then I insisted we watch the movie I’d gotten him for his birthday last month, even though we’d seen it twice already. The last thing I’d wanted to do was make Gareth feel that there was something wrong with our relationship, especially after how far we’d come after his own doubts about starting something new after the death of his wife. It was far better to suffer Connie’s wrath than risk hurting him.
“You’ve got that look to you.” She threw a towel at me for good measure. “Spill it, Liz.”
God, I didn’t want to insult my best friend. Her relationship with Stephen had been through its ups and downs over the years, enough for her to be sensitive to these types of questions. They were in a good place now with a wedding on the horizon. But I’d already opened this particular can of ick, so better to simply get on with it.
“The other day at work there were some women talking about the Simon Caldwell case.”
Connie snorted. “That asshole should be thrown in jail and have the key blasted into space.”
“I agree. But then they got to talking about the women and how they were being abused.”
“Yeah, they were.” Connie shut the dryer door closed with her hip. “He was totally taking advantage of them.”
“But he claims it was rough sex.”
“Sweetie, there’s a difference.”
“I know that.” I did. It was something I thought about all the time. “But it got me worried about . . . you know.”
“About how much you like it when Gareth spanks your ass.”
“I hate it when you say shit like that.” I threw the towel back at her. “They got talking about how people who like kinky sex like this are wrong in the head. Or that we’ve been abused and didn’t know any better.”
Connie didn’t respond to that.
“Then, of course, I got to reading stuff online. Some articles claimed that we’d been rewired to think of pain as pleasure. That in itself wasn’t normal. It’s like we’ve been manipulated.”
“People are assholes.”
“I know that. And I know better than to listen to everything on the Internet. I guess . . .” I sat down cross-legged on the floor. “I’d never even questioned this. The whole Dom auction thing was such a weird and wonderful way to get into kink that it never occurred to me that maybe I shouldn’t. That I was walking into something that wasn’t good for me.”
“Baby, I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. Considering I was the one who introduced you to this, I would hope that you’d trust me.”
“I do. Shit, I think I trust you more than myself. It’s just . . .” I was being stupid.
“This is more than the Caldwell case.” She sat down opposite me, mirroring my pose. “What’s really wrong?”
“Nothing.” Connie snorted, so I knew I’d have to give her more than that. “You know that promotion I’m going for?”
“Yeah.”
“Work is going to be checking social media and stuff. They want to make sure they don’t get any more sex freaks promoted.”
“Jesus.”
“So, on top of worrying that there is something wrong with me, I need to hide my extracurriculars from my bosses.” My stomach turned as I spoke, and for the first time in a long time I couldn’t look Connie in the eyes anymore.
“That’s not fair. What you and Gareth do in the privacy of your home is none of their business.” She let out a sigh. “I take it you were having some doubts about everything? Otherwise I can’t see this bothering you.”
As usual, Connie wouldn’t let me take the easy way out. “I guess. I don’t doubt Gareth, not even
for a second. But I guess I’m worried that this is really the only thing we have in common. Most people don’t start their relationships this way, with just sex.” When it came down to it, I was worried that if the sex started to fade, if for some reason I wanted to walk away from the kink, that Gareth wouldn’t have any reason to stay. But thinking that and saying it out loud were two completely different things. “I just don’t want to be weird.”
“Look, I don’t know what to say. I don’t think of myself as weird or abnormal. Though I might have had some issues as a kid that I didn’t tell you about.”
My head snapped up. “What?”
“It’s . . . not something I discuss. Stephen knows, and that’s really all that matters to me.”
The fact that my best friend in the world was keeping something from me made my stomach turn again. “You know I’m always there for you.”
“I know.” She smiled and gave her head a little shake. “I’m fine and it’s the past. I like to leave it there.”
“Okay.”
“Anyway, we’re not abnormal for enjoying this type of sex. You were at Tail Whip and saw all the people there. If we’re freaks, then we’re a community of them. As long as everything is consensual, then you have nothing to worry about.”
“I guess.”
“You guess right. So, stop being so stupid, keep pictures offline, and take these towels to the closet, will you?”
The thought that I might be making a big deal out of nothing didn’t do much to improve my mood. As I shoved each of the towels into their respective spots, I couldn’t shake the feeling that as much as Connie might be right, maybe I wasn’t cut out for this lifestyle.
Gareth and I had never discussed the possibility of having a relationship that didn’t involve kink. Shit, I didn’t know if that was something that he’d even be up for.
Logic would dictate that perhaps I should get my head out of my ass and talk to him about this and how I’d been feeling. No one had ever accused me of being logical. Better to let things be for now. If this was simply nothing more than an overreaction to a bunch of news reports, then I didn’t want to screw things up with Gareth. We’d come too far for me to blow it now.
So, I was going to keep my mouth shut and continue to enjoy things.
Yup, that was totally what I was going to do.
Somehow.
I loved being naked. No, I wasn’t model material—thicker thighs, a little extra meat on my ass, that little bulge around my belly—but I’d finally come to accept that I didn’t need to try to fit a certain look. I was healthy, mostly happy, and currently naked as I vacuumed Gareth’s living room carpet.
My mother would have given me hell if she saw me. Not for being naked in a man’s house, but for doing his housework. Master Gareth had told me that this was part of my punishment for being thirty minutes late tonight. He didn’t care that it was actually Stephen’s fault for showing up late, which had thrown my entire timetable off. Personally, I figured it was just because Gareth didn’t like to vacuum. One of these days I was going to call him on that.
I still didn’t get why he’d have me do these “punishments” and then walk away. Wasn’t the whole point of this to tease him while I dance around the coffee table and bend over to pick pillows off the floor? He’d always leave when I was preoccupied. Totally annoying.
The loud whirring of the motor died with a flick of the switch. I really hated vacuuming, but I was damn good at it. With a cursory glance around to make sure I hadn’t missed anything, I wound the cord around the pegs and put it back in the closet. The television was still on, but the sound muted. Master Gareth had been watching something or other when I’d showed up, though he’d quickly abandoned the program upon my arrival. As I grabbed the remote to turn it off, I realized that he’d been watching the news.
Simon Caldwell was being led out of the courthouse with his lawyer, the two surrounded by a number of media looking for a statement. It was strange seeing him on the screen instead of walking through the halls on his way to some meeting or other. The normal, easy smile that he’d greet any passerby with was gone. His gaze locked on the ground below where he stood.
The ticker beneath him was a quote from one of the women who had claimed abuse at his hands: “He forced me onto the bed and spanked me until I had welts. It hurt for days.”
God.
There had been more than one night where welts on my ass had turned out to be the precursor to a great evening. I flicked the sound on, for God only knew what reason. The newscaster spoke with enough gravitas to emphasis his point.
“The accused has denied any wrongdoing, claiming that he was upfront with the woman regarding his tendencies toward rough sex. In a statement to police, Mia Jones claimed that while she was a willing participant in the sex, Mr. Caldwell went beyond the realm of acceptable limits. She alleges Mr. Caldwell choked her until she passed out, where he continued the assault. Since those charges were laid against him, two other women have come forward with similar complaints.”
I pressed the power button and stood staring at the blank screen. If this woman had walked into the situation with her eyes open and still ended up in trouble, then what the hell was I doing with Gareth? Maybe this was turning into one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
No, it couldn’t be. Gareth was many things, but I couldn’t believe that he’d hurt me. What Caldwell did wasn’t what Gareth and I did. There was no reason for me to think otherwise.
Just because our version of sex and pleasure wasn’t normal by a lot of people’s standards, didn’t mean I had to worry.
No, no reason at all.
I took a deep breath and steadied my nerves. “I’m all done, Sir.”
Master Gareth didn’t respond, which piqued my curiosity. If he wasn’t talking that meant he was plotting my demise . . . well, something that I knew I’d enjoy. In either case, I knew that I’d need to find him. I gave my nose a scratch before I sauntered into his bedroom.
I still got a bit of a shock every time I came in here. I don’t know what I’d been expecting the first time I’d been invited in, but the sage green walls, dark hardwood floor, and gigantic four-poster king-sized bed wasn’t it. I was still convinced that he had hidden wall fasteners somewhere, though he’d yet to use them if he did. The room was sexy, though, totally my style.
And currently empty.
“Master Gareth?” Where the hell did he get off to? His place wasn’t that big. “Sir?”
“Stop.”
His voice wasn’t raised, but the sternness in it had me freeze on the spot. “Yes, Sir.”
I felt him come up behind me, the scent of his aftershave still clinging to him even after a full day’s work. The wave of body heat that I’d normally feel against my skin from him was missing. He was probably still dressed, which got me excited. That was usually an indicator that we were about to get into something that would take us several hours. I’d had some of my best orgasms on nights like this. But unlike those previous times, I couldn’t stop from being a bit unsettled.
His hands found their way to my shoulders, his fingers gripping me firmly, but not enough to hurt. The contact helped ease my tension. “Did you finish everything I asked of you?”
“Yes, sir. Vacuuming and straightening of the living room is finished.” And now I hoped to get my reward. “Is there anything else you need, Sir?” A blow job? Ball sucking? Pussy to your face?
“Get on all fours on my bed. Don’t move.”
I couldn’t help but smile. The only thing that saved me from a smack to my ass was the fact that I wasn’t facing him. Without protest, I got into the position and waited. Master Gareth came around to the side of the bed so I was finally able to see what he had on.
The shock zipped through me, and there was no way I wasn’t able to stare. Gone were his normal dress pants and shirt that he’d been wearing during our scenes. Instead, he’d somehow squeezed into a tight pair of leather pants and a black T-shirt that
might as well have been a second skin. He’d stopped dressing up almost completely since we’d officially gotten together as a couple.
Wait a minute . . .
“That’s the outfit you wore the night of the auction.”
He cocked an eyebrow.
I rolled my eyes. “Sir.”
“Yes, it is. I’m glad you remembered.”
It was weird that I’d forgotten about how good he looked dressed this way. Dangerous, in control, and totally fuckable. How did I ever get the nerve up to bid for him at the auction? Master Gareth wasn’t the type of man whom I’d normally think I’d have a chance with, would ever be an equal to.
Though were we really equals when it came to sex?
“Stop that.”
I turned my head to look him in the eyes. “Stop what, Sir?”
“You’re tense. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were nervous.”
I sat up and rested my ass on my feet. My gaze slipped to the bed and I knew I was frowning. From day one Master Gareth had always told me that the submissives were the ones with the power in the relationships. That they could determine if a scene stopped or continued on, that the power of the safeword and the trust that they’d established with their verbal contract made it so.
For the first time in the four months that we’d been together, I truly wondered if that was the case. I’d never tested it. Not really.
Master Gareth frowned. “I’m pausing things. Are you okay, Liz?”
Such a simple question, with a very complicated answer. “I honestly don’t know.”
He sat down beside me on the bed. “You’ve been off for days now. Weeks even. I’d been hoping that you would talk to me on your own. I wanted to give you space. But now I’m asking. What’s wrong? And please don’t tell me nothing.”
It shouldn’t seem natural for me to be sitting naked beside him on his bed while he was fully clothed, but it was. I took his hand in mine, lacing our fingers. We didn’t do this, hold hands. We didn’t do a lot of things that typical couples did, and maybe that was the problem.
“I think I need a break.” As soon as I said the words I felt sick.
Submissive Seductions Page 15
