by L E Royal
“Nope, looks like we’re okay right now. Have to say though, I love the décor in the master. Did you choose the color scheme, or was that Parker?”
Amanda looked like she was choking on air. Parker knew from years of experience she was so used to intimidating people, so used to people backing down to her brashness, her rudeness, that there was absolutely nothing behind it.
Emily tugged on her hand, but Amanda’s blue eyes were busy burning into her.
“What, did you hire her to come here with you? If I look her up am I going to find her on some high-end escort website?”
Parker’s cheeks flamed. Amanda was not being quiet, and somehow, the words felt just a little too close to the truth.
Emily tugged Amanda’s hand again, and Amanda pulled it away. Parker almost felt sorry for her. She’d been there.
“Amanda, I think your girlfriend has something to say.”
A muscle in the woman’s throat jumped as she turned to Kristina, and God, Parker did not miss her temper. She’d been glad when by the end, Amanda didn’t even care about her enough to be mad anymore.
“It’s Doctor Miller to you, Krystal.” Parker knew her use of the incorrect name was deliberate.
Kristina laughed, sounding to all the world like she found all this thrilling. Then suddenly, she was deadly serious.
“Doctor Miller, Emily has something to say, but if you won’t give her the time of day, perhaps you’ll give it to me. I believe what she’s trying to tell you is that she wants to leave now because unlike you, she knows I am in fact the multimillionaire who owns the company where her father is currently a midranking executive, and I’m guessing Frank has no idea you’re in a relationship with his daughter.”
This is happening. Parker had never seen someone dismantle Amanda so thoroughly, not in all their years together, and the color on Amanda’s cheeks as she looked between Emily and Kristina was priceless.
“So high-paid escort, no. I’m just here for a good night, to support my beautiful girlfriend’s workplace, and probably make a hefty donation toward the new library. So unless there’s anything else, I’d like to get back to that?”
Amanda’s face was scarlet as she was dismissed. When she stormed away, one last scoff in Parker’s direction, Emily stayed, looking like she might burst into tears.
“Miss Diaz… Please don’t tell him.”
Kristina looked at her, face impassive. “I don’t care who you fuck—frankly, it’s none of my business—but when you break into my partner’s house, it becomes personal.”
Tears spilled onto Emily’s cheeks, and Parker felt bad, despite herself. She should be jumping for joy right now, but she couldn’t help but wonder why Emily was so upset. Was her dad a homophobe?
“Treat us with respect, and we’ll extend you the same courtesy. That includes not telling your father, understood?”
Emily nodded, offering her a watery thank-you, before she scurried off after Amanda.
Kristina raised her glass to her lips, and Parker just looked at her, stunned. Marion seemed to recover first.
“Okay, I like her; we’re definitely keeping her.”
Parker’s cheeks flamed.
OF COURSE, KRISTINA was the perfect girlfriend. She connected instantly with Marion and seemed to win LiLing’s respect, and the meshing of the two worlds was so surreal to Parker.
A hand settled on the small of her back, and soft lips brushed her ear as Kristina leaned in to ask if she was having fun.
She nodded, clutching the bar, trying to ignore the horrible twisting in her stomach.
All of it had been perfect. Kristina was smart, she was funny, she won over even the most conservative professors who Parker knew had avoided her in the past for her sexuality, despite being sixteen years younger, and a woman.
“You seem tense, baby…”
Soft lips brushed the hollow of her throat, and she squeezed her eyes closed. Kristina was so attentive, so perfectly supportive, almost loving, and Parker hated it because she wished it was real.
Swallowing it down, she turned to look at her, trying to see her as temporary, as sex, as an arrangement. The dark eyes she had come to know were looking back at her, heavy with concern, soft and warm and open. She looked away.
“Tell me, Parker.”
That voice sent prickles across the back of her neck, and sex was familiar, it was allowed, and she threw herself down that route with all she had, because the other, it could only end in disaster.
“I just want you.”
All of you, not just the sex.
Kristina took the words exactly as she knew she would, gaze falling to Parker’s lips as she licked her own.
“Want to leave?”
She nodded.
Kristina’s hands stayed on her, at her waist, her hip, the small of her back, as they moved through the thinning crowds, eventually saying good night to the dean, who thanked Kristina again for the check Parker had purposefully looked away while she wrote, and then Marion and LiLing.
Kristina had graciously offered them a ride, but their cab was already waiting. Parker heard her talking quietly to LiLing, while Marion pulled her in for a hug.
“I like her.”
Parker squeezed her best friend tight, trying to draw some strength, some clarity, from her.
“Me too…”
Marion’s arms tightened around her. When they pulled apart she looked up at her, and Parker knew she knew.
“She makes an awfully good girlfriend for someone who doesn’t date.”
Wrapping her arms around herself, cold in the late night air, Parker nodded her agreement. She waited, watching until the two were in their cab, pulling out of sight.
“Come on, sweetheart, you’re cold…”
Kristina took her hand and led her to where their own car was waiting. She opened the door for her and let her slide in first.
How am I ever supposed to not want this?
SHEETS WERE SOFT underneath her; the metal of the cuffs around her wrists was cold.
She opened her eyes and the room spun pleasantly, the three glasses of champagne she’d drunk on the way back here doing their job.
“Is this what you wanted?”
Kristina was hovering above her, her hair tickling Parker’s neck and shoulder where it fell over her, those dark eyes smoldering down at her.
“Yes.”
She purposefully omitted the title, knowing Kristina would retaliate, and push this harder, darker, into a space where there was no room for thinking anymore. Kristina leaned down, and Parker’s lips parted automatically, expecting a kiss. Teeth closed around her lower lip, tugging it hard.
When it was released she ran her tongue over the indented flesh, thankful she didn’t taste any blood.
Kristina’s eyes were searching hers.
“Yes, Mistress.”
Parker smirked with the words and dark fire lit in Kristina’s eyes. It was almost as if she knew Parker wanted this rough, quick, clean. Kristina pulled back from the kiss at the last second and dipped her head again, leaving Parker with her head back, eyes closed, wanting.
Lips attached themselves instead to her throat, kissing, nipping, sucking their way down. Cool fingers trailed the inside of her arms, and then nails raked back along their path, following the contour of her muscles, pulled taut, arms stretched as she was held by the handcuffs to the headboard.
Kristina rained down delicious torture on her, with her mouth, hands, nails, and teeth. Parker felt like every inch of her skin had been touched, teased, tasted. Her nipples strained uncomfortably. She was wet, hot, sticky, sweat trickling down into her hair, pinned under the weight of Kristina’s body, as she continued to torture her. Teeth nipped high on the inside of her thigh, and her body jumped off the bed.
“Need something?”
Kristina’s eyes snapped up, and Parker took a deep breath through her nose. Usually she’d try being sweet, polite, asking her to touch her, but the liquor still buzzed
in her veins and the confusion of the evening, all her feelings, were still too close. For once, Kristina wasn’t taking her out of her head fast enough.
She took a deep breath.
“Yes, Mistress.”
A tongue traced the seam of her thigh, and she had to squeeze her eyes closed, her hips canting up, body clenching frustratingly on nothing.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
The endearment twisted her. Dark as it was, even like this, she said it with so much care. Like Parker was special, more than just one more in a line of many, one more arrangement that would come to an end the minute she admitted somehow, she’d developed feelings.
She locked the thought down.
“Are you going to fuck me or just tease me all night?”
She hadn’t meant to snap. Kristina’s gaze turned watchful, and she hated it. She just wanted to forget.
“Okay, red, time out. Is something wrong?”
Kristina was crawling up the bed, and Parker wanted to groan, to sigh, to freaking scream. Never did she imagine Kristina would be the first of them to use the safe word.
Soft fingers touched her cheek, and Parker had to take a deep breath to keep the touch from breaking her open.
“Want me to let you out?”
She shook her head.
“No, Kristina, I just…” She reached to run a hand through her hair. The cuff bit the soft flesh on the inside of her wrist, reminding her she couldn’t. “I want you to fuck me. That’s what this is, right, that’s what we do? We just fuck?”
Kristina didn’t reply. She reached over and set one of Parker’s wrists free, and soon the other followed. Parker was horribly, irrationally angry at the development.
“You’re not in the right headspace for this.”
Fury burned hot in her chest.
“Do not tell me how I feel.”
Kristina tossed the handcuffs on the bed, and Parker sensed her discomfort; then in a second it was gone and her expression was guarded.
“Did I do something wrong tonight?”
Parker bit her lip, sitting up. Part of her was aware they were having this conversation naked, but she didn’t care.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was perfect… You were perfect.” She laughed a bitter little sound and heard Kristina take a breath. Looking up, she watched her face fall.
“You want more.”
Parker hated the sad note of acceptance in her voice.
“And you don’t?” She hadn’t meant to make it a question. She hadn’t meant to tell her any of this, but here they were.
“I don’t date, sweetheart. I don’t get involved beyond—”
“Oh bullshit, Kristina. Maybe you just didn’t notice, but we date.”
Kristina looked horrified, like the words were an accusation.
“We have a relationship outside of sex. You were the picture-perfect girlfriend tonight; you just… Don’t tell me you can’t.”
Parker swallowed hard. Everything was falling off track, so suddenly horribly, derailed, and she didn’t know how to go back or make it stop. She didn’t know if she wanted to.
“Parker, I was honest with you from the start. And I never told you I can’t, but I won’t. I don’t want to…”
Rejection burned hot in her chest. They were good together, terribly, wonderfully good. How did Kristina not see that; how did she not want it too?
“So this is all just a part of it then? All the pet names and the sleepovers, the text messages, the cuddling?”
Kristina looked appalled.
“I don’t…”
She shot up off the bed with a curse. Parker watched her pace, tucking her hands under her knees because they were shaking with the adrenaline.
“I’ve never been with anyone like this… There. I said it. I do break all my own rules with you, Parker, and it’s fucking terrifying.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and turned to walk back to the bed.
“If we already do all that, then what’s the problem? According to you we already have more, so what are you asking me for?”
All of it. Selfishly, Parker wanted all of her. More than just an arrangement, more than just the promise of right now.
Kristina was watching her, hovering halfway between the bed and the door, and she looked so vulnerable.
Parker pushed to her feet and crossed the room to her. She reached for her and tugged her in. Holding her close, she took a deep breath, trying to let go of the darkness, the bitterness, trying to find some hope that somehow, this could work. Her fingertips skimmed Kristina’s cheek, brushing back dark hair before she leaned down slowly and pressed their lips together.
The pads of Kristina’s fingers grazed the tops of her arms as she kissed her, holding her close, and then they pushed her away.
“Parker…”
Kristina looked sad and sorry, and smaller than Parker had ever seen.
“I don’t want to lose our arrangement.”
Parker swallowed hard.
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
Why does this feel so much like goodbye?
“Then don’t. Can’t we just enjoy this for what it is? Because that’s the only option, sweetheart.”
Parker hated the tears pricking at the back of her eyes.
“So dating you, counting on you being a part of my life going forward with any sort of certainty, is off the table? We just keep doing this on the understanding that we will until we’re not sexually compatible anymore, or one of us decides to end it? And then you’ll just be gone?”
Kristina looked grave as she nodded, and embarrassingly, one of Parker’s tears spilled over.
“Baby…” Kristina stepped into her, and it was so unfair; she was so confusing. “I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. As long as you can respect my limits and I know you understand our arrangement, I’m gonna be here, okay?”
Kristina wrapped her slim arms around her, and Parker wanted to shove her away as much as she wanted to let herself melt into her. Fingers pushed into her hair, scratching her scalp, and she let her chin rest on Kristina’s shoulder. They fit together, and somehow she felt right, safe, like she belonged there.
Given the choice between keeping what they had, or losing her completely, there wasn’t really a choice at all.
Kristina held her until they were both breathing easier, steady. When she stepped back there was a smile on her face, though something sad still echoed in her dark eyes.
Careful fingers reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
“Wanna go to IHOP?”
Parker couldn’t help but laugh.
Chapter Thirteen
“SO SHE FLAT out said no?”
The café was busy around them, the lunchtime rush just leaving. Parker looked out of the window, eyes flitting from passerby to passerby, wondering about their stories, if they were anything like as complex as her own, with her kinky almost girlfriend.
“Basically. She doesn’t do relationships, but she doesn’t want to lose what we have.”
Marion hummed across the table, and the sound disappointed her, because somehow, she still wanted her to like Kristina.
“I don’t even know what to say. I mean at the benefit she was just, wow, and she’s gorgeous, funny, rich… But the commitment issues are…”
“Terminal?” Parker offered the word, deadpan.
Marion winced.
“It just makes no sense. She was so…”
She clapped her hands together, one squeezing the other tight, clinging.
Parker nodded.
“I know.”
She did.
“It’s like when she forgets herself and that she’s supposed to be this no-relationships deal, it’s just…”
“Good?” Marion asked.
“Yeah, really good.”
Marion reached a tan hand across the table to squeeze her own.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie. What are you going to
do? I know you always envisioned settling down and…”
Parker was glad she didn’t say kids. She didn’t want to open that can of worms, not today. She gently took her hand back and picked up her fork.
“I don’t know.”
She didn’t.
“All my life I did want to just…settle…and then I met Amanda and clung so hard to settling that I threw fifteen years down the drain. And now, all I want is her.”
She swallowed hard, pushing the remainder of her salad around the plate.
“But there’s no future?”
The question was tentative, careful, but it had needed to be asked. She shrugged.
“I don’t know. She says she does want to continue as we are, and I mean, we’re almost in a relationship, but what happens when one day she gets bored of the sex, or decides we’re not compatible anymore…whatever that means?”
She felt Marion weighing in, trying to wrap her mind around the situation so she could give the best advice.
“Maybe you should try dating? Just see what else is out there, see if she really is worth sticking with for now… I mean she was always meant to be temporary.”
The words hurt, and Parker raised her eyes, hating that there were tears in them.
“But she’s… I don’t know, she’s…Kristina.”
Marion’s face fell, the corners of her mouth creasing with concern.
“Oh, sweetie.”
Panic flared in Parker’s chest.
“Are you… Do you…love her?”
It was the question she’d been avoiding asking herself, the one she was afraid to answer, because she just couldn’t.
“No, of course not. I just… I found myself through her and she’s gorgeous like you said, and we just work, but no… I just like what we have.”
Marion nodded, but her mouth was set in a grim line Parker chose to ignore, before she recovered.
“Well, Lucy in cardiology always had a crush on you. She’s been single for a while now.”
Parker’s automatic reaction was no, and it must have showed on her face.
“I just mean if you want to try things out, see if you’re ready to move on and let Kristina go for something with the potential to be permanent. She’s a good option.”
