by Ali Vali
Emma was shocked, not only by his command of the English language, which was astounding, but by his cool, detached delivery. Any trace of the sweet boy who had picked flowers for her was gone, and she was left only with the memory of him. She would be fortunate if he didn’t hate her forever, because he would never forgive her.
“Hayden, relax and look at the lake.” Mook spoke up from the front seat of the Tahoe he’d rented at the airport. He knew the kid could slice and dice a person without ever laying a hand on them. Looks weren’t the only thing he’d inherited from the Casey clan. As his guardian, though, Mook took it upon himself to guide Hayden when he veered toward unacceptable or rude behavior.
Emma removed her hand and prayed the tension in Hayden would relax a bit before they got to the house. She didn’t want to add to the list of wrongs her mother kept well tallied in her head. From the time she had come home, she had tried to fit into the role her mother expected as a way of atonement, but she was finding the righteous road wasn’t so easy to walk. With the baggage she’d brought home, every time she stumbled, she dug deeper to find the woman her mother wanted.
Carol Verde wasn’t the most forgiving of women, so Emma found herself stumbling a lot. She was supposed to have had the life Carol hadn’t been able to achieve. Instead she had run off, found Cain, and brought Hayden into the world. That was not the life Carol had missed out on, and she found it abhorrent that her daughter had chosen such a path.
Carol hadn’t been thrilled to open her home to the boy, no matter what it would accomplish, and Emma’s father had just shaken his head at what she had arranged to do. Her parents had only met Cain once, but Ross respected Cain for never abandoning Hayden. Whatever happened or didn’t happen in the coming week would occur without his help.
Emma rode the rest of the way in silence, looking out her side of the car and remembering happier times when she didn’t know all she had learned about Cain. She recalled the terrified faces of those escorted to the office of the pub when she worked there. She didn’t know who the men were or what their fear stemmed from, but after those meetings they disappeared. For so long her love had shielded her from realizing how Cain made a living, but the day came when it wasn’t enough to make her stay.
Once she had left, though, when her longing for Cain almost overwhelmed her, she liked to relive those first years.
Fourteen Years Earlier at Emma’s Apartment
“Thank you for dinner tonight.” Emma stood in front of her apartment door and gazed up at Cain, hoping to get her to bend and kiss her before they parted.
“You’re welcome. Maybe we can do it again tomorrow night?”
She watched as Cain put her hand on the wall and leaned in closer. “I’ve seen you with about ten different women in Erin Go Braugh since I started working there. What makes me so special?”
“I like talking to you, Emma. Trust me. If I just wanted sex, I would’ve turned on the charm by now and we’d be done.” Cain moved her other hand to the other side of Emma’s head, effectively trapping her in a human cage.
The deep voice was getting closer, and Emma battled herself not to lift her own hands and run them through the thick black hair. “That confident in yourself, huh?”
“Most of the time I go with what I know. That way I’m seldom disappointed, so yeah, I’m that confident. Let’s say seven tomorrow night?”
“I’ll be ready. And thanks for telling me you like spending time with me. That means a lot.”
Cain leaned down and kissed her softly. “You’re welcome again. Thanks for wanting to talk to me. That means a lot to me.”
Emma remembered their courtship as a slow process that ended with her falling so in love with Cain that she thought the world would end if they ever parted. She’d never wanted for anything, especially Cain’s time and affection, and she’d never worried about someone else replacing her in the mobster’s heart.
Thinking back now, she acknowledged Cain had never shown her dark side around her, but she knew Cain was capable of violence against anyone who hurt her or the family. On long winter nights alone with just her memories, Emma sometimes had a hard time conjuring up a solid reason for leaving, but then the image of Cain’s bloody hands would return, and so would the tears. As hard as being away from Cain was, Emma was certain in her justification for leaving.
“There it is.” Emma pointed out the window of the Tahoe to a large two-story house with a barn standing near it.
The temperature was starting to drop along with the sun, and the cows standing near the fence huddled together for warmth. A man and woman stepped off the front porch when the car stopped, and like Emma, they were both fair and slight of build. The man stepped forward and held out his hand.
“Welcome. My name’s Ross and this is my wife Carol. We’re your grandparents.”
The boy, who was taller than all three of them, glanced at the hand before he took it. Ross was surprised by the strength of Hayden’s grip, and by not finding anything about his looks that connected him to his daughter.
“Nice to meet you, sir. Thank you for having me.” Hayden let go of Ross’s hand and offered his to Carol. “Ma’am, I’m Hayden Casey.” He smiled and cocked his head when Carol ignored his hand. His gestures reminded Emma so much of Cain, a sharp pain shot through her chest.
Ross stepped forward, obviously hoping to make up for his wife’s rudeness. “Thank you for coming, Hayden. After watching you grow up in pictures, it’s nice to finally have you with us. Would you like to take a look around the place?”
“Daddy, he might be tired,” Emma reminded him gently.
“I’d love to, Mr. Verde. Lead the way.”
Emma and her mother watched as Ross led Hayden and Mook toward the barn, pointing his finger in a hundred different directions as he talked. Ross had been a wonderful parent, but Emma could tell now it might have been a good thing for him to have had a son as well.
“He certainly looks like that woman.” Carol glared as Ross walked the boy and his shadow closer to the barn. “If this works out, he’ll only add to our shame when you go parading him around town. I warned you long ago that going to that godforsaken city was a mistake. You bedded down with evil, and look what it’s gotten you.” She pointed in Hayden’s direction. “God won’t look kindly on you for bringing that spawn into the world. It’s a sin, I tell you.”
“Hayden was never a mistake, Mother, and he’s anything but evil. I don’t give a damn how you feel about him. I’ll never be ashamed of him, no matter what. And please try to be nicer to him. If he tells Cain we treated him like crap when she gets here, she won’t let him come back if things don’t work out. Not to mention Hayden’s not going to want to come back.”
“Don’t curse at me, Emma. Wait, she agreed to come?”
“Hayden wouldn’t come unless she was invited.”
“I don’t want her kind in my house. Though it might be nice to see that smug smile get wiped off permanently, and have her know who was responsible.” Carol turned and went back into the house.
Emma talked to herself as she buttoned her coat and followed the guys to the barn. “Enjoy it, Emma, ’cause when Cain gets here and gets reacquainted with your mother, you’ll either never see Hayden again or you’ll attend a funeral when Cain orders Merrick to shoot the old windbag.”
*
Hayden and Mook smiled through dinner, and Hayden wasn’t too concerned that no one spoke a word through dinner aside from the prayer when they had sat down. He thanked a still-unresponsive Carol for their meal before stepping outside with his cell phone to call Cain.
“Hey, kid, how are things in the sticks?” The static was so bad Hayden had to go inside and ask to use the phone, which sat in the empty living room.
“Cold and full of cows.”
“You’re in Wisconsin, Hayden. What’d you expect?”
“Where were we supposed to go this year on break?” Hayden looked out the front window as Ross closed the barn doors for the
night. The older man seemed eager to please, and Hayden found himself liking him. Maybe the next two days wouldn’t drag out too much.
“I think we’d narrowed it down to Vegas for some golf.”
“You owe me, Mom.”
“I do, huh? How do you figure I owe you?”
“The way I see it is, if anyone else had been my father, I’d be swinging a golf club instead of dodging cow patties. Get me, Dad?”
His laugh made Cain feel a little better. “I get you, son, but if anyone else had been your dad, all you’d know is cow-patty dodging. See how life works?” When Cain heard him sigh from the other end, she turned off the treadmill she’d been running on.
“You never have told me why she left.”
“You’re right. I haven’t, even though you used to ask me all the time.”
Hayden turned from the window and sat on a flowered print chair near the phone. “You don’t think I can handle the truth? I didn’t stop asking because I lost interest in the answer, you know.”
“I know, Hayden. I just wanted you to form your own opinions about your mother. You may not want to hear it now, but you’ve got to have some kind of relationship with her. What that’s going to be is up to you—not me and not her, just you. Accepting the things in life we can’t change or can’t take back will make you a man. Trust me on this one, buddy.”
“Will you get mad if I ask her?” He picked at the tag on his hiking boots as he asked, and wondered for the millionth time what the answer to his question might be. This was his opportunity to ask Emma all the questions that had accumulated in his head since she’d left. But not at the risk of upsetting Cain.
“No, honey, that won’t make me mad. I love you, and that means you’ll never have to worry about disappointing me no matter what choices you make.”
“Thanks, Dad,” he joked.
“Anytime, son. Hang in there, and I’ll be there soon to keep you company. Did they pitch a tent out with the cows for me?”
“You get the bunkhouse, but don’t hold your breath on a warm welcome from Grandma Carol.” He laughed at the thought of his grandmother, suspecting her hostility came from his large dose of Casey genes. “She’s even quieter than you are, and I don’t think it’s because she’s thinking deep thoughts, you know?”
“We’ve met, so don’t worry. Go get some sleep. You want to be well rested for all the milking you’ll have to do in the morning.”
“You’re so funny. Tell Merrick hi for me. Bye, I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Cain took the phone headset off and toweled her face. She battled the urge not to jump on the next plane to make Hayden feel better.
“You can’t fight all his wars for him, baby.” Merrick put the weights she’d been curling back on the stand and faced her employer. “We can be there by tomorrow night. Any sooner and it’ll look like you’re hovering.”
“I’m his mother, I’m supposed to hover.”
“Boss, you knew this day would come. The girl wasn’t going to disappear forever unless you gave her a little push in that direction, if you know what I mean.”
“Unless you have a death wish yourself, don’t ever say that again. Emma’s a bitch, I’ll concede that point, but she’s Hayden’s mother, and I’d never do anything to harm her.”
“I know that, baby. Emma just never gave you credit for your sense of honor. He asked again, didn’t he?”
Cain let out a sigh of her own. Those things she’d told Hayden up to then had left her with her own demons, which would probably be with her forever. Emma had urged her to make choices with her heart, and she had capitulated, even though those choices went against her instinct.
Her father had harped on that subject more than anything when she was learning the business. He knew from his own experiences how easy it was to give in to the caring side of your nature, but therein laid the trap. Your heart kept your enemies around to fight another day, and when they did, most times they picked the easiest targets. The targets that inflicted the most pain to those left behind.
Up to now she hadn’t lied to Hayden but had tried to shield him from the whole truth. She had done it to give Hayden the opportunity to have a relationship with Emma. It was a gamble, but once again she had turned away from her gut and gone with her heart. With Emma back in their lives, though, her decisions could return to haunt her. It would be Cain’s main concern to keep Hayden whole if they did.
Remembering Merrick’s question, she finally answered, “Yeah, he asked, and I don’t have an answer for him. Not one I can live with, anyway. If Emma knows what’s good for her, she’ll clam up on the subject. If she wants any type of relationship with Hayden, honesty on her part won’t be the mortar that’ll pave that brick road for her.”
“It’s not your fault, Cain.”
“The hell it isn’t, Merrick. Marie would be alive if I’d thought with my head instead of my heart. You knew my father. He’d have never made that mistake. And for what? I turned a blind eye to what happened, and Emma left anyway.”
Knowing better than to argue, Merrick held her hand out so Cain would come closer. “Come on, let’s get you packed and ready to go. It’s colder than hell up there, so we have to find your long johns.”
Chapter Six
The panic set in when Emma went to check on Hayden the next morning and found his and Mook’s beds both empty. That he’d gotten disgusted with his visit and left crossed her mind, and it brought on a fresh batch of tears. Her eyes were still a little swollen already after eavesdropping on his telephone conversation with Cain the night before.
“What’s the matter?” Hayden appeared in the doorway and appeared confused as to why Emma was in his room crying.
“Nothing. Just thinking about something. Would you like some breakfast?” The sweaty clothes and red cheeks could only mean Hayden was a morning runner, like Cain.
“Just cereal is fine, if you have it.”
“It’s no trouble, really. Let me make you something.”
Hayden stripped off his sweaty shirt and folded it neatly before he put it in what looked like a laundry bag.
“Did you have a nice run?”
He nodded and grabbed another set of clothes to take into the bathroom with him.
“Let me grab a shower first. I’m not that picky, so don’t knock yourself out.”
Emma looked at his bag full of folded clothes and the order of the room. Both Hayden and Mook had made their beds before they’d gone out, and nothing was out of place. Hayden was neat, polite, intelligent, and thoughtful—all the attributes she would not have put together with someone so young. The illusions she had spun with her upstanding Christian mother’s help were fiction. She could see now leaving him with Cain hadn’t been a mistake. Her son had become the person he was at Cain’s knee, not at the end of her fist.
“God forgive me for what I’ve done.” She got off the bed and left the room without another word. Her mother’s disgusted look as she passed her in the hall didn’t brighten her mood as Emma headed to the kitchen.
Carol had been standing in the hall like a sentinel on guard to make sure their guests didn’t run off with her silver. “This isn’t a café, Emma. The boy has got to learn we aren’t here to cater to his every whim.”
Carol had watched Hayden run off with Mook and felt her anger start to simmer. Seeing Hayden was like looking at a mirror image of the woman Emma had introduced to her and Ross on the day of her graduation from Tulane.
Thirteen Years Earlier at the Tulane Campus in New Orleans
“Hi, baby. Your mom and I are so proud of you.” Ross hugged Emma and held her for a long moment before he let her go. He had already taken two rolls of pictures on the old Kodak camera he’d lugged with him from Wisconsin so he could remember the day his little girl walked across the stage in her cap and gown.
“Thank you both for coming, Daddy.” Emma squeezed her father one more time before she turned to face her mother.
&n
bsp; Carol studied her daughter for a long while before she said anything. Something was different about Emma, and she couldn’t quite place what it was. “I don’t know what you think you’re going to need all this education for when you come home and settle down. All this was a big waste of time and money, if you ask me.”
“I’m sorry, did anyone ask you?”
The question was asked with a touch of humor, but when Carol looked up, the blue eyes held no trace of teasing.
“Mom, Daddy, I want you to meet Cain Casey. Cain, my parents, Carol and Ross Verde.” Emma stepped next to Cain and put her arm around her waist. “Try and behave, baby.” They had been seeing each other for over a year, and Emma felt comfortable prodding the mobster when it was warranted. Emma laughed at the way Cain’s brow arched at her comment.
“Miss Casey, it’s nice to meet a friend of Emma’s.” Ross held out his hand, unable to turn away from the sight of his daughter leaning against the tall, strong-looking body. The image was making his brain freeze temporarily, since he’d never seen Emma act like this with anyone before.
“Thank you, sir. I know she’s been looking forward to you two making it down for this auspicious occasion.”
After Cain saw the way Emma’s mother inspected the crowd, she was amazed Emma was as carefree as she was. The woman looked like someone was following her around holding a piece of crap under her nose.
“Are we ready to go out to dinner?” asked Cain.
Emma tried to act relaxed, but watching her mother size Cain up was making her nervous. “Cain made a reservation at one of the city’s best restaurants, so I hope you guys are hungry.”
Without one word Carol turned and walked away, leaving her husband no choice but to follow her. In all the years that followed, she never asked about Cain Casey. When she got the news of Hayden’s birth, she had simply handed the phone to an overjoyed Ross.
Watching her grandson make his way down the stairs brought that day back to the forefront of Carol’s memories. One look at Cain and she’d known she and Ross had lost Emma. When she saw the size of her daughter’s smile and how comfortable she looked in that viper’s arms, she knew exactly what was going on. Loving another woman went against everything she believed in, a lesson she thought she’d firmly instilled in Emma.
