by Jessa Kane
“Oh my God.”
Rein it in. You’re going to scare her. “I know it’s a lot to take in at once.”
“You’ve been pretending to be a-a messy nerdy guy on purpose?”
I laugh. “Messy is a little harsh, but okay. Yes, I have.”
“Why?”
“Says the girl hiding behind the couch right now.” I shake my head. “I’m the same man, I just look different than you expected.” Unable to help myself from getting closer to her, I move to join her on the other side of the couch, approaching her with caution. “The question is: do you like it?”
Jessie’s eyes track down the front of my body, over my pecs, abdomen. My dick, where it remains trapped inside my sweatpants. It’s only started to stiffen and her cheeks are turning a rosy shade of pink. “It doesn’t matter if I like it. We’re best friends.” She licks her lips and backs herself into a wall. “Friends don’t…”
“Don’t what?”
“Whatever it is you’re thinking of doing.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Which is?”
“I’m not going to say it out loud.” Jessie is trembling when I reach her, but not from fear and not from the cold. I confirm by pushing the coat off her shoulders and finding her nipples in tight, little peaks against the front of her red flannel shirt.
A broken groan leaves me.
It’s almost more bliss than I can stand, finding proof twice in one day that I turn her on. And one of those times was before she saw the physique I’ve built in her honor at the gym. More than anything, I want to exploit that attraction, but I have to remember she’s been caught off guard. While she’s been my world, my infatuation, my reason for breathing for over a decade, it’s not the same for her. Yet.
I’ve been waiting for this day forever. Fantasized about it while following her down quiet Philadelphia streets, watched her from the coffee shop that looks into the hair salon where she works, watched her sleep. Photographed her unaware. Yes, I’ve been dreaming of this moment, so I won’t fuck it up. I refuse.
“Listen to me,” I say near her temple. “I’ve thought of nothing but fucking you silly since middle school. Thirteen years, Jessie. I can wait until you get used to the idea of me loving you. Just don’t run from me. Don’t be scared of me. I couldn’t stand it.”
Backing away from her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I do it.
I’m shocked as hell when she stops me, her fingers sliding into my waistband and twisting, halting my progress in the opposite direction. Fucking Christ, just the feel of her smooth fingers sliding on my abdomen makes my cock jerk, spurting semen into the leg of my sweatpants. “Jessie,” I groan. “Don’t tease me.”
“I was thinking…maybe a kiss?”
She seems to have surprised herself.
Hell, she surprised me, too. I know I have to tread lightly, but I’m not letting the opportunity to kiss her pass me by when I have no idea if I’ll ever get it again.
I’ve waited too fucking long.
I keep her arms trapped inside the coat, locked behind her hips, and the position arches her back. The buttonholes of her shirt gape, bringing me the closest I’ve ever come to her naked breasts and I lean down now, releasing a hot breath over each of them. “I’ll kiss you, Jessie, but I won’t suck your little princess tits. No matter how hard you beg me.”
“What?” Those pretty mounds heave closer to my mouth. “Why?”
I hide my smile. I’ve thought endlessly about how to handle Jessie when I finally got my chance to take things to the next level. There isn’t another man alive who understands how her mind works better than me and I’ll use every tool at my disposal to make sure she doesn’t run away from me, and keeps coming back for more. If Jessie doesn’t believe us being together is her decision, it’s never going to happen. “I’ve freaked you out enough for one day,” I say. “If you want to be more than friends, we go slow. End of discussion.”
She opens her mouth to protest, but I beat her to the punch.
“Same goes for your pussy. Understand? If I kiss you and you start rubbing it against me like a horny kitten, I’m going to take my tongue out of your perfect mouth. Are we clear?”
“Ryan. Wh-when d-did you start talking like this?”
“When did you start robbing convenience stores?”
She gasps and struggles a little in my grip. Sensing I’ve pushed her just enough, I swoop down and capture her mouth with mine. And ahhhh fuck, her taste is extraordinary. I’ve sucked on her forks and chewed her used gum before trying to discern her exact flavor, but nothing—nothing—compares to the real thing. She’s like a gasp of oxygen after living underwater, all cool and clean and delicious.
Her plump lips part beneath mine and my goddamn knees almost buckle, because our tongues snake together and she whimpers. The sound is a little irritated, too, like she’s sulking over my refusal to suck her tits and lick her pussy.
Jesus, I’m kissing Jessie, the love of my life. And her irritation seems to be fading quickly, her lips softening further, her tongue rubbing against mine with more and more enthusiasm. God, I would give anything to drag her thighs up around my waist and fit my cock inside her tight, virgin fuck hole right now, but I have to stick to my word. We’re going slow.
She makes slow very difficult when she arches closer, rubbing her straining tits side to side through my chest hair, mewling into my mouth. My dick is swollen, aching, dripping from the tip now, as if I didn’t jack off earlier. As if I haven’t touched myself in months, instead of the truth, which is I’ve been beating my cock raw since the day I saw her.
I’m kissing Jessie.
I’m kissing Jessie.
And if I ever want to do it again, I have to stop.
One more minute. Just one more.
I let go of her wrists, imprisoning her hips in my hands, my fingers memorizing the texture of her skin where it peeks out above her denim waistband. I’m so caught up in the kiss, I only make out the vague sound of her coat hitting the ground—and then her bare hands are on my chest, branding me, gliding over my shoulders and up into my hair. She lets out a frustrated whine, pulls on my hair and we go stumbling backward, sandwiching Jessie between me and the wall.
“Ryan,” she rasps, breaking the kiss, her eyes glazed with lust. Her hips make an enticing movement against mine and with my erection caught between my stomach and waistband, I come a little on my belly. “More,” she pleads.
Oh Christ, this is going to kill me.
“No,” I say firmly and step back. “We stop at kissing for now.”
“I don’t want to stop.”
She says that now. But if we sleep together too soon, before she’s had a chance to consider us being a lot more than friends from every angle, she’ll have a full-blown panic attack afterwards. I have to handle this perfectly.
Or I’ll blow my shot with the only woman I’ll ever love.
“No more, Jessie,” I manage, though it’s painful as hell. “Now get your clothes off. Keeping you safe means taking precautions. I have to burn these.”
I’m not lying just to get her naked. The convenience store owners can give a physical description of her, at least from the neck down. And dammit, I still don’t know why she was desperate enough to rob a store. Again, I suspect her mother is involved, somehow. The woman returns to Philly every so often and leans on Jessie for cash. I usually find a way to provide Jessie with the money, without her realizing it’s me. Like planting a wallet of cash with no identification in the park where she walks every afternoon. Or bribing one of her customers to give her an extravagant tip. I’ve been working so hard lately, her mother’s arrival somehow evaded my notice and it’ll never happen again.
At first, I was grateful for Jessie’s mother. She did her best to protect Jessie from an abusive father. But over time, she’s become greedy and hardened. Selfish. A threat to my girl’s happiness—and I won’t have it.
“What am I supposed to wear after you burn
my clothes?” Jessie asks.
“I’ll go out and buy you something.” She’s making no move to unbutton her shirt, so I do it for her, revealing her flushed, braless tits. Smooth, apple-sized globes tipped with raspberry that I’ve spied on for years, but will forever have the ability to make me harder than steel. Fuck, they’re so luscious. The urge to reach into my sweatpants and masturbate to the incredible sight of her is fierce, but I bite down on my tongue and fully strip off her shirt. Then I kneel and peel the jeans down the swell of her hips, the lithe length of her trembling thighs. And all the while, I’m inwardly panting over the expanding wet mark on the front of her panties. God almighty. Just want to eat her pretty cunt so bad. It’s right there for the taking.
Resolutely, I close my eyes and remove her jeans, standing before I follow my urges and rip off her panties with my teeth.
Then my sweet Jessie is standing in front of me in nothing but a little scrap of fabric, truly the sexiest, most angelic female on the planet. I want nothing more than to kneel back down and worship at her feet. Instead, I stand there clutching her clothes so tightly in my hand, I feel the blood leaving my knuckles.
Vulnerability skitters across her features and she crosses her arms over her bare breasts. “What about you?” she asks, breathily. “Don’t you have to burn your clothes, too?”
“Uh-huh.” With my tongue tucked into my cheek, I push the sweatpants down my hips and step out of them—and she finally gets a load of my fully erect cock for the first time, where it’s huge and pulsing inside my briefs. There’s more than one reason I wear oversized pants and T-shirts. Yes, I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable with my physical appearance. But more than that, I needed larger clothes to hide what she does to me simply by breathing.
And my size…suffice it to say, it matches the rest of me.
“Oh my God.” She covers her eyes with her hands, but only lasts a few seconds before peeking back through her fingers. “Ryan, it looks like you’re smuggling a-a…footlong Subway sandwich in there.
I drop my head back and laugh. “Only half of that statement is true.” I bend down and kiss her lips softly. “Stay here, princess. I’ll go get some clothes and…” I check my watch. “Food. Your stomach is going to start growling in nineteen minutes.”
“Nothing is what I thought,” she whispers after a moment. “Is it?”
“Wrong.” I brush my thumb across her lower lip. “Deep down, you’ve always known I loved you, Jessie. You just had no idea how much.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Jessie
What the hell is happening?
My entire world has been tipped sideways, oceans pouring into land masses and earthquakes turning into structure fires. Ryan loves me. A lot. And he’s been coming here, to this magical cabin, creating a Valentine’s Day oasis, year after year. But never brought me, because I’m the lady who doesn’t do love.
Why is he wasting his time?
Doesn’t he realize I’m not built for a…a romantic relationship?
I shiver at the R word and continue pacing in front of the giant picture window, watching Ryan stride from the cabin, toting our clothes—and his giant penis—down to a stone campfire ring. He tosses the garments down in the center, dumps an accelerant on top and ignites the pile with a match.
Wow. I mean, honestly he is…built. Built, I say.
He’s thick and strong and hot. Plus, he’s a cop. A man in uniform who is also thoughtful, kind and has a good sense of humor. How is he single?
Just like earlier, the thought of Ryan with another girl makes me feel like I’m spiraling down, down in the center of a massive whirlpool. I fan my hot face and stumble through some more pacing in front of the window. Okay, I think I can safely admit to myself I don’t like the idea of Ryan with another woman. Fine. That doesn’t mean I want to be his girlfriend.
Surely not.
Laughter bursts out of me, but it sounds panicked, instead of humorous.
I wet my dry lips and approach the window, watching as Ryan heads to the car. Unlike me, he had a change of clothes stashed at the cabin, so now he’s wearing a pair of black jeans and a navy T-shirt. They fit him, too. Really…really well. The sleeves look like they’re going to rip at the slightest flex of his cannon-like biceps.
He winks at me while climbing into the car. He knows I’m watching.
Great. What am I going to do?
I have to get out of here, don’t I?
Unfortunately, I have no cell or car keys, thanks to my best friend.
Once Ryan has pulled away and disappeared down the mountain road, I’m really able to pull myself together and ruminate. Obviously, I can’t give Ryan what he thinks he wants. A healthy, loving partner who does things like weekend getaways to celebrate the existence of romance. The very idea of it shoots my stomach through with cold spikes. I’d ruin our friendship if I let him think I was capable of a trusting, caring relationship. Because I’m not.
My trust bone is permanently broken. Trust is too risky.
I rub at my aching throat and walk through the cabin. Needing to keep my hands busy, I change the sheets on the bed. Then I catalogue the dead flowers and deflated balloons. I try to imagine what they looked like when they were new, fresh, and my throat aches all the harder. With Ryan at my side, would balloons and flowers be so bad? He’s my best friend. Steady, dependable, solid as a rock.
Ryan is right. Deep down, I think I knew he loved me.
Why else would he put up with me this long? Catering to my moods and allowing me to keep him right where I want him? Not close, not far. In limbo.
He deserves better, but I can’t give it to him.
What I can give him is…my body.
At the memory of our kiss, a wicked ribbon ripples in my belly. On top of being secretly sexy as a mofo, the man’s mouth is also a secret weapon. Ryan was my first kiss—and what a kiss it was. I’ve imagined kissing on occasion, but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would turn me into a needy bundle of buzzing nerve endings. I went from curious to needing sex in three point five seconds, my body aching to be held down and used.
Roughly.
Something occurs to me. I must trust Ryan a lot more than I realized. Because I would give him free rein with my body. I would lie beneath him and open my thighs and know he’d make everything right and good.
When I snap back to reality, I realize I’m brushing my fingertips up and down my ribcage and my nipples are distended. Painfully, so.
Yes, I can give Ryan my body.
I want to.
Will he be happy with that alone?
A friends-with-benefits-style situation?
What guy wouldn’t be into that, right?
Right.
It seems tonight will be my first seduction.
Half an hour later, I’ve cleared the cabin of all Valentine’s Day paraphernalia by stuffing it into a black garage bag I found under the kitchen sink. I finish just in time for Ryan to pull up outside in my rental car and my body reacts like flower petals opening in spring. Holding my breath, I wait for him to walk through the door, my butt pressed to the dining room table. I’m very aware of my nearly naked state, especially when he enters the cabin fully clothed, his eyes pinning me down immediately.
“Fuck,” he grates, blue eyes flaring. “Like I need a reminder why I drove ninety miles an hour to get back here. You’re a goddamn angel, Jessie.”
My heart does an unfamiliar dance. Or is it so unfamiliar? Maybe it’s danced like this before, but I didn’t know…what it meant?
Attraction to Ryan.
It must be attraction.
“Good news,” Ryan says. “I called the station. The surveillance camera wasn’t running at the convenience store. No witnesses. They’ve already put the robbery on the backburner since no actual money was taken. I think you’re in the clear, but I’m keeping an eye on it.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, tension I wasn’t aware of draining from my shoulders. Ryan i
s so in charge like this. So capable. Of course, I knew he was a great detective, but seeing him in action, on my behalf, makes me oddly tingly. “Um. What did you bring me?” I manage, though my mouth is parched. “Clothes, I hope.”
I’m lying. The way he’s looking at my panty-clad body makes me feel breathlessly alive.
“Yeah,” he says, striding closer, his boots creaking the floorboards. “I brought you some clothes.” He sets down one of two bags on the table beside me and I only manage to catch the aroma of Italian food before he’s opening the second bag. Hard pressed to break his intense eye contact, I reach into the bag and take out the tiniest red dress in history. My core flexes just anticipating wearing it in front of Ryan.
“Where is the rest of it?”
“Dinner is your Valentine’s Day present.” He grins. “The dress is mine.”
Why am I smiling back? Why is my heart racing? “Oh, is that right?”
“Uh-huh,” he drawls. “Those are the facts.”
“Kind of formal for cabin-wear, isn’t it?”
“You’re not planning on wearing it long anyway, are you, princess?”
My eyebrows go up. “Sorry, wh-what was that?”
“You’re going to seduce me. Isn’t that the plan you came up with while I was gone?”
Shocked and outraged, I stomp my foot. “How did you—”
“You decided we could be friends with benefits,” he says, tongue tucked into the corner of his mouth. “Do I have the full scope of your strategy yet?”
My shoulders slump. “Yes.”
“Aww.” Ryan’s arm hooks around my lower back and he lifts me onto the kitchen table, his big body crowding between my thighs. “Tell you what.” He slides my butt closer and his erection presses to my core. Snugly. Like he owns it. Oh my God, this is happening. I’m getting physical with not just a man, but Ryan. “Put on that red dress and have dinner with me. Once you get through it and the world doesn’t explode, I’ll take you in the back bedroom and fuck you so good you scream the roof off this place.”
