by Holly Jacobs
“We love you, Aunt Mattie. Bear loves you, too. Don’t you, boy?”
The dog wagged his giant tail, thwacking Mattie in the thigh, and added another layer of dirty water to her already-saturated clothes.
“Thanks, Bear,” she said as she pulled him toward the tub and tried not to think about what Finn and Mrs. Callais were talking about in her absence.
* * *
FINN FOLLOWED THE social worker as she made her way through the house, frowning and looking intimidating despite her cheery pink suit. “Normally it’s much neater than this. Mattie and the kids have Saturday pickup parties, and then they go to lunch and shopping. She’s helping them build a routine. The dog has interrupted it a bit.” He eyed the dog’s path of destruction. “A lot.”
“Having a routine, something and someone they can count on, matters to children,” Mrs. Callais said as she looked at a pile of keys on the floor and broken glass from the bowl that used to hold them.
“Well, they have that in Mattie. And she has the flexibility to set aside her routine when it matters. The dog mattered to Mickey.”
Mrs. Callais studied him intensely for a moment, as if she were taking his measure. “Dr. Wallace, you are the one suing for custody?” she asked slowly.
“I am suing for custody, but not because I think Mattie isn’t a competent caregiver.” He thought about Mattie asking him if he was taking notes on her mistakes to strengthen his case for the kids. He could stand back and let the social worker figure things out, but given the way the house looked, the social worker wouldn’t have an honest assessment. “Mattie loves the kids, and I love the kids. We can’t find a compromise, so we’re asking the court to help. I don’t think she can’t care for my sister’s children. I simply think the kids should be with me—I’m the only family they have left.”
“I knew you were up to something,” Zoe yelled from the doorway.
Finn turned and found his oldest niece glaring at him as she continued hollering, “You want to take us away from home. Well, I’m not going and nothing you can say will make me. You, either. And if you try to make me go, I’ll...I’ll run away,” she yelled at Mrs. Callais before speeding from the room.
Finn heard the front door open then slam shut.
“You haven’t told the children?” Mrs. Callais had censure in her voice.
Finn was a doctor and very accustomed to working in stressful situations, but this morning was off the chart. “Mattie and I thought it was best to keep things between us until we figured out what was going to happen and where they’d be living,” he explained, though it sounded like a lame excuse even to him.
“How’s that going for you?” Mrs. Callais asked with a bit of snarkiness in her voice that had Finn doing a double take.
“Obviously not very well right now” was his stiff reply. He glanced toward the front of the house. “Why don’t you finish the tour on your own.”
“Thank you. I will.”
Finn hurried out of the house and spotted Zoe’s red sweatshirt farther down the street. He chased after her, calling her name, which only made her walk faster.
It was another half block before he caught up to her. “Zoe, you can’t walk away when things get tough.”
“No?” She stopped abruptly and turned on him. “I can’t walk away? Walking away is in my DNA.” Her eyes snapped. “Don’t look shocked, Uncle Finn. I’m in sixth grade. We’ve studied DNA. And I know all about walking away. Aunt Mattie used to leave all the time, and you, too.”
“I don’t walk away from trouble,” he protested. He was a doctor. He faced difficulties every day, head-on.
Zoe scoffed in a very adult-sounding way. “No? You’ve lived in Buffalo for a long time, but you hardly ever visited. And when Mom was sick, you liked being an hour away. You said it was your job that kept you from visiting more, but it wasn’t. You could have visited then, but you didn’t. You didn’t want to come to Valley Ridge and have to deal with anything. That’s why you hired Lily. You could feel like you were doing something, but not really have to be involved. And there’s Aunt Mattie. Everyone keeps talking about how she’s going to leave. Mom used to read me her emails. And she sent postcards sometimes, too. Mom had a whole box of them. She’s been everywhere and done everything. You both take off, so why shouldn’t I?”
“Zoe—”
“And let’s not forget, my dad just left, and he’s never looked back. And now Mom’s gone. Yeah, where on earth did I learn about walking away from trouble, Uncle Finn?”
Finn felt a bit sick at Zoe’s assessment of the situation—of his behavior. “Zoe, you’re right about me. I should have been here for your Mom more. Buffalo isn’t that far away, but it was enough...” He hesitated, finally admitting to himself what his niece saw so clearly. “It was enough to keep me safe from most of the drama. Maybe I thought losing her wouldn’t hurt as much if I was in Buffalo. I could pretend that your mom was still here, still doing what she’d always done. But when I’m here, I know she’s gone and it hurts. She was my sister. She drove me crazy, but she loved me, and I loved her. Still do. I did run away from coping with her illness. I felt—”
Finn groped for a way to explain it to an eleven-year-old, and maybe to himself, as well. “I’m a doctor. I try to make people better every day. If they’re sick, I operate and fix their problem. I couldn’t fix your mom. I couldn’t make her better. Staying away meant I didn’t have to remember that every day. You were right about me.”
“I know I’m right,” Zoe said with stone-cold certainty.
“Yes, your father left, and I don’t know how to explain or excuse that, but your mother fought long and hard to stay. And you’re wrong about your aunt Mattie. Sure she’s traveled all over. Your mom used to share her emails with me, too. But she wasn’t running away from something. Mattie loves seeing new places. But when your mom got sick, Mattie quit her job, packed up her life and was here. She took care of your mom and of you guys. You know that. She faced up to the pain and dealt with it.”
Finn had known that, but saying the words out loud really brought it home. “Mattie is stronger than I am.”
Zoe looked confused. “So, why do you want to take us away from her?”
Finn realized he didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything. He flashed back to last week, Mattie’s hand on his. To her laughing with the kids as they painted together. To her making a lead out of an extension cord to capture Mickey’s runaway dog.
“Zoe, it’s hard for a grown-up to admit it, but I don’t know what I’m doing. I thought—think—you kids would be happy with me, but honestly, I don’t have a clue if that’s really the right thing. I was sure at first, but now?” He shrugged.
“I guess I don’t know what I’m doing, either,” Zoe admitted.
“Well, how about if both of us try to be as strong as Mattie and rather than running away, let’s go back and see what we can do to help with Mrs. Callais.”
“And Bear,” Zoe added.
“I don’t know that any of us can totally help with Bear,” he said.
Zoe laughed. “Well, if no one claims him, Mickey’s never going to let him go. If you take us away, you’ll have to take Bear, too.”
Finn thought about the havoc Bear had wreaked in the house. His small condo wouldn’t stand a chance. He’d hired someone to decorate it. It was all glass and steel. She’d told him it was trendy. But it was a trend he didn’t think would be conducive to three kids and a Bear of a dog.
He’d have to buy a new place if the kids came to live with him. But should they come to live with him?
He didn’t have the answer to that, or anything else at the moment.
What the hell was he doing?
* * *
THE DOG—BEAR—SMELLED better and looked better, but the house did not, Mattie thought as she sniffed one room and then the next.
Mrs. Callais wanted to talk to each of the kids privately, so Mattie had set her
up with Abbey to start with on the front porch. It was a sunny, warm April morning. While the woman talked to the kids and helped decide their future, Mattie ran around the house and tried to clean up the aftermath of Bear’s great escape.
Thankfully, the dog had exhausted himself and was curled up on the rug in front of the fireplace. Mickey was lying next to him, staring at the dog adoringly.
Finn walked in with Zoe.
“Problems?” she asked them both.
They both shook their heads in sync, as if they’d planned it. Zoe’s blondish hair with its red streak whipped across her cheeks. There wasn’t a lot of physical resemblance to her dark-haired uncle, but as they turned and looked at each other, there was a spark of understanding that passed between them. They wore knowing expressions, and Mattie was suddenly reminded that Finn was their flesh-and-blood uncle. A relative. She had only borrowed her title of aunt.
The realization made her feel lonely. Isolated.
Alone.
“I’m going to go see what I can do about de-Bearing the upstairs, Aunt Mattie,” Zoe said without any prompting or prodding.
“And I’ll help down here,” Finn offered.
Mattie nodded and pulled the basket out of the front closet and started picking up anything that needed to be put away. A sweatshirt on the stair’s newel post. A pair of socks underneath the dining room table.
She went into the kitchen and collected schoolbooks, a backpack, five pairs of shoes from the vicinity of the back door.
The basket was brimming with items as she came back around to the living room. Bear was sound asleep, and Mickey was still sitting next to the dog, lovingly stroking his coarse fur.
“I have to try to find his owner,” she said softly.
Finn nodded. “Will you hate me if I say I hope no one claims him?”
Mattie glanced back at Mickey. “No, because I hope the same thing. Mick’s head over heels for that dog. It’s the happiest I’ve seen him since—”
“Since before Bridget died,” Finn supplied.
She nodded as she leaned down to retrieve the keys and a few pieces of leftover glass. Finn knelt down to help.
“So, did you convince Mrs. Callais that Dr. Finn, Master of the Universe, wasn’t merely the best option for the kids, but the only option?” she asked casually.
“Mattie, I didn’t want this. I never doubted that you cared for the kids and could look after their well-being.”
She snorted.
“And that’s what I told Mrs. Callais. I’m their uncle. I can give them the best schools, the best—” He stopped himself. “But Bridget, she would be the first to say what the kids really need is someone who is present, who genuinely cares about them.”
“Time,” Mattie supplied.
“Not only time. They need someone who can make the kids the most important part of their life. You can do that.”
“I can,” she whispered. “They are.”
He sighed. “I know.”
“So, why...” She stopped herself and went back to picking up the debris.
“So why am I suing for custody? Mrs. Callais asked me that and so did Zoe. I admitted to both that I don’t know. When I saw the lawyer it seemed like the right thing to do. But now?”
Mattie didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to say. She simply continued picking up the pieces and placing them gently in her open hand.
“I never thought you didn’t love them or care for them, Mattie,” he said.
“But you don’t think that’s enough.” Mattie had never felt as if she was enough. Her biological parents, and her adopted parents both had always said how special she was, but she’d never felt that way.
Then Bridget had said the same thing. Mattie was special and who she wanted raising her children. She’d argued with Bridget about it. Bridget had told her again and again that she was exactly what the kids would need. She’d said that Mattie had a quality that no one else did.
Mattie had known then, just as she knew now, Bridget was wrong.
Finn was the only one honest enough to say it out loud.
She’d always hoped she’d find a place, or a job that made her feel as special as others thought she was. But in all her years of traveling, given all the jobs she’d tried, all the places she’d gone, all the friends she’d made, she never found one thing that made her want to stay. “I’d better finish the laundry.”
Finn grabbed her hand. “Mattie, I’m not master of anything, and I’m going to say something I rarely say...I thought I knew what was best, but I’m no longer sure.”
Silently, she took the basket of odds and ends, and while balancing the broken glass in her hand, hurried to the basement.
Finn might claim to be uncertain, but he hadn’t mentioned canceling the lawsuit. And after today, Mrs. Callais would certainly tell the court about the chaos she’d found. That would be that.
Mattie would have to be sure that the kids made the transition to Finn’s smoothly.
She didn’t blame Mrs. Callais, just as she didn’t blame Finn.
She could simply bow to the inevitable and tell Finn he could have custody. Was she being selfish? She knew that she was the person Bridget wanted—that Bridget had wanted the kids raised here, in their home, in Valley Ridge. But Finn could give them so much more financially.
But he can’t make them a priority.
Round and round. That’s where this battle with Finn led.
She started a load of towels and returned upstairs. As she reached the hall, Abbey entered with Mrs. Callais. She spotted Mattie and ran into her arms. “Are we keeping Bear?” she asked.
“I don’t know. We have to check and see if he has another family who’s missing him.”
“But if he don’t? If he don’t got no one to love him, we’ll keep him,” she said. A statement, not a question. “That’s what you do. You keep us and love us. And I don’t need a fish ’cause Mickey said he’d share Bear, but maybe you’ll still get me one and I’ll love it, too,” rambled Abbey as she ran up the stairs.
Mrs. Callais focused on Mattie. “That’s what you do, is what she told me while we were talking.”
“I don’t know what she meant.”
“She was talking about the dog and wanting to keep it, and I said she’d have to talk to you. She informed me, with utter confidence, that you’d keep the dog because you already loved him. She said that’s what you do best—love. Then she listed all the people you loved. Her name was first on the list, then her siblings, the dog, your family and a Lily and Sophie?” she asked.
“Friends. She’s excited because she gets a new, fancy dress for Sophie’s wedding.”
Mrs. Callais nodded and made an entry in her notebook. “Then she added that Aunt Mattie even loved Uncle Finn.”
Mattie choked and Mrs. Callais laughed.
“I don’t... Well, not him.” Mattie felt as if she were back in grade school and needed to deny the rumor before it spread.
The social worker offered her a soothing smile. “I don’t think that’s how she meant it.”
Mattie took a huge breath. “So what now?”
“Mickey?” the social worker prompted.
“I’ll go get him.” Mattie found Finn sitting next to the dog listening as Mickey extolled the animal’s many virtues. “Hey, Mick. Would you mind talking to my friend, Mrs. Callais, for a few minutes?”
“What’s she want?” Mickey asked.
Mattie knelt down next to the boy. “I told you earlier. Her job is to make sure that you kids are okay.”
“I’ll be really okay if I get to keep Bear,” he wheedled.
Mattie mussed his short hair. “You know what we have to do first.”
“But if he don’t have an owner?” Mickey pressed.
If things were settled she’d say yes, but she needed to talk to Finn. If the kids—when the kids—were with him, he’d be the one dealing with the big dog that wou
ld only get bigger. “If he doesn’t have a family looking for him, we’ll see. We’ll do what’s right for Bear. That’s how it goes when you love someone. You do what’s right for them, not what you may want.”
Mickey frowned. “I hate we’ll-sees. And what’s right for Bear is me. No one will never love him as good as I do.”
“We’ll see,” she reiterated. “It’s the best I can do, champ.” She nodded toward the social worker. “Mrs. Callais is waiting.”
“You watch Bear, Uncle Finn. He might be scared if he wakes up and I’m not here. He’s still little and he loves me.”
Mattie escorted Mickey to the social worker on the front porch. Then she went back inside and found Finn setting next to the giant dog. “Little? My a...” Mattie groused and let the last word fade out.
Finn obviously got the point because he laughed. “If he’s this big as a puppy, can you imagine how big he’ll be as an adult?”
“So you don’t think I should let Mickey keep him?” she asked. She knew Mickey would handle it if another family claimed Bear, but if no one did and she got rid of him? Mickey’s heart would break. Frankly, the little boy had suffered enough emotional blows this year.
Finn reached out and took her hand. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Oh.” She pulled her hand from his. “I should go call the shelters.”
“I’ll keep an eye on Bear,” he offered.
“Thanks.”
She moved away from him when he called her back. “Mattie?”
She turned and waited, but Finn didn’t say anything. “Yes?”
“Never mind.”
She went to the kitchen and started dialing.
CHAPTER TEN
BEAR WAS STILL IN RESIDENCE on Wednesday. Since he was only a puppy, she hated to leave him crated for the day—and who knew giant crates were that expensive? So he made daily trips to her parents’ while she worked her shifts at the coffee shop. Mattie would never have suggested it, but her mom wouldn’t hear of the poor baby being crated for a whole day.
Mattie fretted that if someone did claim the dog, not only would Mickey’s and the girls’ hearts be broken, her mother’s might be, as well. And she worried about how Finn would handle Bear when—if—he won custody.
