by Eric Vall
“He would,” I confirmed, “if he was still imprisoned by our Hellfire magic.”
“I’m not following,” the blonde knight sighed.
“Look around us,” I nodded to the surface of the swamp water at our feet, “there’s a reason I chose this specific area to wait for Durtu.”
The Fifth Circle was full of Shades who were eternally damned to suffer their deaths over and over again. Sufferers were arranged into different groups and clumped into different sections of the Circle depending on how they died, and we were currently standing atop the ones who’d passed away via a fiery car crash.
“Wait, wait,” Gula protested. “If your plan was to capture him in metal, why did you wait this long?”
“The little fucker was too fast,” I shot back as I summoned silver flames into my hand. “Besides, if I used my liquid metal spell on him while he was conscious, he would have just countered it with his ectoplasm. Then I’d be shit out of luck on that front.”
I closed my eyes and pictured all of the phantom vehicles around us in the water, and then I imagined the metal inside of them would melt into a gooey stream of liquid. Once I felt the metal turn into a fluid, I summoned it to the surface of the swamp and commanded it to spread around Durtu’s body.
When I finally opened my eyes, I saw the black demon completely surrounded by shimmering gray liquid, all the way up to his neck. Then I commanded the metal to harden, and Durtu’s body was trapped in a steel prison at least three feet thick.
I called forth green flames into my hand, surrounded Durtu and the spherical trap, and then started to move it across the sky.
“Also, don’t forget the dinghy,” I warned. “The last thing we need to do is leave something behind that alerts Baphomet we’re in his territory.”
“Ah, what’s the ‘ol goatfucker gonna do?” Todd joked. “He gonna spit a can at us?”
“Baphomet is not a laughing matter, Todd,” Cupi explained. “There is a reason he’s the King of the Circle of Anger.”
“Yeah, yeah,” the imp scoffed. “He’s also the only demon I know that’s appeared on more heavy metal album covers than a skeleton wearing leather. And that’s saying something, dudette.”
Eligor used her elemental magic to manipulate Durtu’s boat, and Cupi’s arms wrapped around my armpits as she lifted me into the sky. Then we began our journey toward the cave.
We had to move fast. Baphomet was notorious for patrolling his turf, and none of us were really in the mood to try and take on a Demon King. We could have asked Todd to turn us invisible, but the imp was far too stoned to be able to keep a concentrated spell like that going for long. Besides, it would only take us a few minutes to get there, anyways.
The five of us shot across the landscape in a hurry, paranoid that we would run into the King of the Fifth Circle or one of his minions. Thankfully, the trip was completely uneventful, and soon, we came to the cave and fluttered down onto the brimstone ground.
“You know,” Gula said with a grin as she stepped into the mouth of the cavern, “we’re not letting you get off with this whole ‘son of Lucifer’ thing that easily. I really, really want to know what he said to you.”
“I told you I don’t want to talk about it,” I sighed. “I’ve told you all the important stuff.”
“You haven’t told us any of the important stuff,” Cupi protested. “For example, why did he choose to reveal himself to you now? What did he want from you? Why was he interfering with the lives of his own minions?”
“Damned if I know,” I muttered as the wind rushed through my long brown locks. “He’s freaking Lucifer, Cupi. He talked circles around all of us without really going anywhere.”
“But what did he say?” the blonde succubus prodded. “Like literally, word-for-word, what did he say?”
“I barely remember,” I admitted. “He was that good of a smooth-talker. Honestly, the thing that stood out to me the most was when he was explaining my conception.”
“Oh, yeah,” Todd snickered from beside me. “He gave us the deets on how he banged Jakey’s mom. I’m gonna remember that lucky bastard’s description for a looooong time.”
“Again with the mom thing?” I sighed. “And you wonder why I don’t want to talk about it … ”
“What can I say?” Todd mused. “Maria Ralston is a fucking MILF. I’ve thought so ever since middle school, bro.”
“So you’ve told me,” I groaned. “Can we please change the subject?”
“Okay,” Gula interjected slyly, “back to Lucifer--”
“Anything but Lucifer!” I shot back. “Or how he fucked my mom or how he is my real father or how he made it sound like he was grooming me to be his right-hand man!”
There was a long silence in the air as we flew, and I instantly realized the severity of what I had just said.
“ … Lucifer wants you to take over as his right hand man?” Eligor gasped. “Like, as his main general? Or does he want you to replace my own master as the King of the Succubi? Or does he only want you to fill the role Azazel used to fill?”
“I don’t know!” I blurted out. “It all happened so fast, and I was kinda still in shock from the whole ‘Lucifer is my father’ thing. I just remember him saying something about ‘his right hand,’ and how he was impressed with my conquest of the Fourth Circle. I don’t know, what else could he have meant by that?”
“That could mean a lot of things,” Gula added. “Did he mention Lilith at all? She’s surely not going to be too happy if he’s planning on overthrowing her, too.”
“Please,” Eligor chuckled sarcastically. “The Demon Queen would never be overthrown, especially by Lucifer. He may pretend to call all the shots, but my Mistress is the real power behind the throne.”
“Ahhhh, the ‘ol Wormtongue route,” Todd observed. “Better be careful, though. Wormtongue gets pumped full of arrows at the end of that story.”
“I thought it was only one arrow?” I questioned as I tried to get us off subject.
“You movie-watching casual,” Todd sighed. “That’s only in the extended editions. And it was totally not how it happened in the book.”
“Oh,” I lied. “I’ve never read them. What happens in the--”
“I know what you’re trying to do, Jacob,” Cupi interrupted. “We’re not done talking about your conversation with Lucifer.”
“Yes, we are.” I nodded and pointed to the mouth of the cave just up on the horizon. “We’ve got an interrogation to get started.”
The five of us landed in front of the cave, and then we cautiously stepped inside.
After our fight with Vermis the Devil Worm, I was wary of any large, cavernous place in Hell. Usually, they weren’t just empty.
Once we were completely engulfed by the darkness, I lit up my free hand with red Hellfire to illuminate our surroundings. The cave walls were made up of a slimy black brimstone, and the moisture in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Hell, the air was so dense in here I could hear it sizzling as it touched my flickering fire.
I guess the cave couldn’t help but be dank when it was positioned next to a massive swamp for all eternity.
“Okay, Cupi,” I nodded to the succubus as I lowered Durtu down to the ground, “let’s wake him up.”
The blonde succubus cracked her knuckles excitedly, and then she summoned blue Hellfire into her hands. The fit demon walked over to the passed-out Durtu, grabbed him by the forehead, and held her spell in place.
The sound of the demon’s screams ricocheted off the walls as he was rudely awakened, accompanied by the sizzle of his skin as it was given instant frostbite.
“Wakey, wakey, asshole,” I growled as I approached the demon encased in metal.
Durtu’s eyes instantly began to glow with ectoplasm, but I clicked my tongue and shook my head.
“If you so much as even try to use your powers, I’ll have Todd over there rip your fucking eyes out of their sockets,” I warned. “He kicked your sorry ass
when he was trying to be non-lethal. Just imagine what my buddy can do to you when he’s trying to hurt you?”
“Just call me the Bride,” the imp added. “One more move, and your eyeballs become my new car dice, bro.”
The demon’s eyes went dark, and the ectoplasm was replaced by a look of pure terror. Then he glanced around his surroundings carefully as a horrific look of realization took over.
“Why did you bring us here, you fool?” he gasped. “Do you have any idea what kind of monsters dwell in these caves?”
“No clue,” I admitted, “but if it’s freaking you out this much, we’d better make it quick. The amount of time we stay in here depends on how willing you are to give up information.”
“You’re asking me to betray my master?” Durtu spat. “You’ve already defeated Beelzebub once, and he’s going to make you pay for it badly. The Lord of the Flies will march into your kingdom, slaughter all of your friends, and then punish your foolish Shades with the most grueling forms of torture ever known to--”
Before he could finish his sentence, I ordered a small chunk of the metal around his body to extend out into a tendril and smack him across the face.
Blackish-red demon blood sprayed from his mouth and painted the wall of the cave with crimson. Durtu spat out another mouthful of blood along with a few of his teeth, but then he began to chuckle devilishly.
“You’re never going to get me to talk,” he mused. “Go ahead and kill me. I’ll die before I betray my beloved master.”
“Gaaaaaayyyyyy.” Todd rolled his eyes. “Can I pluck out his eyes now, Jakey?”
“Wow,” Gula muttered, “that herb he just inhaled seems to be making him violent.”
“Slothy and I didn’t call it ‘The Hulk’ for nothing,” the imp agreed. “One little puff makes you angry, and a whole joint? Well, you’re seeing what happens when you smoke a whole fucking joint, Firecracker.”
Durtu began to laugh again, but Todd quickly silenced him with a swipe of his claws. There were now three fresh, gnarly gashes on the fucker’s cheek, but he was determined to stay quiet.
“Fine,” I shrugged, “if you won’t talk for us, then we’ll have to resort to some drastic measures.”
I reached up a finger to my right forearm and touched the tattoo of the flaming whip that resided there.
Suddenly, the cave was illuminated by a blinding white light that sprang from the ink, and then the figure of a curvy, dark-haired woman appeared before us. She already had her hair pulled back into a ponytail, ready for action, and there was a flaming whip in her left hand and a large wooden stick in the other. The beautiful woman was clad in nothing but a leather corset that trailed down into a g-string and showed off her ass perfectly.
It was Ira, the Sister of Wrath.
Or, more specifically, it was her Dominatrix half.
“Helllloooooo, sisters!” the Dom said with a playful wave. “What kind of twisted, fun shenanigans do you have planned for me today?”
“This guy right here,” I said as I pointed to Durtu. “He’s decided he’s not going to talk, even after Todd and I gave him the scare. Soooo, it’s your turn.”
“How delightful,” the succubus purred as she held up her hand and summoned forth her morning star in a flurry of Hellfire.
“You’re in for it now, Hornswoggle,” Todd snickered. “Crazy Eyes here has a particular brand of crazy coursing through her veins today.”
“That’s right,” I added, “I’ll give you one last chance to talk. Who are the Demon Lords that serve Beelzebub, and which ones are the most powerful?”
Durtu clicked his tongue quietly as he chuckled to himself.
“This is rich,” he mused. “You think you’re the first one to try ‘an take out the Lord of the Flies’ loyal subjects? You’re not. And, just like all the others, you’re gonna end up stretched across one of the great stalagmites of the Eighth Circle, your spine eternally dislocated as you struggle to free yourself and the beast Geryon feasts upon your flesh.”
“Alright, I’ve heard enough,” I growled and nodded to the Dom.
Ira’s Dom gave me a devilish smile, readied her morning star, and then rocked her body as if she were going to swing at a baseball.
In a way, she kinda was.
I ordered the metal of the spherical prison to pull apart, just in front of Durtu’s groin.
The second it was out of the way, the Dom took a huge, upward swing at the fucker and struck him square in the balls.
Durtu’s eyes went cross as he let out a high-pitched yelp of pain, but then his yelp turned into a prolonged grunt of excruciating agony. The demon refused to scream, even though there was currently a giant spike shoved up his urethra.
He must have really been afraid of whatever was in this cave.
Once the morning star was embedded in its place, Ira simply let go of the handle and pointed.
“Close that up for me,” she demanded. “I want to return to this later.”
I closed the metal back around the ball of the morning star to hold it in place, all while Durtu began to hyperventilate from the pain he was in.
Then the Dom giggled as she pulled out a small red candle and lit it with her Hellfire. She stepped up onto the hilt of the morning star, used it as a stool, and then poured a bit of melted wax onto Durtu’s horned head.
The demon grunted once more, but this time it was much more intense. His entire face contorted into a grimace of pain and frustration, but he kept his lips pursed harshly as he continued to be tight-lipped.
Ira did a playful strut down the end of the morning star, hopped up on it like it was a diving board, and then jumped off.
The tiny black demon’s face was now drenched with a mixture of sweat and candle wax, and he was trembling fiercely.
“Still don’t want to talk?” I mocked as I began to walk in circles around the demon. “Do you have any idea who I am? Who my father is?”
“Oh lord, Jakey,” Todd groaned. “Don’t pull that card. We heard that shit enough with the preppy kids in college.”
“Preppy kids?” Eligor questioned.
“Yeah,” the imp shot back, “the guys who wear polos and chino shorts every single day like they’re a fucking cartoon character. The ones whose Daddies own like, six bazillion yachts plus a private island, a jet, and half of continental Europe.”
“I don’t think any of them--” I began, but Todd cut me off.
“They dudes who think they can get through life just by firing everybody they don’t like,” he continued. “Dudebros whose entire personality revolves around playing golf and buying Hollister clothing.”
“We get it, Todd--”
“And worst of all … ” the imp gasped overdramatically, “they wear skateboarder shoes even though they don’t own a single skateboard! A single skateboard, Goldilocks! Who the fuck do they think they are, Tony Hawk? I don’t even think he wears--”
“We get it!” all of us interrupted together in unison.
Then, from deep within the bowels of the cave, came a deep groan.
“Heh heh,” Durtu whispered. “Just keep running your yaps. Soon, we’ll all be dead meat.”
“Then you’d better hurry up,” Gula added. “Don’t make Jacob sic his father on you.”
“Speaking of which,” Ira pondered aloud, “why didn’t you ever tell me you were the son of Lucifer? I had to find out second-hand from Libidine, and even she refused to talk too much about it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I grumbled. “It was nothing.”
“Wait,” Durtu gasped, and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “You’re--you’re the son of Lucifer? You must tell me how in the bloody Hell that came to pass. Your mother must be a goddamn bombshell, because the Prince of Darkness has only slept with a handful of women throughout all of human history.”
“Oh, bro,” Todd chuckled and placed his elbow against the metal sphere around Durtu, “you don’t even know the half of it. Maria Ralston i
s the MILF to end all MILFs.”
“Enough!” I interjected, and then I walked over and grabbed the handle of Ira’s morning star.
I gave it a sharp yank downward, and Durtu shut up very quickly. Then I summoned silver Hellfire into my hands, aimed it at the area around the weapon, and forced it to tighten toward the demon’s body.
Durtu gritted his sharp teeth and let out a muted wail as I forced the morning star further into his body, inch by inch. For a moment, it looked like the fucker was going to pass out from the pain.
But he still wasn’t talking.
“Damn, Durtu’s a tough nut to bust,” Todd observed.
“Don’t you mean ‘tough nut to crack?’” Cupi corrected, but the imp just shook his head.
“I know what I said,” he reiterated.
“You’re--you’re never getting anything out of me,” the demon repeated through gritted teeth. “You’ll have to just go ahead and kill me.”
“Tell me, Durtu,” Ira’s Dom mused as she strutted up to our enemy and slapped her hands against the sides of his head. “Do you know how much pressure it takes before an eyeball pops in its socket? Because I certainly do.”
“Do your fucking worst, you sadomasachistic bitch,” Durtu growled.
“You asked for it.” The Dom shrugged as she used the protruding handle of the morning star as a stepping stool again.
Then Ira’s Dom placed her thumbs directly in Durtu’s eye sockets and began to push forward slowly.
The demon tried to move his head back and away, but I quickly threw up a small wall of purple flames to keep it from going anywhere.
We all watched in macabre wonder as Ira kept applying pressure, and Durtu’s grunts slowly turned into quiet gasps of pain. Finally, when the demon apparently had enough, he summoned his ectoplasmic magic to his eyes.
Unfortunately for him, the Dom was much quicker.
“You naughty boy!” she cackled. “You don’t get to cheat!”
Ira’s Dom drove her thumbs into the demon’s head with one last push, and each one of his eyeballs exploded with a spray of gore.
