by Eric Vall
“Then we will have to pull out all the stops, too,” I explained. “If we face him together, he won’t stand a chance.”
Eligor pulled away and shot me a look of frustration.
“It’s not that easy, Jacob,” she sighed. “He lives in the Sixth Circle of Hell. We will have to travel through not one, but two enemy territories just to get to him, and then we’ll have to try and account for his batshit crazy strategies. I don’t know if we’re even strong enough to get to Kegg, let alone kill him.”
“Then, uh, why don’t we just find a way to level up?” Todd suggested. “Like, is there a field with a bunch of Vargrats we could go out and grind until we’re stronger?”
“Not a bad idea, Todd,” Superbia pondered, “but I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that. The only way for a Demon King to grow stronger is to gain more Demon Lords.”
“We’ve already tried that,” Libidine muttered. “Mephisto and Gamigin were the only ones who answered the call.”
Then it hit me like a freight train, a solution that never would have crossed my mind in a million years.
If we couldn’t get any more Demon Lords to join us, why couldn’t we just make some more?
“Sia?” I asked excitedly. “How are Demon Lords made?”
Everybody in the room stared at me in silence as they tried to figure out what I was getting at. Finally, Todd clicked his tongue and patted Superbia gently on the leg.
“I’ll take this one, Strawberry Shortcake,” he offered. “Looks like Jakey’s parents never taught him about the ‘ol birds and the bees. You see, bro, when a mommy demon and a daddy demon love each other very much, they decide they want to procreate. Or ‘bone’ as I call it.”
“I know that, Todd.” I rolled my eyes. “What I’m asking is, what makes a Demon Lord different than a regular demon? Is it all predetermined before they’re born, or is it something you can be promoted to?”
“There is a ritual that is performed,” Sia explained. “But only a Demon King can … wait, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, Jacob?”
I placed my hands on my hips and grinned at everybody in the room.
“I sure as fuck am,” I announced. “Mephisto, I want you to go round up all the others.”
“Where are you going with this, bro?” Todd asked curiously. “I gotta admit, I’m having a hard time following.”
“If we can’t get anyone else to join me,” I began, “then I’ll just have to make my own Demon Lords. Starting with the demons who have been the most loyal to me my entire career. My succubi.”
Sia, Liby, and Eligor all gasped. Todd had no reaction at first, but then he made an overexaggerated gasp when he saw that’s what everyone else was doing.
“You do know what you’re suggesting, right?” Libidine questioned, still in shock. “This is sacrilege on many, many levels.”
“Yeah bro, it’s sacrilege,” Todd agreed. “Do you know why? I mean, I totally know, but I just want to make sure you do, too.”
“Because of Lucifer’s whole ‘Great Chain of Being,’” I remembered. “The big ‘ol horny, succubi are seen as the lowest of the low, right next to humans.”
“Exactly, bro,” Todd nodded, “that was exactly what I was about to say.”
I would advise against this course of action, my king, Mephisto warned. However, I am your loyal subject. Should you wish to continue going down this path, I will not protest. However, I cannot promise the same of Gamigin. He is a much more … reactionary Demon Lord.
“I’m with Mephisto, Jacob,” Superbia said. “The idea of becoming a Demon Lord is very tempting, but it would cause more problems than it would solve.”
“How so?” I scoffed. “If I make you all my Demon Lords, then my power will increase to levels I could only dream of. And, if I’m that powerful, what will it matter if I go against the rules of Hell? I’m not here to make friends.”
“You kind of are,” Libidine reminded me. “We want Demons, Shades, and the like to follow you, remember? They would never take orders from a lowly succubus, even if we were promoted.”
“Yes, they will,” I reassured her grimly. “Because if they disrespect my loyal Demon Lords, they would be disrespecting me. If they disrespect me, then they may as well be my enemy. And, if this works and we all grow in strength, disrespecting me would be a really, reaalllly bad thing to do.”
“This is insane,” Eligor muttered.
“It is,” I agreed. “That’s why I’m doing it.”
If this is the path you wish to take, then I shall summon the other succubi, Mephisto said with a bow. Shall I bring the angel, as well?
“I don’t know,” I asked Superbia. “Can I make her a Demon Lord, too?”
“Absolutely not,” the madame shot back. “She is still a being of Divine Light. The only way she can become a full-fledged Demon Lord is to fall and become a demon, first. Just like Eligor and Cupiditas. However, should she do that, Ariel will no longer have access to her Divine magic. And, if we wish to keep her as our royal blacksmith, she will need that power.”
“Makes sense.” I nodded and turned back to the orange, lanky figure of Mephisto. “Just round up all the succubi, then.”
As you wish, my King.
The demon bowed, and then he turned around and floated off through the nearby hallway like a spectre.
“Do you think this will really work, Sister?” Libidine asked Sia hopefully. “I would very much like to become a Demon Lord … to have the power and status that goes along with such a title … ”
“There’s nothing in any doctrines that says a succubus cannot become a Demon Lord,” Sia noted, “it’s just been an unspoken rule.”
“Ah, the ‘ol Air Bud approach,” Todd laughed. “Works every time.”
“So, what happens from here?” I asked the petite redhead. “I bring all of your sisters in here, and then what? Do I just pull out my sword and knight them or something like that?”
“Not exactly,” the madame retorted. “It is called the Anointing et Elegit, and it’s a very formal process.”
“The Anointing of the Chosen,” I repeated seriously.
“I have been through it,” Eligor explained. “When Lilith decided to make me her humble servant. It is … very intimate.”
“Ah, shit,” Todd sighed. “Is this something I need to be in the other room for? Like, is Jakey gonna have to use his ‘sword’ for something else?”
“Nothing like that, Todd,” Eligor mused. “It’s-”
“And by ‘something else,’ I mean running train on all of you until his gizzard’s as dry as the Mojave,” the imp interrupted.
“It’s not quite that intimate,” the knight sighed. “Though, with someone as beautiful as Lilith is, I wish it were.”
I felt my pants tightening at the thought of the sexy, scantily-clad knight making love to another woman, and I suddenly realized it would be the perfect way to better Cupi and Eligor’s relationship, but then I forced my mind back to the present.
Soon I’d fix that problem with my penis.
“No,” Sia explained, “the Anointing et Eligit is normally done between two male demons, usually those who share a strong bond with one another. For example, two demons who have been on an adventure together or who have served in the same army or something of that nature.”
“I think that’ll be easy,” I joked. “I don’t think there’s a soul in the world that would say I haven’t ‘strongly bonded’ with my succubi.”
“Power of the Penis,” Todd retorted with a facepalm.
“Actually, now that I think about it, it’s kinda weird,” Libidine pondered aloud. “Many Demon Kings have slept with their succubi. Why hasn’t somebody tried this already?”
“Two reasons,” Sia explained, “though the Demon Kings slept with their succubi, they didn’t give a damn about any of them. So, there was no real ‘bond.’ The second reason can be summed up in one single word: hatred. Succubi are slime to Demon Lords, sex
slaves whose only reason to exist is to please their twisted fantasies and act as pawns in the war between Heaven and Hell. The thought would have been laughable to any self-respecting Demon Lord.”
“Well, unfortunately for the rest of Hell, I don’t give a fuck about my self-respect,” I chuckled. “I need more loyal subjects, and who could be more loyal than the women I share my bed with every single night? The ones who have been there since the beginning and have helped me through the thick and the thin.”
Libidine got down on one knee and bowed her head somberly
“It would be an honor, Jacob,” she announced.
“Come on, Libby,” I mumbled as I rubbed the back of my head, “you don’t have to do all that.”
“Actually, she will,” Eligor spoke up. “They all will.”
“They?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “You’re not gonna join them?”
The blonde knight shook her head vehemently.
“No,” she stated simply. “I am already sworn to serve the Demon Queen. Even though I am enjoying serving you, I am still loyal to my original mistress.”
“Well fine,” I shot back playfully, “I guess you’ll just miss out on all the fun.”
“I think you’ll be fine,” Eligor shrugged, “you’ll have eight new Demon Lords. That will be plenty to give you the power boost you need.”
“Eight?” I asked. “I only have seven succubi.”
“Are you not anointing Todd?” the blonde questioned.
Todd’s eyes went wide, and then he began to shake his head back and forth like a dog playing with a chew toy.
“Nope,” the imp protested. “Noooopppe. Notta.”
“Why not?” Eligor prodded.
“Because, Goldilocks,” Todd argued, “me and Jakey may be best buds, but not like, well--”
The imp lifted up his two index fingers and began to press the tips together slowly. Then he switched the left hand to make a circle and moved his finger in and out rapidly. If that hadn’t made the point, he then made his two index fingers begin to smack against each other like they were dueling.
“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Eligor said with a roll of her eyes. “You and Jacob have been friends for years, no?”
“Since the second grade,” the imp said proudly.
“And you’ve been on a lot of adventures together, especially after you were introduced to the world of Demons?”
“Yeaaaahhhh,” Todd crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head curiously, “what are you gettin’ at, here?”
“Then your bond is already strong enough,” Eligor said with a nod. “If he so wishes, Jacob could make you a Demon Lord, as well. No ‘boning’ involved.”
The imp let out a sigh of relief and wiped his brow.
“Oh, thank fuck,” he chuckled. “I like ya, Jakey, but I don’t like you. No homo and all.”
“Wow,” I joked, “I feel like I’m back in middle school.”
“Best years of my life, bro,” the imp snickered, “so many days hanging out in gym class, hotboxing inside a locker … ”
“That’s because you were always being stuffed inside of it,” I reminded him.
“Jokes on them,” Todd scoffed. “Those bullies all peaked in high school. Meanwhile, I’m gonna be a fucking Demon Lord!”
“What’s this Mephisto is telling us?” Cupiditas questioned as she came through the threshold of the door. “He was saying you wanted to make us all Demon Lords, but that can’t possibly be right.”
Tris, Ira, Gula, and Invidia were right behind her, and Mephisto was taking up the rear.
“It’s the truth,” I confirmed. “You succubi are about to become the newest Demon Lords of Hell.”
There were murmurs and gasps all throughout the War Room, but I quickly quieted them with a wave of my hand.
I spent the next few minutes explaining to everyone what I intended to do, and they were all both enamored and shocked at the thought.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” Cupi sighed. “Once you’ve turned us, there is no going back.”
“I don’t know why you keep claiming this is a bad thing,” Ira giggled. “Once I’m a Demon Lord, I’ll have plenty of underlings to test out my new torture toys on. I crave more power!”
“And I can be Gula, Lord of the Chefs,” the Sister of Gluttony stated proudly.
“One question,” Tris pondered aloud, “if I’m a Demon Lord, does that mean I have to do, like, management and logistics and all that high-level bureaucratic shit?”
“Not if you don’t want to.” I shrugged. “It’s mainly just so we can all grow in power and take down that bastard, Kegg.”
Cupiditas’ body went rigid at my words.
“We’re going after Kegg?” she asked calmly, though there was a slight tremble in her voice.
“He’s one of Beelzebub’s best,” I nodded, “if we can kill him, it’ll knock flyboy down a notch or two. And a weakened Beelzebub is a killable Beelzebub.”
“I’ve already warned him,” Eligor sighed. “That’s why he’s determined to make you all Demon Lords.”
“How does this process work?” I asked Superbia. “Like, is there some sort of incantation I need to perform, or do I do some hand motions or--”
This is the part where I leave you, Mephisto interrupted. The Anointing et Elegit is a sacred ceremony, only to be shared by the anointed and the anointer. Should you need me, I will be in my quarters.
Without another word, the tall, orange demon hovered into the air and then floated out of the room.
“I’ll be on my way, as well,” Eligor added as she headed for the door. “Let me know how it all goes.”
“Everyone get down on your knees,” Superbia explained as she fell down to one knee and bowed her head.
All six of her sisters followed suit, as did Todd.
“This feels really fucking weird,” I chuckled awkwardly.
“Please,” Cupiditas reminded me, “this is far from the first time you’ve seen us on our knees in front of you.”
Todd made an obnoxious gagging sound, but I just rolled my eyes.
“Now, Jacob,” Sia explained, “the ritual begins with a ‘callout’ of sorts. You must go around to each one of us, touch us with purple flames, say our names, and then ask us a series of questions in Latin. Are your Latin language skills still up to the task?”
“I think so,” I mused. “Especially if you say it first.”
Starting with Superbia, I began the process. I summoned violet Hellfire into my hands, placed them onto both her shoulders, and then repeated the words she told me to say. Roughly, they translated into something like “Shall you act as my loyal servant? Shall you stand with me when my enemies try to break my will? Shall you pledge an oath to me, the Demon King of the Fourth Circle, and me alone?”
After the series of questions was asked, Superbia nodded her head.
“Ego eorum,” the madame agreed, and then I moved onto the next succubus.
I went down the line and repeated the questions to the rest of my friends. They all responded with a somber yet enthusiastic “I shall,” and then I deactivated my spell and stepped away from the line.
“Now what?” I asked. “Are you all Demon Lords?”
“Hardly,” Superbia joked. “Next comes the infusion, the part of the ceremony where our bodies are bonded together into one.”
“Uh, I don’t like where this is going,” Todd interjected with a raised finger.
“Relax,” the madame reassured the imp. “For your bond, you may do what so many other male demons do and use your blood. Now, my Sisters and I, on the other hand … we might want to use a different and more intimate sort of fluid.”
“Say no more,” Todd shook his head, “as soon as the ceremony’s done, I’m audi-five thousand.”
Sia stood up, walked over to Invidia, and drew the knife from her belt.
“Hey!” the gothic succubus growled. “You know I don’t like other people tou
ching my shit!”
“I’ll give it back, Invidia,” Sia promised, and then she walked back over to Todd. “Now, give me your hand.”
The imp extended his tiny mitts toward the redhead, and then she swiftly slashed the sharp edge of the dagger against his palms. Todd recoiled in pain and began to open and close his fists aggressively.
“Yeeeooow!” he gasped. “I thought you were gonna prick my finger or something!”
The redhead shrugged with a coy smile before she turned to me and held out the dagger in front of her.
“Now, it’s your turn,” she said. “Remember,when using blood for this ceremony, you must cut deep. The scars you will create symbolize the deep bond you share with your demon lords.”
“Fucking hell that hurt!” Todd called out from behind the madame. “Why don’t more demons just do the whole ‘wham, bam, thank you, ma’am’ thing? I mean fuck ‘no homo,’ that shit’s gotta hurt a lot less than slicing your wank-hand open!”
I gripped Vidia’s blade tightly in my hand, placed it up against my palm, and dragged it across as I applied pressure. The cut of the dagger stung like a bitch, and within seconds I felt my warm blood rising up to the surface of my skin.
“Now, you two must place your blood-soaked hands against each other and repeat after me,” Sia commanded.
Todd and I clapped our bloodied hands together as the crimson liquid melded together and dripped onto the floor in gory dribbles.
The succubus began an incantation in Latin. Something about how our essences were now mixed, and how our spirits were forever intertwined. As Sia spoke, me and Todds’ hands lit up with golden Hellfire, and I felt a twinge of warmth shoot through my very core.
Then the fire subsided, and it was over.
Todd and I pulled our hands away and inspected them closely.
The cut on my palm had been seared shut by the Hellfire, and now all that remained was a slender white scar.
“Was that it?” Todd asked curiously. “Am I a super-badass Demon Lord now?”
“It takes some time for the full effects of the ceremony to be felt,” Superbia admitted.
“So, what I’m hearing is I need to go veg out on the couch for the next ten hours and do absolutely nothing?” the imp stated with excitement in his voice. “Nothing but snoozing, doobie-smokin’, and recovering by eating a fuckload of junk food? Count me in!”
