by Eric Vall
As I looked up, I saw Gula zip up into the sky and snatch the falling Cupi. She floated back down to the ground and Sia, Tris, and Todd ran over to where I was sitting.
“Jacob, are you alright?” Sia gasped as she summoned golden flames into her hand.
“I think so,” I groaned and motioned to my aching body, “just a few scrapes and bruises. Nothing the healing touch can’t fix.”
The succubus madame quickly placed her glowing hand against my wounds, and the warmth of her flames overtook the pain.
I could feel my cuts sew themselves shut and then fuse together. At the same time, the bruises on my body turned brown for a brief second and then faded away as if they were never there in the first place. My skin tingled for a bit longer, but then all feeling subsided.
“There,” Sia nodded as she pulled away, “good as new.”
I did a few motion tests with my arm and saw that she was right.
“Jacob,” Cupi blubbered as tears began to fill her eyes. “I-I’m sorry. I must have mistimed the fall.”
“It’s alright,” I promised her as I walked over and touched her cheek lovingly. “We all make mistakes sometimes.”
“Yes, but that one could have gotten you killed,” she admitted with shame in her voice.
“That’s why we keep her around,” I joked and pointed back to Sia. “Well, that and all the amazing logistical shit she does. Plus the management. Plus the math skills. Plus the amazing sex.”
“And here I thought you kept me around for my personality,” Superbia mused.
“Well, that too,” I reassured her.
“Guys?” Todd spoke up from behind us. “I hate to interrupt your little love-fest, but I think I found our castle.”
I turned around and saw exactly what Todd was talking about. Off in the distance, there was the glow of a bright red flame.
A flame that stood in the shape of a castle.
“Really?” Tris asked sarcastically. “Bet it took you awhile to find that one, huh?”
“Maybe,” Todd shot back, completely unaware of the joke. “A master never reveals his secrets.”
“Alright, guys,” I announced as I tightened the strap of my gauntlet. “Get ready, because things are about to go from zero to one-hundred really quick.”
Chapter 13
The Castle of the Heretic was only about three miles away, but the sheer scale of the thing became apparent as we drew closer.
Thanks to the constraints of being in an underground cavern, the structure was nowhere near as large as my own dwelling. That said, it was still a three-story castle, complete with guard towers and perimeter walls that had the greatest protection spell of all.
They were on fucking fire.
“Do you think he has an army in there?” I questioned as we got closer to our destination.
“It’s hard to tell,” Cupiditas admitted, “but one thing’s for sure. If he has anyone in there with him, they’re not patrolling the walls.”
“That’s good, right?” I asked. “That means all we have to do is get through the spell, find Kegg’s quarters, and then kick his ass.”
“Easier said than done,” the blonde succubus sighed. “Even with our combined powers, we struggled to get through the flaming waterfall. How are we going to get past a literal castle perimeter that’s using the same spell?”
“You just gotta believe in yourself, my bodacious blonde,” Todd tried to hype her up. “Believe, and you can achieve.”
“That sounds like a sign Ariel would have in her workshop,” Tris gagged. “Way too peppy for me.”
“Little Mermaid is full of pep,” Todd retorted. “That, and apparently Jakey Juice.”
“Really?” I groaned.
“What?” the imp snickered. “I think I’m the only one here who isn’t.”
All of the succubi looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded in agreement.
“Look,” I sighed and tried to get us back on track, “we can use Gula’s power boost to give you a jump, and then maybe that’ll be enough to put out some of the flames.”
“Even then,” Cupi protested, “it’ll just freeze part of the castle. If Kegg’s spell remains constant, the ice will melt, and then we’ll be back to square one.”
“Speaking of frozen,” Todd whistled as he wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, “it’s getting really fucking hot down here. Is there any way you could like, flash-freeze my pores or something like that?”
The imp was right. As we got closer and closer to the flaming castle, the heat got more intense. Now, I was sweating so profusely I felt like I was swimming inside of my armor.
“That would probably kill you, Todd,” Cupi warned, “but I can do this.”
The blonde succubus summoned blue Hellfire into her hands and then shot a misty spray into the air around us. The mist was amazingly cold, yet it was incredibly satisfying and refreshing all at the same time.
Each one of us let out a sigh of relief as Cupi held her spell and continued to create a makeshift mist machine.
Then I got an idea.
“Cupi, that’s it!” I gasped and clapped my hands around the succubus’ shoulders. “You don’t need to freeze it in place. You need to put it out completely!”
The blonde woman didn’t seem to understand what I was getting at, so I nodded toward her enchanted hand. Her brow furrowed as she tried to put two and two together.
“What are you doing right now?” I tried to lead her on.
Then her violet eyes widened with excitement.
“The moisture in the air,” she said with a grin. “My spell is putting moisture into the air.”
“Exactly,” I confirmed, “and if there’s a fuckton of moisture in the air … ”
“It’s kinda cold?” Todd interrupted, still confused.
“No, Todd,” Cupi giggled, “it means I can use my magic to turn the beads of water into something bigger.”
“Liiiiiikkkkkeeee, a giant bubble?” the imp asked, and it was obvious he still didn’t get it.
“Like a geyser,” I finally explained. “She’s going to put a bunch of mist into the air, and then Gula’s gonna give her a power boost so that the mist becomes a literal wall of water. It’ll put out the flames, and then we can move through unharmed.”
“Oh.” Todd nodded. “Why didn’t you just say so, bro?”
“Sister?” Cupi asked as she looked over at Gula. “Give me some juice.”
The Sister of Gluttony summoned brown fire into her hand and placed it firmly on Cupi’s back. The flames spread across the Sister of Greed’s body until they reached the spell in her hand, and then the blue fire glowed even more intensely.
The mist erupting from Cupi’s hand became a full-on smokescreen as the cool droplets of water filled the air until I could barely see ten feet in front of myself.
Next, the succubus summoned her wings, floated up into the sky, and began to make a swirling motion with her hands.
“We have to go the second she attacks,” I announced. “Even if this works, it’ll only be for a minute or two.”
“Let’s do it,” Gula confirmed as she zipped around behind me and picked me up into the air.
Cupi began to grunt with determination as the moisture swirled into a miniature typhoon in front of her body. Then she pulled back her hands, threw them forward, and released a massive wave of water onto the castle wall.
The flames went out instantly with a hiss, and we made our move.
The six of us zipped up over the castle walls, and for the first time, I saw just what we’d gotten ourselves into.
The courtyard down below was littered with upright spears, and each one was holding a decapitated head. Several of them were the heads of Shades, still alive and moaning for somebody to end their agony. Next to them were severed, decomposing heads of creatures of all kinds. There must have been hundreds of the grisly displays in total.
“Put us down there.” I pointed to a small clearing at the center of the cou
rtyard.
“Right inside of all the severed heads?” Gula questioned.
“Exactly between the severed heads,” I reiterated.
The group flittered down onto the ground just as the flames reignited behind us.
One thing was for sure as I watched the fire flicker in the dead eyes of one of the heads … there was no escaping this fucking place. Not alive, anyway.
“Do you think he killed all these guys in battle?” Todd asked as he inspected a pig-like skull. “Or is Kegger just like, buying all these from Skymall or something?”
“They’re his fallen foes,” Cupi confirmed. “In his permanent dwelling, he has over sixty-thousand skulls on display.”
“Wait,” Tris gasped, “how long has he been in this castle?”
Cupi’s eyes narrowed as she stared down her Sister.
“A month,” she confirmed. “Maybe two.”
“Jesus … ” I pondered as I looked around at the macabre scene.
“There’s a reason Eligor fears this demon,” the succubus continued.
“All the more reason to strike quickly and efficiently,” I retorted. “Before he even knows we’re here.”
“If he doesn’t already know,” Sia added. “We were not exactly subtle in our entrance.”
“Todd,” I said cautiously, “I’ve got a mission for you. How do you feel about doing some recon?”
“I’m all for it,” Todd nodded, “but, before I begin, I have one question. Where are the ladies’ quarters located?”
“There aren’t any,” Superbia sighed. “If anyone else is here with Kegg, it’ll be Beelzebub’s soldiers.”
“Well damn,” the imp sighed, “I was hoping I could play a little game of tug ‘n run before anything major went down.”
“Just … find the throne room, bro.” I facepalmed.
“Ten-four, little buddy!” The imp saluted, and then his body turned invisible.
We couldn’t see Todd anymore, but I could distinctly hear him whistling the Mission: Impossible theme song as he ran away.
“I just hope he doesn’t get caught,” Cupi shuddered. “The things Kegg will do to him if he does … ”
“This guy can’t be that brutal,” I scoffed. “So he’s got a bunch of heads in his courtyard, and he’s a master at combat. We’ve fought many, mannny guys who were like that.”
“Kegg fights like a cornered animal,” Cupi explained. “He fights dirty and will not hesitate to pull out all the stops to bring his opponent down. If he doesn’t kill you instantly, that just means he has even more sadistic plans for what he’s gonna do to you.”
“Then we need a plan of our own,” I conceded. “If he’s really such an expert combatant, we have to function like a well-oiled machine to bring him down.”
We sat there, huddled in the shadowy corner of the courtyard for the next fifteen minutes and formulated a plan.
I was going to kick down the door of his throne room, storm in with Cupi and Sia at my side, and declare that he had to submit to me or die. Meanwhile, Todd would use his invisibility powers to conceal Gula, Tris, and himself so they could sneak into the room undetected.
While Kegg was focused on fighting the three enemies he could see, Gula would use her powers to boost up Tris, and then she would pump him full of lead with Harold and Kumar’s enhanced bullets.
It was a simple plan, but it had everything. It was going to take the fucker by surprise, it didn’t involve any of us getting close to the deadly Demon Lord, and, as far as I knew, nobody was resistant to bullets.
“I think this is gonna work.” Cupi nodded.
“If Todd ever gets back here,” Tris observed. “He’s been gone for a long time, dudes.”
“Awww,” I joked, “are you worried about your stoner buddy?”
“Fuck yes, I am,” the succubus retorted. “He still owes me for that dime bag I lent him the other day!”
I rolled my eyes and chuckled. Of course it was about the weed.
“I said I was gonna pay you back!” Todd’s voice harrumphed suddenly and startled us all. “I was even gonna throw in a bit of Jolly Green Giant as a form of interest, but I dunno now.”
“There you are,” I sighed with relief. “What’s the lowdown?”
“So, get this,” Todd began, “there is a ladies’ locker room, but it was empty! I can’t believe Kegger would blue-ball somebody like that.”
“Focus, Todd,” I reminded the imp. “Did you find out where our target is located?”
“Oh, yeah,” Todd chuckled. “He’s in his throne room, which is like, right up those stairs and to the right. The big dumb animal is just sitting in the chair, watching the magic mirror and munching on a giant-ass roasted Vargrat leg.”
“If it’s literally right up there,” Cupi questioned, “why did it take you so long to get back to us?”
“Because I had to go find the women’s locker room,” he reminded the succubus, “duh.”
“Was there anyone else in the castle?” I continued my questioning. “Any guards or soldiers or anything like that?”
“I saw a few of those black and red bastards hanging around the dining hall,” Todd explained. “Ya know, those guys who worked for Urethral and Brundlefly?”
“The Daeva,” Cupi hissed. “If Lucifer knew the Dejected were down here in his domain, he’d probably kill Beelzebub himself.”
“I doubt that,” I sighed. “We could never be so lucky.”
“How many did you see?” Sia prompted.
Todd’s figure reappeared in front of us, and he shrugged nonchalantly.
“Probably about fifty or sixty,” he admitted. “This castle may be ginormous on the outside, but there’s actually not that much elbow room in there. Like, I’d be surprised if there was enough room in the living quarters to put a sectional, bro.”
“That’s not that shocking.” The succubus madame shrugged. “It’s a satellite location built specifically as a punishment for those who defied Gressil. It’s not supposed to be big and luxurious like most Demon Lord’s castles.”
“Speaking of … ” Todd pondered aloud. “Now that I’m a Demon Lord, do I get my own castle? Like, it seems every single Demon Lord has a castle but me, bro.”
“Mephisto doesn’t have one,” I protested.
“Sure he does,” Superbia corrected me. “He just likes to stay in our guest suite whenever he is doing business with his King.”
“Huh,” I whispered. “I always thought he just lived with us. I guess I can come up with a castle for you. But give me some time. You’ve been a Demon Lord for less than twenty-four hours.”
“Times-a-wastin’” the imp joked and tapped at his nonexistent watch.
“Alright, are we ready?” I asked the group rhetorically. “The involvement of the Daeva might change things up a little, but we’ve killed plenty of these bastards before, and we can do it again.”
“The Daeva are not known for their bravery,” Sia clarified. “If they know their leader is dead, they might just run away in fear.”
“Even better.” I nodded.
Then I turned to Todd, filled him in on the plan, and set everything into motion.
The little imp took Gula and Tris by the hand, bowed his head, and then muttered an incantation I didn’t recognize. Without another word, all three of them turned invisible.
“Follow us,” Cupiditas told our invisible friends.
Cupi, Sia, and I started up the stairs of the castle and paused when we reached the top of the stairs.
There, in the main room, were dozens more of the severed heads, mounted on the walls as if they were taxidermied animals. It was a shock to see, but it wore off quickly.
Kegg was trying to intimidate us, but I wasn’t going to let it work.
We turned to the right and made our way down the hallways of the castle until we came upon a large, brown double door.
“This is it, bro,” Todd’s disembodied voice whispered.
I couldn’t wait to
see the look on Kegg’s dumb face when he saw us. So, I took a deep breath, withdrew the Unhallowed Sword from its sheath, and then threw up my foot and kicked just between the double doors.
Both of the doors flew open to reveal Kegg sitting nonchalantly in his throne. He had a bit of Vargrat meat in his teeth as he picked at it with his clawed hand, but he didn’t move when he saw us.
Instead, he just tilted his head and smiled.
The man wasn’t much bigger than the other demons I’d faced. He was about six and a half feet tall, with dark red skin and a body nearly double as wide as he was tall. The Demon Lord was wearing a loose-fitting shirt made up of tattered, light brown fabric that looked like it had been stained to hell and back. His thick leather boots came up to his knees and nearly covered the entirety of his green pants. The demon’s face was rounded, and his horns were short and curved like a Viking’s helmet.
Kegg tossed the Vargrat leg to the side and then hoisted his bulk up out of the chair.
“Welcome, King Ralston!” he said devilishly. “Can I offer ya anything ta drink? It’s the least I can do, since I’m gonna be drinking from your skull here shortly.”
“Fuck off, Kegg,” I growled. “Your assassin didn’t work. We kicked the Lakhey’s ass and sent him--”
“You sent him back here, hoping I would believe his lies,” Kegg chuckled as a grin spread across his face. “You thought he would tell me he was successful, and then I’d pay him, and he’d be on his way. Ya forgot about somethin’, though. I always tell my minions to bring me back a souvenir … ”
“Heads,” I muttered underneath my breath.
“I didn’t hear that, mortal,” Kegg sneered. “I hope you have a better set of lungs on you than that. The bagpipes I make out of your organs will need to have a lot more umph. Oh, and just in case you were wonderin’ about the Lakhey … ”
Kegg snapped his fingers, and two Daeva came sauntering out from behind the Demon Lord’s chair. They both carried a large, black-and-red object in their hands, and I realized what it was instantly.
The Lakhey’s severed head.
