by Sophie Stern
“Thank you,” I swallowed hard, looking at him.
This was it.
This was the last day I was going to be a single woman.
Tomorrow, Bob and I were going to stand up in front of everyone we knew, and we were going to make a choice. We were going to tell everyone that we were choosing each other, and it was going to be beautiful.
“Shall we begin?” The pastor spoke from in front of us, and Bob and I both looked up at him. He nodded encouragingly. He probably thought we were both nervous, but we weren’t. I couldn’t be nervous on a day like this because Bob was here to catch me.
He was always here to catch me.
“Yes,” I said proudly. “Let’s begin.”
We walked forward, and the rehearsal began.
*
“Earth to Helena,” Bob’s voice brought me out of my memories, and I looked over at him. Worry creased his brow. “Are you okay, love?”
“I’m fine,” I told him, reaching for his hand. “Just feeling a little nostalgic.”
“I am, too,” he smiled, gently patting my hand. “It brings back memories, doesn’t it?”
“Do you remember our rehearsal?” I asked him, curious.
“Of course,” he winked. “You wore that little red number your mother hated.”
I laughed, shaking my head.
“You do remember.”
“I remember everything, Helena,” he said. “And I don’t regret a single moment of it.”
“Really?”
“Truly,” he nodded. Then he leaned in close and pressed his lips to my cheek. “If I could do it all over again, beautiful, I’d still choose you.”
My heart suddenly felt full and wonderful. Bob was a good man: a sweet man. He was the best man anyone could have ever asked for. Now I suddenly felt worried because I wasn’t sure how to tell him what had been bothering me for the last few weeks.
I wasn’t sure if he was going to judge me for what I needed to say.
4
Bob
She was still scared.
I could see it in her eyes.
Something had gotten to my sweet Helena, and I needed to get her to open up to me. The rehearsal for the wedding was wrapping up. Soon everyone would walk the three blocks over to Granny’s for the dinner.
“What do you think, Mom and Dad?” Matthew was walking toward us, striding down the narrow aisle of the church. He reached the pew we were sitting in and plopped down beside us. That was Matthew: ever the wildling. He was so comfortable in his own skin that he always managed to relax the people around him, too.
“About what?”
“We’re going to drive over to Granny’s,” he said. “It’s a beautiful night, but Dora’s ankle is feeling a little sore.”
“I tripped over my cat this morning,” Dora came over, shaking her head. She laughed a little. “You know what life is like with kittens.”
“I do know,” Helena smiled softly.
The two of us had always kept cats. We’d had quite a few over the years, and we’d loved them all so very much. The cat we had now was almost twenty years old, and we both knew he’d probably pass away soon. The thought was sobering, but oh, had that damn cat been loved.
“Anyway, do you want to ride with us?” Matthew asked.
“We’ve got room in the SUV if you don’t want to walk,” Dora added.
I looked over at Helena, who shrugged.
“Sure,” she said. “I wouldn’t mind riding.”
“Actually, I’d like to walk,” I placed my hand on hers and then looked over and Dora and Matthew. “Why don’t the two of you take off? We’ll meet you there. I’d like to enjoy a nice stroll with Helena.”
“You would?” Helena looked surprised.
“Yes,” I nodded, “I would like that very much.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
Matthew and Dora nodded, as well, and they headed toward the church doors. The pastor was still standing at the podium, tidying up and waiting for everyone to leave so he could lock up the church. Dora and Matthew’s friends, who were in the wedding party, followed them quickly out of the church, and they all laughed as they headed toward their cars.
“My lady,” I said, standing up with a flourish. I offered Helena my hand and she chuckled, but took it. The two of us waved to the pastor and headed out of the church doors. We saw the cars pulling out as the wedding party headed toward Granny’s.
“It really is a beautiful night,” Helena said as we stood there for a minute.
“It is, isn’t it? Not as beautiful as you, of course,” I said, and we started walking. As we made our way down the sidewalk, Helena looked up at the stars and sighed. It reminded me of a night many years ago when we made this same walk.
*
“Don’t you think my mother will be mad?” Helena asked, looking over at me.
“I don’t give a damn if she is,” I said, feeling bold and proud. Helena’s mother was bossy. Really bossy. She tried to control everything about the wedding, ignoring the fact that today was all about Helena and me. It was all about the two of us and nothing else.
Nobody else.
“Bob!” Helena laughed, playfully slapping my chest.
“Besides, I want a few minutes alone with the bride-to-be before everyone else takes all of your attention,” I laughed.
The one thing we’d learned about planning our wedding was that everyone had an opinion about everything. Helena’s mom wasn’t even the worst or bossiest person we’d encountered. My own grandmother and my mom were close contenders when it came to taking charge.
Helena and I didn’t care about most of the wedding stuff. We were doing these things to please our parents. We’d just finished the rehearsal dinner and now we were all heading toward the restaurant to share a delicious meal together.
It was a cold night, so everyone wanted to drive, but not Helena and me.
We were going to walk.
I took her hand, guiding her down the sidewalk. We laughed and kissed lightly as we walked, unable to keep our hands off of each other any longer.
“I still can’t believe I get to marry you tomorrow,” I told her.
“Me neither.”
“Are you excited?”
“You have no idea,” she laughed.
“I think that out of all of the people in the world, I probably have the best idea,” I countered.
Helena laughed and we kept walking. Ashton was beautiful, even at night. Tonight the town was decorated with holiday lights leftover from Christmas. Someone hadn’t been bothered to take them down, so the world still looked lit up and lovely.
Nothing glowed nearly as brightly as sweet Helena did, though.
Nobody could hold a handle to that gorgeous woman.
“I love you,” I told her.
“I love you, too.”
We were passing by a small bakery, and we stopped and peered in the window. Ashton was known for its sweet bakeries and tiny restaurants. Because it was such a small town, a lot of people came here to retire. That meant that grandmothers and aunts tended to open up little shops to keep them busy after retirement.
It was kind of wonderful.
“Let’s get a cupcake,” I said.
“We’re about to go eat dinner,” Helena laughed.
“I know, that’s true,” I said, nodding solemnly. “What would our mothers say?”
“Okay,” she shook her head. “You had me at upsetting our mothers. Let’s go get one.”
We scurried inside of the little bakery, which was obviously about to close.
“I’m so sorry,” I said to the woman behind the register. “I know it’s late. Are you still open?”
The old woman looked from me to Helena and back again, and then a soft smile spread over her face. Obviously, she recognized two people in love when she saw them.
“I can’t do any custom orders tonight, but if you’d like a cupcake, there’s one left.”
We peered in the
little display. Sure enough, there was one dark chocolate cupcake with bright red frosting on the top. Helena looked over at me and grinned.
“We’ll take it,” I said proudly, standing up straight.
The woman chuckled as she packaged up the cupcake.
“First date?” She wanted to know.
“Actually,” Helena looked over at me and smiled. “We’re getting married tomorrow.”
“Is that so?”
“It’s so,” she said.
“In that case,” the woman handed the cupcake over. “It’s on the house.”
*
“It’s been a long time since we walked down this road together,” Helena said, bringing me back to the present. I looked over at her. Her silver hair hung past her shoulders. It was curled and beautiful. Time had passed, but it had been so kind to her. She looked every bit as lovely as she did that day all of those years ago.
“A long time,” I agreed quietly.
“Do you ever think about it?”
“Main Street?”
“No,” she laughed, shaking her head. I was caught off-guard by just how young and girlish she seemed right now. It brought back even more fun memories that we’d made together over the years. “Do you think about our wedding day?”
“Not really,” I told her honestly.
“You don’t?”
“Not in a bad way, but from my perspective, it was just one day.”
“And it was kind of something we did just to please our mothers, huh?”
“Ah, you do remember.”
“I remember them being annoying,” she said softly. “I miss them both, and your granny, too, but they were certainly bossy women.”
“They didn’t know when to stop.”
“Do you think we’re doing that to Matthew?”
“What? Being bossy?”
She nodded, and I stopped walking and turned to Helena. In the soft lights, she looked so worried all of a sudden.
“Is that what’s been bothering you, princess?”
“You called me princess.”
“You are my princess,” I told her. “More than that, you’re my queen.”
“Oh, Bob,” she reached for me and wrapped her arms around me. I closed my eyes as I patted her hair.
“I love you so much,” she said. “You know that.”
“I do.”
She pulled back and looked at me. For a minute, I thought she was going to tell me that everything was fine, and that nothing was wrong. For a moment, I thought she was going to keep this secret a little bit longer, but to my surprise, she nodded.
Then she spoke.
“Bob, I’m worried I won’t have anything after this.”
“After what?”
“After tomorrow,” she said. “I’m worried that nobody will need me.”
“You think that Matthew won’t need you anymore?”
She nodded.
“And you think Dora won’t need you anymore?”
Another nod.
“What about me, princess? Don’t you know that I’ll still need you?”
But Helena just looked up at me, blinking. A tear slid down the side of her face, and finally, she shook her head.
“I’m worried you won’t, Bob.”
5
Helena
It had been scary to admit my feelings.
It shouldn’t have been.
Bob had always and forever been my person. He’d been with me through thick and thin. We’d both lost our mothers around the same time, and he’d lost his grandmother. We’d had Matthew, and that kid had helped us through some rough times. He’d caused a few rough times, too.
“Hey,” Bob reached for my chin, tilting it up toward him.
I looked at him.
I looked at the man who had always been there: the man who had given me everything I’d ever hoped for. Bob was a sweetheart, through-and-through. He’d offered me hope, and he’d offered me his heart. He’d been there when I was sad and when I was scared, and even now that I was struggling to share my feelings, he was here for me.
“It’s going to be okay,” he promised.
“You really mean that,” I whispered, looking up at him.
Yes, he did.
He truly did.
“Of course, I mean it.”
Bob looked at me the same way he’d looked at me all of those years ago when he’d promised to marry me. When he’d proposed, we’d both been young and naïve, but he had the same sparkle in his eyes now that he had back then.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I said.
I was, too.
“How long have you felt this way?”
“Worried about what comes next?”
He nodded, patiently waiting for me. Bob didn’t seem to mind that we were standing on the side of Main Street or that we were supposed to be at the rehearsal dinner. He didn’t seem to mind that we were out late when we should have been with our son and his fiancé.
He didn’t care about the fact that I was taking up his time, taking up his space. He was just happy to be here with me, and he was willing to listen. That was Bob.
He was always ready to help. He was always willing to lend a hand to anyone who felt alone, and that was one of the reasons I loved him so much.
“A long time,” I finally said.
“Why didn’t you talk to me sooner, princess?”
His voice held no judgment. Instead, there was pure curiosity there. He wanted to know how long I’d felt alone because he wanted to help me feel better. I knew it. I understood perfectly well that this was why he was asking me.
Bob wanted to know how long I’d felt alone because he was going to do anything an everything in his power to help me heal. That was the way he’d always been.
It’s strange, growing older. Sometimes it could be easy to lose sight of who you used to be. Once upon a time, when we were young, we seemed to have these perfect ideas of who we were. Now that we were grown up, and we had a grown-up child, things seemed more complicated.
They felt more complicated.
“I was scared,” I finally said.
“What were you scared of?”
“Bob, I was scared that you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
Bob laughed. He actually laughed out loud and shook his head.
“Oh, Helena, you should have talked to me sooner.”
He kissed me softly in the moonlight, and then he pressed his forehead to mine.
“I would have put your mind at ease,” he promised.
“You have now,” I told him.
“After tomorrow, love, nothing changes between us.”
“Nothing?”
“Our child has chosen his mate. He’s found the woman who makes his heart happy. That’s all we’ve ever wanted for him: happiness.”
“You’re right,” I nodded. That was what we’d both hoped for when it came to raising Matthew.
“The way I feel about you has never changed, Helena.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” he said quietly.
“I guess I’ve just been worried that with Matthew gone, I’ll lose sight of who I am.”
“Because you’ve found your identity in being a mom?”
“Pretty much,” I nodded, still embarrassed. It didn’t seem to make a lot of sense, and in some ways, it didn’t seem very fair. Everyone knew you couldn’t find your validation in your kids. Everyone knew that. We were supposed to find validation in other things, better things.
We were supposed to have hobbies and relationships that didn’t center on our children, but everyone did this. We all made these mistakes, and it was frustrating and hurtful.
“You’ve found your identity in other things, too,” Bob said gently.
“Like what?”
A dog barked, and we looked over to see a small blue heeler pawing at the screen door of the house he lived at. He was obviously bothered that Bob and I were standing there talking when we shou
ld have been walking.
“Come on,” Bob chuckled, taking my hand. “We’d better go before our new friend gets upset.”
He took my hand and led me farther down Main Street. We were quiet for the next block as we passed other houses. There were cars parked along the curb and most of the lawns were just a smidge overgrown, but neither one of us cared.
Finally, when we reached the next block, we were surrounded by little shops, and we were almost to Granny’s restaurant. Soon we were going to be back in the spotlight, and we’d be back in the position to talk about how wonderful our kid was and how happy we were for him.
It was going to be a lot of fun. We had a wonderful menu selected, and Matthew and Dora were both wildly happy, but Bob still hadn’t answered my question.
What did he think I’d found my identity in?
“Bob?”
“I want you to do something for me,” he said.
“Okay.”
Anything. I would do anything for him.
“Close your eyes.”
We stopped walking, and I closed my eyes. I heard him move around to face me, but I kept my eyes shut, just for him.
“I want you to pretend it’s 30 years ago,” he whispered.
“Okay.”
“I want you to imagine it’s our rehearsal evening.”
“Done.”
“And I want you to think about what you liked most in the world.”
“Okay.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” he said quietly.
“You,” I whispered. “I loved you.”
“I loved you, too,” he said. “But think about the other things you loved. Think about the things that weren’t me, or that weren’t Matthew.”
“Books,” I said. “I loved books.”
“And?”
“Music,” I smiled.
“And?”
“Fresh cupcakes,” I laughed.
“Open your eyes, princess.”
I opened my eyes, and Bob pointed to a little shop across the street.
“Savored,” I whispered. It was a sweet little bakery that had been there for a few years. It wasn’t the place we’d gone to a million years ago when we’d been about to get married, but it was there now, and it was cute and lovely.
