by Tara Brown
She lifts her gaze that hardens when her eyes meet mine. “Why?”
“Because I need you.” I drop to my knees, in the snow. “Forgive me. I’m crazy about you and I fucked up.”
Her lips toy with a smile but her eyes are flooded with emotions. She blinks, losing some of them down her cheeks. “Try not to get too drunk, Beast. You have a game in two days.” She pulls out of my hands and turns away, leaving me there to freeze to death.
It’s not the snow and the cold that will be the death of me.
It’s my own stupidity.
“I need you.” I decide it’s time to do the thing Benson told me to do. “You’re already in my heart, but I need you in my life. I lie awake at night, forcing myself to relive the moments. All the good ones. I don’t think about the bad ones, they don’t hurt as much. I know I broke your heart and hurt you and betrayed you. I know I underestimated you. I assumed the things everyone else sees in you were right, and when you showed me they weren’t, I didn’t protect that.” My voice cracks and my body is stinging I’m so cold. “I force myself to relive the good stuff so I remember how good it felt. It makes the loneliness of you being gone worse. I relive it every day.”
I offer her my heart to destroy. The same way she did me.
She parts her lips to respond and I prepare for the pain I gave her. But she doesn’t do it. She holds my heart in the palm of her hands and she doesn’t squeeze. She smiles softly and nods.
“I will give you a second chance.”
“Oh, thank God. I thought you’d never.” I rush forward but she takes a step back.
“Don’t thank me just yet.” She looks down at my shorts. “The rules of engagement will arrive at your place in the city tomorrow. If you agree, you can let me know by text.” She walks like she’s coming to me but she passes me, filling the air with the scent of her shampoo. She bends and fishes my suit jacket out of the bag. It’s the one I gave her when we were in England all those years ago. “And I’m taking this back.”
She is breaking my heart, ripping it out.
I deserve that.
“I don’t care what the conditions are. I accept. If it means I come close to a second chance, I don’t want to wait. I miss you.”
She holds the jacket tight to her chest and shrugs. “Okay. But there will be rules. And they won’t be what you think.”
“I don’t care.”
She stares at me for seconds, many of them. She looks like magic standing in the snow, clinging to a jacket I gave her years ago.
“Do you want to come inside?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I don’t. I’ll see ya around, Beast.”
“What?” I step forward, confused. “I thought—”
“You thought I’d let you off that easily? Really? You believed I would let that all slide and invite you back into my life that fast?” She starts walking up the snow-covered hill. “I’ll send the rules to your place when I get home. If you still want to try, I’ll see you around.” Her voice fades and she walks away.
I don’t know what she means. I’m scared to know. But the fact she spoke to me is already a step in the right direction.
If it means I have to walk through fire to win her heart, I’ll do it.
She’s everything.
I don’t even bother with the rest of the party. I head up to my room to change and get my things and go back to the city.
“Matthew!” my mother calls me from the hallway.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t say ‘yeah.’ It’s rude.” She strolls into my room. “Was that Sami Ford here a moment ago in the parka?”
“Yeah.” I say it again just to rub her the wrong way.
“Is there something going on with her?”
“Yeah.” She actually cringes this time.
“What?” Her eyebrows arch.
“I don’t know.” I smile wide. “I hope a lot. I’m going back to the city though, so make sure you tell everyone I’m sorry and I’ll see them in a couple of days at the game.” I grab my bag and run out of the room.
“Matthew!” she shouts but I ignore her as I run for Brady and then Charles. I get a sense of freedom leaving everyone there. Freer than I’ve felt in a long time.
When we get to the city, I pace all the next day, waiting for the rules.
“Miss Sami Ford is here to see you.” Benson says it with a tone.
I rush from the room to the parlor, not worrying about deodorant or how cool I look. When I get in the room she spins around, wearing jeans and boots and a coat. No bare legs and trench coat this time.
“Hi.” I walk up to her, pulling her into my arms. I don’t wait for permission. I can’t. She’s rigid. She doesn’t melt into me, even when I try to squeeze her tighter.
But I don’t push my luck with a kiss and just settle for a hug. I linger, taking a deep breath of her. She becomes my air.
“Here.” She hands me a manila envelope, pushing her way out of my arms.
“Should we read it together? Is this like Fifty Shades? Is there a contract for some kinky stuff?” I laugh, taking it.
“No.” She wrinkles her nose. “Wait—you read that book?”
“No. I saw the movie. It was hot.”
“I read the book. It was hot.” She agrees. “I have to go.” A wide smile crosses her lips. “Let me know what you think.”
She turns and walks to the door.
“Stay.”
She spins and smiles. “The rules state I can’t.” She waves and strolls out, leaving me wondering if I even want to open it.
That lasts a second before I have it torn open and am holding the paper in my trembling hands.
I swallow hard, not sure what I’m reading. Rational thought leaves me as I lift my cell phone up and press a name.
“I already apologized for calling you all those names. What could you possibly want now?” Bev snaps.
“Sending you a picture, tell me what you think. Sami Ford just dropped this off. If I want to be with her I have to adhere to these rules.”
“Sami Ford? Are you insane? She’s got revenge on her mind. This is a mistake. I don’t need to see the rules. I can just tell you, mistake.”
“Wait.” I pull back the phone and snap a photo, send it as a message, and then lift the phone back to my face.
Her phone vibrates as it lands. “Okay, let’s see what your punishment is for killing her emotions and breaking her heart.” She pauses while she reads. I reread them too. “No sex. If you want to date me, you may date me. But we won’t be having any sex. You may choose to date other people, that is your prerogative. No public dates. The pressure in our lives is enough and we don’t need family involvement. No judging me for liking hockey, I like it. No telling anyone about the rules. No telling anyone we have anything beyond a thing. This expires on January 31, 2016.”
“Yeah.” I sigh, not sure what to say about it all.
“She is the woman. Like I bow before her. So you will be allowed to spend the year with her, dating and hanging out. But you can’t have sex and you can’t tell anyone, and she’s going to break up with you anyway. That’s her conditions for playing her? This is genius. She’s fucked. She’s the Jedi of bitches. You’re fucked too. You can’t have her but this is the one way you can sort of have her?” Bev starts to laugh. “I guess you need to ask yourself if the juice is worth the squeeze?”
“Oh, she thinks she can play this one and I won’t win her over? I’m going to squeeze that berry until I get only the best juice. It’s going to be worth it.”
“You realize that part about dating other people is a test, right? You can’t date anyone else. You’re going to be sex-free for a year.”
“I know that.” I sort of guessed it maybe. “That’s a long time but that’s only if she can hold out for the year.”
“You’re actually going to accept this challenge?”
“Yeah.” I smile at the private joke the word is for me.
“Then I
guess all I can say to that is welcome to being a man for the first time.” She hangs up and I sit on the sofa, not sure how the hell to start this but certain I can use the next ten months to win over the girl I love.
Epilogue
Sami
“He agreed. He sent flowers with a note telling me he’s cool with it all. He tried to deliver them himself, but he wasn’t allowed in the building.” I stare at the rules again. They seem strict.
“This is unhealthy. I don’t agree. I think you’re making a huge mistake. That’s my honest opinion.” Linda sounds tired.
“And that was the other thing; I’m going to go it alone from here on out, Linda. I think I’m done playing games. I don’t need someone shrinking my head anymore.”
“You’re firing me?” She sounds worried.
“I am. You’re the best, and I’ll always recommend you. But I’m done. I feel good. I’m not depressed. I’m not worried. I’m carefree.” I sit back and smile at the card he wrote to me.
“And what about when things are bad?”
“I might start talking to Nat. Or maybe Carson. I don’t know. I’m not sure. But you’ve been an amazing sounding board. Thanks.” I wait for her to spaz, but she just clicks the phone off.
I smile and put it down, hoping she’s okay. She’s spent a lot of her life worrying about mine with me. She might need a hobby to fill the time.
Flipping the card in my fingers, I wonder if I’m making the right decision. But that’s the beauty of the whole thing: I don’t know. It feels crazy and different. In my world different is almost always better.
I have no intention of giving my heart to Matt Brimley. I have no intention of giving my heart to anyone.
But I can have some fun and be young and stop worrying about the future. I’ve told my parents all the right things to buy me time. And now I’ll have Matt Brimley without worrying about him hurting me.
It’s the best of both worlds.
The End.
Obviously not the end of Sami and Matt.
