by Leigh, Jenn
“Uh, sure, I guess. Just let me get organized and shut things down. Meet you there in, like, an hour?” I offered.
“Sounds good. Don’t be late, or I’ll come and find you.” Daniel smirked.
I smiled and gave a slight wave as they walked away.
I went home and changed into some leggings, a tank top, and an off the shoulder T-shirt then paired it with my ballet flats. I was tall for a girl at five-foot-nine; as a result, ballet flats were my friends, and I hated heels. Putting my hair in a messy bun, I then grabbed my phone and wallet and headed out to my car.
Once I pulled into the bar’s parking lot, I was taken aback by how quaint it was. This was a pretty small town, so I figured the bar would be a rundown sort of shack. However, the place appeared pretty new and looked popular, judging by how full the parking lot was.
Inside was really nice with a long, dark bar top along the right hand side and plenty of tables for dining spread about. The theme seemed to be countries around the world, and with the name Tap Shop, I guessed they had a wide variety of beers on tap. As I had my fill of looking around, I was waved over to the table with the guys.
“Hey, pretty lady. You look great.” Daniel winked. Winking seemed to be his thing.
“Hey, Daniel,” I said with a smile.
“Here, I’ll introduce you to some of our friends. Do you want a drink?” he asked.
“Sure, I’ll have a vodka special, please.”
“Okay. At the table, we have my brothers, which you already know. Beside Josh is Shane. He works at the bank as a branch manager. Next to Shane is Lila, his girlfriend, who owns the local art studio. On the other side of the table are Laura and Nilka. Laura works for the town administrator, and Nilka works for our one and only lawyer. We all went to high school and college together then got stuck in this town after,” he explained.
Nilka was very exotic looking. I didn’t want to ask, but based on her looks, I would guess middle eastern somewhere or maybe Egyptian.
She leaned over and grabbed my hand. “Yay! A new girl to balance out the testosterone in our group. Love you already.” She sat back and blew me a kiss.
“Um, thanks, I think.” I was embarrassed by all the attention thrown at me as the “new girl,” but the others only chuckled.
“Don’t mind Nilka. She is the boisterous one of the group. She’s the reason we get into trouble,” Mark stated, sending Nilka a wink. I definitely thought there was something going on with those two. There was too much chemistry and flirting going on with them to be just friends.
“Whatever, ass. I have a halo right here.” She made a circular motion above her head.
Cough! “Bullshit!” Cough! Josh joked before he glanced at me.
His stare went right through me again, and I again held my ground until he looked away. I wasn’t going to be intimidated by him—screw that. I didn’t know what his problem was, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to back down from Mr. Broody.
His stare was also somewhat intimidating, and it did weird things to my body, almost like a tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach. It had been years since I had felt that, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it.
The conversation flowed easily between everyone, and I mostly stayed listening to their stories and antics. They seemed to be a group I could easily fall into.
“So, Natalie, where are you from? What did you do? You know the drill. Inquiring minds want to know,” asked Laura. She seemed to be the more reserved of the group as she sat very close to Shane, always touching. They made an adorable couple.
Shane was an average guy with blond hair and brown eyes. He had a few piercings and a couple of tattoos peeking out of his shirt. His arm was around Laura as he smiled at her while she waited for my answer. They were clearly in love.
“Well, I used to live in San Diego, where I grew up, but decided I needed a change in life and moved here. My parents still live there. I don’t see them a lot, but we are still in touch. I had a brother, but he passed away a long time ago when I was a kid. Other than that, here I am,” I said quietly. What they didn’t know didn’t hurt them. I was telling the truth, just leaving out other parts.
“Hmm. That seems pretty boring, actually. Surely, there is some scandal in your life. Do tell. You’re like a new toy we have to figure out,” nudged Lila.
I looked at all their expectant faces, growing increasingly more uncomfortable.
“Um … I … uh … need to go to the washroom. I’ll be right back.” I left the table abruptly in hopes of warding of the impending panic attack.
I basically ran toward the bathrooms yet found an exit close to them and went outside, gasping for air. Not now, not here. Deep breath in then exhale and repeat.
“Are you all right?”
I knew it was him. I could tell by the way my body betrayed me with warm tingles whenever he spoke.
“Please, just go,” I begged, practically out of breath. I really didn’t want him witnessing my breakdown.
“I can’t do that.” He watched me intently.
“I’m really trying to pull myself together here, and you aren’t making it any easier by being an audience to my situation. Now, please go, or I will,” I wheezed out as I looked at him.
He crossed his arms. “No.”
I stood up as straight as I could and said, “Fine, then I will.”
As I turned around and headed in the direction of my car, he made a move to follow me. I picked up the pace; however, he caught up easily and grabbed my arm, tugging me back into him.
“Why are you having a panic attack?” he asked with a bewildered tone.
Why is he talking to me now? All that’s happened between us is a brief conversation about my swearing and a bunch of pointed stares.
“It’s none of your business. Please, let me go. Let it go. I don’t want to talk about it.” I hung my head. I just wanted him to go away. I really didn’t need my body reacting at this moment by him being here. Why the sudden interest anyway, it’s not like we’ve even had a full conversation yet?
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, but you looked scared, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He looked down sheepishly. “Is there something I can do for you?” he asked as he held out his hand in invitation.
I couldn’t take it. That would mean I would have to let him in, and I didn’t want that. Or at least that was what I thought I didn’t want. Could I let him in? No, Nat. Get your head on straight. It would end in disaster. No one can handle your baggage.
“It’s none of your business nor is it anyone else’s,” I said through clenched teeth.
He dropped his hand, and I started to walk away.
“This isn’t over, Natalie. You can bet your ass on that,” he yelled after me.
I gave him the finger, walking back to my car. He was still standing there as I pulled away.
Chapter 3
2 years, 6 months, 12 days
I called in sick the next day. My nightmares had been worse than usual, and I didn’t get a wink of sleep. I was hopeful that today I would get a day of rest.
I was curled up in my bed wearing yoga pants and a baggy sweatshirt with my kindle and Tabby lying beside me when someone knocked on the door.
I looked over at Tabby and said, “Who could that be?”
Of course, she didn’t reply, but she did give me a look that said, “How the fuck should I know? I’m just the cat.”
I looked through the peep hole and found Josh standing on the other side.
Oh, great, just what I need.
“I know you are standing at the door, Nat. I heard the floor squeak.”
Shit. “What do you want, Josh?” I asked in an annoyed tone.
“Let me in, please. I come bearing gifts.”
I sighed and shook my head, unlocking and opening the door.
“Hey.” He looked right at me as he leaned on my doorframe, holding a tray of steaming hot coffee. It smelled delicious.
“Hi,”
I said back, slightly embarrassed over last night. I had been at a low point, and I really didn’t want to relive the moment. “Come in. Sorry if the house is a mess; I wasn’t expecting anyone.” Ever, I noted to myself.
“I brought you a coffee. Not sure what you liked, so I brought two different kinds, black and a mocha, whichever you don’t like, I’ll take.”
If this is his idea of buttering me up, it might work. Regardless, I wasn’t sure what to make of the new, friendly Josh.
I bit my lip with indecision before reaching for the mocha. “Thanks.” I grabbed it from the holder then moved over to the couch with him following me.
Once he was seated, he turned toward me. “So…” He waited, impatiently.
“So…?” I replied.
“Okay. I’ll come right out and ask.”
I stiffened at his words. I really wasn’t ready to talk about this with him or anyone else, but at the same time, I wanted to be able to open up to someone after all this time. Perhaps telling him a small part of it would get him off my back for the time it would take to come to terms with letting someone else in.
“Want to talk about yesterday at the bar?”
“Not really.” I sighed in defeat. “But I doubt you’ll let it go, so I’ll give you what I can.” I sighed again while he waited.
He was looking at me with a carefully guarded expression. I hoped it wasn’t pity, because that was a big reason I had left my home town. I didn’t want pity. It made me feel like I was a fragile doll. Yes, something terrible had happened, but I was a survivor, and I was moving forward with my life. At least, that was what I kept telling myself.
“I moved away from San Diego for a reason. Although I won’t go into it with you, I will say something happened to change my life. Now I am trying to cope with my past as best as I can; however, sometimes, things happen that cause … issues, like what you saw. I’m not at a point in my life where I want to spill my guts to you or anyone else, though. What I do and how I do it is my business. If the time comes when you or someone else needs to know about it, I’ll let them in, but not now. That’s the only explanation you are going to get. Take it or leave it.” I blew out a breath, crossed my arms, and watched at his face, trying to read his expression.
He stared back at me for a few moments before saying, “Fair enough, but promise me this: I get to be the one you tell.” He crossed his arms, too, almost like he was challenging me.
“Why does it matter to you?” I asked, confused as to why he was so interested in me and my life when he had treated me like I was a piranha only yesterday.
“Look, I’m not sure how to explain this”—he ran his hands through his hair before standing up and starting to pace my living room—“so I’ll just get right to my point.” He stopped his pacing and stared dead on at me. “You seem like you’ve had it rough recently, and when I saw you have your panic attack, I got concerned. I don’t want to be intrusive here, but I am worried about you as a coworker and hopefully friend. You do have a bit of a spitfire personality, and I have to admit that I am drawn to that in you, but I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, since you didn’t make it to the shop today.” Josh sat back down as he ran his hands through his hair again, which seems to be his nervous habit.
“Thanks for your concern, but really I am okay. Every once in a while, I’ll have a panic attack, and really, it was just the unexpected line of questioning from your friends that got to me. I don’t often talk about what happened, and it caught me off guard.
“I will say this, though; you are somewhat of an enigma to me, Josh. I am not sure what to make of you. Quite frankly, it’s pretty confusing. You don’t seem to like me enough to take notice, and then you end up here, bearing gifts. I am lost most of the time when it comes to you.” I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation.
Josh looked at me quizzically for a few beats then responded. “I can’t get you out of my head, and I’m honestly trying to figure you out. I don’t understand it myself. Maybe that’s why I have been acting odd around you.” He swallowed and glanced around the room before he looked back at me.
I stood up from the couch, too bewildered by the turn of events to sit still. “I honestly don’t know what to do about you, Josh, but maybe we can start over and make it more on friendly terms than hostile. What do you say to that?” I offered my hand as a friend.
He got up quickly, and I felt his steady gaze on my face. It made me back up slowly as he slowly advanced. Once my back hit the wall, he pressed his body into mine.
He stared at me with those chocolate brown eyes while he waited for me to push away, but I didn’t. I didn’t dare move, because my body was humming against his. Did I want what I thought was going to happen? Did I want him to kiss me?
I swallowed as he watched me, his gaze bouncing around my face, searching for something. I searched his face in return, only finding resolution there and it caused me to let out a small gasp.
“Fuck it,” he growled before he pressed his lips against mine. Then he swiped his tongue along my bottom lip, and I moaned, giving him full access to my mouth.
He wound his hands into my messy hair while I gripped the back of his neck, desperate for this to continue. He then pressed his whole body against mine, our bodies fitting together perfectly. I had never had a kiss like this one, despite plenty of experience at twenty-seven.
His lips were firm yet gentle against my own, demanding but playful at the same time. He tasted like I would imagine mountains would—vibrant and refreshing.
I was on the verge of giving him everything after just one kiss. It made me weak in the knees with want.
He abruptly pulled away and grabbed the back of his head. “Shit. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. You just looked too damn kissable. I think I ruined what I was trying to accomplish here. I came to see if you were okay, not to … kiss you … like that.” He slapped his hands against his lower face. “I’m sorry.” His eyes were wild, a look of almost panic on his face.
Then he left. Just. Like. That.
I stared at the door, wondering what had happened. That was the best kiss of my life, and he had simply run away. Had I done something wrong? Was it only me who felt that way?
What have we done?
Chapter 4
2 years, 6 months, 21 days
It had been over a week since I had seen Josh. I showed up at work the next day after the kiss, concerned how the atmosphere was going to be. However, as someone who had faced worse, I went in with my head held high.
I walked into the shop and was greeted the same way as normal. Laurel and I had a small chat about what could be done with the shop to promote the business. My poster campaign was sent to the printers, and we were waiting to hear back as to when they would be ready. Harry stopped by my desk to ask how I was adjusting and if I wanted anything from the coffee shop down the road. I thanked him for his offer yet passed.
I spoke with the guys during the day and throughout the week and even went out with them after work for beers and pizza, but still no Josh anywhere. It was like he had disappeared. What was more, no one said a word about it. Everyone acted like it was a normal, everyday occurrence. I wasn’t going to say anything, though. I didn’t want any more intruders in my life, only to find they had gone missing the next day. One was enough, thanks.
The entire time, I couldn’t get that kiss out of my head. It was absolutely the best kiss I had ever experienced. The way his lips moved with mine, the way he tasted—melt! Wait, I have to shut those thoughts down. I wasn’t ready for this, not after … I just couldn’t.
After a fairly easy week, we went to the bar again, and my mind wandered as the conversation flowed around me. Everyone was there except the ever-elusive Josh. While I was trying to follow how everyone’s day was, I kept watching the door to see if he would walk in, but to no avail.
After a while, I excused myself to head to the bathroom. As I made my way back, I stopped at the bar and heard footsteps behind me as
I waited for my drink.
“He’ll come back. If it’s any consolation, he asked me to keep an eye on you.”
I merely looked at Mark.
“He needed to clear his head for a while, but he’ll be back. Whatever happened between the two of you certainly made this situation more interesting. Don’t take it as a bad thing, though. It’s about time he met his match.” Mark winked then stalked back to the table. He peered over at me once he sat down and then never brought it up again the rest of the night.
Chapter 5
2 Years, 6 months and 27 days
I was hard at work on a new campaign—internet advertising—when I looked up from my computer to see the three brothers staring at me again like they had the second day on the job.
My eyes widened because I hadn’t known Josh was back or even when he had gotten back.
“Seriously, did I miss something?” I asked suspiciously
Mark and Daniel looked at each other, and then Daniel asked, “Have you ever seen someone concentrate as hard as she does?”
“Nope, but I wonder how long we can stand here and watch. I say, next time, we time it.” Mark waggled his eyebrows at me.
I slowly started to close the lid of my computer then decided to pop up my middle finger just as the lid was closing.
They all burst into a hearty laugh.
“You coming or what?” asked Mark as he and Daniel started walking out.
“Yeppers. See you there. I gotta make a stop first,” I yelled to their backs.
Josh was still standing by my desk, and I stood up then crossed my arms, looking at him in the same way he was staring at me.
“Look … I … uh…”
