by Julie Shaw
‘You can’t believe it!’ he barked, his fists still clenching and unclenching. Thank God Paddy hadn’t decided to wait outside for them. She could see it would have all started up again out here. She took a step towards Jimmy, the tears really flowing now. Wanting only to comfort him and be comforted in return. But Jimmy was in no mood to either hug her or be placated. ‘Luce, he’s showed us both up to fuck, and for nothing! Christ, he’s a prick! A first-class one, at that. Always has been.’ He rounded on her now. ‘I don’t know how you expect me to tolerate him, I really don’t. And frigging Vicky! What the fuck was she doing, threatening you like that? Some fucking friend she is!’
Lucy reached for Jimmy’s hand, but he’d half turned away from her. He was still too wired up to stand still. And he had a point. She’d been shocked too when Vicky had turned on her. After all, she was only sticking up for her bloke. That bastard Paddy had just bloody punched him! And for nothing. For what? It had come out of nowhere. Jimmy had done nothing to provoke it. So what did Vic expect? That she’d just stand there and let him?
Though Jimmy clearly hadn’t seen the way she’d flown at Paddy. But though a part of her was relieved at that – Jimmy had no respect for brawling girls – a part of her felt bad for her friend.
But, at the same time, looking at Jimmy’s battered face, she felt vindicated. Of course she’d kicked out. Vic would have done the same. And she would again. It was no more than Paddy Allen deserved. Lucy shrugged, conscious that they probably needed to leave it. ‘Just sticking her oar in because I was trying to help you, I imagine.’ Now she did take hold of his hand. ‘I’m fine though, Jimmy, honest. It’s you that’s—’
‘You’re not though,’ Jimmy said, pulling her in to him, kissing her hair unthinkingly and then yowling at the pain. ‘Shit! Look at the state of us both. God, that fucking shit! I swear to God, hand on heart, Luce, I’ll have that cocky bastard. He might have won this battle, but you mark my words, he will not – he really will not win the fucking war!’
It was enough to raise her spirits a notch. ‘You sound like Winston Churchill.’
‘That right? He was a sweary fucker too, was he? I must have missed that. Come on, babes, no point in hanging around out here. Let’s go home.’
Not that the walk seemed to calm Jimmy any. In fact, the more they walked, the more he seemed to wind himself up, ranting on about what a twat Paddy Allen had always been, and about how Vicky was insane for having anything to do with him. About how Lucy should wake up and see things for what they were. That though they’d been mates for years, she should see what was in front of her – that the Vicky they knew now was not the same Vicky she used to be. That she’d been brainwashed by Paddy, and that the process was ongoing, and that the best thing she could do, the only thing she should do, was to cut Vicky out of her life now.
And Lucy had to concede there were elements of truth in what he said. ‘I’ll certainly be giving her a wide berth for a bit,’ she agreed. She was still smarting at the memory of the expression on Vicky’s face. It was one she’d never seen before, ever. ‘And you never know,’ she added, ‘maybe if she doesn’t have me to fall back on, she’ll get tired of Paddy and see him for what he really is.’
Jimmy huffed. ‘I wouldn’t hold your breath,’ he said dryly. ‘She already knows what he is. A twat. And she doesn’t care. She’s with a twat who’s always hated that she has anything to do with a copper’s son – even if it’s just by association. That’s what it is. He wants an end to your friendship. And he won’t stop causing trouble till that’s exactly what he gets.’
Not for the first time, Lucy wondered at how different she and Vicky really were. For years everyone had said they were so alike. At school the teachers had called them the ‘terrible twins’, or the ‘gruesome twosome’, as they had always been inseparable. Then Paddy had come along and everything had changed. Vicky had changed almost overnight, in fact – like she was under his spell.
It shouldn’t be like that, should it? ‘I wish she’d met someone like you,’ she said wistfully. ‘Someone normal, and nice, and bloody decent.’
‘Steady on, babe,’ Jimmy said. ‘You make me sound about as interesting as a fucking knitting pattern model.’
‘You know what I mean,’ she chided. ‘Someone who isn’t a twat. So we could all be friends, as couples, like every-frigging-body else. God, I despise Paddy. I really hate him.’
‘Well, she didn’t, and we can’t,’ Jimmy pointed out firmly. ‘And she can’t say we haven’t tried, either. Now,’ he said as they neared his house on Pasture Lane, ‘are you coming into mine for a bit? Might as well. Dad’s on a late shift and he won’t mind us raiding his booze cupboard.’
That was true. In recent months, since she’d turned sixteen, Lucy had been spending more and more time at Jimmy’s. And she knew Jimmy’s dad was okay with it. It had been just the two of them since Jimmy’s mam had left them twelve years back, and he often commented how nice it was to have a girl round the house. He liked Lucy, she knew, and she liked him too.
Jimmy tugged on her hand and grinned. ‘Maybe even stay over? Give your mam a quick ring and tell her not to expect you home?’
‘I already told her I was staying out,’ Lucy said, answering his unspoken suggestion with a smile. ‘Anyway, there’s no point worrying them. Mam’ll only want to know why I’m not at the party, won’t she? Not that they won’t know soon enough. You need to see the state of your face.’ They’d arrived now, and she inspected it more carefully in the light from the porch. ‘You know, you might even need a couple of stitches.’
Jimmy shook his head. ‘It doesn’t feel that bad. Couple of plasters’ll do it. What I need now is a bloody drink and some serious TLC. As do you, babes,’ he said, as he put his key in the front door. ‘You look like you’ve been dragged through a bloody hedge.’
Careful inspection up in the bathroom revealed two positives. That all Lucy had lost was a pair of tights and some pride – the stilettos, happily, scrubbed up a treat. And, after cleaning up his mouth and nose, she was able to agree that Jimmy probably didn’t need stitches. ‘It’s already swelling, though,’ she observed. ‘You’ll be puffed up like a giant Sugar Puff by the morning. Just as well it’s a Sunday …’
‘And it’ll probably be black and blue by Monday. Great. So, of course everyone at work will want to know how I got it—’
‘Like they won’t already? With all Vikram’s party guests looking on?’
But it was his shirt that angered Jimmy the most. ‘That fucking twat,’ he growled disconsolately, as he shrugged it off. ‘I’ve a good mind to send him a bill.’
‘Babe, it’s just a shirt,’ Lucy soothed, seeing his agitation levels rise again. ‘I’ll buy you another one. An even better one. I’m on a salary now, don’t forget.’
Jimmy bundled the shirt into a ball and shoved it angrily into the little rattan litter bin by the bath. Then he sat down on the side of it, bare-chested, sheeny with sweat, his hands clenching and unclenching once again.
‘Look, let’s just forget it,’ Lucy said. ‘How about we go down and get that drink? I’m parched. Didn’t even finish half of mine at Mucky Willy’s.’
‘God,’ Jimmy said, locking his fingers and cracking his knuckles, ‘what a fucking shower. I’m going to have to go round and see Vik tomorrow. Apologise. His poor parents, they must have been terrified.’
‘And I’m thirsty, like I say,’ she said, grabbing both his hands and pulling him upright. ‘And you need to chill.’
A thought occurred to her then, thinking of Vikram and, by extension, of Gurdy. ‘Babe, can I ask you something?’ she said, as he followed her back downstairs.
‘What sort of something?’
‘Have you ever tried dope?’
He stopped on the stairs, and so suddenly that she fell against his naked back. He carried on then, reached the bottom, then turned around. ‘Why?’
Lucy knew Jimmy well enough to read him like a book. She rea
d him now. ‘I just wondered, that’s all. Only when I was out with Gurdy the other weekend he mentioned it.’ Mentioned it, yes. And had then produced two fat joints. Things Lucy had never seen before. She didn’t know where he’d got them and she didn’t want to ask him, because she knew the answer would in all probability be Rasta Mo.
‘As in suggesting you do?’ Jimmy finished.
Lucy shook her head emphatically, having continued to read her boyfriend. There was no way in the world now that she was going to tell him that he’d not only suggested it but lit one of them as well. And suggested she try it. Which she had.
Though it hadn’t done much. Just made her feel giggly and a bit sleepy. But Gurdy had told her that that was what often happened – first few times you tried it, at any rate.
And it wasn’t that Lucy was into drugs or anything – that had never been her thing, really. But it was like everyone said all the time, wasn’t it? Like Gurdy said – and had been amply proven this evening. It was the booze that caused the trouble, and all the fights. Everyone knew that. People who smoked dope never fought. That was fact.
‘As in saying I might, but only if I wanted,’ she told Jimmy now. ‘Which I didn’t. But it struck me that we should try it sometime, together. You know, to chill us out properly. Everyone does, don’t they? Why not?’
Jimmy’s answering ‘huh’ left no room for doubt. ‘Because it’s illegal?’ he pointed out. ‘And my dad’s with – knock knock, Luce – the vice squad?’
Lucy shook her head. ‘I wasn’t suggesting we light up here, you div!’
‘Oh, div am I?’ he said, snaking his arms around her middle. ‘Stick in the mud, law-abiding, thoroughly decent div?’
He moved his hands down her flanks and pulled her against his pelvis.
‘No …’ she began. ‘I wasn’t thinking that at all.’
‘Good,’ he said firmly. ‘Because I wouldn’t want you to think that. No, seriously, babes – and this is between you and me only, right? There’s no way I’d even get within ten feet of a joint. Because …’ he paused. ‘Let’s just say that I have pretty decent reasons. You know what I said about winning the war? Well, I will. We will. My dad’s got him in his sights.’
‘Who, Gurdy?’ she asked, alarmed.
Jimmy laughed. ‘Course not fucking Gurdy! No, a bigger fish.’
‘Paddy?’
‘Bigger than that, Luce – Mo. Paddy’ll just be collateral.’
‘Collateral?’
He grinned and moved his hands again, pressing her hips against him. ‘Collateral damage. That cocky cunt thinks he can get away with murder. Always has. But as of now, I’m going to make it my personal mission to make sure he gets away with fuck-all.’
‘You mean you’re going to grass on him?’ she asked, as he started undoing the buttons on her blouse. ‘Because that would look a bit bad, wouldn’t it, with your dad being a cop?’
Jimmy smiled and touched his finger to the undamaged side of his nose. Funny, Lucy thought, he looked strangely sweet with his face a bit roughed up. Perhaps she was feeling maternal. No, not that. No – she caught her breath. Suddenly, far from maternal.
He leant to whisper in her ear then. ‘There are lots of different ways to skin a cat, my love. Now, come on,’ he added, slipping the blouse from her shoulders. ‘The night’s young and my dad won’t be back for hours. I can think of much better ways we can chill out …’
Chapter 6
Vicky felt anger welling up in her like bile. It sometimes felt as if there’d never be an end to it. Not while she and her mam inhabited the same house. She watched her staggering towards her now, shocked at how powerful was the temptation to slap her – just as her mam had slapped her so many times this past couple of years, every incidence of which she remembered like it was yesterday.
She pretended not to, of course, because that’s what you did. When her mum, the next day, all sobriety and snot and snivels, always sobbed her apologies for being the way she was. And all the promises – no, just the one promise. That she’d stop drinking. That yes, she understood that Vicky wasn’t her father. That no, she had no right to take her shit life out on her. After all, it wasn’t her who’d upped and left, was it?
God, but how Vicky wanted to. Sometimes she just wanted to walk out of the door and never come back.
Vicky’s mam was far from sober now, of course. So drunk that she could hardly weave her way across the living room – cannoning off bits of furniture like they were the bumpers in a pinball machine.
‘When I was a fucking kid,’ she roared, ‘I tipped up all my bleeding wages to my mother, you hear me? And if I didn’t, I’d get a good bloody hiding!’ She lurched close enough that Vicky could smell the cider fumes hanging in the air between them. Her mam burped then. ‘You’re a selfish little get, that’s what you are!’
Vicky dodged, so that her mam didn’t actually fall into her. She was now swinging the almost empty cider bottle in her face. ‘Mother, look at the state of you!’ she barked back, disgusted. ‘Just sit down before you fall down! I gave you a tenner yesterday, and I only get paid twenty-five quid! I’ve told you that. You know that. What the hell am I supposed to live on? How do I get lunch? Pay for my bus fares? I’ve got fuck-all left as it is!’
Too drunk to formulate a response to this, her mam did as instructed, landing heavily in the closest armchair, and banging her elbow as she did. Thank God, at least, that it was Saturday night, and Vicky could escape round to Paddy’s till Sunday.
Paddy’s home, increasingly, was her haven. A haven from her own bloody mother. One she increasingly needed, as well. It had been like a switch had flipped once she’d left school and started work. As if something had happened to her mother, something Vicky couldn’t quite get her head round. She’d become so much more needy. So much less inclined to do anything but lie on the sofa. So much more inclined to drink herself into a stupor. So much nastier.
Leanne at work had a theory, of course. Leanne had a theory about everything. ‘She’s frightened,’ she’d suggested. ‘Because she’s losing you, isn’t she? You’ve got your independence now, haven’t you? Full-time job, your own money. Not to mention that bloke of yours. She probably realises you don’t need her anymore.’
Vicky thought what Leanne said had a lot of truth in it. But if that were so why did her mam keep doing such a good job of pushing her away? Like she was doing now, in fact, glaring up at her with a face like a slapped arse. ‘I’m not surprised you’ve got fuck-all left, madam,’ she said, waggling the bottle like it was a stick to beat Vicky with. ‘Because you spent it all on them fancy knickers and lacy bra, didn’t you? Anything for that fucking lover boy of yours. You’ll see your mam go without fags and a fucking drink just so’s you can dress up like a bleeding whore for him!’
‘That’s it!’ Vicky railed at her mam, grabbing her overnight bag from the couch. ‘I’ve listened to enough. I’m going outside to wait for Paddy. He’ll be here any minute,’ she added, hefting the strap onto her shoulder. ‘And if he hears you talking to me like that,’ she added, the thought having suddenly come to her, ‘he’ll have a few words to say to you, I can assure you!’
‘Oh, you assure me, do you?’ her mam yelled at her back as she stomped out of the living room. ‘I’ve heard that cocky bastard call you a lot worse. A lot worse. You think I don’t have working ears? Go on, piss off to him then. See if I care.’
Slamming the front door didn’t have quite the satisfying effect Vicky had hoped for and, out on the doorstep, shaken and tearful, she took in gulps of warm air. She didn’t want Paddy seeing her in a state; he really would kick off at her mother if he thought she’d been giving her grief. And rightly so – it was all so unfair.
A month she’d been working now, and it had been the same every frigging week. She’d pay her mam her board money every Friday, but because she’d found out – God knew how – that hairdressers got tips on Saturdays, she’d start again, for more money, every week, without
fail. And Vicky couldn’t see an end to it, either. Her mam would no more get a job than fly, even assuming anyone would give her one and, where once Vicky had thought that, in time, her mam might start getting over having been left by her dad, it was like it was going in the opposite direction. Like a scab made worse every time she picked at it.
Leanne was right, she decided. Right about her mam being scared of her leaving and about the fact that leaving was the thing Vicky most wanted to do. Leave and move in with Paddy, and his mam and dad – his mam and dad who were always civil and sober and nice to her. And, better still, almost never there. Like this weekend. She doubted she’d see them at all. So it would just be the two of them. Her and her Pad. She smiled at the thought. Like a regular married couple. Like they were practising.
As if conjured by the force of her very thoughts, he turned up moments after, his arrival heralded as ever by the thump of the music as much as the roar of the Capri. She hurried down the path and out of the gate so she could make a quick getaway, just in case her mam had decided she hadn’t said enough already.
‘Alright, gorgeous?’ Paddy greeted, winking at her as she climbed in. He helped her push her holdall onto the back seat, commenting that she’d packed the kitchen sink with her like she always did, then, as they roared away again, nodded suggestively at his crotch. ‘I’m packing too,’ he said, looking at her in the way that made her melt. ‘And if you play your cards right, I’ve got a package down here just for you.’
Vicky groaned, despite secretly loving it when he said things like that to her in private. ‘Honestly, Paddy, is that all you ever think about?’
‘Pretty much,’ he conceded. ‘Though it’ll have to wait for a bit. I’m going to drop you home so you can start making us a bit of dinner, while I go and see a man about a dog.’
