by Alma Nilsson
“What do you believe?”
“I believe you’re the Lost People.”
“By the gods or chance?”
“Does it matter?”
“It matters to me,” Dru said. She wanted to have a measure of his religious beliefs.
“By the gods,” he answered.
Snap, she thought, religious fanatical. Come on there were some warning signs, she reminded herself.
“But of course, the gods that control all of our destinies. There are records of countless ships being marooned around the galaxy from ancient times. One in what would have probably been your solar system if we would have had more accurate maps,” he added.
Not fanatical then, good, she thought. “It’s strange though we don’t have any records of it though.”
“But you do. We have studied humans for a long time,” he didn’t add, ‘longer than you know and helped more than you know.’ “Many of your ancient religions are similar to ours. Some of your most powerful empires were based on our same social structure, but you became lost and confused. Obsessed with your own beauty and easily distracted.”
“Is that all you think of humans then, that we are lost and obsessed with our own beauty?”
“Now that I know you, I know that there is so much more to humans, but you know how most of the galaxy views humanity, it’s no secret. Voted best party planet every year by the Galaxy Court.”
“I wish they didn’t have those silly categories. Who makes those things up anyway?”
“Mostly Alliance and Kuiu representatives, I imagine, as we hold the most seats.”
“It was a rhetorical question,” she sighed. “Well, I’m not going to change my species’ reputation, so I’d rather not talk about it. I want to know about you.” Although they often sent VMs back and forth, this was different. It was so real, and she wanted to push him, to ask him very personal questions and really get to know him.
“Ask me anything,” he said openly. He could feel her brimming with curiosity. Her eyes shown with it.
“Have you ever been in a duel?”
He frowned, “On occasion.” He didn’t want to answer her honestly as women were not supposed to know about men’s duels and vice versa. Also, because he knew that humans had a much greater appreciation for life and viewed the Alliance way of solving personal disputes as ‘savagery’, or that is what Captain Kara had called it according to Tir.
Dru knew he was lying. She could sense it, “Over what?”
“These things are extremely private and not for women’s ears, you know?”
“I don’t know. I have a cultural handbook, but it doesn’t cover everything. Madame Bai, my Alliance mentor, said that somethings would have to be covered on a when-and-if-basis as there just wasn’t enough time to explain it all.”
He nodded placated, “You shouldn’t ask people about duels or the reasons behind them. If the person is standing in front of you, they won and someone else died.” He answered her as he would a child.
She drank some of her champagne then and thought, How many people has he killed with his sword and over what? Petty disputes? He didn’t seem like a rash man. How could she find out how many people he had killed in duels?
Ket couldn’t help but overhear her thoughts, “You are projecting. I understand that as a human you find our justice system violent. However, let me reassure you I’m not someone who enters into duels rashly nor do I end a life without beyond reasonable doubt they have committed the crime.”
“How many?”
“You’ll know that answer if we marry.”
“What do you mean?”
“In, what will be our home, there is a storage room where all the losers’ swords from the duels are kept. You can count them then.”
Dru just looked at him in disbelief, How could he be a doctor and a murderer?
Not a murderer, he answered back telepathically. Calm yourself Drusilla.
“I’ve never killed anyone; I don’t think I could.”
“If they were going to kill you, I think you could. You don’t give up easily.” She had suffered childhood illness, poverty, a war, abduction and now being reshaped into an Alliance woman and most importantly his future wife. I must be patient with her and teach her our ways though, he reminded himself, I must try to be softer.
“Maybe, I just couldn’t imagine it.”
“It didn’t cross your mind when you were first taken prisoner? To kill the guards.”
“That was war.”
“Ours is justice. The societal thinking is just as applicable.”
She looked at him and decided that this was something that they would just have to disagree about, and she hoped to the gods and all her human spirit helpers wherever they were, that she didn’t ever have to fight a duel.
“Tell me more about your childhood,” he requested. He wanted to ask her this in person not over a VM because he knew from their last conversation her childhood had not been an easy one.
Dru frowned, “Grim. But it is over.”
Ket was stunned by her reply. Family was important in the Alliance. “Do you mind if I ask what made it so terrible?”
“Is it so important? I’ll never see them again.”
“Are they dead?”
“No, but they might as well be. They’ll never come to the Alliance.”
“I’m asking this Drusilla because I want to know what makes you, you.” He noticed her blank look and then he added, “Every woman I’ve courted before I’ve known her and her family since birth. You are a mystery to me and as a human I can’t even begin to imagine your childhood, what has shaped you.”
She wanted to ask, ‘And do I scare you?’ but she resisted and replied instead, “I’m here before you. I don’t want you to think any less of me.”
“I can only applaud your strength at being here. I’m not immune to my privilege in the galaxy as both being born into a high House or being an Alliance citizen. Please. Show me some memories so I might put you in context.” And find out where you are really from, he thought.
Dru did not want to share any old memories with him. Even humans were appalled by the way people in the Exterior lived. “Once I show you, you can’t unsee it and I don’t like to think of it myself, let alone give some of these memories to someone else.”
“Drusilla,” he moved over to stroke her cheek. “I promise you that it won’t change how I feel about you. Whatever happened was a long time ago. Please, I want to understand you better.”
She looked into his grey eyes searching. She knew he was telling the truth and she was on the verge of doing it, but she wanted something in return. “I’ll do it for exchange for one of your memories of a duel.”
He was shocked. He whispered in her ear, “It is forbidden.”
She put her hands on his neck and drew him in for a kiss and then whispered a reply in his ear so lightly he could hardly hear it, “That is the price.”
He leaned back and looked into her eyes seriously for some time before nodding. Then he took her in his arms and placed her on his lap. He stroked her hair as he shared the memory of his last duel.
Dru had the sensation of falling again, falling into Ket’s mind. She was more prepared for it now that she had done this before. When she arrived in the memory, she felt a strong surge of adrenaline mixed with fear. She was in the center of a large ring. There were men cheering all around. In front of her was a naked man with a sword and he was bloody. Blood was covering his face and his body. They had been at this for a long time. She took in her own body, Ket’s body, and she was bloody too. Blood was dripping from her wrist, no Ket’s wrist. It was serious. He needed to end this duel, or he would bleed out from all of his small wounds. Suddenly, he lunged at the other man, moving faster than she could keep track of, finally issuing the killing blow down his back. Lots of blood pooled around the body on the stone floor. So tired. It took all of his or her strength, she was getting so confused, this memory was emotionally strong, she
had trouble separating herself from him, to rise and bow in front of who? Ket was blocking the identities of the men, but Dru could feel it. It was Admiral Tir. Then the memory was over.
Dru looked up at him and then put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer to her. That was the most violent thing she had ever witnessed, but instead of being repulsed by it she only felt glad that Ket had not died. She began sharing her own memories now. It was not as easy or as neat as his had been.
Ket was struck by the strong emotions that guided Drusilla as he eased into her consciousness. Her mind was organized so differently from his own. Then the memories began, she was sweeping through images of darkness, poverty, humans screaming in pain, blood, illnesses witnessing her mother perform medical tasks, religious tasks, the killing of animals, childbirth all these things that Drusilla was her assistant in. A man visiting her mother, possibly her father. He looks exactly like her. Violence. Hunger. This was not the Earth he knew. Now a more specific memory of her mother telling her as a child, she feels about 8 years old, about having to let some people die no matter how old or young. Drusilla watching a woman die of infection they got to too late and then just giving the dead woman’s child away to another. Drusilla was crying now, and her mother refused to comfort her. She ran away into the forest or is it a jungle, Ket cannot tell. She stays away for days, hungry, dirty and scared. When she returns her mother asks her if she is done being a spoiled child and ready to get back to the work she was born to do, Drusilla concedes because she is afraid to be alone outside the encampment. But at this point she swears to escape. Ket focuses on the word and the feeling, ‘escape’. He knows now she was born into some kind of prison, possibly a colony gone wrong, whether she wanted to share that or not, he doesn’t know yet. More memories of her mother both the master and abuser. There is no love between them. Drusilla doesn’t know why. Ket can see what Drusilla’s child’s eyes cannot though, he highly suspects that Drusilla was a product of rape or coercion of some kind. That is where the coldness began, but her mother never reveals that but in not revealing makes the rift between them colder. Finally, Drusilla shares with him the day she walked into the fleet office to sign up. He is shocked now by the Earth he imagined from humans he had met before, it is clean and technologically modern, not like her home. She is dirty and everyone in the office is looking at her. She is embarrassed by her appearance and nervous they will send her back after all that she did to escape. What did she do to escape? Ket asks Drusilla to show him this and she ignores him and continues with the memory. She speaks clearly to the clean and modern humans in the fleet office and is given an IQ test and a physical to see if she meets the standards of the fleet. The only living person ever to score higher than she did was Captain Kara Rainer. Drusilla feels relief, she is given proper clothing, a room and discreetly; medicine, vaccines and a translator, every modern convenience the rest of the galaxy takes for granted. She sends a message to her family, they never respond. Fast forward, Captain Kara specifically requests her on the Dakota and Drusilla is scared. She didn’t want to go into the heart of the war, but Captain Kara is very convincing. Drusilla goes. Eight months later she is in the Alliance and it’s like a repeat of her joining the fleet but in the Alliance. She tries to pull away before she jumps into the vivid memory of her medical exam at Space Port One, but she can’t, it just plays, but then thankfully before they were more than a couple questions in, she stops the memory by thinking of him. Her joy at seeing him today. Then she backed her mind away.
Ket held her and stroked her hair silently. He wanted to think about everything she had just shared and try to put it into perspective before he spoke.
“We don’t ever have to talk about it,” Dru said a little nervously as she had inadvertently shared more than she had intended. “I just want you to know that I’m not a bad person.”
“I never thought you were. Some people are not meant to live good lives. Some people were born to be evil. The gods intended it that way.”
Dru nodded.
“But just answer me one question, where were you living? Mars or Europa? It didn’t look like the Earth I’ve seen in pictures.”
“It is a small area called the Exterior on Earth. It’s where people who refuse to give up religion and people who want to live without technology go. I was born there. It is protected by guards and a forcefield. Not unlike the Human House here in the Capital City.”
“You’re not a prisoner here,” he kissed the top of her head. “How did you leave? Are children given a choice to remain?”
“That’s all a conversation for another time,” she replied shortly, so he would not question her further on the subject, she knew she would not be able to lie to him about something so emotional. She never wanted him to know how she escaped. She never wanted him to think of her being used in that way by those men, even though she wouldn’t be sitting here today if she hadn’t done it. But then she reminded herself, He has killed people in duels, you traded your body for freedom. It’s equally ghastly.
Ket now knew that this was her secret that she had left this prison called the Exterior. And that of course this was an area of Earth that humans were ashamed of. People living in a pretechnological age. That is why the other humans lied for her. He wondered what the punishment was for escaping. He vowed to himself that no matter what happened between them, that he would keep her safe in the Alliance forever, so she would never have to return to such a backward place. “I understand. You never have to tell me, you know? There can be secrets between us.”
“You keep secrets from me?” she asked sarcastically.
“And you’ll always keep some from me. I’m a man and you are a woman.” He kissed the top of her head again and then moved away from her again, picking up his glass to drink some champagne. “The man that you resemble in your memories, is that your father?”
“Possibly, he is a traveling trader who would pass through the different encampments in the Exterior. He always stayed with us and he looks like me, but no one ever told me if he was or wasn’t my father. Every time he would stay with us, he and my mother got along for about a day or two and then they would have an argument and he would leave until he was back again six months later. In between the years my siblings arrived. Humans don’t marry anymore, but this was not really normal either. Most families do live together, especially in the Exterior where life is more uncertain.” Dru didn’t add that he would usually leave her mother with more than a few bruises and sometimes a broken bone when he left. In the Empire, striking a woman in anger or with the intent to hurt without it being a sanctioned punishment or a role-playing game carried with it a reduction in rank and ten years servitude on a colonial planet. She didn’t want him thinking her father was a criminal, even though, Dru suspected he was, even by human standards, and that is how he ended up in the Exterior to begin with. She knew very little about him, but she knew, unlike her mother, he had not been born in the Exterior.
“I see,” Ket looked at Drusilla thoughtfully. And no doubt your mother was judged for this, he assumed, And you probably carry some of this weight still with you.
Dru watched Ket, unable to read his expression and thought, Please don’t throw me off now that I have told you the truth.
Ket gave her a sympathetic smile, You are projecting my beautiful one. I would never abandon you because of your unfortunate circumstances earlier in life.
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell when I am projecting sometimes.”
“I know,” he said sympathetically. “It takes a lot of practice. And I find it endearing because I know it is partly because of how strongly you feel about me.”
Dru blushed.
He touched her cheek, “I love that, when your cheeks turn pink.” Then he kissed her chastely, afterwards moving back just enough to look into her green eyes, “Thank you for trusting me with your memories. I’ll never judge you by them. Your experiences make you exactly who you are supposed to be.” He kissed her again.
Dru wanted this man so much now, she moved closer to him and pressed her naked body against his in the pool and put her arms around his neck. He pulled her close as he continued to kiss her.
After a few minutes, Ket pulled back. “We can’t give into our desires now. There will be a time,” he smiled. “We can talk about it, though.”
“You want to talk about sex? Now?”
“Yes.”
“I want to have sex now,” she countered.
“But we can’t. Tell me what you like.” He picked up his glass and took a sip of champagne waiting for her to answer. He had heard many women’s fantasies, but he was curious to hear a human woman’s fantasy.
She smiled, “I like an Earth fruit called an apple and pajamas, clothes you wear at night. Sometimes I miss human food so much I fantasize about it.”
“If I caught you eating your apple outside mealtimes and wearing pajamas, I would replace the apple with my tongue, my penis if you were pregnant, and rip off your night clothes. Then I would lick every inch of your naked body until you were hungry for only me and begging for me to satisfy you with my tongue on your clitoris or my large penis in your tight, wet vagina.”
Dru just looked at him. She was getting used to his use of anatomical words through the translator and she was so turned on. She was sure her mouth was open, “I wish I had an apple right now.”
He smiled at her and was waiting for her to tell him what she wants. When she didn’t reply he thought about her medical exam on Space Port One and then asked gently, “Please tell me what your fantasies are.”
Dru took another sip of champagne. She was embarrassed to talk about this. She had only begun masturbating regularly this year and talking with Doctor Jina about sex and separating her terrible experience with the guards out from her true desires. Doctor Jina had warned her that Alliance men would ask her these things as their relationships moved forward, but she still didn’t think she was ready to talk about this with him yet. However, she worried that if she didn’t, he would think she was not interested in being serious. That she was just using him for fun. As was in her nature she decided to be honest, “I’m not as sexually experienced as most humans, as I grew up in the Exterior. Growing up in a small community, we were all more careful about who we were intimate with.”
