by Edina Davis
Yes, charming Carrie and boring Lynn, Carolyn thought bitterly. Then, however, she called herself to order. She didn’t want to think about anything negative today. Ben liked her and that was reason enough to be happy.
Before she went to sleep, she once more thought about how wonderful this day had been and how much she was looking forward to another one tomorrow.
When she was half asleep, she heard the wind whistling in the trees and the soft whooshing of the sea. Wind and sea … an eternal promising melody which slowly carried her to the land of dreams.
She finally fell asleep, a smile on her face.
CHAPTER 14
From then on, Carolyn and Ben met regularly. Usually they were with their friends, but sometimes they also met alone.
They noticed very soon how many interests they shared. They were both remarkably close to nature, had an interest in literature and poetry as well as favouring scientific subjects, such as Biology, Physics and Chemistry.
They talked about their plans and about the things that touched them emotionally. Carolyn learned that Ben, like her, planned to study Medicine. His father had died of testicular cancer four-and-a-half years ago. Ben had been just twelve years old at the time and his father’s death had affected him greatly. His mother had quickly married again a year later, and even though Ben didn’t say so, Carolyn felt that he still held it against his mother.
His father’s death had given Ben the idea to study Medicine. He wanted to help people, who, like his father, suffered from cancer. Carolyn admired Ben for that and saw it as proof of his good character. She felt warm and secure in his presence.
She also shared her own private and professional plans for the future but took great care not to mention her twin sister. Ben fortunately didn’t ask whether she had siblings. After a while, Carolyn had the illusion that Carina didn’t exist, and it shocked her in a way because it elated her. She suddenly felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted off her shoulders. She fully enjoyed this feeling and wished it would never end. For probably the hundredth time she mused how fantastic life could be if Carina didn’t exist … if she … She forced herself with all her might not to think this way, it was too horrible. Instead, she thought about how wonderful it was that she had met Ben. She thought about him all the time and even though they had only known each other for a few days, Carolyn felt as if she’d known Ben all her life. Did he feel the same? She hoped so.
In the meantime, Laura and Johnny had become a couple and they were inseparable. If they hadn’t always exchanged besotted glances, one could have mistaken them for brother and sister, as they both had light blonde hair and funny freckles. Carolyn was pleased to see her friend so happy.
One day, Laura told her full of excitement that Johnny would soon introduce her to his parents. By now she knew that Johnny came from an affluent family. When she had heard this from him a short while ago, she had been really shocked. Her Johnny the son of rich parents? She had never met a more modest person than her Johnny and now this!
As she was from a rather modest background, meeting his parents scared her a lot.
“Carry, I wish I could avoid the visit. I don’t know what to do!”
“Go, of course, what else?” Carolyn remarked succinctly. She couldn’t understand her friend’s agitation. If Johnny’s parents were only half as likeable as their son, Laura had absolutely nothing to fear.
“I know, I won’t get out of it. They invited me after all, and Johnny is looking forward to it so much. Do you think his parents will like me?”
“It’s their loss if they don’t like you!” Carolyn said with utter conviction. “You and Johnny, you’re the nicest people I know. Believe me, Laura, if his parents love their son, they will also take you into their heart.”
Laura was touched and cordially embraced her friend.
“Thanks, Carry, how nice of you to say that. I feel much better already.”
Carolyn was right. After her visit, Laura told her with a beam on her face how nice and friendly Janice and Wilfried Lawrence were. She had immediately felt comfortable with them, they had chatted and laughed until late in the evening. They had embraced Laura when she said farewell and had told her how happy they were that their only son had met such a nice girl.
“Carry, you can’t imagine how happy I am. I would have never thought that I’d meet such a nice boy one day, and one with such sweet parents,” she beamed. “And I owe it all to you!”
“Nonsense, what gives you that idea?” Carolyn asked, stunned.
“Yes, if you hadn’t taken me with you to the beach back then, I’d have never met Johnny.”
“I’m sure you’d have met anyway one day, as you were simply meant to be together.” Carolyn took her friend into her arms. “I’m certain of that!”
Were Ben and she also meant to be together?
CHAPTER 15
One day, Carolyn and Ben strolled hand in hand up onto the Beachy Head cliffs. Ben suddenly stopped at a certain spot, called Lovers’ Leap, and pulled Carolyn very close to him.
“I like you a lot, Carry. You are so different from the other girls … not as silly and bitchy, and I can talk to you about everything. I think I’ve fallen in love with you.” He leaned down to her and very gently touched her cheek with his lips. Then she felt his breath by her ear.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, “and I would just love to kiss you, may I?”
Carolyn just nodded. Ben put his arm around her and kissed her tenderly. It was Carolyn’s first kiss, and she became dizzy. That’s what kissing was like! It was a pleasant feeling she had not experienced until then.
“I’m so glad I met you,” said Ben when they moved apart. He paused briefly, then continued: “Do you also like me a little?”
Carolyn bowed her head. “Yes, of course, I also like you,” she muttered in embarrassment.
Ben put his hand under her chin and lifted her head so that she had to look into his eyes.
“Please look at me and say it again.”
Carolyn gathered all her strength, steadily looked into his eyes, and said loud and clear: “I like you, Ben, very much too.”
“Thanks, Carry. It was important to me to hear that from you, at exactly this place. This is my favourite place, you know.”
And then he told her that he was up here very often, intoxicated by the feeling of standing on the brink, looking down at the lashing waves and hearing the wild whooshing of the sea. He said he was fascinated by this cliff, which was more than 500 feet high and from which people in despair had been throwing themselves off into the sea for generations, because they saw no other way out. Often, they were even very young people who thought they would never find happiness in life again without their first great love.
“You are the first girl I want to share this unique place with, Carry,” Ben whispered. He pulled her close again and tenderly kissed her lips.
For a while, they stood snuggled up to each other, looking down at the sea, until Ben suddenly said: “My mother and my stepfather are going to Clacton tomorrow to visit my grandparents. They’ll stay for three days and I was thinking … Well, what do you think of us going to my place tomorrow and making ourselves comfortable there? Do you want to?”
“We can’t meet tomorrow,” Carolyn regretted. “You know I have to spend Sunday with my family.”
“But you already did that last Sunday. Do you really have to be there every Sunday?”
“I told you that my Dad works hard during the week, even on Saturdays, and hardly has time for the family. So, there is only Sunday, you know? Besides, we visit my grandparents every second Sunday.”
“To bad!” Ben looked extremely disappointed.
Carolyn shrugged and didn’t reply. She looked unhappy.
“Okay, it can’t be helped,” Ben remarked. “So how about Monday? My folks don’t get back befor
e Wednesday evening.”
When he saw Carolyn’s scared glance, he quickly added: “Don’t worry, I won’t try to seduce you. But it would be a shame not to use the opportunity for a romantic evening. We’ll have pizza with a glass of red wine, my folks always have some in the basement. So, how does that sound?”
“Sounds good,” Carolyn said hesitantly, “but we’ll meet with the others on Monday. What should I tell Laura if I don’t drive back with her? Besides, I have to be home at nine thirty.”
“At nine thirty already, during the holidays? Well, your parents really seem to live under a rock! During the holidays I can stay out as long as I like.”
“You’re about to turn seventeen, Ben. I just turned fifteen.”
“So what? Jenny is fifteen as well and doesn’t have to be home before eleven during the holidays.”
“Well, I can’t help it! Let’s just give it a miss then.” Carolyn felt insulted. First, he took her along to his favourite spot, romantically declared his love for her and now that.
“No, no, it’s okay. We just won’t spend the day with the others then, we’ll just take a nice stroll through the town and go to my place in the early afternoon. Then we have enough time for us, and you don’t need to fib to Laura. What do you think of that?”
“Yes, that could work.”
But she didn’t feel completely comfortable with it.
CHAPTER 16
This time, Sunday was an absolute ordeal for Carolyn. First, the family breakfast seemed to go on for ever. Carina talked incessantly and her cooing smile well and truly got on Carolyn’s nerves. She had to restrain herself not to cover up her ears.
After the church service the family went on their usual Sunday walk, this time in Alfriston. Then they were all hungry and went into a cosy little restaurant. Debbie and Philipp Harris enjoyed these Sundays within the family circle. They always looked forward to them the whole week.
When the twins had been small, they had also loved these Sundays, but in the meantime they both could have done without them. But even headstrong Carina didn’t dare to rebel against this family tradition.
Today she boasted that nearly all the boys at school were after her. As always, their parents’ eyes were glued to her lips, while she batted her lashes in the childish-coquettish way she had practised in front of the mirror. She mentioned that she naturally rebuffed one suitor after the other, as she was far too young for that kind of thing. Debbie and Philipp Harris praised their ever-so-proper daughter, who didn’t get involved with any boys despite her popularity.
“You’re such a decent girl,” Debbie Harris said proudly while their father nodded in agreement.
Carolyn’s stomach nearly turned in disgust with her twin sister’s goody-goody posturing. If their parents had known what Carina was really doing, they’d probably both drop dead on the spot. The idea that a boy might be interested in Carolyn just didn’t even strike their parents as being possible, so they didn’t consider questioning it.
As always, Carina did almost all the talking. Carolyn said maybe one or two sentences during the afternoon and apart from that contented herself with enduring her family’s tirades.
Dark clouds gathered in the late afternoon, therefore their father suggested that they leave for home immediately. He feared that it would soon start raining and that they would all be soaked to the skin before they reached the car. So, this fortunately ended the despised Sunday much earlier than expected.
Their father had been right, as a severe thunderstorm broke out as soon as the car was back in the garage, and it was raining cats and dogs shortly afterwards.
When Carolyn lay in her bed, she thought about Ben and about how much she’d missed him today. Outside there was flash and thunder, the storm howled, and the rain pounded against the window. Carolyn intently hoped that the summer storm would be over tomorrow. She had pushed her worries about being all alone in the flat with Ben aside by now. She was just looking forward to spending the next day all alone with him.
She fell asleep with a yearning smile on her face.
The next morning, there were no signs of the previous day’s storm and the sun beamed down from a nearly cloudless sky.
As agreed, Carolyn and Ben met in the town around midday. They walked through the streets of Eastbourne in a close embrace, strolled through the department stores and went for an ice cream. They continuously talked so animatedly that time just flew by. Suddenly it was shortly before three so Ben suggested going to his place.
“You’ll be amazed by everything I already prepared for us,” he stated proudly. “First, we’ll make ourselves comfortable on the terrace. I already put Coke in the fridge and there are also some snacks. My Mum made pizza last week and deep-froze four large slices. We’ll enjoy them in the evening, what do you think?” He cast Carolyn an expectant side glance.
“Sounds really smashing!” Carolyn seemed to be impressed.
“And the absolute highlight will be a bottle of red wine which I got from the basement!”
“Wow!” Carolyn only remarked, even though she felt a little uncomfortable. Alcohol … she had never had any before.
They reached the Gibson’s penthouse at ten past three. Ben proudly showed her the large roof terrace which almost looked like a garden with its many plants and colourful flowers.
Ben had put out two deckchairs and they enjoyed the afternoon sun with icy cold Coke, salted peanuts, and potato crisps.
Later, around five, Ben made tea and put buttered crumpets and shortbread on the table.
“Wow!” Carolyn exclaimed with delight. “I love shortbread!”
“I thought as much,” Ben laughed. “All women love sweet things!”
They folded the deckchairs in the early evening and made themselves comfortable in the living room. They ate the mince pizza with a healthy appetite accompanied by red wine. Then they danced closely to soft music. Carolyn leaned her head against Ben’s shoulder and wished, time would stand still. When she gave an inconspicuous glance at her wristwatch, it was already eight.
“Please, Ben, remember that I need to leave at eight thirty. If I’m not at home at nine thirty sharp, my parents will give me hell,” she reminded him quietly.
“Of course, you said so,” Ben remarked. “But we have half an hour left. Let’s have another glass of wine and then I’ll walk you to the bus stop.”
They sat on the sofa silently, close to each other, listened to the music and drank wine. Carolyn felt strangely light and exhilarated. She cast an enamored glance at Ben and had know idea how enchanting she looked at that moment, with her large fawn brown eyes and the rosy cheeks.
“I love you, Carry,” Ben whispered. Then he pulled her close and kissed her tenderly.
Carolyn felt a pleasant shudder running through her body. She returned his kiss and whispered: “I love you too, Ben.”
He kissed her again, but this time something in his kiss scared Carolyn … something wild, demanding. When he put his hand on her breast and started fondling it, she pushed him away so forcefully which surprised Ben so much that he nearly fell off the sofa.
“I need to go now!” She jumped up hastily and ran into the hall.
Ben followed her in shock. “What’s the matter, Carry? Did I do something wrong? I thought you loved me. After all you said so.”
Without replying, Carolyn wanted to open the flat door. Ben grabbed her arm.
“I’m sorry, Carry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you’d …”
Carolyn’s whole body shivered.
“Please don’t be angry, Carry. It will never happen again, I promise. Please, forgive me.”
“I really need to go now. Please let me go.”
Only now did Ben notice that he was still holding her arm. He let it go and gave her a desperate look.
“Will we still meet up tomorrow? The others wo
uld like to go to Bexhill again.”
“I don’t know … yes, I think so.” Carolyn kept her eyes lowered.
“May I walk you to the bus then? It’s already getting dark; I don’t want to let you go on your own.”
“No, please … I want to go alone. There’s still enough light.”
“Okay, as you wish. See you tomorrow then and please don’t be mad at me anymore.”
“Bye, Ben.” Carolyn opened the flat door and quickly ran outside. She suddenly felt sick. Tears stung her eyes, and she could hardly keep them back. She ran almost the whole way to the bus stop and when she finally sat in the bus to Seaford, her thoughts were spinning. Her parents would be bitterly disappointed if they knew that she’d been alone with a boy in his flat. They would explain to her at length that this was not appropriate for a fifteen-year-old girl.
They would probably use Carina as an example, proper, innocent Carrie.
But it was just the other way around. It was Carolyn who obeyed their parents, who always told the truth and who had made their views on decency and moral standards her life motto as well. Carina on the other hand didn’t shy away from brazenly lying to their parents faces when it was to her advantage. Carolyn had observed her more than once, standing in some corner, snogging, every time with a different boy. Once Carolyn had mentioned it to her, only to be ridiculed by Carina.
Carolyn closed her eyes and replayed the scene again in her mind …
CHAPTER 17
