by Edina Davis
“I am Carry, remember that!” Carolyn’s voice sounded unusually shrill. “She is Carina, is that clear?”
“Okay, okay, relax. I’ll remember it.” He passed her a disconcerted side glance and shook his head.
They swam far out and then drifted on the waves on their backs. From far away they could hear Carina laughing and squealing, frolicking around with Jenny and Mike as if she’d known them for ages.
Typical! Carolyn thought furiously.
After a while she asked: “Do you still love me, Ben?”
“Why do you ask me that?”
“You told me once. You know … on that evening. But never since.”
“If you want to talk, let’s swim back to the shore and walk along the beach,” Ben remarked.
They swam back and walked next to each other in silence for a while.
Finally, Ben said: “I want to be honest with you, Carry. Yes, I fell in love with you. You’re pretty, intelligent, we have a lot in common. Actually, you have everything I could wish for in a girl … and yet … something isn’t right. Please don’t think I’m saying this because you didn’t want to … well, because you left so hastily that evening. That’s really not it, believe me. I even understand that very well. It’s something else, something vague. I can’t even say exactly what it is. But sometimes it’s as if you have two different personalities. In the beginning when we met, you were so … well, I don’t know. You were incredibly sweet, and I immediately fell for you. At night I couldn’t sleep because I always had to think about you. But later I had the feeling you carried something around with you that you don’t want to talk about. I had this feeling a few times before you were at my place but pushed it aside. Since that evening however, I noticed it more often. Even though I apologized to you, you treat me as if you actually haven’t forgiven me. There is always something between us, something intangible. Then this thing with your twin sister which you kept from me. And now you ask me whether I am interested in her, even though I don’t even know her. Your whole character is so contradictory, so … well, I don’t know. I don’t even know if this thing between us is still going anywhere.”
Ben really looked at a loss and Carolyn desperately realized that it had happened again. Carina appeared and Ben told her that something between them wasn’t right. She suddenly panicked and threw herself into his arms.
“Ben, that’s not true at all. I do love you! I had the feeling that you were distancing yourself, please believe me that I … oh, Ben … please kiss me.
Ben was taken by surprise. She had been so aloof lately and he had not dared to approach her in any way. He had always feared she would think he was about to be pushy again. Now she threw herself into his arms and wanted to be kissed. What was the matter with her? He just did not understand her. But wasn’t that totally irrelevant now? He felt the slender girl’s body, pressing against him, shivering. He tenderly took her into his arms and kissed her. “Oh, Carry,” he whispered, “my Carry, I’m so in love with you.”
Carolyn became frightened again but did not want to push Ben away again. So, she said: “Ben, we’re not alone here.”
Ben slowly let her go, looked around and laughed. “You’re right, people are giving us funny looks. I’m so glad, Carry. Now you’re just like you were in the beginning when we met. Please, stay this way, do you hear me? Let’s spend the evening together, yes? My parents aren’t at home and we could make ourselves comfortable. Do you want to?”
When he saw Carolyn’s shocked glance, he added: “No, no, Carry … please don’t get me wrong. I promise I won’t try to … I just want to be alone with you and cuddle a bit, really.”
Carolyn felt hot and cold. What should she do? If she didn’t agree now, he would feel rebuffed. He would think that she didn’t trust him, and she would probably lose him for ever.
“Okay, Ben. But I still have to be home at nine thirty as always. Is that fine with you?”
“Yes, of course. I’m so happy, Carry.”
They went back to the others. Laura and Johnny were sitting on the towel in a close embrace and didn’t even notice them. Jenny sat alone on her towel, her expression miserable while she watched Carina and Mike, who were cheerfully frolicking in the water. Mike kept lifting Carina up and throwing her into the water. She squealed, splashed him, and threw herself into his arms again.
Carolyn and Ben cast a sympathetic glance at Jenny when tears started to slowly run down her cheeks. Carolyn put her arm around her shoulders and tried to comfort her.
“It’s just a game, Jenny. Mike loves you, I’m sure he’ll come over to you in a moment.”
“I don’t know,” Jenny said miserably, “it’s been going on like this for a while. Mike seems to have forgotten all about me. Does your sister always throw herself at boys like that?”
“Oh, Jenny,” Carolyn sighed sympathetically, “I think so. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Carry.” Jenny now cried quietly.
When Carolyn turned back to Ben, she saw that he was watching Carina and Mike.
When she went home with Ben that afternoon, she did feel a little uneasy. Still, she had resolved to trust him. He had given her his promise and would keep it this time, Carolyn was sure of that.
Ben went to the fridge and took out a bottle of sparkling wine. There was a pop when he opened the bottle. He fetched two glasses from the cabinet and poured out some wine. The sparkling wine tasted delicious and Carolyn emptied her glass in one go. Ben filled the glasses again and after she had drunk the second glass, she felt light and elated.
Ben went to the stereo and put a music tape in.
Nights in White Satin came from the speakers . It was Carolyn’s favourite song.
“Come on, let’s dance,” Ben said and pulled her close.
She trustingly snuggled into Ben’s arms and everything seemed like it was in the beginning. They exchanged loving glances and Ben kissed her lips very carefully and tenderly.
“I love you, Carry,” he then whispered.
“I love you, too, Ben.” Carolyn was overjoyed. Finally, things between her and Ben were right again.
It turned out to be an especially nice evening. They danced very closely, and Carolyn clearly felt that Ben loved her and was serious about her. She resolved to trust him from now on.
***
After Carolyn and Ben had left the beach, Carina continued her brazen come-on towards Mike and didn’t hide the fact that she wanted him for herself. After she had him put sunscreen on her back and legs, she just pulled his head down and kissed him.
Poor Jenny stared at them aghast, then packed her things while sobbing and ran away.
Mike, who started to feel bad now, wanted to run after her but Carina held him back.
“Oh, Mikey, just let her go. She’ll calm down again! You’ve got me now!” She put her arms around his neck coaxingly and pressed her body towards him.
When they started snogging again, Laura and Johnny left the beach silently without deeming them worthy of a single glance.
CHAPTER 21
The next day, Carolyn heard from Laura that it was over between Jenny and Mike and how it had happened.
Poor Jenny! Carolyn really felt sorry for her. Carina just got everything she wanted. It was like a law of nature! But even though Carolyn felt sympathy for Jenny, she couldn’t but be glad that Carina had snatched Mike and not Ben.
But stop … hadn’t she resolved to trust Ben? So, why did she still think her sister would have succeeded in impressing Ben, had she wanted to do so?
In retrospect Laura reproached herself for having initiated the meeting with Carina and thereby having inadvertently caused this situation.
“I only meant to help you,” she said, distressed. “I wanted to prove to you that Ben wouldn’t be wild about Carina, so that it would strengthen your self-confidenc
e. I wouldn’t have dreamed that it would affect our friends.”
“I know that, Laura!” Carolyn assured her. “You always mean well for others. It’s not your fault that Carina and Mike don’t have any decency.”
“Yes, but I know how Carina ticks! I know exactly that she doesn’t have any moral scruples and doesn’t shy away from anything,” Laura wailed in despair while wiping some tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Therefore, I should have been prepared for such an outcome, as I’m at least partially responsible for Jenny’s sorrow.”
It hurt Carolyn to see how hard her friend was being on herself. She took Laura into her arms and tried to comfort her by saying: “You’re not, dear. Look, you yourself told me recently that a boy behaving like Mike wasn’t worth shedding a tear over! And you were completely right, I know that now.”
“I will still never again try to play fate,” Laura said sadly.
***
“Do you already know that I’m now going steady with Mike?” Carina asked the same evening when Carolyn left the bathroom.
“Yes, I heard,” Carolyn grumbled. “You’re probably even proud to have pinched Jenny’s boyfriend, aren’t you?”
“That was really very easy!” Carina grinned. “But be glad that I wasn’t after your Ben. That would have been just as easy, judging by how he stared at me.”
“Ben didn’t stare at you at all,” Carolyn called out furiously, even though she had had the same impression, and had not thought his explanation for the staring really convincing.
“You are so conceited. It’s disgusting! And Johnny wasn’t interested in you, you can’t deny that.”
“Oh, Johnny!” Carina laughed derisively. “Johnny is out of the question for me anyway. Flaxen hair and freckles are really not my thing!”
Carolyn was so furious that she would have loved to hit her sister right in the face.
“Are you not the least ashamed of yourself? Why do you do that? You’re so mean! Don’t you have the slightest empathy in you?” Carolyn’s voice shivered with indignation.
“Empathy? What’s that?!” her sister smirked. “And if you continue to lecture me like this, I’ll have to reconsider the matter with Ben after all. He does look quite attractive.”
Carolyn could hardly restrain herself. She was close to crying out furiously. You mean, disgusting beast! she thought. Loudly she said: “Ben loves me and is not at all interested in you.”
“We’ll see when the time comes,” Carina commented succinctly. “Now I’ve got Mike. But in two to three weeks, when I’m tired of him …” She let the remaining sentence hang in the air and went into the bathroom.
Carolyn glanced after her and couldn’t hold her tears back anymore. They trickled down her cheeks into her mouth. A quiet sob escaped from her throat. She knew how vain and narcissistic Carina was and how she enjoyed having boys running after her. Would she really try something with Ben? And how would he react? The previous evening had been so wonderful, and Carolyn had felt that she really meant a lot to him. Yes, he loved her and would not be interested in Carina! She just needed to trust him and also believe in herself, like Laura had told her a hundred times.
With determination Carolyn wiped the tears from her cheeks and went to bed. She was already asleep when Carina came out of the bathroom, and therefore didn’t notice her rummaging around her things.
After a while she seemed to have found what she was looking for. She held the paper with the desired phone number in her hand. She quietly sneaked to her desk, took a pen and a piece of paper from the drawer, and wrote the number down. Then she put the paper back in its place, lay down in bed with a satisfied smile and soon fell asleep.
CHAPTER 22
The following weeks went by in a flash. School had started again, and Carolyn and Ben could only meet on Saturdays.
Her mother still didn’t know about Ben and assumed she spent the day with Laura. Actually, she and Ben met in Bexhill with Laura and Johnny every second Saturday and did things as a couple on the other Saturdays.
Carolyn was sure that her sister wouldn’t tell their mother about Ben, because of her own relationship with Mike. If Carolyn had known her sister’s actual motivation, she would have been deeply worried. But as it was, she enjoyed the time with Ben, Laura, and Johnny in a completely carefree manner.
Unfortunately, they hadn’t seen Jenny since that certain Saturday. She had understandingly withdrawn herself completely from the others. The four friends didn’t want anything to do with Mike anymore, after he had treated Jenny so badly!
Once they saw him from afar, with his arm around Carina. They pretended not to have seen them and quickly walked in a different direction.
One evening, after the twins had changed for bed, Carina came to Carolyn’s bed with a sardonic grin on her lips.
“By the way, I ended things with Mike today. Four weeks with him were really enough. Such a bore! He literally did everything I asked of him. He spent his complete pocket money on me! And when I jilted him today, he cried his eyes out. He’s a real wimp! He went on his knees and begged me to stay with him.”
Then, with a lurking expression in her eyes, she asked: “And how is it going with you and Ben?”
Carolyn winced. “What do you think how it’s going?” she replied, visibly trying to let her voice sound cheerful. “It’s going great!”
“Are you still not fed up with each other? It’s been going on for months now. I could never stick it out with a boy for so long.”
“We’re in love and we get along fabulously.”
“Phsaw, love … don’t make me laugh! That’s just romantic twaddle! I prefer Oscar Wilde’s philosophy: To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance, or something like that? You know your way around literature so well! Well, then let’s see how long the romance between you and your Benny-Boy will last, won’t we, sis?” She gave Carolyn a meaningful glance.
Carolyn was shocked but didn’t let it show. “Let that be my problem, Carina.”
Carina jumped into her bed, laughing, and was asleep shortly after.
Carolyn however lay awake for a long time, brooding about her sister’s words. It had sounded like a threat. What was Carina planning? Carolyn knew her sister well enough to know that she was up to something.
That night, Carolyn had a horrible dream …
Carina and Ben stood hand in hand on Beachy Head, laughing. They took turns in whispering into each other’s ear, then they kissed.
When Carolyn approached them, Carina gave her a mocking glance and said: “I’m so very sorry, sis, but you can’t have him! He belongs to me!”
“That’s not true,” Carolyn shouted. “He loves me! He just forgot … he forgot … forgot … forgot …”
Suddenly she heard Ben screaming after her. His shrill scream cut deep into her ear and she also started to scream loudly. She screamed and screamed …
She woke up, screaming loudly and covered in sweat. What kind of a horrible dream had that been?
Carina had also woken up and came running to Carolyn’s bed. “What on earth is wrong with you?” she exclaimed angrily.
Carolyn now lay shivering in her bed, a picture of despair. “I just had a bad dream, Carina. I’m sorry for waking you up. Please lie down again. I’m fine.”
Carina hesitated, but then went back into her bed and was soon soundly asleep.
Carolyn, though, lay awake for hours before she fell into a restless slumber in the early morning.
CHAPTER 23
Two weeks later Philipp Harris announced that he and Debbie were planning to visit the motor show in London the coming weekend. Then they would go for dinner with some business associates and have a glass of wine in a bar later.
“We’ll leave in the early afternoon and will return late at night.” Philipp Harris gave his daughters a questioning glanc
e. “You’ll be fine without us for a few hours?”
“Of course,” both girls cried out as one.
“We’re not babies anymore, after all,” Carina added.
“I hope you don’t mind having to make dinner yourselves this once,” Debbie Harris said, while looking at Carolyn as a matter of course. Carolyn however pretended not to have noticed.
“Sure, Mum, I’ll take care of it,” Carina said unexpectedly. “Lynn already does so much. I can do something for once.”
Carolyn gave her a surprised glance. So, what was that all about? Carina usually wasn’t so accommodating when having to do something herself. There had to be something else behind this.
Carolyn would learn the reason for her sister’s unusual willingness to help far too soon!
The Saturday on which their parents wanted to drive to the show in London was a sunny October day. There was a light breeze, which playfully blew the falling leaves around.
Debbie and Philipp Harris were already excited and when the whole family sat around the breakfast table, Debbie asked her daughters: “And what have you pretty girls planned for today?”
“I’ll just stay at home for a change, do some reading and clean up my things,” Carina beamed.
Carolyn started to feel strange. Something obviously wasn’t right! Carina was not at all the homely type, and reading …? When did her sister ever pick up a book? Only one of her books occasionally, to damage it in one way or another! Usually, she spent every free minute at the weekends out and about with her “ladies-in-waiting” Pam and Sam. There was something very fishy about this!
But how could she find out? She had a date with Ben and did not intend to reschedule it just to find out the reasons behind her sister’s suddenly homeliness.
“Oh, cleaning up your things is a good idea, Carrie-Dearie,” their mother praised. “And what are your plans, Lynn?”
“I’m going into town to buy myself a new pair of jeans. Later, at two, I’m meeting someone in Bexhill. We want to go to Egerton Park and then have a snack in the De La Warr Pavilion.” Before their mother could react, she quickly added: “I’ve already tidied up my things, you know!”
