by Edina Davis
Ben’s first impulse was to run after her. He didn’t do it because he knew it would lead nowhere. He had lost her. He had lost this wonderful girl because he hadn’t had the strength to resist a schemer. Now he knew why Carry had never mentioned her twin sister. He sadly finished his beer and left the pub with sagging shoulders.
***
They met by chance once more, one last time. It was shortly before Christmas, about two-and-a-half months after the disastrous events.
Carolyn had just done some shopping in Eastbourne and strolled along the pier when she suddenly saw Ben further down. He stood by the pier railing and stared into the water, and just when she wanted to pass him quickly, he suddenly turned around and their eyes met. She saw the deep dismay in his eyes when he recognized her and at the same time noticed a silent plea in them. She quickly averted her glance and walked away with her head held high. At this moment, the encounter felt strangely liberating to Carolyn. It showed her clearly that her love for Ben had utterly died.
And still she had that horrible dream again the following night.
Two weeks later – almost exactly to the day after that meeting on the pier – Ben was dead. His body was found crushed at the bottom of the cliffs and if the newspaper articles were to be believed, a thorough police investigation had determined that it had been an accident.
Several witnesses reported independently of each other to have seen the boy on the afternoon in question, outside of Eastbourne, going quickly in the direction of Beachy Head. One of the witnesses stated that the boy had looked very excited and had almost knocked him over. Nobody seemed to have seen him later at the scene of the accident. Therefore, it could only be assumed that Benjamin Gibson had walked too closely to the brink on the highest point of Beachy Head – also called Lovers’ Leap –, had slipped off and fallen.
Benjamin’s friends stated that the infamous rock had always been his favourite spot, where he had often spent time on his own when he wanted to think about something in peace. Based on all witness statements the involvement of a third party could be ruled out.
At first, the boy’s mother was convinced that her son had committed suicide. Evelyn Gibson-Wilding, and her second husband Bruce Wilding, stated that Benjamin had suffered considerably from the loss of his first great love and had withdrawn more and more lately.
However, the investigations, which then commenced in this direction, showed that a suicide was extremely unlikely. According to all his friends and classmates Benjamin Gibson had not at all been the type of person to commit suicide. On the contrary, he had still been overly ambitious and resolute at school and had in no way appeared weary of life. A friend from school, Sean Sommers, stated that Benjamin had sufficiently recovered from his lovesickness and had had no other serious problems. Sean also mentioned that his friend had been ambitious and had often talked about his career plans with him.
Benjamin Gibson had been a fighter and he had had a solid goal in mind.
He had wanted to become a doctor, and at all cost.
CHAPTER 29
The news of Ben’s death shocked Carolyn deeply. She was hardly able to eat anything for days, not to mention the nights during which she lay awake for hours, brooding. She had no peace of mind due to the fear of having summoned the dramatic events through the horrifying nightmare that had tortured her in the first night and the countless nights after Ben’s betrayal. Every terrifying detail of this dream kept replaying in her mind …
She stood with clenched fists in front of Ben, who stood awfully close to the brink. She saw naked horror in his eyes when he retreated from her step by step. Suddenly he slipped, extended both arms to find hold, then plunged down the cliffs with a bloodcurdling scream. But instead of distress and horror she felt insane joy when she saw his battered body lying on the rugged rocks below …
The notion that the power of her thoughts could have driven Ben to his death made her flesh crawl. But wasn’t it completely irrational to believe that bad thoughts and wishes manifesting themselves in a nightmare could turn into reality? Of course, it was, since it contradicted common sense, and she had to free herself of such affective reflections quickly!
“In the end, everybody gets what he deserves!” Carina remarked cold as ice after she had read the news of Ben’s death in the newspaper. “Ben treated us both so lousily that he …”
“You just shut up,” Carolyn interrupted her. Her eyes were filled with hatred when she glanced at her sister. “You are the one who always treats others lousily, do you hear … just you! So hopefully you will one day get what you deserve! And now leave me alone. I can’t stand the sight of you anymore!” With these words she turned on her heel and left Carina behind. The latter was so surprised about her sister’s emotional outburst that she just stared after her open-mouthed.
From that day on, the air was filled with constant tension as soon as the sisters were in the same room. Carina watched her sister curiously, which Carolyn didn’t seem to notice, as her thoughts kept revolving around the horrifying events. She often thought back to how cold she had been towards Ben back then at Beach Comber. Of course, he had hurt her deeply, after all he had been the first boy she had seriously fallen in love with, and yet … she shouldn’t have left him the way she did considering his despair.
She wasn’t solely responsible for Ben’s death, but still … She remembered only too well that Ben had always walked around on Beachy Head when he had had problems or otherwise hadn’t felt well. Therefore, she couldn’t help reproaching herself for having walked past him so haughtily that time on Eastbourne Pier. She knew him well enough to be aware that her behaviour must have wounded him extremely. Again, and again, she thought of that last meeting, the silent plea in his eyes. And she … she had just walked past him without so much as looking his way. My God, how could she have been so cruel? All Ben had wanted was a single word of forgiveness. He knew he had lost her and that had been bad enough for him. Did she have to treat him with such contempt, to treat him like air?
The only person who really deserved her contempt was her sister! She felt nothing but disgust and revulsion for Carina anymore.
Carolyn needed a lot of time and countless conversations with her friend Laura to come to terms with this tragic incident. Her sister’s behaviour didn’t help her to get over it, on the contrary, she sprinkled salt on the wound at any given opportunity.
***
One afternoon, Carina suddenly complained about strong abdominal pains, shortly after that she felt nauseous and vomited. Debbie Harris became agitated as none of the girls had ever been seriously ill, apart from some small colds and the usual childhood illnesses.
“Mummy, please help me,” Carina whined, “I’m in terrible pain.”
Debbie Harris put her hand on her daughter’s forehead and felt it glow. “Carrie-Darling, how long have you been in this pain?” she asked, worried.
“Since this morning,” Carina breathed. “But it wasn’t as bad then. First, it felt like a stomach ache, which is why I couldn’t eat anything. But since midday I’ve this pain in my lower abdomen and it’s so bad that I …” She started sobbing. “I can’t take it anymore … I can hardly bear it, Mummy.” Now she started crying loudly.
“Child, something’s wrong! My God … and you also have a fever. I’ll call the doctor right away.”
Doctor Baker, the family’s physician, arrived about half an hour later. Debbie and Carolyn accompanied him upstairs.
“Did your daughter vomit, Mrs. Harris?”
“Yes, several times,” Debbie stammered.
“Does she have a fever?”
“Yes, I think so … yes, of course she has a fever, her forehead is hot.”
Doctor Baker took a thermometer from his doctor’s bag.
“Hello, young lady,” the doctor greeted the whimpering girl, being intentionally cheerful.
“Hello,
doctor,” was the weak reply.
“Let’s take your temperature and feel your tummy. Open your mouth.”
Carina obediently did as she was told.
“Now please lift your nightgown.”
Doctor Baker slowly felt Carina’s abdomen. When he pressed into the right lower abdomen, Carina tensed up reflexively. Then the physician pressed a little deeper into a certain point of the lower abdomen, waited a few seconds and suddenly let go.
Carina screamed loudly.
Debbie immediately dashed to her daughter’s bed and took her hand, while glaring at Doctor Baker. The physician took the thermometer from Carina’s mouth and noticed that she had a temperature of more than 39.5 degrees.
“What is it, doctor? I hope it’s nothing serious?” Debbies voice quivered.
“Your daughter has acute appendicitis, Mrs. Harris. She needs to go to hospital and be operated on immediately. There’s a danger of a rupture. Does she take any medication?”
“No, of course not. She has always been perfectly healthy!” Debbie Harris started crying. “Oh God, my poor child! She won’t have to … she won’t … Please, Doctor, tell me … will she recover?”
“Now, please calm down, Mrs. Harris. Your daughter will receive perfect care in hospital. I’ll call an ambulance immediately. Where’s your phone?”
Debbie Harris now completely lost her composure and started sobbing violently.
“The phone is downstairs in the hall,” Carolyn now interjected. “Follow me, Doctor.” She walked down into the hall ahead of him.
The doctor dialled the number of the emergency service and quickly described the case. When the ambulance arrived ten minutes later, Debbie Harris was close to a nervous breakdown. She had sobbed and whined incessantly the whole time. When Carolyn finally sat with her mother in the ambulance, which immediately drove off at high speed with blue flashing lights, Debbie, still crying, caressed Carina’s hand and stammered at more or less regular intervals the same words over and over again: “My poor baby …”
Carolyn sat with a frozen face and didn’t say a word. Would her mother make such a fuss as well if it were her? Of course, not … what a question! She probably wouldn’t even bother going with her to the hospital.
After the ambulance reached its destination after a seemingly endless few minutes, everything went very quickly. Carina was immediately taken into the operating theatre. Debbie wanted to go along but was advised to wait in the corridor with Carolyn. She would be informed about her daughter’s state as soon as possible. Like a picture of misery, she sat huddled in her chair, crying softly, while Carolyn watched her with an ice-cold expression.
Suddenly, Debbie Harris looked up, gave Carolyn a scornful glance and said with an accusatory voice: “You don’t seem to mind what is happening to your sister. What kind of person are you?”
Carolyn glanced at her mother with a strange expression in her eyes.
“How can you say that, Mum? After all I was the one to show Doctor Baker where our phone is after you apparently weren’t able to. But fortunately, not everybody acts as panicky as you. After all it’s only appendicitis, one doesn’t usually die of it. So, what reason do you have to reproach me? On the contrary, you should be grateful that I didn’t waste valuable minutes.”
“Yes, Lynn, you always act in an utterly level-headed way, I know that, but where’s your heart? Nobody really knows where they are with you. You always do the right things, but without the slightest feeling.”
Carolyn remained silent and just looked at her mother. Her eyes showed an unfathomable glow which made Debbie shudder.
Finally, the door to the operating theatre opened and a doctor came out. Debbie Harris jumped up and ran towards him. “What’s with my daughter, Doctor?” she asked with an almost cracking voice.
“Good evening, Mrs. Harris. I’m Doctor James Evans. Your daughter’s appendix was close to rupturing. It was very urgent, so we operated immediately. Your daughter will soon feel better, but we’ll have to keep her here for a few days. Please don’t worry anymore, Mrs. Harris. Go home, get some sleep, and come back tomorrow. Shall we do that, Mrs. Harris?”
Debbie agreed reluctantly, and Carolyn and her took a taxi home. When they reached the house, they saw the light on in the living room. They had hardly entered the hall when Philipp Harris came running towards them.
“Where were you?” he called out, sounding upset.
Debbie started to cry loudly again, as if on command. Between sobs she stammered: “Our … poor Carrie … we had to bring her to the hospital … oh, Philipp, it’s just terrible!”
“Lynn, you tell me what’s going on, please,” Philipp Harris turned to his daughter. He knew his wife and realized only too well that he would not get a sensible word out of her when she was in this state. So, Carolyn told her father the whole story from the beginning. He was shocked as well, understandably, but fortunately he didn’t behave as overpowering as their mother, which came as a great relief to Carolyn. She could not have endured the same sentimentality from her father, that she had just gone through with her mother.
“The doctor said there’s no need to worry. Carina will be fine again,” she ended her account with an indifferent voice.
CHAPTER 30
The next morning, on a Saturday, Carolyn and her parents went to the hospital together to see Carina. Her parents were relieved to learn that she was doing much better, all circumstances considered.
When the family entered the hospital room, however, she lay in her bed like a pile of misery. Her glance fell on Carolyn, who had entered the room behind her parents. Suddenly she started screaming.
“You … you beast, stay away from me! Get out, immediately! I don’t want to see you!” She started crying loudly while shivering all over.
Debbie Harris rushed to her daughter’s bed and embraced her. “But child, calm down. What is the matter with you?”
“Mum, I’m so glad you’re here. Please tell Lynn to go. Please, please … I don’t want to see her!”
“But why not, my dear? Lynn is worried about you, too.”
“No, Mum … please, send her away. She’s … she did … she wanted to poison me! Yes, that’s exactly what she wanted to do. I’m so afraid of her!”
Now her father intervened.
“Carina, calm down. You don’t have the slightest reason to fear your sister. What gave you the absurd notion that Carolyn tried to poison you? Your appendix was acutely inflamed and had to be removed, what does your sister have to do with that?”
Carolyn gave her father a grateful glance but didn’t say anything.
“Daddy’s right,” Debbie now supported her husband. “Lynn really did a lot for you, Carrie-Baby. It wouldn’t be fair to just send her out.”
“I wasn’t poisoned?” Carina asked in disbelief.
“Of course not! Whatever gave you that idea?” Worried, Debbie patted her daughter’s hand.
“Because … because … I had … I thought … I felt so sick … and then these abdominal pains,” Carina stuttered.
“Yes, but those were the appendicitis symptoms, child,” her mother explained. “Didn’t you hear what Doctor Baker said?”
“No, I didn’t.” Carina cast a confused glance towards Carolyn. “I’m sorry, Lynn. I really thought you …” She stopped talking when she realized she had almost said too much again.
After all, their parents had no idea about the conflict between her and her sister. “Please forgive me,” she said once more.
“It’s okay,” Carolyn remarked with deliberate indifference. “You were just somewhat confused because of the pain and all. Forget it.”
“Thanks, Lynn. I’m sorry. I seem to have lost my common sense together with my appendix,” Carina now tried to joke.
A storm raged inside Carolyn. Carina had been damned lucky! It could have ende
d differently … she could have died and she, Carolyn, wouldn’t have cared at all. Her mother was right about what she had said to her in the hospital. She really didn’t feel the slightest sympathy for her sister, on the contrary. Oh, how she longed for liberation, for this unique exhilaration she always felt when she imagined that Carina didn’t exist.
CHAPTER 31
Carina returned from hospital the following Friday. She was still weak and therefore unusually quiet. The atmosphere in the Harris household was rather tense.
Carolyn noticed the searching glances her sister gave to her occasionally.
Carina constantly wondered what went on in Carolyn’s mind. She was terribly afraid that she would talk to their parents about the wretched issue with Ben. Now would be the best time for it as their parents would doubtlessly believe Carolyn’s every word.
Damn … how could she have been so stupid to accuse her sister of attempted murder by poisoning, even though Carina thought Carolyn capable of it! Their parents would immediately recognize the context, and no lie, regardless how ingenious, would be able to change that.
Carolyn sensed what was going on in her sister’s mind and her mouth took on a hard line. She was aware that she had a hold over her twin sister for the first time in their lives. She knew very well that this time Carina wouldn’t be able to get out of it with shameful lies and lame excuses, should Carolyn decide to tell their parents the story about Ben.
Carolyn could see the fear in her sister’s face, and it caused her so much joy that she planned to keep Carina on tenterhooks for a while. Carolyn didn’t even plan to tell their parents anything. She had a much better idea to free herself of Carina and her perfidiousness.
During meals, the sisters just spoke the essentials with each other, and their parents suffered from the tension between them. Debbie and Philipp were very worried because they sensed that something was not right between the two girls. As they were unaware about the events of the past months, they had no explanation for their behaviour.
