Anyway, when I saw her heading in the direction of the music department, I called out to her and she stopped.
“Hey, Kim, do you remember me?”
She kind of rolled her eyes like she thought I was a half-wit. “Yes, Chloe, everyone in town knows who you are. The famous leader of the Christian rock band Redemption.”
“Yeah, whatever. So, how are you doing?”
“Okay, I guess. Are you actually enrolled in school now or just popping in to sign autographs?”
I had to laugh at her attitude. It was obvious that this chick wasn’t anything like some of the other kids who practically grovel and bow, acting as if I should rule the world just because I have a recording contract.
“I’m here until the end of the school year,” I told her. “Mostly so that Laura Mitchell can graduate with her class.”
“Lucky Laura.” Her voice sound exasperated as she pushed a black strand of silky hair from her eyes. Then she just stood there for a moment and studied me, with what seemed a very calculated interest, before she started walking toward the music department again. And although uninvited, I walked along with her. Finally, we were just outside the orchestra room, but I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.
“Looks like you’re still playing violin,” I said as I nodded down to her well-worn leather case.
“Yeah, unlike you, I haven’t had any great offers to start leading a rock band yet.”
I shrugged. “Hey, as I recall you were pretty good on your violin.”
She almost smiled now.
“In fact,” I said suddenly remembering something. “There’s a song I’ve been working on that I really think needs a violin backup. Do you have any interest in jamming with us this weekend?”
“Jamming?”
“You know, just playing for fun. To see how it sounds.”
She seemed to consider this. “Maybe.”
“Well, we practice for most of the day on Saturday. Give me a call if you’re interested.”
She nodded and started to go into the orchestra room.
“And Kim,” I called out.
She turned and looked at me with an expression that was a mixture of irritation and curiosity.
“I just wanted to apologize for that time, back in middle school, when I acted like a jerk when you were trying to encourage me about music.”
Now she gave me the blankest expression, as if she didn’t even remember the incident, and maybe she didn’t. Then she just shrugged. “Yeah, whatever.” She turned and went into orchestra.
Now, if I hadn’t known Kim (or at least observed her) for a number of years, I might’ve actually thought she was being a total snob just then. But I really think that she purposely keeps to herself sometimes, probably as a protective device. Especially with people she doesn’t know or trust that well. Like me. I think it’s partially because she’s Asian (Korean, as I recall) and because she’s adopted. But I could be imagining all this. It may be that her greatest challenge in life is the fact that she’s just really, really smart. So much so that she has been teased mercilessly over the years.
In fact, she and I used to be in the TAG program together (Talented and Gifted). But it wasn’t long before I realized that being in TAG was like wearing a great big target that said “pick on me, I’m smart,” and so, to much parental displeasure, I dropped out. Poor Kim didn’t figure this out, or maybe her parents wouldn’t let her quit, but she remained in TAG and consequently suffered the abuse that comes with membership.
Now, as senseless as this may sound, I feel somewhat responsible for her abuse all these years later. Don’t even ask me why. It’s not that I ever did much more than shut her down that day she tried to encourage me. But I do regret it. And maybe it’s a God-thing, but I do hope that she’ll join us to jam on Saturday. And I wasn’t making that up. I really have been wondering what some string backup would sound like with this new song I’m working on.
No, I’m not going to invite her to join Redemption as the fourth member of our band. I think we sound just right as we are. But I may invite her to be my friend. If she’s interested, that is.
PRAYER FOR KIM
i see the sadness in her eyes
i wonder, does she realize
how much You love, how much You care
does she know, would she dare
could she give her heart to You
live for You her whole life through?
touch her, Jesus, with Your love
with Your mercy from above
show her there’s a better way
turn her nighttime into day
amen
Twelve
Saturday, May 28
Much to our surprise, Kim Peterson did show up to jam with us today. And after a while, she really loosened up and showed us her stuff.
“Man,” said Allie. “You are really good, Kim.”
She smiled. “Thanks.”
“It makes me wish that more of our songs would work with a violin,” I said.
Kim laughed now. “Nah, you guys have a great sound already. Sometimes when I listen to your CD, I almost forget that it’s Christian music.”
I frowned. “Really?”
“Hey, I mean it as a compliment. The truth is you won’t catch me listening to much Christian music. Mostly it’s too preachy and weird. It kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
“If you don’t listen to it, how do you know that?” asked Laura.
“My mom listens to it all the time,” said Kim as she put her violin back in its case. “Ugh. I get so sick of it.”
I nodded. “Well, maybe she listens to the wrong kind of music. Maybe if she heard Iron Cross or—”
“No way,” said Kim. “My mom is definitely not into any kind of rock whatsoever, Christian or otherwise.”
“So, do you plan to do anything with your music?” I asked as she closed up her case.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Mr. Covell, in orchestra, says I could probably get a music scholarship. But my parents don’t think a profession in music offers much financial stability for my future.”
Laura laughed. “Tell us about it. You should’ve heard my mom before we signed our contract with Omega.”
“My mom was just as bad,” I offered. “But they’ve started to sing a different tune.”
“Yeah,” said Kim. “But what happened to you guys is kind of like winning the lottery. Most musicians spend their whole lives without even a tiny bit of the success that you’re having.” Then she smiled. “And now I can say I jammed with you.”
“And if we ever need a good violinist,” I told her as we walked her to the front door, “we’ll know just who to call.”
“I won’t be holding my breath.” But she smiled again and I felt that perhaps we’d made it through some kind of barrier with her.
I closed the door, then turned to Allie and Laura. “For some reason God has really put Kim on my heart. I plan to be praying for her a lot.”
“She’s a cool girl,” said Allie. “I guess I just never took the time to get to know her before.”
“She hasn’t been the easiest person to get to know,” said Laura. “I think she’s got a couple of close friends, but she pretty much holds everyone off at arm’s length.”
“Probably because she’s afraid,” I said.
“Of what?”
“You know, of getting hurt. I even hurt her myself one time, back in middle school.”
“Are you saying that she could be more easily hurt because she’s Asian?” asked Laura, her dark eyes challenging me.
“Well, what do you think? I mean, I know you’re a minority at school, but at least there are quite a few African-American kids, and you’ve never had a problem making friends.”
“Yeah,” added Allie. “In fact, you weren’t exactly friendly to us when we first tried to become friends with you.”
“That’s right,” I reminded her. “And there aren’t that many Asian kids at our school.
Kim’s in a lot more of a minority than you, Laura.”
She nodded. “Okay, you might be right, at least about our school, but I’m not so sure about the bigger picture. I think Asians, in general, face less discrimination than African-Americans. Maybe even less than Hispanics.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I might have to agree with you there. Although I’m not much of an expert.”
“Well, if you want to hear an expert opinion, you should get my dad going sometime,” said Laura.
“Okay, okay,” said Allie with her typical impatience. “If we’ve resolved the racial questions of the day, do you think we could possibly go finish up our practice now? I promised Mom I’d watch Davie while she and Willy go out tonight.”
“So, how are the lovebirds?” asked Laura.
“Talk about mush,” said Allie. “They weren’t kidding that they were saving it until after our tour.” Then she laughed. “But it’s really kind of cute. And do you know what? Mom said that rather than having Willy spend all that money on an engagement ring for her, she’d rather have him get his front tooth capped.”
We all laughed about that.
“But I like Willy’s gold tooth,” I said. “I’m not sure if he’ll still be Willy with it all fixed and pretty.”
“Well apparently Willy wants it capped too,” said Allie as she sat down at the drums. “See, that’s what being in love can do.”
“Here’s to love,” I said, then started our next song.
HERE’S TO LOVE
when it is right
you’ll understand
that it is from
the Master’s hand
when it is right
your heart will know
it’s time to love
it’s time to go
when it is right
you’ll feel the peace
your heart will soar
with great release
when it is right
sent from above
you will rejoice
here’s to love!
cm
Monday, May 30
Our church had a Memorial Day picnic at the lake today. Pastor Tony invited everyone to take a few minutes to remember friends and loved ones who are no longer here on earth. I think a lot of people were thinking about his brother Clay who was killed a few years ago in that terrible shooting at McFadden High. I know I was thinking about him. I’m still amazed at the influence his life had over me. And I never even met him. I couldn’t help but think that God is amazing.
Josh had come home from college. He graduates next week. I can’t believe that’s possible, but he assures me it is. And if I think about it, I have to admit that my brother, who used to be an obnoxious, fairly self-absorbed preppy, has really grown up into a very nice man. I even took a moment to tell him so.
He grinned. “Thanks, Chloe. You might not know it, but that means a lot coming from you.”
“Yeah,” I said sarcastically. “I’m sure the opinion of your kid sister is pretty significant.”
He got slightly serious then. “Hey, I have a lot of respect for you. Probably more than you can imagine without getting an even bigger head.”
Then we started teasing and messing with each other just like the old days. Pretty cool. I noticed him glancing out of the corner of his eye from time to time to see where Caitlin was and who she was visiting with, since she’d come home too. Finally, I couldn’t stand it.
“Josh, now that you’re graduating, don’t you think you could finally pop the question?”
“Huh?” He looked at me as if I were nuts. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean, Josh. Everyone knows, for Pete’s sake. You’re in love with Caitlin.”
It was fun watching his cheeks turn slightly red. And rather sweet too. But big brother was not about to fall for my tricks. “Did I tell you that I’m going down to Mexico for the summer again?” he said in an obvious attempt to change the subject.
“Yeah,” I reminded him. “You e-mailed me about it.”
“Well, I was thinking it would be really cool if Redemption could come down and do a little concert for the kids at the orphanage. I know it’s a lot to ask. But there are a lot of teens down there that would really love it.”
I thought about this. “You know, I just saw our summer schedule and we’ll be down in California again in August. I could check with Willy and see if there’s any way to squeeze something in.”
“Cool. Let me know and I’ll see that it’s all set. Maybe we could invite people from the area too, charge for tickets, and if you guys were willing, maybe you’d like to donate the proceeds to the orphanage.”
“You are a sly one, bro.” I jabbed him. “And if you decide not to go into the ministry, maybe you could become an events manager.”
“Isn’t that what a pastor does anyway?”
“Speaking of pastors, it looks like Pastor Tony is waving to you, Josh.”
“Yeah, I haven’t even said hi to him yet.”
“I’m going to go catch Caitlin.” I watched his eyes at the mention of her name. Even if his life depended on it, I do not think Josh would be able to conceal his complete love, adoration, and affection for that girl. I just wish he’d get it over with and ask. But then he may be worried that she’ll say no. She’s already turned him down once. But I don’t think she will the next time. As long as the timing is right. Now, I suppose that could be tricky.
“You getting all ready for the big tour?” I asked her after we hugged.
“I am so excited about this, Chloe. I can’t believe that I actually get to do this. And get paid for it too. Man, I probably would’ve drained what little is left in my savings just to pay my way to come.”
“Well, don’t tell Willy or he might take you up on it. He’s always looking for ways to cut expenses.”
“That’s fine with me. And I’ll be happy to cook or clean or whatever it takes to keep you girls going.”
“Wow, Elise made us do our own laundry and dishes and—”
“Hey, Caitlin,” yelled Allie as she practically tackled the poor girl with a flying hug.
“Careful, Allie,” I warned. “Caitlin was just offering to cook and clean and do all kinds of stuff for us. Don’t injure her yet.”
“Really?” Allie looked suspicious.
Caitlin smiled. “I was just telling Chloe that I’m so happy to be doing this tour with you guys that I’m willing to do whatever to make your lives easier.”
“Sounds good to me.” Then Allie glanced over to where her mom and Willy were chatting with Pastor Tony’s wife, Stephanie Berringer. “Just don’t tell my mom.”
“Hey, I want to do whatever helps you girls to minister. I see myself coming on board as a servant.”
“That’s cool,” I told her. “But you don’t want to let us take advantage of you.”
She nodded. “Don’t worry. I’m meeting with Elise this week to hear about the details and stuff. She’s making a list of everything I need to do.”
Allie groaned. “Oh man, I knew my mom would mess this up somehow.”
“Well, at least we don’t have to do schoolwork during the summer tour,” I offered.
“But we will be doing Bible study and devotions,” Caitlin reminded us in a firmer-than-usual voice. “And just because you think I’m so nice does not mean I’m a pushover.”
We laughed. But there might be some people in this world who would try to push someone like Caitlin around. I mean, she is so sweet and good. But maybe that’s why I don’t think we will. She has the kind of heart where you really don’t want to hurt her. I have a feeling we’ll all try very hard to make her job easy. Now Beanie, well, that might be different. I think she can handle just about anything we care to dish up.
MEMORIAL DAY
we gather outside in the sun
to laugh and play and have some fun
hot dogs, sodas, tater chips
some are taking camping trips
; but this day is for something more
time for those who’ve gone before
those who gathered in the sun
to laugh and play and have some fun
those who’ve left some empty spaces
those who are the missing faces
now we pause to think of them
to thank God that they’re now with Him
where someday everyone will gather
our happy family back together
cm
Thirteen
Wednesday, June 1
I was surprised to get an e-mail from Jeremy today. Even so, I am trying not to make it into something it’s not. He said he was thinking of me while working on a new song and wondered if I’d like to have a look at it. We’ve talked about song-writing a lot together, and I know this is simply a professional relationship. Okay, that sounds pretty lame. But Jeremy does respect me as a songwriter, and I’m honored that he wanted my opinion for his latest song, which is really quite good. I immediately let him know, along with a couple of minor tweaky suggestions.
I also know that I can trust his opinions on my songs—he usually has something very good to contribute to my writing process. We have a good working relationship that I plan to continue. And I think I can do this without getting my heart involved. Well, if I ask God to help me, that is. On my own, I would probably make a huge mess.
But at least I don’t lay Iron Cross’s CD covers all over my bedroom and go around gawking at Jeremy’s photos and acting all lame and juvenile. Okay, Allie doesn’t really do that. At least not when she knows anyone is looking. But even so, I have to give Al this: She’s done a much better job than I have of keeping her heart under control. That has caused me to make this observation, which may or may not be correct. But I’m wondering if the girl who’s all open and up-front about her feelings for a guy—acting all lame and gaga and whatever—is perhaps at less risk for getting hurt than the girl who hides her feelings, letting their roots grow deeply inside her but telling no one.
Face the Music Page 7
