by W. Ferraro
“Ro, please just tell me where she is.” Seth said needing to get to her and tell her what a horrible mistake he made and beg her for his forgiveness.
Wanting him to rectify this fast, she told him, “Nightingale Motel, room B7, around the back.”
“Thank you, Robyn.” Kissing her to show his appreciation, Seth quickly kissed his kids and headed toward the door. But first he walked over to where Lynne stood and took her hand and placed it over his heart. “I’m sorry Lynne, for the hateful way I spoke while I was on the phone with you. If you don’t want to work here anymore, I understand, and trust me if cleaning my own toilets is the way to get back in your good graces, consider it done.”
Touched by his apology, Lynne looked at the man she loved like her own son. She didn’t come here and cook and clean because she had to, but because she wanted to. She’d known Seth since he was little and before Robyn was born. The Finns were part of her family, and Lynne needed to take care of her family.
Whispering so only Seth could hear her, “Go to her, Seth. She needs to hear that you were wrong, but she knows you are a good man; she belongs here with you and those babies. Do what needs to be done, go bring her home.” Reaching up to place her old hand on his whiskered cheek. “And we’ll talk about the toilets later.”
“I don’t tell you enough Lynne, but I love you, we all love you and we would be lost here without you.” And with that he leaned down and kissed her cheek and went out the door.
When he reached the Tahoe, he froze, overwhelmed suddenly by her tropical scent, faint but definitely there. As if she was sitting right here with him. And he knew in that moment, that Maggie was telling him as well, that he needed to bring Mae home.
Pulling out of the driveway much too fast, Seth headed toward the motel outside of town. He tried her cell phone and it just kept going to voicemail. Come on honey, pick up! But regardless of the hundreds of times he tried, he just kept getting her generic number only voicemail.
He pulled into the motel parking lot and turned the corner on two wheels until he was parked in front of room B7, but he noticed her car wasn’t there. He got out anyways and knocked on the door. Lightly at first but then with increasing strength to match the level of anxiety he was experiencing internally. Giving up on the door, he headed over to the lobby and was told by the older lady working the front desk, the woman in B7 checked out an hour ago.
Heading back to the Tahoe he started calling everyone to see if they had seen her. No one knew where she was. While Robyn was working on tracking down numbers for Leo, Seth called Tina. After explaining to his old friend that he had screwed up badly with Mae, Tina remained silent for a moment and then unleashed on him.
“Seth, she isn’t due at the Center until tomorrow afternoon and I haven’t heard from her since she left yesterday. But you could screw up a free lunch couldn’t you? As far as she was concerned, you walked on water. I told her just the other day that she would be a fool to let you go for what was in the past and I’m going to tell you the same thing, but I’ll add this for you; the future is worth fighting for, love is worth fighting for. That woman has a heart that only rivaled one other I’ve ever known, and you knew that one as well as anyone would. But remember, she isn’t Maggie, who would put up with your hot headedness. Mae is a lover, she’ll love until she can’t love anymore, but once she thinks that love is gone, she’ll not believe otherwise easily, you’ll have to prove it to her. Roses and sorry isn’t going to cut it, you’re going to have reach down into your soul and offer what no one else can.”
“And what would that be?” Seth asked willing to do whatever it took to get Mae back.
“Darlin’, if I knew that, I wouldn’t be here on the phone with you,” After a few more words of encouragement, they ended the call and Seth didn’t know if he felt better or worse.
After hours of searching and endless calls, Seth headed back to the house. Robyn and Bryan were there playing with the boys in the backyard and Megan was nowhere to be seen.
“Any luck?” Robyn asked, hoping that he wouldn’t say no.
“I’ve looked everywhere. I even tracked down Leo after you gave me his number and he hasn’t heard from her since yesterday. Not to mention he told me in no uncertain terms, that I better fix this or else.” Seth said with defeat in his voice.
“So what are we going to do Dad?” Conner said with growing concern in his eyes, which echoed the rest of them.
“Well hopefully she is just blowing off some steam and she’ll eventually turn her phone back on and let me grovel.” Seth said, giving hope to the plummeting feeling in his stomach.
Just then Megan walked out of the gazebo where she had been hiding and walked over to her father with her little hands on her hips and an angry look on her face.
“Daddy, you were supposed to find her and bring her home.”
“I know Spitfire, I’m working on it.”
“Well I have a present for her and I have to give it to her.”
Bending down to look his daughter in the eye, Seth pushed at her hair that was in her face and just marveled at the beauty she possessed, “Like I said, I’m working on it, baby. Ok?”
Not looking the least bit pleased, Megan said “ok.”
It was getting late and Robyn and Bryan headed home while Seth went in and tried to watch a movie with the kids on the television. But it was obvious within the first thirty minutes; none of them were in to it. Deciding he was going to drink a beer out on the deck and think, he told Conner to watch Megan and headed out to the dark night.
As he sat down he looked over to the dark apartment and wished that she would just come through that door and that this whole thing had never happened. But nothing happened; the apartment remained dark, as well as his optimism.
Suddenly, the calm, quiet night was interrupted by the roar of a motorcycle. Seth was not surprised when Dylan pulled into his drive a few minutes later. Dylan walked up the stairs and removed his riding jacket and placed it over the railing. Helping himself to the deck refrigerator, he pulled out a bottle of beer and handed a new one to Seth. No words were spoken even as he sat down in a nearby seat and took a long drag of the ice cold liquid.
“How you doing, man?” Dylan finally said
“I fucked up, D,” Seth said having never spoken truer words.
“Yeah, you did,” Dylan affirmed.
“Thanks for the pep talk” Seth said, knowing he had no one to be mad at but himself.
“I didn’t come here to sugar coat crap for you. And you’d be stupid to think that I would,” Dylan snapped, “I came here to tell you to get your head out of your ass. Mae deserves to be treated like a queen, not like the piece of shit you treated her like last night. You were way out of line.”
Hearing Dylan say the words that he was chanting to himself all day just drove home to Seth that Mae just had to give him another chance. If she refused him, he honestly wouldn’t know what to do.
Dylan stayed for a few more minutes and told Seth he would take care of everything at the office tomorrow so Seth could focus on finding Mae and setting things right. And he knew how to do it.
After Dylan left, Seth went in and found his house quiet as the kids went to bed and Lynne had left for the evening. He walked over to the interior door and could feel sweat beading at his neck as he talked himself into turning the door knob. Whether he thought the place would look different, Seth didn’t know; he just knew it was empty. The vase of roses still stood on the dining table exactly where he placed them yesterday while she was at the wedding, with the two keys lying plainly next to it. He noticed that the card he placed with the flowers was no longer attached. A single glass was in the sink, forgotten, and mail was scattered on the breakfast counter.
He slowly walked up the stairs, where her scent lingered heaviest. He sat on the chaise and was submerged in memory after memory of all the things they had done with and to each other. If he closed his eyes he swore he could feel her near him, but then the
fantasy was spoiled as he opened his eyes and found himself alone. As he scanned the room he noticed her clothes from last night were tossed and forgotten in the walk in closet. He walked over to where her top lay and brought it to his nose, deeply inhaling her fragrance. He ran his fingers along her clothes he noticed how everything had such color and texture. Her clothes were beautiful creations, and Mae had made them look spectacular. She filled each of the materials with her luscious curves and her softness. Her hair cascaded around her as a waterfall clung to the rocks. He continued to walk around the room touching, smelling, feeling and remembering. He suddenly felt so tired that the need to just collapse just over took him. He lay on the bed that was Mae’s just yesterday and he wrapped his arms around the pillow that smelled of her and he let all his pent up fears out as his tears fell.
Megan woke up and noticed that Seth wasn’t in his bed. She walked down, trying to be quiet and noticed the door to Mae’s was open. Feeling elated that Mae had finally returned, she ran into the apartment and up the stairs and jumped on the bed. Awake now from the leap his daughter took, Seth sat up and pulled Megan into his arms.
“Hey there, Spitfire.” He said as he kissed her on her nose.
“Hi Daddy, I saw the door open and thought Mae had come home.” Megan said in a melancholy tone.
“I’m trying to get her back here Megan, but she may not want to,” Seth said hating the thought but needing to prepare Megan and himself.
“I have something for her that I wanted to give to her next Sunday.” Megan played with a loose threat on the comforter.
“Why next Sunday?”
“Because I have to give it to her that day,” said Megan, simply and quietly.
“I’m sure she would love whatever it is you have for her.” He spoke quietly not following why the day was so important and for not knowing what else to say.
When they made their way downstairs, Conner and Aidan were at the table swirling their cereal around without really eating it. Their faces told Seth that they were all feeling lost without Mae, as if they were all reliving Maggie’s death all over again.
Knowing he needed to distract all of them, Seth told them all to get in the Tahoe and he would take them out for breakfast. He tried Mae’s cell phone again and was not surprised when it just went to voicemail, but he knew he needed to try. He was sure it was a sound he was going to become quite familiar with today, but he also knew that she would be at the Cancer Center this afternoon. He hated the thought of having to track her down there, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
The first part of the day went by quicker than Seth had expected. The kids seemed to enjoy their breakfast and then they went to the playground at Hamden Sports Fields. Seth played catch with the boys and pushed Megan on the swings. Knowing he was looking at his watch every five minutes, but every time was closer to the time he would find her at the hospital. He continued to call her phone but received no different response.
When it was time to drop the kids off and head over to the hospital, to camp out next to her car if he had to, Conner turned to his Dad and said, “Bring her home Dad, where she belongs.” Seth nodded his head as the words got caught in his throat.
NINETEEN
Mae arrived at the hospital to start her shift, though it was the last place she wanted to be. She usually loved to be at work with her fellow nurses and patients, but today she just wanted to be curled up in bed. But then again she didn’t really have a bed of her own, did she? Yesterday was such an exhausting day. She couldn’t stand the thought of staying at the motel all day, she didn’t want to bother anyone with her unstable emotional state, so she just hopped in her car and drove wherever the road let her. Before she knew it she was in New York and rather than drive back and stay at the Nightingale, she decided to stay in a chain hotel there and drove back coming straight to the hospital. With great reluctance she turned her phone back on and was stunned by the multitude of voicemails and texts. Between Leo and Robyn they must have called and texted every five minutes, not to mention Seth. He never left a message, but even if he did, Mae wouldn’t have listened to it. She didn’t think she could hear his voice without crying. She knew she would have to talk to him eventually to make arrangements to move the remainder of her things out, but that would just have to be put on the back burner for now. Now she needed to focus on getting through every minute, without bursting into tears by thinking about what could have been.
She just had placed everything in her locker when she arrived at the nurses’ station. Mae was looking through her assigned patients charts when Tina came up and gently pulled her to an empty room and closed the door behind them.
“You ok, sugar?” Tina asked as she watched Mae’s face crumble and the tears begin to fall. Not waiting for an answer, Tina just pulled her into her arms and rubbed her back and whispered words of support as Mae cried herself out.
When she was sure the worst of it had fallen, Mae looked at her friend and said, “Oh Tina, how did it cave so fast?”
Not holding anything back, Tina responded, “because he is an overreacting man and you just stood back and took the blame.”
All Mae could do was defend Seth, “He had every right to be mad at me, what I did was inexcusable. So why fight it?”
“Nothing I say or anyone else for that matter is going to change your mind, so as your friend, I’m going to do the only thing I can do.” And with that Tina left the room, leaving Mae bewildered.
Tina returned a moment later, but she wasn’t alone. There was Seth, larger than life, and even larger than she remembered him. Mae swore he touched both walls and the ceiling. She wanted to run and throw herself at him, but it was as if her feet were cemented to the floor. Even when he made a move to come toward her, she didn’t know why but her hand shot up, halting him in his place. She stood there and just looked her fill at him. His large body overwhelmed the room; his Patriots sweatshirt and dark blue denim jeans could not hide his rigidness. His green eyes looked heavy and sleep deprived and his smile was nowhere to be seen on his handsome face.
When she spoke, her voice was quaky and soft. “What are you doing here, Seth?”
He willed himself to speak, but he just couldn’t. Seeing her here now made him feel like it had been an eternity since he saw her last. Her long soft hair was up in its usual high ponytail; her purple scrubs hid her curves but Seth knew they were there. Her cheeks didn’t have their usual color and her adorable dimple was hiding from him. Her eyes were wide and red, and he knew she’d been crying, he longed to touch her. He was willing to grovel at her feet, but she asked him to not move and he thought it might actually kill him.
“I needed to see you honey. You wouldn’t answer your phone and I couldn’t find you after driving all over God’s creation, looking for you,” he said not caring that his own voice cracked.
“Seth you can’t be here, I’m working.” She wanted to say so much but that was all that would come out.
“I know and I don’t want to cause you any trouble, but we need to talk. I’m so sorry sweetheart. God, am I sorry for what I said and how I acted, if you give me another chance, I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life.”
Knowing that he was right that they needed to talk desperately, the glorious feeling that he may not be gone forever was tethered to the raw pain of his offensive estimation of her character.
When Mae made no movement toward him nor responded to his words, Seth’s uneasiness rose up.
“Say something,” Seth pleaded.
“Of course we should talk, but later, I can come by your house after my shift,” Mae said, wanting to throw herself at him but knowing she couldn’t afford to get lost in the physical attraction if the unquestionable confidence in one another wasn’t there.
“Well, until later then.” Seth said as he turned to leave out the door he came in, when he had his hand on the know he turned back to her and wanting to touch her in some way, but knowing she didn’t want him to, he
said what he hoped she would know to be true, “I truly am sorry Mae. I was wrong and I’m sorry.”
Mae watched as Seth walked out the door and toward the exit. She so desperately to chase after him but knew that she couldn’t. She tried to throw herself into her work, but she just couldn’t get Seth, what happened and what was to occur out of her mind.
Finally, the clock showed it was time to clock out, and Mae was suddenly filled with trepidation. What if he could never fully trust her? Aside from her strong feelings of honesty and trust, Seth himself told her on their date how that trust was a deal breaker for him. Would he always doubt her? Would she herself be willing to be doubted for the chance to have Seth in her life?
So caught up in thoughts that when she walked out to the parking garage, she was suddenly startled by Robert who had run to catch up to her.
“Mae, didn’t you hear me calling for you?” he asked winded
“Uh, no, sorry Robert.”
“I wanted to see if you were alright? Leo told me about what happened with Seth, I’m sorry.”
“Honestly, I’m not doing too well. I’ve been crying every five minutes, I have this horrible ache where my heart was and my mind is just coming up with scenario after scenario of how this could end so badly.” Mae said as she grabbed for a tissue out of her bag since her tears were filling up again.
Robert pulled her into a comforting embrace and held her as her tears fell. He crooned supportive words and when she was done crying he used his thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “There, even after a crying fit, she is still beautiful.”
“Thank you, Robert,” Mae said as she hugged him she added, “I’m so scared. I love him so very much.”
“I know you do, Love. You look at Seth the same way that I look at Leo.”
Robert made Mae promise that she would come and stay with him tonight if she chose not to stay at Seth’s.
She headed out of the parking garage after getting in her car and drove toward Seth’s. While she drove the familiar road, she thought how quickly her life had changed in the last six weeks. She went from a single girl who was used to being on her own, content with her small circle, to being part of a family, feeling loved and a part of something whole. And oh how she missed the whole. Not just Seth, but the kids, Lynne and all the wonderful friends she made including Robyn, Bryan, Wes and Dylan. The beautiful, loving people who made her feel so welcomed and important that if she were to lose them, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stay here in Hamden. Could she just casually run into one of them at the town grocery store? So is that what she is thinking, she’ll move back to Boston or to somewhere else? She could get her job back at Dana Farber but she left for a reason, didn’t she? Ugh. It hurt to think about this, she just needed to get to Seth and go from there.
