“Morning, Jamie. Any messages?”
She looked over my shoulder at Ross, then back at me. “Nothing urgent.”
I nodded to my assistant, turned my head slightly to look at Ross, and motioned for him to follow me into my office. If we were going to discuss Brianna—and I was certain that was why he was here—then I would not do it as an open forum for passersby to hear. It was bad enough he was at my office to begin with.
He followed me inside and closed the door behind him. At least he appeared to want privacy as well; a point in his favor.
I took a seat behind my desk, and motioned to the chair opposite me. He shook his head and stood with his arms folded.
The staring contest continued for several minutes before I finally leaned back in my chair and said, “You can stand there all day, Ross, or you can just say what you’ve come here to say. I, for one, have a business to run.”
Ross’s eyes narrowed at my statement. He shifted his weight, leaning forward with his arms on the back of the chair in front of him. “What’s wrong with Anna?” he demanded.
I was careful to keep my expression neutral and emphasize the first word. “Nothing is wrong with Brianna.”
He threw his arms abruptly off the back of the chair in exasperation. “Nothing is wrong with her? Nothing?” His voice rose in agitation. “She looks like a scared mouse.”
He looked like he was just getting started; I kept quiet and let him continue. I was in luck. He started pacing.
“If I move too quickly, I see her flinch. And if I try to touch her—” I bristled a little at his words; the thought of Ross touching her did not sit well with me. No man was ever coming that close to her again. “—you’d think I’d tried to burn her or something. Then you . . . you hover around her as if she’s going to break or something. Something has to be wrong with her, and don’t think that I have ruled you out as the cause, Coleman.”
His posturing was aggressive, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. “What has she told you?”
“She hasn’t told me anything,” he said, clearly frustrated.
I leaned forward, rested my forearms on my desk, and folded my hands. “I’m not going to tell you anything either.”
If Brianna wanted him to know about Ian, or about her father, then she was going to have to tell him herself.
Ross just stood there dumbfounded and clearly frustrated. Good . . . so was I.
He stared at me with a blank look on his face before turning around and leaving without another word. I’d known from the start that Cal Ross wasn’t going to stay out of Brianna’s life. It didn’t mean I had to like it.
I took a few minutes to settle myself before turning on my computer and calling Jamie to get my messages. There was only one. Lily wanted to see me.
My feelings toward my friend were mixed at the moment. I’d spoken to Logan to see if he’d given her instructions that would have kept her in the bathroom for longer than normal. He’d assured me that he hadn’t since he’d known that she would most likely be escorting Brianna. That, of course, left normal human reasons for her to have taken so long, leaving my girl alone. I knew I couldn’t fault her for that, even if I wanted to. She couldn’t have known that simply having Brianna wait for her outside the ladies’ room would get her accosted. No one had thought Karl would go that far, although I should have.
I checked my e-mails. Most of them were routine; however, there was one from Daren.
Stephan,
I debated sending this a hundred times. But in the end, I thought it best.
I wanted to apologize. My presence disturbed your girl, and that was never my intention. By this point, I’m assuming you’ve discovered that I played with her. It was at the party I told you about. If you would like details, you know how to reach me.
Your friend,
Daren.
The fact that Daren had contacted me wasn’t what surprised me; it was that he’d chosen e-mail as his method. I’d been expecting a phone call, or even for him to show up at my office. E-mail was definitely unexpected. It made me wonder why.
Before I could think too much about it, I called his cell. He picked up on the second ring.
“Stephan, I’m glad you called.”
“I got your e-mail.”
He sighed. “I figured as much.”
“I have to say I’m a little surprised you e-mailed me. Why didn’t you just call?”
“Maybe I should have. No—I should have. But I wanted to give you time with your girl. It was obvious she reacted very badly to seeing me again. Is she all right?”
“Yes. She’s better now. Seeing you was obviously a shock. I didn’t know you were going to be there. She had no warning, which didn’t help.”
“I know. I’m sorry about that, too. It was a last-minute decision. Someone couldn’t go, so I stepped in. Otherwise, I would have said something.”
This caused me to feel mortified. He could have done something, made an effort, but he didn’t. “You could have just stayed away from her. That would have been best.”
He was silent for a long time.
“You’re right. My apologies. I shouldn’t have tried to make contact knowing what I did.” He paused again. “How is she now?”
“Better.”
“I’m glad she’s better,” he said with remorse. “Your girl told you what happened?”
“She didn’t go into details,” I acknowledged, making it clear I wanted more from him. “What happened?”
“Ian and I struck up a conversation. He was bragging about his new slave. I was talking about Gina. Very normal. Brianna knelt at his feet with his Alpha the whole time. I had no reason to suspect that something wasn’t right. The conversation turned to the new cane he’d gotten, and he offered to let me try it out on her. It wasn’t until I’d been caning her for a few minutes that I realized something wasn’t right. She was so still, like she wasn’t there. It wasn’t a normal submissive reaction at all. She wasn’t in subspace. She wasn’t enjoying it. I began watching her mannerisms, and saw how she was trying to escape her discomfort.
“I decided to test my theory and asked Ian what her safeword was. He told me she didn’t have one. At that point, I asked if there was a room where I could play with her privately. He was happy to oblige my use of his slave. Once I got her alone, I began again and saw how scared she was not only of me, but afterward she was even more so of going back to her Master. Before, in Ian’s presence, she’d been almost void of emotion entirely. By then I knew for sure. After that, I decided to keep an eye on the situation.”
I knew from first-hand experience what Brianna was like when she became deathly still.
Shortly after that, I ended the call. I needed to check on Brianna, it was almost ten o’clock. Instead of hearing her beautiful voice, I heard mine as the answering machine picked up. I quickly left a message, hung up, and tried her cell next. Again, I got voicemail. I was beginning to worry. Why wasn’t she picking up?
I left another brief message telling her to call me on my cell, and then hung up. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself. Maybe she was still sleeping. I was doubtful, but I would give her some time and try again.
A knock sounded on my door. I saw Lily peek her head in as she opened it a few inches. “May I come in?” I gave her a terse nod, and she stepped into the room. “I wanted to apologize and make sure that Brianna was okay. I shouldn’t have left her, and I’m sorry.”
“No. You should not have,” I snapped.
“I know,” she responded, lowering her head. “I’m sorry.”
“I trusted you. As a friend, you should have known what I expected when I had you escort Brianna. I’m disappointed.”
Her head lowered further. “I know.”
“You aren’t to leave her alone like that again, Lily.”
She didn’t speak, but I knew she’d heard me.
“She’s recovered from Saturday for the most part,” I answered, somewhat forcefully,
continuing to remind myself that it wasn’t really Lily’s fault.
“I’m glad.” Lily was still walking on eggshells, which was good. She should feel bad. “Let me help?”
Considering that I couldn’t reach Brianna this morning, I had an idea. “Brianna isn’t answering the house phone or her cell. She may still be sleeping, but you could go spend the day with her. I have a meeting this afternoon.”
“I can go now.”
“If she is still sleeping, then let her rest. If she’s up, have her call me.”
She nodded.
“I’ll be home early. You can help her make dinner, and have it ready by four o’clock.”
“Anything else?”
“That should be it,” I said. She turned to go and I added, “She had a rough night, Lily. Don’t let her out of your sight for long, please.”
Again, she nodded, and then she was gone. I felt a little better having Lily with her, but this day could not be over soon enough.
Brianna
It took all of thirty seconds after my eyes had opened for me to start crying. I remembered everything. He’d been wonderful last night. It felt so good having him touch me like that. And then . . .
The tears fell harder. Why did I have to be such a mess?
His note hadn’t helped. Well, it did, but it made me feel worse.
After a long cry, I’d finally gotten myself out of bed, taken a shower, and made myself breakfast. Most of my food went uneaten, however. I just didn’t have an appetite, and every few minutes I had to fight another wave of tears.
The clock read nine thirty when I decided to start cleaning the house. I needed something to keep myself busy, and it was the best idea I could think of. Why couldn’t Brad be coming over today? He would have been able to keep my mind off things. Instead, I was left to my own methods. Dusting seemed like the perfect distraction until a spot on the kitchen floor caught my eye. For some reason it bugged me, and I had to remove it before I did anything else.
With a bucket of soapy water and a sponge, I lowered myself to the floor and started scrubbing. It took some effort, but eventually there was no sign of the spot I’d seen.
I leaned back on my heels just staring at the floor. My mind once again filled with the pain I’d been trying to push away. It wasn’t working, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I wanted to call him. He told me I could call him anytime, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know where to start.
Just then, the main phone rang, causing me to jump. The sudden movement landed both the bucket of soapy water and me on the floor. I was now a wet mess.
Without thinking, I tried to get up and ended up slipping on the sponge I’d also dropped on the floor. I went flying forward and landed face first in front of the stove. My cheek hit the marble tile with force. Tears were now stinging my eyes for an entirely different reason.
Stephan’s recorded voice came on, picking up the call, as I began slowly sitting up. I touched the part of my face that had hit the floor, and I winced as the machine beeped and the caller began speaking. My head rose as I once again heard Stephan’s voice coming through the answering machine, only this time he was the caller.
“Brianna?” There was a long pause. “Call me, please. I’d like to speak with you this morning.”
I heard the click as he hung up the phone, leaving me not knowing what to do. Should I call him back now? Later? I wanted to talk to him, but what would I say? Plus, I couldn’t talk to him this way.
While I was debating what to do, the cell phone in my pocket began to vibrate, making me jump again. This time I managed not to fall or bang into anything.
The name across the caller ID was just as I knew it would be.
Stephan.
I held the phone to my chest, but didn’t answer it. No matter how much I wanted to talk to him, I couldn’t. I needed . . .
I didn’t know what I needed, but I knew I wanted to be composed to talk to him. Not like I was now.
I had no idea how long I sat there before I heard keys in the door. Panic started to set in before I saw that it was Lily, not Stephan. She took one look at me, walked over, and helped me up. She wrapped her arms around me, and just when I thought the tears had dried up, more came.
Finally, I calmed down, and Lily helped me into my room. She ushered me into the shower, and told me she’d be back in a few minutes. I tried to enjoy the way the water felt against my skin, but I couldn’t. The only thing I wanted was Stephan.
Lily found me sitting in the shower, the water cascading down my head and back. She turned the water off and helped me to dry off. We went back into my room and I changed into clean clothes.
She guided me back out into the main room and walked toward the couch. We sat down, and she held my hand. It was nice. But it wasn’t Stephan. It wasn’t the same.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
Did I?
She was the only friend I had, and I needed a friend. I needed someone to tell me if I was going insane or not, so I started talking. “Cal came over yesterday.” I looked up and made sure she knew whom I was talking about.
She just nodded, so I went on.
“It was strange. I liked seeing him again, but it wasn’t the same as when we were little.” I added in a whisper, “I’m not the same.” She squeezed my hand tighter, but she didn’t speak. It was as if she knew I just needed to get it all out. “I was nervous the whole time he was here. Afraid he’d figure out that I’m . . . damaged. He tried to touch me last night and I . . . I . . . why can’t I just be good for him?”
I crumbled forward and she held me for a while, rocking me. She let me cry it out and then helped me clean myself up again with some tissues.
“Stephan tried to touch you last night?” she asked.
I nodded. How she’d managed to follow my random train of thought I had no idea, but I was grateful that I hadn’t needed to explain what I’d meant.
“Can you tell me exactly what happened?”
I tried very hard to keep the tears inside. “We were on my bed. He was kissing me and touching me. I liked it. Sometimes, when he touches me, I can forget.”
She smiled at me and wiped some more tears away from my face. I hadn’t realized I’d started crying again. “So you were enjoying it, and then what happened?”
“I don’t know! I mean . . . one minute he was touching me and then . . .”
When I didn’t finish, she said, “Then what?”
“It wasn’t him.”
“What do you mean it wasn’t him?”
“It was this other man. I don’t know his name, but he was a friend . . . of Ian’s. He would come by sometimes. He liked me.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry.”
“How do I make it stop, Lily? I want it to stop. Everything was going so good and then I messed it up.”
She brushed the hair back from my face. It reminded me of Stephan and made me miss him even more. I wanted him here more than anything. Nothing made me feel better than when he held me.
“You didn’t mess up. It sounds like you had a flashback. I think that’s normal.”
“But I want to be good for him.”
“Have you told Stephan what happened?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I fell asleep last night, and then he was gone this morning. He called me earlier, but I . . . I didn’t know what to say and didn’t answer the phone.” I lowered my head. “I was bad. He isn’t going to be happy with me.”
“He’s worried about you.”
My head snapped up. “You talked to him?”
“I spoke to him before I left.”
She encouraged me to call him. I wanted to, but I was nervous. In the end, though, it was the fact that I had done something wrong and needed to make it right that won out.
He answered on the first ring. “Brianna?”
“Hello, Sir.”
I heard him sigh. “Are you all right?”
; “Yes. I’m all right. Lily’s here.”
“Good. Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“You can do better than that, Brianna.”
“I . . . I was afraid that you were mad at me.”
“And you thought not answering my phone call would help the situation if I was?” he asked in a voice that clearly showed his displeasure in me.
“I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll not do it again.”
“You’re right. You won’t,” he said. I didn’t like the sound of that. “I have a meeting this afternoon, but I’ll be home after that. Have food finished by four. We will talk about this tonight.”
“Yes, Sir,” I said.
“Put Lily on the phone, Brianna.”
I handed the phone to her and stepped away. I’d been so afraid I’d messed up that I really had. If he hadn’t been upset with me before, then he certainly was now. He was most likely going to punish me when he got home, but it was the least I deserved. He’d been very clear that he had given me a cell phone so we could get in touch with each other at all times. I’d intentionally ignored him.
Lily walked into the kitchen as she talked. She looked like she was trying to calm him down. I knew I was going to be punished tonight. I just didn’t know how badly.
When she was finished, she hung up the phone and put it back in its cradle. “I’m staying with you until he gets home. He doesn’t want you left alone.”
I nodded and mumbled, “He doesn’t trust me.”
“He doesn’t want you left on your own today.”
I didn’t argue. It didn’t matter anyway. I liked having her here.
We didn’t talk about Stephan for the rest of the afternoon. Lily made us some lunch, and we watched television. She told me about Logan’s job, and how she missed him when he was out of town, like he was now. The way she talked about him, the way she felt, was almost how I felt about Stephan. He was everything to me. All I wanted was to make him happy.
When it was time to start making dinner, Lily came into the kitchen and helped me. It was nice having her there.
As we cooked, I remembered something I’d wanted to ask her. “Lily?”
“Hmm?” she asked as she chopped up some carrots for the salad.
Need (Finding Anna) Page 13
