by Zen DiPietro
Ross and Raptor remained silent.
“Is there anything I can help out with?” asked Arin.
“Possibly. What do you all think about this?” Fallon looked from one face to the next.
“I think it doesn’t much matter what we think,” Hesta said. “You’re the one who’s been through what he seems to have been through. That makes you the only person who can decide if he’s legit or not.”
“Not exactly,” Fallon said. “I think Brak and Jerin could help us out with that. A physical exam could tell us a lot.”
“Perhaps,” Hesta agreed. “But if it doesn’t, it still comes down to you.”
“One of these days, I’m going to need a vacation,” Fallon mused.
“What would you do on vacation?” Ross asked.
Fallon wasn’t sure, but Peregrine answered before she could. “Probably go diving off of cliffs or rock climbing up a ridiculously hard mountain face. Something risky and difficult and not at all relaxing.”
Well. She wasn’t exactly wrong, Fallon supposed. “So I’ll arrange that physical exam, then proceed from there. Agreed?”
“And you’ll keep him under surveillance? I don’t need some piece of shit wandering around my station like we had with Colb.” Hesta scowled.
Fallon took a moment to enjoy the shocked look on Arin’s face. He hadn’t encountered this side of the captain yet. “Of course.” Fallon wouldn’t risk being wrong about Lim.
“Fine,” Hesta agreed. “And since we’re on that general subject, I want to bring up something else. Are you sure we can trust Wren? I’m still wary of ignoring the fact that she cut holes in my station and released a prisoner.”
All eyes shot to Fallon. “I’m glad you brought it up. You’re welcome to question her yourself until you’re satisfied. But I’m convinced she thought she was working for the good of the PAC. Thing is, she didn’t have our training. She proved to be a remarkably resourceful ally, but trusted the wrong guy. So did we, for a minute or two. And if we got it wrong, I don’t think we can blame her for getting it wrong.”
Nevitt looked undecided, but said nothing.
“Like I said. Talk to her yourself.”
Peregrine spoke up. “If she’s actually on our side, and is a good asset, should we consider bringing her in? Training her?”
Fallon had thought about that too. “She could do well at certain aspects of intelligence work, as an analyst. Maybe even some contained field work related to mechanics. But she’s not the kind of person who could do what we do and be able to live with herself.”
Fallon had known her team would trust her judgment. Nevitt and Arin were a different matter.
“I believe what you’re saying about her,” Nevitt said. “But I think I’ll feel better about it if I talk to Wren. Nothing too harrowing, just a few questions.”
Fallon nodded. Arin looked from his captain to his chief, clearly conflicted. No doubt he was also experiencing surprise and uncertainty, because of his friendship with Wren.
“Good. I want to be sure we’re all in agreement.” When no one else spoke, she said, “Okay. If there’s nothing else, we can adjourn for now. Bring anything you’re suspicious or concerned about to me. Even if it seems like nothing.”
She glanced around the room and her gaze tangled with Raptor’s. He still hadn’t spoken to her, and it wasn’t a situation she could allow to continue. “Raptor, could you stay, please? I need to discuss something with you.”
He had little choice but to remain, or else look like an ass to the others. Refusing to remain in his own quarters to talk to her would have been awfully strange. Ross followed the others out, which saved Fallon from needing to move to Raptor’s bedroom to talk to him.
“What do you want?” Raptor demanded as soon as the doors closed, leaving them alone.
“To apologize. I’m so sorry, Raptor.”
His expression was guarded, but he sat back down, no longer inching toward the door. “Can’t say I’m shocked that you shut me out again.”
“Disappointed. I know.” She closed her eyes, trying to figure out how to explain. “Okay, here’s the thing. My brain has always been unusual, even before Blackout messed with it. As a kid, I just had a lot of frustration. Anger, even. My father teaching me to fight was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned to be disciplined. I learned that getting hurt doesn’t really matter. I could take a hit and I’d heal. And while I was never proud of getting top marks in my classes because it was so easy, I had to earn my combat skills.”
She paused, struggling to put her past into words. “I was proud when I mastered skills and won competitions. I was proud when I got recruited into the academy. I learned that the higher the stakes, the more I could feel. I was like a foot that had been asleep, suddenly burning with sensation. When I got to the academy, I felt truly alive in a way I’d never felt. And then I met you.” She smiled, thinking of his younger self. “You weren’t jealous of my successes. You were more like me than anyone I’d ever met, but you were better—easygoing and fun. You were the first person to make me really feel without having to put my life on the line.”
She let out a long breath and risked a peek at Raptor. His coolness had faded, and he seemed interested in what she was saying.
She moved next to him. “I can’t describe how deeply I felt about you. When you suggested we forget about going into Blackout, I wanted to say yes. But I couldn’t imagine having a normal life. Working the day shift, then going to the theater in the evenings. Sleeping in on the weekends. I was afraid I’d go numb again without Blackout. That I wouldn’t feel the big things anymore, including you. So I said no.”
The set of his shoulders had eased. “Why didn’t you tell me that back then?”
“I was too young to be able to put it into words. And would it have even made sense to you? I didn’t want to end things with you. I just didn’t see any alternative.”
“So why did you ice me out a few days ago?” His voice held no accusation.
“I needed a little distance to make sure I could be objective. I’d just realized that Wren had been working for Colb. I was afraid my personal relationships were affecting my judgment.” She rubbed her hand over her eyes. “For the first time, I really wanted to go back to being numb. I didn’t want my feelings for you to blind me.”
He sat looking at her for a long minute. “I get why you did what you did when we were young. But you can’t just put me in a box now. If you need some space, just tell me. I thought you were ending it with me.”
“You seem to have a complex about that.” She struggled to hide a smile.
“For good reason! I always suspected you had some weird baggage. I want to learn more about that, but for now you just need to figure your shit out.”
She let her smile unfurl. “You’re always right.”
“Of course I am. I landed in Avian Unit with you so that I could equal out your dumbassness.”
“That’s not a word.”
“It is now.”
She was glad to see the warmth return to his face, and as always, he pulled her in like gravity. “So.”
“So figure yourself out, dumbass.” He snorted in disdain. “When you do, you know where I am. Just be up front with me about what you need. Whatever it is, we’ll make it work.” He leaned forward, looking at her closely. “You’re back with Wren now, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. Is that a problem?”
He pursed his lips thoughtfully. “No. It’s just funny how she seems to be in control of all your disarm codes. She’s the one who always pulls you back from trying to be alone.”
“There’s just something about her. I can’t explain it.”
“Doesn’t matter. She makes you happy.” He shrugged.
“So do you, in a completely different way.” She ran her hand over her hair. “She said humans are silly for thinking we have to pick one kind of love and refuse all others.”
“I’ve always thought Sarkavians were
wise. Maybe all those sandy beaches encourage relaxation and deep thought.”
She smiled. “They have some great high-speed boating and other water sports too. You and I would have some fun there.”
“A vacation is pretty wishful thinking.”
“Why not wish? What’s your wish for when all this is done?”
“I really don’t know. I’ll have to give it some thought.”
She hoped his wishes involved her. “I think Lim is going to be what we need to break everything wide open.”
“You’re convinced he’s for real?”
“Completely. His reactions and behavior remind me of myself after I lost my memory. It’s too familiar to be a fake. And his story adds up. That would mean he was experimented on six months before I came to Dragonfire.”
“Do you think Colb was planning that far ahead to try to implant you?”
She’d wondered the same thing. “I don’t know. I’m ready to find out though, and I think Lim is going to help us.”
“I hope so.”
A silence fell between them. Fallon stood. “I’ll get going. Ross will probably be back soon.”
“Okay.” He walked her to the exit. The doors swooshed open. “Good luck sorting out all the crap in your head.”
She had to smile at his cheerful tone. “Thanks. I guess I’ll need it. I’m really sorry about before. I never said I wasn’t broken.”
“Someday I’ll tell you about my background and we can compare brokenness.” He dropped a grandfatherly kiss on the top of her head. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
23
Coalescence Chapter 8
“I can’t say I’m excited about letting people poke around at my brain.” Lim fidgeted on the couch in the quarters he shared with Hawk.
Fallon sympathized with him. “Brak and Jerin poked around in my brain too. I ended up far better off for it. But they only want to get images and see what’s going on in there. That’s it. If it makes you feel better, I’ll stay with you during the procedure.”
“Yeah. That’d be good.” He smiled sheepishly. “I don’t trust strangers, so I’d feel better knowing you were looking out for me. I mean, I know we just met, but…”
“But at least I’m a familiar face.” She didn’t blame him for being nervous. Living in a galaxy of nothing but strangers could make a person paranoid. She knew that better than anyone.
“Okay. I don’t want to rush you, but the Onari is going to deploy tomorrow to deal with a plague on a mining planet. There’s no telling how long they’ll be gone. I’d like them to get a look at you before they go. Are you game?”
“Yeah. Sure.” He gave her a watery smile. “It’s just a look, right?”
“Yes. I promise. You’ll be awake the whole time, and they’ll tell you exactly what they’re doing. You’ll like them.”
“I hope so.”
“I have no doubts.” She waited for him to voice any concerns, but he didn’t. “I’ll be back in an hour, and I’ll walk you down to the infirmary.”
“My legs work fine. It’s my brain that’s taken a shore leave. I’ll meet you down there.”
She smiled. “Good. I’ll see you then.”
As she made her way to ops control to give the captain her morning report, she hoped an hour wasn’t long enough for him to think too much about it and spook himself. Sometimes a person’s worries could be his worst enemy.
Fallon realized she hadn’t told Lim that Brak was Briveen. He stared at her, his mouth open slightly. Words seemed to have escaped him. Jerin closed the door to the infirmary’s private room.
“This is my very good friend Brak. I trust her completely.” Fallon put a hand on his shoulder.
“Right. Of course. Pardon me.” He bowed clumsily, like someone new to the practice.
“I take it you haven’t met a Briveen before?” Brak’s amusement was clear to Fallon, though she doubted Lim would recognize it.
“Not that I recall. But I don’t recall much.”
Jerin chuckled. “I can assure you that I’ve never seen her eat a single human.”
Lim laughed. “Well, that’s good to know. Is that something Briveen are known for?”
“No,” Brak answered. “The doctor thinks she’s funny.”
“I’d have to agree with her,” Fallon said.
The humor loosened Lim up enough that he was able to lie back on the techbed and remain still.
“I know you won’t care for this,” Jerin said from the controls behind his head. “But I will need to apply restraints, to ensure that the images aren’t blurred. If at any time you want me to release them, just say so. Okay?”
“Sure.” His jaw had clenched, and he said the word through his teeth.
“We’ll get through this as quickly as we can,” Brak assured him. “It won’t take long to thoroughly map your brain.”
Fallon stood next to him and put her hand on his forearm. It felt odd for her to be in the role of support. It was not her usual gig.
Brak and Jerin worked through the imaging, talking as they went to reassure Lim. His muscles remained tense beneath Fallon’s hand, but he didn’t complain.
After a few more minutes, Jerin said, “There we go. We’re through.” A moment later she added, “You can sit up.”
Lim pulled himself up and looked toward Brak and Jerin. “What did you see in there?”
Fallon smelled ammonia, and knew it didn’t bode well.
Brak’s discomfort showed in her posture, too. Her back rounded and her shoulders pulled forward. “I’m sorry to say that your brain has experienced extensive damage. Your memory cortex has essentially been removed and replaced with an implant.”
“Removed? Does that mean I’ll never remember anything?”
“It’s encouraging that you seem to have no difficulties in creating new memories and being able to recall them. That must be a mechanism of the implant, but without further study we won’t be able to tell. You also have some basic skills. You can speak the PAC standard, for example.”
“I can do some pretty extreme math,” Lim offered.
“Really. Now that’s interesting.” Brak looked thoughtful.
“Does he have the same kind of implant I had?” Fallon asked.
“No. Very different. This is far less advanced. An early prototype.”
“So I was a test subject?” Lim’s fists curled in his lap.
“Possibly. Like I said, we’ll need to run a lot more tests and analyze the data. I don’t want to jump to conclusions.”
“Did you see anything that might make sense of the ‘put your head to the ground’ thing?” Fallon asked.
“Not yet,” Brak said. “I need to study that implant.”
Jerin finished her work at the techbed controls and moved to join them. “You should stay here and work on that.”
Brak clicked her teeth in irritation. “I’d planned to go with you. I’m sure the planet has numerous people in need of cybernetics adjustments and recalibrations.”
Jerin nodded. “I know. But we’ll make our way back there again soon. This is important to the well-being of the entire PAC. You need to stay.”
“You’re right,” Brak agreed. “But please have nurses document the people who need my help.”
“Of course.”
“All right.” Brak looked to Lim. “I’m going to compile a series of tests that I want you to take, so I can get some functional data on the performance of that implant. Can you return this afternoon?”
“Sure.” He seemed relieved. “Taking some tests is no problem.”
Fallon asked him, “Would you like me to walk you back to your quarters?”
“No, thank you. I’m starved. Didn’t eat breakfast. I think I’ll go to the boardwalk for an early lunch.”
Fallon checked the chronometer on her comport. “Very early. Have a good meal.”
“Thanks. And thanks for coming here with me.” He gave her another of his sheepish smiles, whi
ch she had begun to find endearing. “It’s nice to have a friend to count on.”
His sweet statement hit her hard. She remembered being in his position. She knew how much it meant to have someone in her corner when the entire universe seemed like a giant question mark.
She clasped his hand in both of hers and looked into his green eyes. “I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
He brightened, then surprised her with a hug. “Thank you. I’ve been wandering around for a year and haven’t felt like I could trust anyone. It’s a relief to finally have someone.”
She returned his hug and he stepped back. “Right. I’m off to get some food.”
After he left, Jerin shook her head regretfully. “He has a lot ahead of him. He’s going to need a great deal.”
Fallon wasn’t daunted. “We’ll work it through. I did, with the help of friends. I’ll make sure he does, too.”
Despite her attempts to handle business on the station as usual, Fallon found that her mind kept wandering. She felt like she’d regained her seat at the helm of the universe and was ready to navigate. All she wanted to do was drive.
She was glad when Kellis called on the voicecom and asked to visit. Fallon gave her a temporary passcode to get onto Deck Four and responded to a non-urgent message while she waited.
“How are you?” Fallon asked when Kellis arrived. She guided her to the sitting area of her office.
“Great. Excited. I’ve been waiting for the chance to do more ever since we hit the Tokyo base.”
They engaged in more small talk before Kellis got around to asking what she really wanted to know.
“What’s going on with the PAC? It’s bad, isn’t it?”
Fallon had to think about how much she should tell Kellis. She deserved at least a general idea. But she couldn’t tell Kellis anything of strategic importance.
“PAC command is at war with itself. There are two factions battling for power. My team and I are working to keep the would-be usurper from getting control, but the actions already taken may be enough to plunge us into war. We believe we know who is at the heart of it all, and we’re working to contain him.”
