by Cole Lepley
He flashes another smile. “It’s okay, brother. They’ll work it out and I think Charlie and I will, too. You really helped me by coming down. I needed you and you’re always there for me. Thank you, seriously.”
“It’s no problem. I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Drive safe, okay,” he says, walking backward a few steps. “Text me when you back to campus.”
I give a wave above my head and reach for the door handle. “Will do.”
He walks back to the garage and gives a wave back. “Later, pussy.”
His send-off makes me chuckle as I get in my truck. Ollie is one of a kind. I watch the door for a moment, the events of the past twenty-four hours replaying in my mind. It was so hard to act like my world wasn’t falling apart, too. Aside from what I said to Elliot, I didn’t talk about it.
With that thought, I reach for my phone. Over the past twelve hours so much has happened that I haven’t even checked it. My heart drops when I see the missed text.
Mackenzie: Stop by when you get home. We need to talk.
I’m afraid of what she wants to say. How many ways can she tell me to fuck off before she’s satisfied? Unless she changed her mind. In that case, the bruise forming on my cheek and the split lip will be hard to hide.
I sneak into my house as quietly as I can when I get home. My goal is to make it to my bedroom and clean myself up before my parents see me. They were less than thrilled when they found out I couldn’t play in the Homecoming game because I got in a fight. It wouldn’t go over too well if they found out I came home for the weekend only to get in another one.
“Judah.”
I pause on the steps at the sound of my dad’s voice. Gripping the railing, I don’t turn around. “Yeah, I’ll be right down.”
“Okay,” he says, and then adds, “I want to talk to you before you go back up to school.”
I stifle the sigh inside of me and continue up to my bedroom. Once inside, I rummage through my duffle for another outfit and hurry through a shower. Staying out all night was never my intention. I had things here I wanted to take care of on top of everything else.
Giving myself a long once over in the mirror makes me realize that hiding the results of this morning’s brawl isn’t going to happen. Around my eye is swollen, but my lip is still fairly red. With a groan, I shove the rest of my things into my bag and head back downstairs to face my father. He’s an understanding guy. Which is good considering all the trouble that’s been finding me lately, but I have a feeling that his patience is wearing thin. I’ll be twenty in a couple months and I’ve been acting worse than I did when I was sixteen.
He’s seated at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee rested in his hand, his head is focused on the paper fanned out in front of him. I set my bag down on the floor next to the island and walk to the fridge. I grab a bottle of water and lean against the counter facing him.
“Have fun with Ollie last night?” he asks, not looking up.
“You could say that.”
He turns a page, still not looking at me. “Did he punch you in the face or did you two start a fight at a bar?”
I grip the edges of the counter and stare down at my feet. “No, Hunter punched me.”
This causes him to look up. He closes his paper as his eyes narrow. “So, you did come home to mess around with Elliot.”
“No.”
“No? Why else would he hit you?”
I run my hand down the side of my face, searching for the words to make this sound not as bad as it seems. “It wasn’t like that. He got the wrong idea.”
He takes a sip of his coffee before answering me. “You know what your problem is?” He gives a look like I should and I shrug. “Every time you get yourself into some kind of trouble it’s over a girl. First with Elliot and now with this new one. I’m sure she’s a nice girl and all, but you need to focus on what’s important.” He holds his hand up when I try to speak. “And before you try to defend yourself, these girls aren’t it. You have a lot of things going for you right now and all of that can come to an end if you continue on this path.”
I nod. “I know. I’m trying to change it.”
He motions to my lip. “I can see that.” He lets out another sigh, standing up from his seat. “Just think the next time you want to get involved with someone. Is it really worth it?” He sets his cup in the sink next to me and pats me on the shoulder. “Keep it casual, son. You’re better at that.”
I grit my teeth as he exits the room. Even my own father thinks I’m terrible at having an actual relationship. Maybe my friends are right. Now’s not the time to settle myself down and try to be serious about someone. Who knows? By this time next year, I could be in Rome surrounded by hot girls looking for a random fling.
I glance at the text from Mack one more time. On second thought, I could also be just as miserable as I am now. Still wishing I tried harder for the girl I know is worth it.
Chapter 31
Heal
Mackenzie
I’ve been searching for flights back home all evening. Every time I’m about to book one, I stop. I know I need to go to New Haven over holiday break. Perry mentioned it several times before he left. Being home without me hasn’t been going well for him. I was always a buffer between him and my dad.
My phone buzzes on my nightstand and my heart sinks. God, he is relentless. The only way to get him to stop is to play along. I take a breath before reaching for the phone.
“What do you want, Sean?”
He laughs, and it’s still smooth like the aged whiskey he drinks. “Well, I’ve only been trying to call you for a whole fucking week. I know you knew it was me.”
“Then why are you surprised?”
“I want my phone back,” he growls.
I lay back against my pillow and sigh. “I’m sure you do.”
The line is silent for a moment and I know he’s trying to keep it together. Nothing pisses him off more than losing control of a situation. This time, I’m the one who decides how it ends.
“Mack, I would like for you to give my phone back. I need it.”
“What makes you think I have it?”
Sean growls. “I’m not stupid, baby. I have the GPS pulled up right now.”
My heart jumps into my throat and I move to look out the window. I know he can’t see me, but the fact that he knows where I live is unnerving. I work to keep my voice from shaking.
“Then why didn’t you just come and get it if you know where I am?”
He laughs again. “Again, I’m not a fucking idiot. I know Perry was there.” He pauses, and then adds, “How was prison? I never got a chance to ask him.”
I clench my fist after letting the curtain fall back. I take a seat on the edge of my bed, my entire body twisted with tension.
“He’s home now. I’m sure he’d like to catch up with you. Yale isn’t too far from town.”
A hiss escapes his lips. “Oh, is that a threat? I like when you play dirty baby, but this is a game you’re going to lose.”
I smile, standing up from my bed. “You sure about that, Sean? You sound nervous. I’d play nice if I were you.”
I don’t wait for his reply before I end the call. I can clearly picture him destroying everything in his path because I won’t let him get to me. I mean, of course it still bothers me, but at least I could pull off that conversation without giving in to him. I’m getting better.
I’m still smiling as I walk out into the living room. Zander is perched in the recliner with his laptop on his knees. He looks pensive, which is a mood he only gets in when he’s trying to do something he thinks is hard. He gives me an exasperated nod when I take the seat across from him.
“What are you doing?” I ask, pulling my legs up to my chest.
He leans back and chews on the tip of his pen. “What do you know about the American Revolution?”
I laugh. “Not much. I’m an Art major, remember?”
He rubs his eyes w
ith the balls of his hands and groans. “I’m such a fucking dumbass for taking U.S. History as an elective.” He closes his laptop with a flick of his wrist. “If only I didn’t dick around too long and miss most of the deadlines. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“You do have a knack for procrastinating.”
“You’re one to talk,” he remarks, reaching into the drawer beside the chair. He pulls out a joint and lights it, ignoring my looks of protest. After taking a drag, he hands it to me. I take it between my fingers and he smiles. “This helps.”
I glance down at the joint pinched between my thumb and index finger and then back to him. “I don’t know. The last time we did this, we ended up polishing off a box of cereal and then watched an entire season of The Walking Dead.”
He shrugs. “Sounds like an exciting Monday night to me.”
I take a small hit. Zander places his hand over his mouth as I try not to cough. When I exhale, it’s rough and I cough twice. “I don’t know why you like this so much.”
He stands up and walks toward the kitchen. “Give it a minute. You’ll be thanking me soon.”
I take another drag and lean back into the cushion. My head already feels lighter and the grinding in my heart doesn’t hurt so much. Maybe Zander’s right? This might be the perfect way to spend my evening.
Three hours, and four episodes later, Zander is laying across my lap with his hand still lodged inside of a box of girl scout cookies we found in the back of the cabinet. Not the freshest, but we didn’t seem to care. I lift his head off my lap and slide out from underneath him. After grabbing the empty box, I walk into the kitchen and toss it in the trash. My phone is lit up on the counter and my heart skips a beat when I check the display.
Judah: I’m home. Come up when you get this.
Typically, we hang out here so I haven’t spent too much time up at his place. I’m nervous to go talk to him. I sent him a text after my second sleepless night. Even though things are messed up at the moment, the simple fact is—I miss him. I miss him and I don’t like the way it feels to be without him. I’ve gotten so used to having him around that this brief absence has made my heart literally ache.
I also might be in love with him. So, there’s that, too.
With a quick make-up check and a fluff of my hair, I grab my keys and exit the front door. Zander will be passed out for at least another hour so I know I won’t be missed. By the time I make it up the stairs, I almost talked myself out of it three times. The way he acted before he left is still burned into my mind. It’s almost as if he didn’t care anymore. I hope that’s not the case.
I knock on his door and fold my hands in front of me. I count the seconds until he answers. He stands before me in all his glory, dressed in a Mountaineers T-shirt from WVU and his backward Cornell ball cap. It doesn’t take a long survey of his face to notice the swollen cheek and lip.
Before I can ask questions, he pulls me into him. I wrap my arms around his neck because this is what I want. I want to be close to him again, no matter how much I’m afraid to be.
“I missed you,” he whispers, his hand cradling the back of my head.
“I missed you, too.” I pull back and run my finger gently along his lip. He winces when I get to the part that’s still broken. “You okay?”
He gives me that half a grin. “I am now.” I raise an eyebrow and he moves back to open the door wider. “Come in. It’s nothing.”
Even though I don’t believe him, I walk inside his apartment. The layout is a mirror image of mine. He follows me into the living room and we sit side by side on the couch. He leans back and rests his arm on the back. My eyes stay locked on his face. That can’t be from the fight with Sean. It was over a week ago and I don’t remember his face looking this bad before he left.
“Did you get into a fight with some guys from the team?”
He sighs. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
I shake my head.
He leans forward and clasps his hands together. He peeks over at me, his expression hesitant. “Okay, I got into a small fight when I went home. No big deal.”
I laugh once. “No big deal? It looks worse than the one from the frat party. What happened?”
He still looks unsure for a moment, struggling to find the words to say. He cocks his head to me. “Didn’t you want to talk about something?”
I narrow my eyes. “Don’t change the subject, Judah. Tell me.”
He shakes his head. “It sounds a lot worse than it is.”
“Then tell me.”
He bites his lip and then thinks better of it and rubs it with his hand. “I got into a fight with Hunter.”
“Who’s Hunter?”
Another lengthy pause.
“Elliot’s boyfriend.”
My pulse races as soon as he says her name. I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “And why would he hit you?”
I see the remorse in his eyes and it’s not helping the flopping in my stomach. He looks guilty.
“Because he got the wrong idea. I accidently stayed at her house one night and he found me there in the morning.”
“Like, you slept on the couch or…”
I let my voice trail off even though I think I know the answer. The look he’s giving me tells me he doesn’t want to confirm that.
“Mack, nothing happened. I swear we just sat up and talked and I fell asleep.” He pauses and I try to catch my breath. “In her bed.”
I can’t hold back the bitter laugh that bursts out of me. “In her bed, huh?” I stand and pace in front of the coffee table a few times. I can see Judah watching me out of the corner of my eye. I stop and face him, crossing my arms. “How did you end up in her bed, Judah?”
He opens his mouth to answer and I interrupt him, throwing my hands up. “Wait, I don’t want to know.”
I take forceful steps toward the door and he stops me. Placing his hand flat on the panel, he tilts his head down to meet my eyes.
“Elliot is my friend, nothing more. We talked about you.”
I peer up at him in anger. “Oh, and that’s supposed to make me feel better about you having a sleepover with your ex?”
“I don’t think I need to be the one to remind you that you ended things with me, rather abruptly I might add, before I left.”
“So, it’s that easy, huh? You go running back to her the moment things it gets difficult.”
Judah takes a step back, shock etched on his face. “Difficult? You broke up with me after I defended you from a guy that wanted to destroy you. How can you stand there and tell me what’s difficult?”
“I was wrong,” I say, defeated. “You’re not ready for this.”
He grabs my arm to turn me to face him. His hands rest on my shoulders. “Mack, I told you I was in this. I want to be in this with you no matter what. No matter how hard you think things are, I wanted to be there with you. That hasn’t changed.”
I shrug him off of me, tears stinging my eyes. They focus on the cut in his lip. “It would mean so much more to me if I didn’t know where you just came from. I want to believe I can trust you not to go home and end up in her bed again.”
“We were both upset. She knows me and I know her. It wasn’t about anything sexual, it was about the bond we have. I won’t apologize for that.”
I nod. “Fine. I won’t apologize for not being okay with it.”
Without another look back, I walk out of his door. I don’t think I take a full breath until I’m back inside my apartment. I can’t hold the tears back anymore as I take the seat next to a still snoozing Zander. I don’t know who I blame more—Judah for crossing a line I didn’t think I needed to set, or myself for pushing him to do it.
Chapter 32
Best Laid Plans
Judah
I still remember the first time I told Elliot I loved her. We were sitting downstairs in her game room watching a movie. If I close my eyes, I can still smell the perfume she wore and taste the lip gl
oss on her lips. It was easy. I just looked at her and said it. It wasn’t something I had to think about or question whether or not she would say it back. I knew she would.
And she did.
It doesn’t feel that easy with Mackenzie. I wanted to tell her so badly last night and I couldn’t. All I could do was picture her rejection. I envisioned her eyes casting downward before she ripped out the last piece of my heart. So I let her walk away.
Again.
If I were any other guy, I would have lied. I didn’t have to tell her what really happened when I went home, but I felt like she deserved to know the truth. Keeping something from her felt wrong to me and now I’m paying the price for my honesty.
Fuck me, right?
I’m carrying that stress with me as I walk back into the locker room I was banned from last week. I haven’t spoken to Preston or anyone else from the team since the night of Homecoming. I even dropped off the bear costume before I left and didn’t get any smart ass remarks from anyone.
Preston’s the first person I see when I drop my bag beside my locker. He looks over at me, but doesn’t speak as I get dressed. I catch him inching closer out of the corner of my eye.
“You still mad at me, player?”
His typical bravado is subdued as he looks over at me with anticipation. I let out a sigh.
“No.”
He grips my shoulder. “I’m sorry about your girl, brother. I didn’t know things were bad between you two.”
I shrug. “It’s cool.”
“Fuck no,” he says suddenly. I raise an eyebrow at his outburst, but he continues. “I may give you a lot of shit, but you’re a good dude. You deserve to be happy, if that’s what you want.” I look over at him and he grins. “Hey, I’m not one to judge. If you want to be in a relationship, that’s your choice. It’s just not for me.”
I laugh while pulling my jersey over my head. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
